Position #23: The Pile Driver

I thought that this week I’d change things up a bit. This one is probably the most difficult position we’ve done thus far. Even if you don’t think you can do this one, give it a try! My husband and I have tried it, unsuccessfully, but got a lot of laughs from it and some nice memories! Sometimes there is emotional bonding sex and other times there is just sex that is fun! This position would go in the latter 😛

Okay, to start with, the wife will need to get into the Yoga Plough Pose pictured below:

If you are unsure as to how to get into this position, then watch the animated woman in this video. It shows you from the beginning step by step how to do it.

Once the wife is in place, the husband walks up to her, facing her, and inserts his penis by bending it downward. The husband will probably have to bend his body down a bit and use his thigh muscles to go down and up for thrusting. If there is furniture (sofa, table, counter top) nearby for him to lean a hand on, it may help. For another set of basic steps to help you get into position, try this link.

To add another degree of difficulty to this already outlandish position, have the husband try to change angles by putting one of his legs through one of the wife’s legs as described in #4 of this link. It would put you looking something like our dear friends the stick people.

Pros: This position is very fun to try. If you are in a light-hearted, willing to try something new mood, then this will put a smile on both your faces! Then next year, at your family reunion, you can elbow your husband and whisper in his ear…“Hey, you remember last year when we tried the Pile Driver?” 😆

Cons: This position requires a very limber wife and a husband who has some strength in his legs! It is also uncomfortable for some men, to have their penis bend down like this.

Clitoral Stimulation

If your husband is looking for some ideas on how to stimulate your clitoris here are some to pass along. 

Lubrication is a must!!! If there is not enough natural lube for his figures to slide easily then by all means use CO or whatever your favorite lube may be.  Natural lube varies depending where we are in our cycle.  If your natural lube dries up it usually has nothing to do with your level of arousal and more to do with where you are in your cycle.

Here are some different techniques that he can try:

Move in circles~ Put two fingers together, move in circles starting with a light pressure.

Go up and down~ Instead of moving in circles move you two fingers in an up and down motion.

Barely there~ Graze the clitoris with the lightest touch possible.  If you enjoy this you could also try incorporating different objects such as a feather or silk undies.

Handful of Sunshine~ Have his palm rest on your clitoris while his fingers play at your vagina’s entrance or have him reach for your G-spot using his fingers in a come hither motion. If you start grinding against his palm then he should take this as a very good sign.

Tour Guide~ Put your hand over his and guide his hand/fingers to what feels good.

Thumbing~As he uses his thumb to stimulate your clitoris, he can also insert a couple of fingers into your vagina. If you like anal stimulation he can try to tickle that area with his pinky.

When trying these different techniques remember you can always apply more pressure as needed but unlike a man’s penis the clitoris is extra sensitive (which you should know especially if you read our article on the clitoris.)  It should be handled with care and a softer touch is usually more effective. Have him try different speeds and tell him what feels best. Once you find a speed and pressure that works make sure you tell your husband to keep doing whatever it is he’s doing.  Sometimes men think they need to speed it up when we are about to experience an orgasm and that is not the case.  Remember to communicate your wants and needs.  This seems to really turn my husband on and it could do the same for yours.  If all goes well don’t forget to tell him how good he is at following directions. 😉

Dealing with Disagreements

Disagreements:  Recently we received an email from a reader telling us about their spousal confilicts and I know that they are not alone.  It happens between even the most perfect of couples.  Arguments can often be frustrating since most of the time each party believes that he/she is correct and then there is the task of resolving feelings and coming to a feasible compromise or understanding.  Too many times during heated discussions feelings are hurt, words are said that can’t be taken back and nothing ever gets solved resulting in even more exasperation and anger to either be dealt with or swept under the rug which is liable to rear its ugly head in the near future.  But, there is a much better alternative.  Over the years, I have had the privilege of taking some courses on communication and I’d like to share with you some things that I have gleaned.


1. Attitude- A song lyric that comes to mind is “They say attitudes are contagious like  the measles or the flu.  What kind of attitude can someone catch from you?”  One indispensable mind-set is commitment.  Be committed to your spouse.  Be committed to speak the truth in love.  Be committed to compromise.  And mostly, be committed to Jesus Christ.

2. Time- Do your best not to engage in spontaneous arguments.  Instead schedule a convenient time for both parties to openly discuss an issue.  Be sure to do this as soon as possible because the longer a situation isn’t dealt with the easier it is for bitterness to build up.

3. Place- Pick a safe environment devoid of distractions including the TV, kids and phones.   Put everything else on hold until your discussion is completely finished.

