Q&A: Swimsuit Modesty?

We recently received the following email:

My wife and I have a conflict.
I prefer to wear “speedo” type swimming suits over trunk style swimming suits for the following reasons:
1. for the support
2. faster drying and therefore I do not get as cold (I have very low body fat)
3. less drag of water and air while swimming
4. less chaffing or rubbing

I only like to wear this suit while swimming or participating in active water activities.

My wife believes this style is immodest. She asked me to put on a trunk style swimming suit while I looked at her and could clearly see her breasts, her nipples; and her swimming suit was right next to her vulva!

I have asked her what is the difference between most women’s style swimming suits that are next to the skin and genitalia and men’s “speedo” style swim briefs? She has told me she intends to now wear a modest swimming suit.

Is there an aversion to the male body? Why the double standard? I much prefer the comfort of a “speedo” brief swimming suit.

Swimsuit modesty can be a tough subject to tackle. There are so many different opinions and views on this subject. I have Christian girlfriends who swim in a large T-shirt and shorts over a one piece bathing suit for modesty’s sake, and I also have Christian girlfriends who wear a two piece bikini with no problem.

As far as Speedos go specifically…I have to admit to being uncomfortable around them most of the time. I think it’s just because it so clearly outlines the man’s “package” so to speak. However, I do realize that there are legitimate reasons for men to wear them sometimes. When I go to the YMCA, I often see men in Speedos swimming laps. For some reason that doesn’t bother me in the least. There are a couple of high schools that use our local YMCA for their swim team practices as well, and I think that wearing a Speedo does indeed help the men swim better. I have a girlfriend whose husband was on the swim team in school, and he prefers to swim in a Speedo if it’s for exercise, but if it’s a family reunion or church get together at someone’s pool, then he wears trunks just out of respect for others.

I think it mainly bothers me when I see someone at the beach just lounging around in a Speedo…lying out in the sun, playing Frisbee, walking around drinking, etc. If the man isn’t wearing them for purely swimming benefits, then that leads me to wonder if he is just trying to call attention to himself, and that is what makes me uncomfortable.

I can understand what you are asking about the double standard, especially with many of the string bikinis out on the beaches today. It’s even possible to tell if a woman shaves her pubic hair, because the swimsuit can hug her so tightly as to reveal the outline of her vulva lips. (Yeah, I saw that myself 😯 ) However, there are many new swimsuits out there for women that fit like regular clothes. These swimsuits are two pieces where the top part looks like a tank top and the bottom part looks like shorts. (Here is an example of a Tankini!) I usually wear a one piece, but I really want to get one of these new styles of two pieces! (I recently saw one on a friend of mine, and it looked so great and trendy and modest, all at the same time!)

As far as you and your wife go, it seems like you two just need to find a compromise. If you are truly into swimming as a sport or as exercise, then maybe you can wear a Speedo while you are in the water, but when you come out of the water you could just slip a pair of trunks on over it or something? Or maybe you can only wear the Speedo in your own backyard pool or while at the local YMCA swimming laps, and wear trunks at the public beaches?

We all have our own modesty convictions and it’s hard sometimes when others do not share our same opinions. I will tell you that if my husband were uncomfortable with the swimsuit I was wearing, then I wouldn’t wear it, out of respect for him. I hope you two can agree on a resolution to this situation soon.

33 Comments

  1. Great article, Cumingirl. And ya know, I think I recognized some of the references to friends you made here. 🙂

    You’re right. This is a difficult topic because it can go in so many different directions. I believe it’s between a person & God…and their spouse. Even if God had no problem w/ me wearing a string bikini, I would not wear it if it made my Dh uncomfortable. And vice versa for him with a Speedo.

    Anyway, great article!

  2. I do think God is ok with us wearing anything or nothing at all, I mean he created us naked. However, that is not what the deal breaker is or ought to be. We are to be above reproach and not a stumbling block/ a causer of sin when we have the ability not to be.

