Specific Sexual Positions?

Here is a question we received in our ‘Got Questions?’ box.

 

 

Do you ladies have any suggestions for sexual positions for a woman who is taller than her husband and larger than her husband?  We have fallen into a rut in our sex life as we can only find one position that works for us.  Just wondering!  Thanks so much!

 

 

I found a bunch of possible positions for larger women.  The height difference should not matter much in positions where one or both of you are lying down. Here are some ideas from just the positions we have talked about in our ‘position of the week’ section.  I put a brief description of each one but if one catches your interest just simply click on the red letters and there will be a more in depth description.  Most even have step by step instructions. 😉  If anyone else has ideas to help please feel free to add them in the comment section.

 

 

Position #1 Side scissors~ Similar to spoons but you lift you top leg up in the air and you husband penetrate at an angle instead of directly behind you.

 

Position #2 Woman on top~ If you are concerned about putting too much weight on him you can always support yourself on your knees.

 

Position #3 On the Pillows~ Instead of basic missionary the husband is kneeing and the wife is propped up with a stack of pillows under her bottom.

 

Position #5 Reverse Cowgirl~ Same idea as Woman on Top but facing opposite direction.  You can support your weight on your knees in this position as well.

 

Position #6 Rear Entry~ Get on your knees with your chest close to the bed and have your husband enter from behind.

 

Position #7 Froggy Style~ It’s easier if you just read the description that Sugar and Spice came up with.

 

Position #11  Standing T Position~ Have him stand on the side of your bed and you can either lay on your belly or back.  It is described in detail in our position of the week section.

 

Position #12 X’s and O’s~  The easiest way to describe this is for the husband to be sitting up, the wife strattles him in a sitting position and then lays back with her legs extended on either side of him.

 

Position #26 Spoons~ Lay on you side and have your husband lay behind you.  He can then enter you from behind.  If he is having difficulty penetrating you can try leaning over a bit.

 

 

Just remember to have fun with it!!!

Overcoming Reservations About Oral Sex

Here are two emails we recently received:

My question is this, is there a way to help my wife enjoy performing oral sex? When we first got married 30+ yrs. ago, for the 1st. year there was mutual oral sex between us and she seemed to truly enjoy that, as did I. Then after a year of marriage, she said she didn’t enjoy performing though she did and still does really enjoy receiving. I asked her about the 1st. year and she admitted that she only led me to believe she enjoyed it because she was afraid I would leave her. Well, here we are past our 30th wedding anniv. I haven’t and won’t leave her, but I do miss the receiving end of oral sex. So is there anything I can do??? Not, she said it was not the taste, though she rarely ever swallowed even then, she just says it’s simply the idea that bothers her about it. Can you give any advice???

I AM A MALE WITH A VERY HIGH SEX DRIVE AND WOULD LIKE TO GIVE AND RECEIVE ORAL SEX IN MY LIFETIME. WIFE DOES NOT WANT ANYTHING TO DO WITH ORAL SEX AND TRYING NEW THINGS. WHAT IS A MAN TO DO. IT JUST ABOUT DRIVES ME CRAZY.

Our target audience is women, and usually we do not answer questions like this from men. However, we get so many emails each week exactly like the two quoted above. I feel like there are probably women out there who could potentially benefit from talking about this subject. I know for a fact that there are many women who are just not comfortable giving oral sex. So let me address some common fears & concerns that you ladies may have out there. And any side notes for your husbands to read will be in blue. Hopefully this will prompt a discussion in the comments section.

Feeling Like Oral Sex is Sinful – If you are a woman who considers oral sex a sin, then I encourage you to read Cinnamon Stick’s article: Oral Sex: Spice or Sin? The Marriage Bed also offers Paul & Lori’s take on oral sex in their article: What’s Okay? What’s Not? I encourage you to re-examine why you feel the way you do. Is it simply because you were told so by your parents when you were growing up? Is it because of past abuse or sexual sin in your own life? Pray over these issues and ask God to help you work through them, so that you may look at your marriage bed with your husband as pure. (Husbands, encourage your wives to research this topic with you. Read the Song of Solomon together. Pray for and with your wives. Do not badger her about this, or you will end up pushing her away.)