4. Prayer- Before bringing up a topic, be sure you first discuss it with the Lord.  Ask Him to shed light on the situation and to prepare your heart and the heart of your spouse for the upcoming exchange.  Then before your dialogue, pray together.  Each of you should take a turn to either pray for yourself or one another.

5. Use “I” statements- During your argument, be sure to keep it about what you are feeling.  Remember that no one can make you feel a certain way; rather we choose what we feel.

6. Things to Avoid- Don’t be sarcastic.  Assuming you know what your partner is going to say isn’t helpful; maintain an open mind.  Don’t counter-attack or bring up a “laundry- list” of past wrongs; remain focused on the topic at hand.  Remember, it’s not about winning; it’s about understanding and compromise.

7. The Stance- Just like it’s important for an athlete to be at the proper starting position, the same is true for the two of you during a discussion.  Always face each other and make eye contact.  Don’t close off your body by crossing your legs or arms.  Lean in towards each other or even hold hands while you talk.

Alright, now that the ground is prepared by the rules from above, the rest is going to be all about the process of seeking to understand before being understood by way of reflection.  Reflection is simply a repetition technique, where the words and feelings are expressed back to the person from whom they originated.  This makes sure that the true sentiments are being understood by the listener.

Step 1: Simply state the complaint.  State what is wrong and how you feel about it. Your partner will then relay back the information (and only the information).   This step may be repeated as necessary. When the originator feels as if they are understood, then segue to the next step by saying something like “I believe that you have heard me.  Now what would you like to share?”

Step 2: Your partner will share his/her feelings in regards to the previously shared information.  As in step one, the originator will reflect the sentiments of their partner without interjecting personal feelings.  This step may also be repeated as needed, but make sure to only talk about the original subject matter.

Step 3: Resolve the issue.

  • First, each of you should ask and grant forgiveness out loud.  This doesn’t mean that you were wrong or your intent was malicious, it just acknowledges that your actions or words did hurt your loved one.
  • Secondly, the partner that originated the dialogue should propose a solution using the same techniques as described in previous steps.  Once the reflection and understanding has taken place then the partner may agree, disagree or propose an alternative compromise.  Repeat the process as necessary.
  • A “time-out” may then be essential to gather thoughts before a solution is chosen.  Spend a few minutes alone thinking about your options.
  • Thirdly, choose a solution.  Make sure the plan is understood by each partner and that it will improve the relationship. Give yourselves a time line to see the solution in action after which you will then reevaluate how it’s working.

Step 4:  Affirm one another.  Let each other know how much you appreciate their willingness to work through issues.  (This could also be a great time for some “make-up sex!)

Step 5:  Review the conflict.  Spend some time in personal reflection and evaluate if the rules and steps were followed.  Ask yourself if you learned anything during the process.  Did God teach you anything about yourself or your spouse?  Then, at the appointed time, review the solution with your partner to make sure it’s effective.

Now, I understand if you are thinking “This seems kind of lengthy… and cheesy.”  And believe me, I didn’t think much better of this technique when it was first introduced to us.  But, we tried it… over and over… and once you get the “process” down, it actually flows quite nicely.  This technique allows you to convey your feelings without being overly emotional.  It takes the heat out of the moment because we must slow down and really focus on the other person instead of selfishly wanting to get our point across by any means necessary.

I’ll leave you with 1Corinthians 13:4-7 (NLT)

Love is patient and kind.

Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude.

Love does not demand its own way.

Love is not irritable, and it keeps no record of when it has been wronged.

It is never glad about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out.

Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.

Q&A: Painful Intercourse in the First Year

At times a couple who has waited to have sex until marriage will leave their wedding expecting that there will be some minor pain and discomfort for the woman associated with having intercourse. Unfortunately for some women the pain is much more severe and more difficult to overcome.

We received the following question from a newly wedded couple:

We have been married for about 6 months and we don’t have intercourse very often because of the severe pain that my wife goes through. We recently went to a highly recommended gynecologist and she said that every thing was normal and suggested we changed birth controls. We tried again and still the same pain. Do you guys have any suggestions? Any stretches? Creams? We have found creative things to do which is awesome, but we would both like to enjoy intercourse. Thank you!

I can understand your frustration because sex was painful for me for nearly a year when I was first married. Even after the first year I would often be uncomfortable for the first few thrusts. In fact, I would say that it wasn’t until after the birth of my first child that every sexual encounter was completely comfortable from beginning to end. It could be that I was just smaller than average, but I think a number of other factors contributed to the problem as well.