    I think modesty is necessary not just so you aren’t wearing something indecent, but to guard others (esp. men) from sin. If you wear something that you know would cause someone to lust, you are in the wrong. I had a very decent maternity shirt once that as my boobs got bigger the front started dipping lower which enticed my hubby to keep looking at my breasts or come up to feel them. That was a tip off to me that I should no longer wear that shirt in public. If my dress causes my hubby to start drooling, then I cannot think that it doesn’t cause other men in my life to have unwholesome thoughts. On clothing I am uncertain about I ask hubby, “would this particular item, when you were single, cause you to lust after me?” If he ever says, “yes” then that item goes or stays for bedroom play.

    Men keep those visual images for years if not forever, how would you feel to know that 16 guys from the beach will have you in that little bikini in their mental registers which will tempt them to lust each time it comes up in their mind? My hubby no longer goes to the public pool with me and our children because he says he already has too many images of bikinis from our city pool in his mind to contend with that he doesn’t want to add anymore. As much as I would love the family time with him at the pool, I am thrilled that he loves me and his relationship with God so much that he is sacrificing pleasure to keep from sinning.

    As to the original thing about the speedo. Because girls aren’t so visually oriented for getting turned on, personally it doesn’t cause me to lust no matter how good looking the guy is, but it sure is an uncomfortable squeamish thing to be able to see his parts barely disguised. My hubby used to swim on his high school team and is adamant that speedos are necessary for exercise/team swimming, but he agrees they aren’t very modest, so unless he is in competition, he wears trunks. I think the idea about having a pair of trunks next to the pool is a good one just to save the ladies from the heebygeebies – I know I would appreciate it!

    I agree with the man who thinks there is a double standard, but in light of who is visually stimulated (men) I think it should be stricter with the women if men are around. I mean, if a strange guy walked into the dressing room in the mall and you had on your bra and underwear you would automatically move to cover up, wouldn’t you? If you respond like that in underwear, why is the bikini (often smaller than some of our underwear) any different? If you know that it is an all girl party, by all means wear the itty bitty bikini. But if there are men or boys around, think of what you are doing to them. I don’t want to be a cause of sin in someone’s life if I can help it.

    I wear a one piece with decently low leg holes and padding in the breast area. I think tankinis are good too.

  3. mmaryjoj,

    Let me start by saying that I respect you for your opinion, even though I have some concerns here. Here are some quotes from you:

    “I think modesty is necessary not just so you aren’t wearing something indecent, but to guard others (esp. men) from sin.”
    Men keep those visual images for years if not forever,…”
    Because girls aren’t so visually oriented for getting turned on, personally it doesn’t cause me to lust no matter how good looking the guy is,…”
    “I agree with the man who thinks there is a double standard, but in light of who is visually stimulated (men) I think it should be stricter with the women if men are around.”

    You keep talking about men, as if they are somehow incapable of walking around in the presence of women without lusting. I agree with you that we all need to take a look at what we are wearing, and think about if it may cause someone else to stumble, but at the same time it seems like you are placing this all on the men. Twice you mentioned how men (as opposed to women) are ‘visually stimulated.’ I am a woman and I am a VERY VISUAL person. It isn’t just men who are visual, and one should be careful of making generalizations like that.

    I also wear a one piece like you describe, but who is to say that men aren’t lusting after women in one pieces? In my article above, I mentioned seeing a swimsuit that clearly showed the outline of a woman’s vulva….that woman was wearing a one piece. I think that the word “modesty” will mean different things for different people. My mother is a Christian woman and she wears a bikini at the pool or beach. I have never thought of her as being immodest. I knew this subject would cause some differences of opinion, and I just hope that we are all able to respect each other’s opinions and pray about our own modesty convictions.

  4. I am sorry, I guess I meant I am not visually stimulated and over extended my own personality to others. Then I would say that men should care for their dress as well in light of women who are visually stimulated. I think it is fairly well documented and researched, however, that men are much more visual creatures (in general) than we are and visual stimuli affects their population in greater number and degree.
    “For Women Only: What you need to know about the inner lives of Men” by Shaunti Feldham is one book that I know of that shows this generalization that I made, supported by interviewed men themselves.