Feeling Like the Penis is Dirty – It isn’t uncommon for women to think that the penis is full of germs. We see our husband go off to spend a full day at work, knowing that his penis is tucked up into his underwear where it will accumulate sweat during the day. We also know that he will undoubtedly have to use the bathroom at least once but probably a few times during the day. At its most simple form, this will involve him taking out his penis to urinate, and then putting it back. And woe to us if we even contemplate thinking about our husbands having to sit on the toilet for um… #2 😯 I mean, I don’t know about your husbands, but I’m sure that every time my husband goes to poop, he wipes, washes everything thoroughly down there with antibacterial soap, rinses, and then is able to put away his penis knowing full well that it will never come in contact with anything dirty. (Just humor me and let me hang on to my little fantasy, ok?) The truth is that yes, the penis can get sweaty during the day. Yes, it is possible that it will come into contact with germs, even just from his hands. But If this is your major issue, then it can easily be overcome by a shower! If you are worried that your darling husband isn’t getting his stuff squeaky clean down there, then shower with him and offer to help him out! Then you can see for yourself that the germs are being washed away. (Husbands, take good care with your hygiene practices, and whenever possible, shower before you want oral sex.)

Fear Of Inadequacy – I remember feeling inadequate when I first went to give my husband oral sex. I had never done it before, so how was I to know if I was doing it right? It helped that my husband had never received oral sex before. So to him, any oral attentions that I gave him were wonderful! But even now, after 15 years of experience I still sometimes wonder if I’m doing a good job. It’s common for us to be critical of ourselves. We need to rise above this and make the decision to at least try to learn about giving oral sex to our husbands. For those of you out there who have never even tried it, you can start off very slowly, by just kissing his penis. Have him show you where he wants it kissed. Learn the areas that are the most sensitive (try just under the head). On those sensitive spots, just give him a lick with your tongue and see him shudder with delight. If you get uncomfortable and want to stop, then stop. Maybe the next time you can take things a little further. You don’t necessarily have to take his entire penis into your mouth the first time, or ever. Instead of sitting there thinking that you can’t, in your mind just keep telling yourself “I CAN!” For more information on beginning oral sex, check out my article Tasting His Fruit. (Husbands, encourage your wives by giving her praise when she does something that feels good to you. Point out to her where your penis is the most sensitive. If she reaches a point where she needs to stop, then tell her it’s okay and that you are proud of her for making it as far as she did! Baby steps over a period of time can result in much progress.)

Fear of Fluids – Okay ladies… Some of you are out there thinking that you don’t want to give oral sex to your husbands because you don’t want to have to taste his ejaculate. This issue is an easy one to deal with! You don’t have to taste it! Your husband will KNOW when he is getting ready to ejaculate. So when he is getting close, you can always work out a signal between you two, for him to let you know that he is getting ready to come. He could tap you on your shoulder or your head, or he could say a special word or phrase like: “I’m there!” When you hear or feel the special signal, you can stop and move your head. Then he can either pump himself or you can use your hand to pump him while he comes. The fluids will never enter your mouth. For more creative ways to handle your husband’s ejaculate, check out my article There He Blows! (Husbands, work out this signal with your wife, and do not ever forget to tell her when you are approaching climax. She is trusting you. If this is the fear that is holding your wife back from performing oral sex, then I will caution you that one time of forgetting will cost you.)

Fear of Size & Gagging – Some of you are out there thinking that you have a quick gag reflex and you just don’t believe you will be able to accommodate your husband’s size. If this truly concerns you, then go shopping! Yep, you read that right. Go to the grocery store and buy a banana or cucumber that you think is approximately the same size as your husband’s penis when erect. Length isn’t so much of an issue here, as girth is. So make sure you are looking for something that is about the same width, so that your mouth can get accustomed to it. (Don’t worry, the produce stockers will just think you are examining the fruits & vegetables for bruises 😎 ) Then take the fruit home and practice putting it into your mouth. Place a flavored condom over it if you want to. It will help it to glide better. Just practice putting it into your mouth a couple of inches. There is no rule that says you have to know how to deep throat, so get rid of those expectations if that is what is scaring you. (Husbands, do not make fun of your wife if she is honestly trying to overcome her inhibitions here. Support her and even go shopping with her!)

Whatever your issues are with oral sex, the best thing you can do is talk about them with your spouse. He cannot read your mind. Be honest about what aversions you have and discuss the possibilities of what prompted you to feel the way you do. Pray together about it, and see if you can agree to some kind of compromise.

