Question: I would like to be able to orgasm while my husband is inside of me. I have orgasmed orally and with fingers for so long, I am not sure if it is possible. I am 43 and would love to be able to orgasm together –any suggestions?
I would view being able to orgasm through oral or manual stimulation as a great indicator that you can achieve an orgasm through intercourse. You already know what one feels like and what it takes to push you over the edge.
Think beforehand about which position would give you the most clitoral stimulation. Why clitoral stimulation? Because women who have orgasms through intercourse are more then likely having their clitoris stimulated, they just are not using their fingers or a toy to do so. Personally, I recommend either “Coital Alignment Technique (CAT)” or “Cowgirl”. You could try having him stimulate you orally or with his fingers just short of bringing you to orgasm. When you are ready to get into position don’t be afraid to adjust. If you are in “CAT” move around so he is in direct contact with your clitoris. The same goes for “Cowgirl or WOT”, if you are not getting the right stimulation on your clitoris then prop your husband up with pillows and/or really grind down on him to get the right amount of pressure. Here are some great illustrations from ‘The Marriage Bed’ that explains the benefits of grinding (or sliding) vs. thrusting.
There really is no shame in having him stimulate you manually during intercourse if you are unable to do it without using any means. A bunch of positions the expose the clitoris for stimulation with either fingers or a vibrator are listed under our ‘Positions of the Week’ section.
Thanks for your question!!!
29 Comments
Sorry, the comment form is closed at this time.
Christian Nymphos 
Another idea might be to start out with manual or oral stimulation for you and then once you are to the point of orgasm, have him enter you. You may be able to keep the momentum and then orgasm that way.
I have enjoyed orgasms all three ways (oral, finger and intercourse) and I just want to caution you that for me the orgasm is different each way. You may have become accustomed to only orgasming through oral or finger. Be open to the fact that an intercourse orgasm may not be the same as an oral orgasm. You may experience it quite differently. Be in tune with your body and enjoy differences!
Grinding really works, especially in WOT (Cowgirl) Especially if you can maneuver yourself to *drag* your clitoris along the shaft of his penis, so you are thrusting and grinding. WOT is usually a tried and true method for DH to be able to help me orgasm with him inside me.
Another thing I wanted to mention is not to put too much pressure on yourself. My experience has been that the more consumed I get with having an O in a certain position the less likely it is to happen. Just keep thinking of it as extra and not the end all, be all. My most intense orgasms are usually the ones that come from now where and catch me totally by surprise.
So these are my suggestions:
*have him stimulate you just short of an orgasm.
*find a position that stimulates the clitoris.
*don’t obsess over it.
Have fun experimenting!!!!!
I have been married to my husband for 23 years. Over the years we have had great sex and making love. What I have come to the conclusion is that having an orgasm comes from you, not your man. He enhances you getting there, but it is you, your mind and your body that sets it in motion.
I too thought it was the man that made me orgasm.
From my experience, it all starts in the mind and getting yourself worked up and visualizing what is to come.
The first time it happend for me was 16 years ago after our third son was born. I was in a spoon position, with him being behind me. This particular time, I bore down with my vaginal muscles as he was stroking me. I held it and released and kept doing this. It is scary at first because it feels like you are taking a bm movement. But, we are designed that all that stops when we are making love. I had had clit orgasm before, but this was way different and wonderful.
Ever since I can climax over and over. With control of course. I even tease my husband and ask if he would like me to. Another thing that help is for him to ride you high and deep and hard in the missionary positon, while you bear down and release. This helps build your orgasm.
Good Luck!
You might want to do some extra work on your Kaegles. Or start worki out on a video series for lowerback and abdomen. i’ve noticed that if I have been doing my excercises regularly that the orgasms come easier and last longer.
For the longest time, I could only have orgasms if my husband touched me either during intercourse, or before or after. Then it progressed to us figuring out which positions made clitoral stimulation possible without him having to use his hands. Then maybe a few years ago, I started having what I think some must classify as g-spot orgasms. They happen when we are in missionary position and he goes really deep. I read somewhere once, that what that is is actually the nerve endings from the clitoris that are down inside. I have to be honest and say I LOVE those ones. They do feel different from outward clitoral stimulation, and I think a lot of reason some women don’t have g-spot climaxes is because they are so used to focusing on the spot they are used to feeling it in-their clitoris! In fact now I am so used to focusing on the g-spot, that if my husband tries to bring me to orgasm by touching me, it takes a really long time. Don’t be dissatisfied with your love life with your husband, but if it’s something you are interested in, you know what, talk to your husband about it, and pray! My husband has told me that there have been a few times he would pray for me during sex, that I would enjoy myself and have an orgasm! I thought that was awesome. We should be totally comfortable with asking God to help us have a great sex life. 🙂
I think your on to something about orgasm being all up to us. Our attitudes and mind set. Our husbands take us to the edge but we need to take it over the edge with our mind set.sex should be all about the two of you, and no other thoughts should enter your mind during sex.Full consentration is the key to mind blowing orgasms over and over and over.the way God designed it to be!