    Plus in light of the question of swimsuit modesty, men generally are very modest, I see only a small percentage of men wearing speedos – in fact, I rarely see them at all. So my direction of talking about immodest female swimsuit attire is mainly because I see it more often than I see immodest male swimsuit attire.

    I don’t think men are incapable of not walking around lusting after after women they see, but knowing my man and some of his friends, it is extremely difficult for them with women in regular nice outfits let alone women in immodest outfits. And my hubby says, he doesn’t lust after everyone he sees, but those images are retained and pop up to tempt him often to do so especially when he was single. Granted not every man is going to lust after me (or some other woman) if I am wearing a tiny suit, some men may lust after me in my modest one piece. I guess I am just thinking of my weaker brother (I never meant to imply all men are weak) and to do the best that I can. And I think there are one pieces that are immodest. And even my modest one piece that looks good on me can cause a guy to stumble, but short of wearing a swimming dress from the 1920s which would hinder my swimming laps, I think I have done the best I can. I guess I shouldn’t just say bikini, but any suit that shows too much skin and entices someone to mentally undress you because they have half the picture already. I personally think in the age of Hollywood/MTV/Cosmo that we all (including me) have become desensitized to immodest dress.

    I guess my wonder was your comment on “I also have Christian girlfriends who wear a two piece bikini with no problem” what do you mean by “no problem”?

    And on your last statement of” I just hope we are all able to respect each other’s opinions.” It seems to imply you don’t think I respect your opinion because I had a difference of opinion. My opinions and convictions change as I grow and mature and that in light of reading and conversing with others of different opinions. I threw my opinion up there in the marketplace of ideas hoping possibly that some woman (or man) who is careless about their dress stops and thinks about how they affect others. I think I can say I have a high respect for the opinions of the ladies on this blog or else I wouldn’t read it, I may not always agree completely though and would like to share my own.

    I know from my hubby that bikinis (and skimpy one pieces) are so much of a problem that he avoids the swimming pool. I even pointed out a really cute bikini at the pool one day to him that I thought was really nice and decent and he told me that he was trying to avoid looking at that one because it was too enticing.

    So, I think it would be great (yeah, I know in a perfect world) that women would all dress modestly and cover more skin than they do so my hubby (or another man with the same weakness) could enjoy an outing at the pool with me and the kids. But he is responsible for himself, they are responsible for themselves and so my hubby avoids temptation by fleeing from it. And if I get one woman (or man) to take a closer look toward what she wears in public by the airing of my opinion/conviction, that’s one less woman to create tempting pictures in the minds of men that would be affected by it.

    Happy Swimming!

  5. Here is what I said originally:

    There are so many different opinions and views on this subject. I have Christian girlfriends who swim in a large T-shirt and shorts over a one piece bathing suit for modesty’s sake, and I also have Christian girlfriends who wear a two piece bikini with no problem.

    What I meant by that is that some of my Christian friends will put on clothes over their bathing suit, just because they don’t want others to accuse them of being immodest. They are that concerned about being modest. And then I have other Christian friends who wear a bikini and although they are indeed Christians, they don’t worry about others opinions of their bathing suits. It’s almost like two different extremes amongst my Christian friends! I think that some of it may very well be due to the way they were raised.

    And I did not mean to imply that you did not respect my opinion. I was ending my comment that way mainly for OTHERS who will be reading and commenting here. I figured we would get other comments here because this is one of those subjects where there are varying degrees of opinions, and things can get strange fast.

    I was hoping that the man who originally wrote in would comment here, but he chose to email us again instead.