This helpful website defines vaginismus as vaginal tightness causing discomfort, burning, pain, penetration problems, or complete inability to have intercourse.

It is not at all an uncommon problem. Your wife and I are not the only women who have experienced it and it can be over come. Please visit the vaginismus site and read over it with your wife as it will provide you with far more information than I can offer you in this one article.

One thing to consider is how much time you are spending in foreplay. If your wife isn’t aroused enough it will be more painful for her. Not only will arousal allow her body to produce her natural lubricant, but it will also add more elasticity to her vagina which will allow her to accommodate you more easily. Try getting her to orgasm first through oral or manual sex, and then try entering her after she has had an orgasm. Or try getting her to the point where she is right on the edge of orgasm and then enter her at that point. Adding some artificial lubricant such as coconut oil is a good idea too, but avoid the misconception that in and of itself it should be enough. She needs to be aroused.

It is very likely that with the history you have so far, your wife is battling some negative physiological mentalities as you prepare to come together for sex, as I’m sure you are. It is very hard to enjoy the thought of having sex together if it always causes pain so it is probably very hard for her to get aroused. So it is a vicious cycle as depicted by this chart.

It’s good you were able to visit a gynecologist to determine whether or not there was another problem. For the couples who read here who are experiencing this and haven’t seen your doctor yet, I would encourage you to do so because they may be able to give you some helpful insight. When I visited my doctor in the first month after we were married, he suggested that perhaps the pain was just because we were having too much sex, being newly married Christians who had waited. This is a very real possibility and it could indeed be a reason for pain, but in cases like yours and mine, the pain involved was enough to keep us from engaging in intercourse all that often. I wasn’t really satisfied with my visit to my doctor that particular day, but I wasn’t the self assured woman I am now who will go after what she wants and needs so I left thinking we’d have to figure it out for ourselves.

There are a variety of different techniques the two of you can employ in order to work towards solving this. Some couples have had success with these dilators. Your wife will start with the smallest one and gradually increase the size as she becomes comfortable. You may also find that if she does pelvic floor exercises that it will help.

I’m not sure if you and your wife are in the habit of praying for your sexuality, but I would definitely spend some time praying about this as well as praying about other aspects of your sexual relationship. For some couples it might seem odd to pray about sexually related things, but it is important because as you connect with God about these things not only can He help you, but He teaches you how He sees things so you can grow in having His perspective of sex.

These ideas and the vaginismus site should point you in the right direction to solving this problem. Bless you!

Monday’s Mission # 14

Your mission for this week is a simple one. I challenge you to make your husband his favorite dinner, out of the blue, just because you love him. Is there a favorite meal that he absolutely loves, but you just don’t have it very often? Or maybe a meal that he loves but you don’t really care for as much. The point of this challenge is to get you to do something nice for your hubby, for no special reason, and show him with your actions that you love him. (Think “acts of service” here.)

Position #22: The Grand Tetons

This position is for breast sex and it couldn’t get any simpler.

1. The wife lies down on her back.

2. The husband straddles his wife’s ribcage, situating his penis between her breasts.

3. The husband thrusts.

Things to Keep in Mind:

  • If the wife loves over-all breast stimulation, not just nipple stimulation, then this position may be right up her alley.
  • I have heard women say that breast sex doesn’t work for them due to their cup size, so if this doesn’t work then just scratch it off of your list and move on to something that does.
  • Beware of rug burn while performing breast sex on the floor. Putting down a blanket will alleviate that.
  • If the husband has knee issues, this position may not work since all his weight will be resting on them.

Keys to Enjoyment:

  • Depending on the preference, the wife may want to put a pillow or two under her head to provide extra comfort and easier visual stimulation.
  • Use an ample amount of lubrication of your choice. Keep it handy just in case a reapplication is necessary.
  • Someone will need to push the breasts together. The couple may want to pick the person who does not have lube on their hands; otherwise the breasts may slip out of grasp.
  • If the wife chooses to hold the breasts, then she may also want to interlock her fingers over the cleavage, for a firm grip. This also ensures that the penis is completely enveloped.
  • This position provides many options for an ending that may be worked out ahead of time or in the heat of the moment.
    • The husband can finish on the breasts.
    • The husband may give his wife a “pearl necklace”.
    • Some women don’t even mind if their husband goes on their face!
    • Finishing orally is also another choice. Either the husband can hop off at the last minute or he may poke his penis out enough that the wife can slip her lips around the head.
  • Breast sex can also be a great for foreplay.
  • Keep a towel or wet wipes handy for a quick clean up afterwards.