Totally agree about the mind thing. I’ve told my husband husband on occassion that I need to “concentrate” in order to come, and he just did’nt get it. Guess this proves I’m normal
I think it even starts before your intimate.I really think great orgasms start with the way we view sex. If we have some reservations about it, it’s hard to let our bodies go and just give in to the moment.
I have a question regarding my wife and I during sex: We have wonderful, simultaneous orgasms, but she has to stimulate her clitoris while we have sex. On our honeymoon (in October) I was a little put off by this, but now I don’t mind. Is this something that other women here are familiar with? Also, can this form evolve to something even more advanced and better for her?
Thanks!
Redeemedman1980,
That’s great that you and your wife enjoy mutual orgasm…and there’s absolutely nothing wrong with your wife for needing to stimulate her clitoris. The majority of women need some type of clitoral stimulation in order to reach orgasm or arousal. Her clitoris is akin to the head of your penis – it’s the part that’s most sensitive to stimulation. Actually, the clitoris is much more sensitive due to many more nerve endings there – I’m sure it’s a natural reaction for her to reach down and stimulate herself if she’s aroused enough. That area gets engorged, throbs, etc….therefore needing to be touched/stimulated in order to feel satisfied.
Next time, why dont you try jumping in and stimulating it for her ;o)
Redeemedman~ Most women need direct stimulation on their clitoris in order to climax. If she is trying to get away from using her fingers then the two of you can go through our position page, here is the link cn position page, and find some positions that allow her to rub against you for stimulation. I give your wife a lot of credit for knowing what her body needs to climax and many men would see their wife self stimulation as a turn on. The two of you have been married for 5 months, take your time and learn each others body.
Thank you Peppermint Girl and havanaspice!
I have a really hard time manually stimulating her while I am thrusting. I am 6’4″ tall and she is 5’5″ tall. I tried the “Sliding” that Paul Byerly recommends on “The Marriage Bed” site, but she said that didn’t feel good. She likes the way I rub her clitoris better than the way she does it and I wish we could incorporate both. Oh well. We’ll get there. My main goal is to help her because she believes she can eventually grow to reach orgams exclusively through vaginal intercourse with no manual stim.
Thanks again!
here’s 2 suggestions that work for us.
have wife mount husband in a “reverse cowgirl” and then use her favorite vibrator on her clit… she’ll feel him inside and the vibe… he’ll feel her and the vibe… and it’s amazing for both
she can give him oral while using a vibrator on herself… then right when she’s about to come mount him hard and fast as she pleases…
Yes, I am totally familiar with this, I think lots of women do it. Starting off in my marriage this was what we always did-mostly at the request of my husband, because he wanted us to be able to orgasm together, and this was the easiest way! In our relationship, I know we have evolved to new and different ways, (but we still go back to the tried and true! My husband gets turned on when I touch myself) but I think that just comes with time and experience, and getting to know eachother better, figuring out what feels good, sometimes you learn things by accident!! But I think the most important thing is to just relax and enjoy eachother!
for me i have NEVER orgasmed during intercourse. i really want to and ive tried just about everything. including toys and lubricants that are to increase clitoral stimulation during intercourse. ive been told often i need to relax, but then i dnt get any pleasure at all. im lost and need help. SOS.
It can be very hard. I had this problem during the first few years of my marriage. Since everyone is different, my advice to you would be this…first of all, commit to being 100% open and honest with your husband. Let him know that you want to experience that with him, be honest about what feels good and what doesn’t. After that….relax. 🙂 I mean, don’t stop doing those things, don’t stop trying, but don’t let it become your main focus. Because sex is about pleasing eachother, getting lost in eachother, worshipping (if you will) eachother, and satan would love to distract us and frustrate us, and make us feel that our sex life is inadequate because of this reason or that. And lastly, pray about it! Above I wrote that it was not an uncommon thing for my husband to pray for me before/during sex. Some people feel funny doing that, I have to admit, I did a little at first. But why should we? God made sex. He wanted us to enjoy it. We ask Him for all kinds of blessings in other areas of our lives. Why not this one? 😉
Years ago, when we were younger, sweetonhim would orgasm quite well during intercourse. then for a long time, over ten years, she only orgasmed with oral stimulation or a vibrator. I’m not sure what has changed, perhaps she has become more aware of her g-spot, but the last couple of months she has achieved orgasm while in a doggy style position if she has orgasmed during foreplay. They orgasms are not as intense as the ones from oral stimulation or her vibrator, but she reports they are enjoyable. I can feel them, too, and they add to my pleasure.
thank you for sharing that i cant wait for my husband to return from a business trip to try this exciting tip!
i agree COMPLETELY, God created our bodies, he designed them to do this. i pray to him and feel VERY comfortable asking him for help and praising him for receiving it, and for having a secure relationship with my husband, i think its all very important to have this open relationship with him
I’d like to have an orgasm during intercourse but other stimulation like breasts or clit seem like a distraction . Any help?