    I appreciate you sharing your views with us, and I hope I haven’t scared you away 🙂

  6. Not scared away,actually enjoying it – I think these days people are too offended if anyone objects or doesn’t agree to your opinions, which is sad. How will we grow, learn, mature, etc. unless we hear other sides, weigh the evidence and change (or not change) accordingly. I do also think not talking in person makes us jump to conclusions on what people think based on a few paragraphs. (I’ve gotten in trouble at work for an email that sounded different in tone than I meant it.) I agree though that my first post could have been taken to mean that I thought all men were visual lusting animals and all women are not affected by any visual stimuli, which of course, is not what I believe to be true and did not mean to portray.

    I guess reading books (Also “Everyman’s Battle” talks about the general male visual problems) and having real serious talks with my hubby and his friends has really cued me in on the fact of what visual stimuli causes them to lust. This was an eye-opener for me because I never would have thought that because it doesn’t affect me. After learning this, I have now tried to pay attention to myself so I can do the least harm. Modesty isn’t how I feel about myself but how I am perceived – especially by God cuz you can’t win everyone’s approval.

  7. It is so difficult to reach complete unity because there really is not one rule for everyone. Modesty is strongly influenced by culture (European men would be seen in a speedo far more often than men in North America), by region even within North America, by how we were parented and influenced by the media, our peers and the church while growing up, and by religion (Muslims are far more modest than Christians). Are burkas the solution? If that kept men from lusting, shouldn’t we all wear them to help our weaker brothers?

    See, I think that there is only so much we can do to help someone else’s spiritual condition. I generally wear clothing that doesn’t show a lot of skin, but I have bare shoulders often in the summer and wear tops that are more form fitting (but not low cut) because I don’t feel that I should have to choose to look frumpy over wearing a top that indicates that I have breasts and a waist. I am not looking for attention and I make an effort to be appropriately covered, but I can not completely eliminate the potential for men to lust.

    We agree that it starts with understanding what God requires of us, but I am quite certain that on the issue of modesty there is no universal truth. God will often speak to us based on who we are individually. For a women recovering from drug addiction, maybe her line on modesty is not the primary issue He wants to deal with. For an African woman living in the brush, covering her breasts may not be an issue at all. I just think there are too many variables for one answer to be right.

    I am really enjoying this discussion…

  8. A “Speedo” style men’s brief does not have to “outline” a male’s genitalia just like a women’s “form fitting” swimming suit does not have to “outline” a female’s genitalia or breasts. Our culture seems to have a double standard. One male bulge is “indecent” but a two to three female bulges are “acceptable.” Does our culture have an aversion for the form of the male body but not the female? Why is a “Speedo” on a male okay or more acceptable in other parts of the world? Why is a male “Speedo” “ew, gross”, but a female “Speedo” acceptable?

    Thank you for sharing your thoughts and comments.

  9. On culture, I do believe it plays a part. If I were to live in a Muslim country, I would wear a head covering. To imitate Paul, I would become all things to all people despite my freedom. In an Arabic country with stricter modesty rules, I would adhere to them rather than flaunt my freedom in Christ. However, in an African Bush, I would not go around topless, but may very well wear spaghetti strapped shirts for the sake of my comfort. If I were ministering there, women shirt wearing would probably never make it on my list of changes I would work toward. I think culturally, these men are used to seeing bare breasts and are “desensitized” to it that it probably doesn’t cause lusting problems (that’s my guess as to the fact I’ve never been there; if it indeed did cause many men to lust, perhaps it would be something I might work with the women to change. I don’t know – all hypothetical here), but I do know the Muslim culture very well. And I know that one of the key reasons that I have been accepted into the hospitality and closeness of some of my Muslim families in the United States is the fact of my modesty – I have been told so; that they were willing to respect me and hear me out about my beliefs because of my display of modesty compared to the other American women they have observed. So yes, one answer is not right, but I was only talking about American swimsuits in the fact that I believed the context of the post was about American swimsuits.

    So, in so saying, I would say that you should go with the actual modesty rules of your country (and maybe a bit more if they are on the risque side), not what is just acceptable. I know tiny bathing suits are acceptable here in the states, but do we really consider it modest? I don’t think so.