Sarah’s story

I’ve focused on several women from the New Testament that had sin issues to deal with. Let’s check out one from the Old Testament to see what she had to deal with. The next woman I would like to write about reminds me of my DD. She and her brother are what I term “the microwave generation”….they don’t have any concept what it is like to wait for anything. I hear from her more times than I really want to the phrase, “I can’t wait that long! It’s too long!” I can imagine that was a key phrase that God heard from Sarai as well.

The book of Genesis gives us an insight on this woman of faith. She was married to a man named Abram and she was barren. She had no children. She and Abram lived in Haran until her husband got a call from the Lord to leave his homeland and to travel to Canaan, where the Lord would make him into a great nation. I am sure that this poor woman spent a lot of time riding on a camel, camping out in tents, not knowing where in the world the Lord was taking them, but following her husband to the ends of the Earth.

She went through a lot, too though, that her husband asked of her. Genesis 12:10-20 talks about a journey they had to take to Egypt during a famine where Abram asked his wife to pretend she was his sister, so that he wouldn’t be killed because of her beauty. So she was taken in by the Pharoah and Abram was treated well, but ummmm….the Lord was not too pleased with this decision they made. He struck the Pharoah’s household with serious diseases until the Pharoah realized that he had brought in Abram’s wife for his own! Now, Abram didn’t ask her to do this once, but twice! (see Genesis 20)

Okay, enough about Abram’s sin. But through all this time, Sarai was still barren. No children, so how could it be possible for Abram to become a great nation without any children? What do you think, ladies? Is it time to take things out of God’s hands and do it ourself? Well, Sarai thought it was. It just wasn’t happening as God had planned, so how could it hurt to try it all by myself? So we move on to Genesis 16, where Sarai does just this. Well she couldn’t have babies, but her servant Hagar could! So she tells her husband, “The LORD has kept me from having children. Go, sleep with my maidservant; perhaps I can build a family through her.” (Gen. 16:2) What? Sarai is giving her husband permission to sleep with another woman? Is she crazy? The thought of MY DH sleeping with another woman…I don’t think I could handle that. And why is the blame on the Lord? Is he REALLY the one keeping her from having children? So Abram agreed and Hagar got pregnant. And guess what….Mrs. Abram was not the least bit happy about this. Why? It was her idea, right? But no……. Sarai comes back with the big one…THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT. Sarai said to Abram, “You are responsible for the wrong I am suffering. I put my servant in your arms, and now that she knows she is pregnant, she despises me. May the LORD judge between you and me.” (Gen. 16:5) Do you ever make a decision to do something then realize what a huge mistake this was when you get the results? I think Sarai did. But there, working as her maid, was a woman who bore her husband a son when she could not. She was probably very hurt and thought that God had forgotten his promise.

But God kept reiterating his promise to Abram and even changed his name to Abraham, and God changed Sarai’s name to Sarah. They were 100 and 90 years old respectively. Abraham and Sarah, who were well past childbearing age, both laughed that they would conceive and bear a child in their old age, but God did keep his promise. Sarah conceived and bore Abraham a son, and they called him Isaac, which means “laughter”.

What can we learn from Sarah? I think the most important thing is that when God makes a promise, He will keep it. Has God ever made a promise to you? Has He fulfilled that promise yet? If the answer is no, then we continue to wait. To my DH, it probably seemed like God would never change me into the wife that I was intended to be, but he waited patiently, never once thinking about leaving me or cheating on me. God’s ways are the best ways. And His timing is never the same way as ours.

What would you have done in Sarah’s shoes? Would you have taken matters into your own hand? It’s easy to say, “Nah, I would never do that”, but I bet if we got that nagging feeling of “I can’t wait that long! It’s too long!”, might we be thinking of invitro fertilization? adoption? a surrogate mother like Sarah did? Take some notes from Sarah and file it in your memory banks. History does tend to repeat itself, but if we remember her plight when we face a long, hard road, maybe it will comfort us to think of her happiness when God’s promise WAS fulfilled. Sarah said, “God has brought me laughter, and everyone who hears about this will laugh with me.” And she added, “Who would have said to Abraham that Sarah would nurse children? Yet I have borne him a son in his old age.” (Gen 21:6-7)

Monday’s Mission #21

Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to plan and execute a theme night.  What theme?  Well, that’s up to you.  Think of your favorite things.  For instance, if you love Italian food, then make an Italian meal, watch a film that takes place in Italy and listen to Italian music not only during dinner, but while you’re making love.  If you own a special costume, then plan your theme around that.  Or if there’s a nearby holiday or you just want to celebrate the season, then go for it!  Perhaps you would want to recreate your latest vacation destination.  Let your creativity run wild.