Oh my gosh! I used to never be able to orgasm through intercourse until for some strange reason after our third child. Until then it was always through oral stimulation. But for some reason I was extra turned on that night and amazingly enough it was an accident! I was just kind of rubbing myself on my husband (we were making out and naked due to some VERY good foreplay) and it just happenend, and now that’s the way I preffer to finish. Ugh! It’s amazing, my husband is awesome. Anyway I am always on top for my part because it gives me the right amount of stimulation, him in back not enough, him infront too much.
I get distracted too!
It used to be distracting to me also, but I had to sort of “train” my mind to enjoy everything simultaniously. For me it took some time, it didn’t happen overnight. Now I love combining all sorts of sensations together, it really can intensify the orgasm! (same for him, if you give him multiple areas of stim. For instance, if you’re on top, reach around and play with or pull on his scrotum with one hand while playing with or pinching HIS nipple with the other hand…. 🙂 )
Also, I had myself very trained to have only clitoral orgasms…. so that’s what I would have during intercourse. I had to learn how to have vaginal and g-spot orgasms before I could experience them during sex. Once I figured out how to have them, I started having them while he was in me. Yay.
And the icing on the cake is the fact that once I started doing kegel exercises regularly, the orgasms have only gotten better, stronger, longer, and sometimes multiple. (and it feels better for him!) I think though, the biggest factor with orgasm during intercourse is mental, If your mind is not in it, it’s hard to get your body there. So take your time to learn and really FEEL the different sensations, don’t rush it, and don’t make it your goal to O every time, just enjoy the feeling of the whole experience.
I had to laugh….we are all so different. For me, from behind can almost be painful; very intense; I love it if we have had lengthy foreplay…me on top, if he suckles my breasts…I get really h_ _ _ _, sometimes an “O”, him on top…works every time!
I have a tilted pelvis and uterus and suspect that due to my non-textbook anatomy there will be a variety of positions that work better for me and not for others. Isn’t it great that God makes us all unique and different?!
I’m 46 and only started having orgasms during intercourse this year! There is always hope!
I thought the only way I could orgasm was manual clitoral. But, for the first time I started reading some romantic novels used what I read in there for advice. Wow! What a difference. I know some people wouldn’t approve of that, but it was obviously what I needed. I think it was the relaxing instead of tensing that really helped me. I had been at the point where I couldn’t even always achieve orgasm my tried and true way. I thought it was because of my age. But now I not only can have different types of orgasms but always have multiple (I mean lots and lots and lots) orgasms every single time. I even orgasm just from kissing and cuddling:) I thank God for such an incredible blessing in this season of my life.
Ok I am totally jealous how did you get there again? I’m 43 and have never had a vaginal O. I guess I should be glad I can have an O and most times 2 but never thru intercourse! Totally cool!!!!
Well…I thought vaginal orgasm was really some kind of myth, and multiple orgasms definitely some kind of fairy tale. My own orgasms seemed to be diminishing and it just was depressing, but on the bright side I was learning to stop trying for orgasm and just enjoy the feelings I was experiencing, so that probably helped a lot – the not trying for orgasm.
Then this last summer for the first time I started reading romanace novels – I don’t know why, I just felt the need for escape/fantasy. I would have died of embaressment to have read these earlier in my life, but I guess getting older helps you lose some of your inhibitions. Some of them had some pretty steamy sex scenes that definitely didn’t resemble my sex life at all.
One of the main things I noticed in these sex scenes was that the woman would always be brought to climax first, then the man would finish. Well, if that had been me, my husband would have been out of luck. Once I came I was sooo done – I did not want to be touched! He would come then I would come manually. But these were woman authors, so I was thinking, what do they know that I don’t? Also the women always seemed to enjoy the mans fingers in her vagina – something I couldn’t understand why my husband did and I certainly didn’t enjoy it at all!
So, I think it was a mental thing. At first I actually pictured myself in these scenes from the books. I think that was a nonthreatening way for me, maybe less shameful or something. I don’t do that now – I’m just totally there with my husband and it’s so great. I started searching the internet and found more information about orgasms. Sadly, I would’ve been ashamed to do that before. I didn’t realize it was really mostly mental. I learned that there are little things a woman can do when she feels close to orgasm that will put her over the edge – like acting like you are going to come and that actually can make you come – and it just seemed to work for me. Also, at first it really helped if I was face down with his fingers in my vagina. Now i can come anyway, any position.
Sorry this is so long, but I just can’t believe I’ve been missing this my whole life! I pray that sites like this will reach more women because I really believe it’s not just about enjoy this gift from God but about saving marriages as well.
After reading this blog I guess I must consider myself lucky. I am 48 and my husband is 51. We have been married for 20 years. We have sex 1-2 times per week and I orgasm from intercourse every week. When I was in college I had multiple partners but I never had an orgasm until I met my husband. The first time we had sex he slowed down and encouraged me to keep going. At the time I was conditioned to expect 2-3 minutes of thrusting and then done. Fortunately my husband is fairly well endowed and has a great deal of endurance. We start out with him on top. He needs to stop and start several times to delay his orgasm. Once he has reached his plateau then I go on top and it works every time. Some times I am too tired or he may be too tired to last long enough for me. In those cases we typically wait a day or so. I think that I am orgasmic and that I just needed to meet the right man who took the time and made the effort to understand what I needed.