    But, no I would not wear a burkah for my weaker brother, I think that is stretching what I was saying. As I said, we are all responsible for ourselves; the weaker brother is responsible for himself. I also said, no matter what I wear, someone (responsible for their own actions) may sin and lust anyways.

    I think, however, to say, “we can only do so much to helps someone’s spiritual condition” is true, yet should not give us license to dress as we please if we know that how we are dressing would be a major stumbling block for many. We can help not be a temptation. If when you are dressing you think, “Wow, I look really sexy in this; the guys are really going to be turned on by this.” And you wear it out knowing how likely the member of the opposite sex is going to see you (as a sex object), then I think we will be held responsible for the motivation of why we put on those clothes.

    Before I realized how difficult it was for some of my Christian brothers (and non-Christian friends) not to lust after women when they wore sexy clothing, I wore some things that probably caused some men to fall into that temptation, but I am not blaming myself for it. But now that I know, I try to help by paying attention to modest dress. My motivation is to help within reasonable limits. I think if I were to wear those old outfits now, knowing what I know of how that probably affected men, then I would not be blameless. I cannot keep men from lusting, but I can keep from making it really hard for the man who is trying to follow God’s commands not to lust.

  10. As to krp5 comment, I know that yes, personally I have a double standard, I don’t get uncomfortable seeing the female form as much as I am made uncomfortable by seeing the male form displayed in public. I am assuming that is because I am female and the female form doesn’t cause me to feel anything sexually. Although I am embarrassed when a woman goes too far. I am wondering if males could care less about seeing the male form on display but are made uncomfortable by seeing the female form on display immodestly? My guess however, is that if it were so, they may not make that public knowledge like some women do because they enjoy looking at it? Would the male care more for the fact that his daughter was dressed indecently than if it were his son?

  11. You said: “I think, however, to say, ‘we can only do so much to helps someone’s spiritual condition’ is true, yet should not give us license to dress as we please if we know that how we are dressing would be a major stumbling block for many.”

    My point is that if we are dressing according to our personal definition of modesty, and men lust after us because of their own weakness, I do not believe that we are responsible for that. I make an effort not to look frumpy and unattractive when I go out. That doesn’t mean I try to look sexy, but I want my husband to be pleased at my appearance when we are home and when we go out, and for myself, I want to feel pretty. I am not seeking attention from other men or trying to arouse them. If they are aroused by me looking nice, but appropriately covered I am not going to carry burden of that.

  12. Cumingirl, I think this article is right on target. As far as not causing someone to stumble, I think it’s a case where if you know you are going to be around someone who has issues with lust, then no, you should absolutely not wear anything that would cause that person to stumble. However, if you are out in the general public, you can’t know what every person is thinking. I can’t spend my life worrying that everything I do may be a stumbling block for another person. I’m not going to never order a dessert in a restaurant because someone at the table next to me might be on a diet. I’m not going to quit having a glass of wine because someone next to me might be an alcoholic. While we should never blatantly tempt another person, we just cannot go around in life carrying everyone else’s burdens.

  13. You can’t live your life worrying about other people and their reactions. Some people have lead really sheltered lives and somethings they may not be comfortable with. An elder of a church I use to attend told us once to let the Holy Spirit lead us in what type attire we should wear. If we felt convicted about what we had on then that was the Holy Spirit’s way of telling us not to wear it. I guess it really boils down to what you are comfortable with.

