This article is going to discuss a sexual technique known as ‘fisting’.  I have not experienced this activity for myself so I decided to find someone who has in fact engaged in this activity.  A Christian woman, named Nicole, was gracious enough to field my questions on this very sensitive subject.  I would like to thank Nicole for being so informative and transparent in order to educate others.  (Nicole’s answers are italicized.)

What made you pursue this activity?

At the beginning of our talks, my husband thought I’d be too ‘innocent’ to be interested in these kinds of things, and I thought he’d be horrified if I brought up some of the things I wanted to try. Thankfully for both of us, we’d assumed VERY wrongly as to how the other person felt and what they would think!

I guess I’ve always been very adventurous and very much an explorer when it came to sex. Always wondered if certain activities were possible, beyond your standard ‘penis goes in vagina’ type of event.

And one time we were talking about things we would like to try, and he brought the idea up of fisting. With the way of my nature, that delighted and excited me!

How would you advise a beginner to get started?

VERY VERY SLOWLY. This is the kind of activity where the journey is just as important as the destination. I would strongly recommend the couple attempt to get the woman as aroused as possible prior to starting – so doing whatever REALLY gets her in the mood (a vibrator, oral sex, mutual masturbation, etc etc etc).

And then just start with one finger, and continue as long as you feel comfortable with. Be aware that things can change compared on your level of arousal, or simply how your body responds on a particular day. One day you may get everything including the fist, another day you might only get 2 or 3 fingers in.  It does not matter – just enjoy the journey and the feelings of pleasure.

I know that being well lubed is a must, what type of lube do you recommend?

I am very fortunate as I seem to make enough lube on my own. We have only used one lube in our history – ky jelly – which worked quite well, but we haven’t used lube in the past year or so. I hear good things about coconut oil.

Does your husband stack his fingers in a ‘beak like formation’ as he inserts them?

Generally we start with one finger and work up, so at first his fingers would be like a beak (just pressed in as close together as you can). We only start doing this once we get past 3 fingers – we always gradually work our way up. The hand only ‘stretches out’ once we get past the knuckles. If you’re going beyond the duck to the fist/full hand activity, you need to be REALLY aroused.

In my research I have read that the knuckles are the toughest part to get past. Do you and your husband do anything special when inserting his knuckles?

Until that point we seem to always start with the palm facing to my spine. When we get to knuckles, it seems to be the best point to flip over so the palm faces the stomach, and progressing further is easier in this position. We only do this when I am really aroused from prior foreplay.

Should any extra precautions be taken when a husband goes to remove his hand?

ALWAYS be aware of fingernails, no matter where you are in the activities. Bending the fingers slightly backwards makes it slightly easier – and again go as slowly as you did to enter in the first place.

Do you need to be more diligent with any tightening exercises such as kegels?

I have always had fantastic pelvic floor muscles (as noted by ultrasound technicians and the like), and I think that fact is part of the reason I find this activity quite easy and enjoyable. I would definitely recommend women to be doing kegels regularly, irrespective of what sexual activity they are involved in. For fisting in particular, you do need good control of your pelvic floor muscles to be able to fully enjoy the activity.

Do you feel any special type of connection with your husband when engaging in this activity?

I definitely feel a huge bond with my husband when we do this. I experience an overwhelming feeling of trust and complete abandonment in him.

Have you ever injured yourself in anyway while engaging in this activity?

Pain – not so far. I would say some days I’ve had mild ‘stretching’ muscle soreness afterwards, but nothing really noticeable. Again, extreme arousal is very necessary to get the whole hand to wrist inside, so this probably helps with the lack of pain and discomfort. You could do a heck of a lot of damage if you kept forcing it without allowing arousal to help, or knowing when to stop.

I would say that this activity, like anal sex, is not an activity I would want to pursue with someone I didn’t have complete and utter trust in to obey whatever request I made during it. You want to be COMPLETELY sure that your spouse will agree to stop at any point you begin to feel uncomfortable and will not pressure you into going further beyond what you are comfortable with.

I feel the need to reiterate that it is imperative to go slow and let your body adjust to your husband’s hand as he is penetrating you.  It can bring intense pleasure and unfortunately it can also bring intense pain if not done properly.  The minor damage would include vaginal tearing if not well lubricated.  The major damage is tearing of the actual vaginal muscle if the husband is over eager and forces his hand in without the wife adapting to it.  Take it slow and enjoy the journey!!

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  • June 2008
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