(For information on the real Grand Tetons, please click here.)


This article is going to discuss a sexual technique known as ‘fisting’.  I have not experienced this activity for myself so I decided to find someone who has in fact engaged in this activity.  A Christian woman, named Nicole, was gracious enough to field my questions on this very sensitive subject.  I would like to thank Nicole for being so informative and transparent in order to educate others.  (Nicole’s answers are italicized.)

What made you pursue this activity?

At the beginning of our talks, my husband thought I’d be too ‘innocent’ to be interested in these kinds of things, and I thought he’d be horrified if I brought up some of the things I wanted to try. Thankfully for both of us, we’d assumed VERY wrongly as to how the other person felt and what they would think!

I guess I’ve always been very adventurous and very much an explorer when it came to sex. Always wondered if certain activities were possible, beyond your standard ‘penis goes in vagina’ type of event.

And one time we were talking about things we would like to try, and he brought the idea up of fisting. With the way of my nature, that delighted and excited me!

How would you advise a beginner to get started?

VERY VERY SLOWLY. This is the kind of activity where the journey is just as important as the destination. I would strongly recommend the couple attempt to get the woman as aroused as possible prior to starting – so doing whatever REALLY gets her in the mood (a vibrator, oral sex, mutual masturbation, etc etc etc).

And then just start with one finger, and continue as long as you feel comfortable with. Be aware that things can change compared on your level of arousal, or simply how your body responds on a particular day. One day you may get everything including the fist, another day you might only get 2 or 3 fingers in.  It does not matter – just enjoy the journey and the feelings of pleasure.

I know that being well lubed is a must, what type of lube do you recommend?

I am very fortunate as I seem to make enough lube on my own. We have only used one lube in our history – ky jelly – which worked quite well, but we haven’t used lube in the past year or so. I hear good things about coconut oil.

Does your husband stack his fingers in a ‘beak like formation’ as he inserts them?

Generally we start with one finger and work up, so at first his fingers would be like a beak (just pressed in as close together as you can). We only start doing this once we get past 3 fingers – we always gradually work our way up. The hand only ‘stretches out’ once we get past the knuckles. If you’re going beyond the duck to the fist/full hand activity, you need to be REALLY aroused.

In my research I have read that the knuckles are the toughest part to get past. Do you and your husband do anything special when inserting his knuckles?

Until that point we seem to always start with the palm facing to my spine. When we get to knuckles, it seems to be the best point to flip over so the palm faces the stomach, and progressing further is easier in this position. We only do this when I am really aroused from prior foreplay.

Should any extra precautions be taken when a husband goes to remove his hand?

ALWAYS be aware of fingernails, no matter where you are in the activities. Bending the fingers slightly backwards makes it slightly easier – and again go as slowly as you did to enter in the first place.

Do you need to be more diligent with any tightening exercises such as kegels?

I have always had fantastic pelvic floor muscles (as noted by ultrasound technicians and the like), and I think that fact is part of the reason I find this activity quite easy and enjoyable. I would definitely recommend women to be doing kegels regularly, irrespective of what sexual activity they are involved in. For fisting in particular, you do need good control of your pelvic floor muscles to be able to fully enjoy the activity.

Do you feel any special type of connection with your husband when engaging in this activity?

I definitely feel a huge bond with my husband when we do this. I experience an overwhelming feeling of trust and complete abandonment in him.

Have you ever injured yourself in anyway while engaging in this activity?

Pain – not so far. I would say some days I’ve had mild ‘stretching’ muscle soreness afterwards, but nothing really noticeable. Again, extreme arousal is very necessary to get the whole hand to wrist inside, so this probably helps with the lack of pain and discomfort. You could do a heck of a lot of damage if you kept forcing it without allowing arousal to help, or knowing when to stop.

I would say that this activity, like anal sex, is not an activity I would want to pursue with someone I didn’t have complete and utter trust in to obey whatever request I made during it. You want to be COMPLETELY sure that your spouse will agree to stop at any point you begin to feel uncomfortable and will not pressure you into going further beyond what you are comfortable with.

I feel the need to reiterate that it is imperative to go slow and let your body adjust to your husband’s hand as he is penetrating you.  It can bring intense pleasure and unfortunately it can also bring intense pain if not done properly.  The minor damage would include vaginal tearing if not well lubricated.  The major damage is tearing of the actual vaginal muscle if the husband is over eager and forces his hand in without the wife adapting to it.  Take it slow and enjoy the journey!!