  14. I am disappointed that the original poster hasn’t chimed back in. I am a swimmer (female). I grew up swimming on swim teams. The Speedo style suit is much better for speed than trunks. Fortunately most swim teams have changed to a jammer for competitive swimming. My kids (2 boys and 1 girl) are on swim team and I know my son is glad to have a full jammer (for modesty) and he chooses to wear it for recreational swimming as it is easier to move around in. I find the jammer to seem more modest as there is less skin showing and the “package” is less obvious. Even growing up on swimteam (and with boys in Speedos all around) I do get uncomfortable around men in speedos, not because I am visually stimulated but because I really don’t want to see that much of another man. So I am hoping the original poster can try a jammer and please his wife’s desire for modesty and his desire for a performance suit. Here is a link for an idea of what it looks like (no real model) http://www.swimoutlet.com/product_p/4246.htm

  15. I have a suggestion… you should try those speedo shorts that a lot of professional swimmers wear. They hold everything in without being tiny.

    Personally, I really don’t care if someone is in a speedo.

  16. As the original poster I appreciate hearing the perspective of others and being able to express my opinion concerning the wearing of “speedos” and modesty.

    I have tried “jammer” style or “speedo shorts” and I have found them much less comfortable than the traditional style speedo brief. At the risk of TMO, I imagine that women generally appreciate a suit that supports rather than just flattens; a speedo brief supports this sensitive area better than a “jammer” while moving virgorously.

    I can understand how someone could be uncomfortable seeing a man in a speedo brief due to culture; however, to me, a men’s speedo brief is not anymore revealing than most women’s swimming suits — both are form fitting and worn next to the skin. Not infrequently, women wear swimwear that outlines their parts just like a speedo brief outlines men’s parts.

    I believe in modesty but also practicality and treating people equally — men and women. Boys and men should be able to wear form fitting swimwear like girls and women without being called “gross,” “eweee,” “indecent,” “gay,” “exhibitionsits,” etc.; these responses are demeaning, hurtful, and unfair. Of course men and women should also practice decorum while wearing swimwear.

    Thank you for your consideration and discussion of this issue which is important to me.

  17. I feel like this topic is kind of going in circles…..people have different levels of comfort as far as modesty goes.

    I am very uncomfortable with a man flaunting around in a speedo just as I am uncomfortable with women walking around with camel toe. (That’s what I call it when a woman’s vulva lips and clitoris are bulging through her clothes or swim suit.) FTR, of all the Spice Girls I think I probably wear the least modest suit and yet both of those things make me feel a little uncomfortable.

    krp5, you and your wife need to collaborate and come up with a solution were everyone wins. If she doesn’t care for you to lounge around in one then simply cover up after you are done swimming. Think of it as a compliment….she doesn’t want other to see what she has all to herself. 😉

  18. Peppermintgirl,

    Thank you for sharing your opinion.

    If you are comparing a man wearing a speedo to a woman with a camel toe, I think that is an unfair comparsion unless if a man is “flaunting” than I agree with you. To me a speedo is covering and supporting the male body just as a bikini top covers and supports the female body. A speedo can be worn without necessarily outlining just as a women’s bikini top and bottom or one-piece suit can be worn without necessarily outlining. A speedo is a bulge, a form, not necessarily an outline like camel toe.

    Our society seems comfortable about women’s swimwear showing bulges and forms why should men’s swimwear be different?

  19. ” Why the double standard?”
    well, because it bothers your wife … that is the reason.

    ” I much prefer the comfort of a “speedo” brief swimming suit.”

    this is not because it is wrong to wear speedos, so much as it is wrong to do something that really bugs your wife if she has asked you not to nicely and it is easy for you to do.

    for example, i dress very modestly, that is just me. now it would not bother me to walk around in a bikini all day, but it would not be appropriate and would bother my husband … and society … so i don’t do that.

    i am not saying you are wrong to be more comfortable wearing a speedo, just that it seems like a very easy thing to do for your wife.

  20. But beware lest somehow this liberty of yours become a stumbling block to those who are weak. 1 Corth 8:9

    As christians we need (both genders) look at what we wear not to cause the other to sin by looking at us. You caused someone to stumble or to lust after you from a swimsuit you will be taliking to God about it in the judgement day.
    Take yourself aout of your shoes and step back and see if what you are wearing is a witness of our Lord Jesus the Christ.