Position#29:Lotus Position

The lotus position is one of the most intimate positions around. It brings you and your husband as close as humanly possible. Have your husband sit with his legs crossed. If this is too uncomfortable then he can extend his legs and cross at the ankles with his knees relaxed but slightly bent. Once he is comfortable you sit on his lap, facing him and wrap your legs around his waist and arms around his neck. You can insert him while you are sitting down or you can maneuver yourself to make it happen after you sit down. It should be pretty easy for him to enter you either way. He should have easy access to your breast or backside. Once he has entered you then you can move by rocking your hips together.

In order to do this position successfully you do need to be flexible. It is great for clitoral contact but the ability to thrust is limited. If you have pretty strong thighs then all the better for movement. My recommendation is to use this position to bring yourself to climax or just use it as a prelude to a different position.

Sexy Art

Feminine Landscape

Feminine Landscape @ art.com

Warning: Some of the links in this thread may contain partial nudity.

I touched on the topic of sexy artwork in an earlier article entitled Making Your Bedroom Romantic. We recently had a question from a reader asking:

“My wife and I are trying to finish our master bath decorating scheme and we are looking for some appropriate, but tasteful sensual art for our walls. Have any ideas or links where we can shop for this”

One of my favorite sites for seeing a wide variety of artwork at a reasonable price is art.com. So I went over to the site and found a few images that may be the sort of thing that would work in a master bath or bedroom. Since we all appreciate art in our own way, these images may or may not be the sort of thing that delights you.

You can find prints that have a more romantic feel to them, such as:

Or images which are more sensual or erotic such as:

I think this one would be especially nice in a master bathroom:

Some artwork is even intended to cause the viewer to see a double entendre between what is drawn/painted/photographed and the female or male genitalia:

So there is quite a selection available and it all depends on your own tastes, but in a master bedroom or bathroom, I would certainly consider something more intimate and sexy.

One other idea my husband and I have been waiting for the right weekend to try is to have some fun painting one another and then to make love on a canvas and then hang that in our bedroom. Oh, the possibilities…

I hope you find something lovely to hang in your new bathroom!

In the Presence of Others

Here is an email we recently received:

My wife and I are newly weds and both have a large sexual appetite as well as being rather liberal which is why we love your site so much. We however don’t see the problem with having same room sex with other couples. In other words we have sex with our spouse but in the same room as other married couples doing the same. There is never any touching and my wife and I do not lust after the other couples. It simply heightens our pleasure and love to one another. What are other users thoughts on this?

I’ll let others chime in with their own comments at the end of this article, but for now, I’ll tell you what my thoughts are on this.

Hebrews 13:4 (NIV)
4Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.

God commands us to honor the marriage bed between a husband and wife, and keep it pure. Inviting other people into your bedroom is not keeping it pure. It doesn’t matter that you aren’t physically touching these other people. Any time you are watching other people have sex, either in person, on tv, or even in your own mind… that is inviting others to become a part of your marriage bed, and that is immoral.

Engaging in this type of activity will also make it easier in the future, for you both to wonder about other things, such as swapping, having a “swinging” or “open” marriage, and group sex. All of those are sinful activities. It doesn’t matter if you both are consenting.

You said: “It simply heightens our pleasure and love to one another.” I do not understand this statement at all. How can watching other people have sex heighten the love that you feel for your spouse? That makes absolutely no sense to me. I can see how it would arouse you and make you horny, but that has nothing to do with the love you feel for your spouse.

My husband loves me and cherishes me. He does not want any other man to see my nakedness. My body is for him alone and his body is for me. If he wanted us to have sex in rooms with other couples having sex, it would make me feel cheap and degraded. It would make me wonder why I alone wasn’t good enough for him.

I would ask you both to really think about why you are doing this. You say you aren’t lusting, so then what is the point in doing this at all? Why the need to have others share in what should be the most intimate, loving, and private act between a husband and wife?

These are my thoughts on this issue, and I encourage anyone who wants to contribute to this discussion to leave your comments in the box below.

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