Take It All Off Babe!

Okay, so recently on The Marriage Bed, there was a thread entitled: Strip Tease…Husband for Wife. That thread is full of good ideas, but one post in particular stood out to us. We have gotten permission from TMB poster Seekryt to copy and paste what she said onto our blog for our readers to see. So without further adieu, here are Seekryt’s tips for you husbands out there thinking about stripping for your wife:

“Ok, this is making me blush, so if anyone has issues, DON’T READ IT! just in case it makes you blush, too. This is what would do it for me, and what I’ve seen others do.

Do a couple push ups first, (not as part of the strip, a few minutes beforehand) to get the blood flowing – very little is as attractive as a DH who’s a little sweaty and has lots of blood flowing to those muscly bits.

Lots of eye contact.

Grease up with lots of CO beforehand – get some light shining off those muscles.

Move slowly. Not undress slowly, but move slowly – men stripping is a lot more about posturing. Think a little more “bodybuilding” show, rather than “Flashdance”

Smile knowingly, looking right in her eyes. If it was me, I’d be blushing like crazy, not sure where to look – let her know with your eyes that it’s ok for her to be looking right at YOU.

Try to flex a lot, or put yourself in positions where you’re “posturing”. Hands linked, behind your head; holding your jacket or shirt over your shoulder with one hand, that kind of thing.

Grind your pelvis tons – slow slow slow. Not like a lady would; spread your legs apart, about the width of your shoulders, and move your hips in a circle.

Get your business up in her face.

Make sure to turn around – she wants to see your buns! Take time to move your shoulders around, let her see you moving.

Wear something cute, like those Armour undies – thongs are cute on guys, but hairy bums are funny Mr. Green Ok, maybe you’re a thong guy, in which case, go for it.

Have a follow up planned! After she’s all warmed up and drooling, do something with it! You’re showing off your strength, here, maybe carry her upstairs…”

We think this is an EXCELLENT list of things for the men to keep in mind! So now we’d like to hear from you ladies out there. If your husband was thinking of stripping for you, what would you like to see him do? What would turn you on?

Hotel Getaways

There is nothing quite as wonderful as spending quality, uninterrupted time with your husband. Date nights are nice and they are a commitment in our house, but there are also those precious memories we have of nights or weekends away and we wouldn’t trade them for anything. Spicy Nutmeg wrote an article on Spicy Getaways and shared how romantic it can be to visit a secluded cabin with your hubby. My husband and I have enjoyed those kinds of more rustic getaways, but we have also had the opportunity to visit a big city and stay in a swanky hotel. The cabin retreats allow me to feel more like myself that any other time. Just to rest and BE. Nothing required of me, but to sit and talk with my man. However the hotel allows me to feel like I can escape all that is normal and common to me and almost be someone else for awhile. I find it refreshing too.

For some of us, flying off to a hotel at a moments notice isn’t possible. If you have that luxury, you are blessed, but often times it takes a little more planning. When my husband and I spent a night at a hotel last December it required us to start planning in the early Fall. We needed to start saving money because it wasn’t an inexpensive hotel. We needed to arrange care for our children and my husband needed to secure time off at work, but all the effort and planning was more than worth it. We made memories that will last us our lifetime. We browsed the high end shops and snickered at the price of things. We enjoyed the hotel amenities numerous times. We had an enjoyable dinner together at a restaurant we don’t eat at frequently due to location and price. We took in some live theater and laughed our heads off. It was magnificent and we wouldn’t trade it for anything.

Changing gears slightly, I also want to touch on another way that hotels can be utilized to broaden your options for making time for intimacy. Sometimes you don’t have the luxury to get away for more than an evening. For whatever the reason, it just doesn’t work at this stage of your life to be away for very long. In these cases and simply if you want to add some variety, you might consider checking in to a nice hotel in the area where you live just for the evening. This way you can still have the experience of “going away,” but you can hold to your other commitments as well.

So I encourage you to plan on a nice hotel getaway sometime in the next year. Escape from your normal everyday life and experience something new and fresh.

Monday’s Mission #13

Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to let your husband call all the shots during one of your next lovemaking sessions.  Sometimes by day’s end, we’re exhausted.  We’re not only physically tired, but we’re tired of making decisions.  This is the perfect opportunity to put your mind at ease, because your husband will be taking the reigns.  One thing that you will have to do, though, is commit to being his genie in the bottle for one night and let his wishes be your commands.  It takes the guess work out of what’s going to work for him if he’s telling you, right?  This may also give him the opportunity to focus on some of your needs as well.

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