  21. Major sigh,
    I am so very tired of other people trying to moderate what we faithfully married, Christ followers wear ….
    I went for many years looking like the worst kind of frump because I refused to be a stumbling block for SOME man ‘out there’. My husband was so very kind and understanding and in fact supported my stand for my sake but he grieved that all he could look at were other women looking outrageous instead of his darling wife.
    Our marriage had been so wonderful except for my stand on dressing totally conservatively.
    My man is extremely visual and had the toughest time until last year when I blew the lid off my stupid self enforced rigidity.
    I joined a gym, began to lose a lot of weight, threw away all my granny pants and now wear thongs only or going commando, began wearing NOTHING to bed, started shopping for figure revealing clothes and bought an outrageous monokini for my own man to oggle.
    Our swimming pool antics have often had me blushing. I have not worried about the odd guy checking me out in my more revealing swimsuit because I am totally focused on pleasing the eyes of my own man.
    Before my personal revolution against religiosity his eyes were so filled with other women, he truly could not even see me for at least a year into my sexual awakening.
    The amount of heart-broken crying spells I have had over my having turned off my man’s eyes towards me, cannot be over stated. It is only in the past few months that he has been literally standing and staring at me when I dress for him or openly lusting over me with his eyes. The relief and closeness we have experienced after 24 years has surprised both of us.
    I now only wear what my husband wants to see on me. Half of my closet has been thrown out so that I wear what he loves.
    I am not ever going to listen to this condemning line of thinking again and will allow myself to develop towards attracting the lustful looks of my own husband to its beautiful fulfillment.
    SmP out.

  22. i understand what you are saying … heck i used to go topless on the beaches of europe, always have worn bikinis and i am very comfortable with my body …

    that said, let me introduce the concept of “the middle way” …

    that is … do not go overboard 🙂

    dress sexy for your hubby, and still keep in mind conventions of society … moderation is a good thing

  23. I wasn’t refering between husband and wife. I was refering to persons who trying to maintain a witness to the Lord, that have a sexual weakness with their eyes, that the Lord have not this gotten under the control of the spirit yet.
    Persons in the world,(non-believers), are going to driven what the ungodly secular media is telling them. A Godly person will driven the Lord says.

    “And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God. ”
    Romans 12:2

    “….in like manner also, that the women adorn themselves in modest apparel,…”
    1 Timothy 2:9

    “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding;
    in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths. ”
    Proverbs 3:5-6

  24. Thank you for a well thought out post. I’ve always hated the phrase, “Stumbling block.” Anything we do in life could be the potential cause of someone “stumbling.” Its all in the other person’s perception. Eating meat around a vegetarian could cause them to stumble. Having a beer around an alcoholic could cause them to stumble. My smiling at a woman and saying hello could cause her to have lustful thoughts and cause her to stumble. We can’t live our lives worrying about everyone else. As long as you’re not actively trying to force something on another then be free of guilt.

    My wife wears knit t-shirts and tank tops and sexy v-neck sweaters around in public. I’m sure she gets a few looks from men, but I know she’s all for me. At 57 and 54 I’m still chasing her around the house and grabbing her whenever I can. She likes to look attractive and is proud of her full breasts. We won’t live in a cave because another male “might” be out there lusting. Let’s face it,,,no matter what you wear or don’t wear, there’s someone out there with a fantasy about it and you can’t second guess what it might be. Live your life!

  25. yes, i understood you … that is actually the reason muslim women are forced to wear burkas

    i was referring to this,

    “he grieved that all he could look at were other women looking outrageous instead of his darling wife.”

    my simple point being, there is no need to be outrageous and flaunt conventions of our society.

    nor should anyone be frumpy.

    dress sexy AND still within societal norms.

    “Dress shabbily, they notice the dress. Dress impeccably, they notice the woman.”
    -Coco Chanel

  26. So lets see if I got this right,

    “And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God. ”
    Romans 12:2

    Since clothes were Adam & Eve’s idea ( the world) not GODS , does this mean we should shed our clothes altogether. After all God created man and woman naked in his image and said it was very good. We need only be clothed in the righteousness of CHRIST to aproach the Throne of GOD.

    “….in like manner also, that the women adorn themselves in modest apparel,…”
    1 Timothy 2:9

    Let a woman learn in silence with all submission. 12 And I do not permit a woman to teach or to have authority over a man, but to be in silenc
    1Timothy 2:11-12

    1 Timothy is a letter from Paul concerning activities during worship within the church of Ephesus. If your trying to say women should dress in modest apparel 24/7 then would have to agree women should be silent and submissive 24/7.

  27. Its obvious that the lack of the meaning of being a representative of the Lord Jesus the Christ is quite missing or not understood. Christian means to be Christ-like.
    Christians are representatives of Jesus (read the gospels in the Bible).
    Ask yourselves, What you are doing is honoring Him and show the world that Christian are different from what the world does. I repeat:

    “And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God. ”
    Romans 12:2

  28. Your comments about “Live your life” and “We can’t live our lives worrying about others” are not what Jesus called us to do. We are not living “our” life. We are to let others see that we are God’s, not our own. He did command us to not be stumbling blocks. Knowing that our brothers and sisters in Christ are struggling with porn and lustful thoughts why would I want to contribute to that? There may be times a man or woman may think lustful thoughts NO MATTER what a person is wearing, but if I know that something I am wearing will cause men to look I am being a stumbling block.

  29. Romans 7:7
    What shall we say then? Is the law sin? God forbid. Nay, I had not known sin, but by the law: for I had not known lust, except the law had said, Thou shalt not covet.

    Causing a person to have a sexual thought is not a sin. A sexual thought only becomes sin when it crosses over into coveting or a desire to posses, and that is entirely up to the one thinking the thought.

    So to follow your train of thought, and to not cause your brother or sister in Christ to Covet and stumble, will you remove that Gold Band and Diamond from your finger, give up your new car, or that house that is really more a status symbol than what is really needed for survival.

  30. I choose the middle ground . . . I dress quite modestly for church, fairly modestly for out and about, but at home, I frequently dress in my skimpy shorts, sexy tops, bikinis, etc. I don’t feel very comfortable in sexy attire when I am around others, but I love to get his attention at home!
    I think my husband it pretty pleased with this arrangement as well.

  31. That seems like a good approach. I think that most of my attire is modest (but hopefully not frumpy!) When hubby and I went out to dinner on Saturday night I wore a dress that was much “slinkier” than I would wear to work or church, but not immodest. I have been trying recently to dress a little more alluringly for him, both when just the two of us are going out and when we’re at home. Of course, we have teenage and college age sons, so it has to be limited to the bedroom or times when they aren’t home. I tell you, finding this site is really modifying my thinking in a lot of areas, all in a good way!

  32. Jesus loves you so much and he wants your husband to only have eyes for you but what you’re doing is ungodly and sinful. Let God be true and every man a liar. Dressing in revealing clothes allowing others to sin is no different from you sinning yourself. God wants you to dress sexy FOR YOUR HUSBAND but not anyone else. Proverbs 23:17 says: Do not let your heart envy sinners, but always continue in the fear of the Lord.
    Dressing sexy for your husband in private is exciting and God wants that. Your husband will notice more too when it’s in private and not everywhere you go. Have you thought of praying for your husband?

  33. I think she was pretty clear that she’s doing it for her husband, and not for other men. It’s always a temptation for women to dress to attract the wrong sort of attention, but it’s a heart issue. Some men get turned on by feet, should we wear socks to the pool? Me blaming my sin on someone else (“they” caused me to sin) goes way back to Adam and Eve, men cannot blame women for causing them to stumble. A very modestly dressed woman can act very immodest and seductive, and vice versa. My point is, if I dress trying to attract men, I have to confess my sin, it is mine to own up. But it is that man’s sin if he is lusting after me, however I am dressed.


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