Using Lubricants During Oral


After writing Position#25: Fellatio Laying Down we received a question about using lube during oral.  They wanted to know the benefits of doing so.  When I wrote the article I was referring to putting lube on the testicles.  This allows you to fondle them with greater ease and you can rub his perineum (if he likes that) without causing friction.  Some women even have a difficult time getting the penis wet enough for easy gliding with their mouth and a lubricant would help.  If you produce a copious amount of saliva then you most likely will not need to do this and you can just use you mouth to moisten up the area.


Another reason for using lube during oral is you may not want to swallow and prefer to finish him manually.  Saliva dries pretty quickly and a lube allows you to switch without worrying if you are chaffing him or not.  If you are going to use a lube during oral I do recommend using something that is pleasant tasting such as coconut oil.  This way you can switch things up.  Once you apply a lubricant for manual you can still switch to oral after without tasting that chemical taste that some lubricants have.  Either way, it’s always good to have some on hand.

Using A Strobe Light

Looking to throw a little fun or excitement into your marriage bed? Why not try a strobe light! They are fairly inexpensive and can be purchased at most malls or even online. Here is a link for one at amazon.

Strobe lights can make for a lot of fun! You can adjust the speed of it so that it will flash slowly and sensually, leaving you mostly in the dark. This just gives you a very brief glimpse of each other every couple of seconds. It’s a nice compromise if one of you likes it dark and the other likes to see the action. Put on some sensual music and see how this enhances things.

You can also adjust it to flash very, very fast. I will tell you from experience girls, that putting it on this setting can be hot! HIGH SPEED + FAST MUSIC + RIDING ON TOP = AWESOME SEX! It gives both of you a really nice show, so if you are a visual person then watch out! 8)

I will caution you that some people get dizzy or nauseous from this activity, so you may want to be careful the first time you try it. If one of you likes it but the other doesn’t, then it’s possible to negotiate and meet in the middle. Maybe the person who doesn’t care for it could wear a blindfold (so that the strobe light didn’t affect/bother them). That way the person who enjoys the strobe light can get a good show, while the other person can relax to the sensations he/she is feeling in the darkness behind the blindfold.

We haven’t done this in such a long time, but after writing this I’m finding myself rather eager to do it again! As a sex toy I’d give the strobe light four pepper hearts, because when I’m in the right mood, it can really make things very erotic!

The image used at the beginning of this article was found at Sevenoaks Art.

Sexual Sin: The woman caught in adultery

I love Jesus so much for his forgiveness and his love for sinners. I am one of those sinners who does not deserve his love, but he gives it to me anyway. This is the story that I used to confess to my FH when we started dating. I wanted to get out in the open my past, to give him the opportunity to take me or leave me. I am happy to say that he took me!

This story is based in John 8. This story takes place in Jerusalem. Jesus had just returned from the Mount of Olives and went to the temple to teach. The Pharisees were trying ever so hard to find a reason to accuse him of false prophesy or blastphemy. So here they come into the temple with a woman in tow who was caught in the act of adultery. Now my question is, “Where is the MAN who was in the act of adultery as well?”, but the Pharisees were SO into the letter of the Law, the woman could have been the easiest catch. Who knows….maybe she was having an affair with one of them? But I digress….

So here is this poor woman. Who knows what condition she was in being “caught in the act” and here she is, humiliated, in front of all these men in the temple. The Pharisees commanded that the Law of Moses be enacted on her, which would have meant being stoned to death. What is Jesus doing during all of this? Stooped over on the ground writing in the dirt. What in the world would the Savior of the World be doodling in the dust? The Bible doesn’t say, but thinking he isn’t paying attention to them, the Pharisees keep going on.

Finally Jesus looks up at them and tells them, “He who is without sin amongst you, let him be the first to throw a stone at her.” (John 8: 7 NASB) and he goes right on writing in the dirt. Now these Pharisees must have seen and known what Jesus was writing because one by one, they turned and walked away. When Jesus looked up, he saw only the woman and himself and he asked her where they all went. She told him no one had condemned her, to which he replies, “Neither do I condemn you; go. From now on sin no more.” (John 8: 11 NASB) You see, the only one left there without sin was the Son of Man. Just like I said in my last blog entry, Jesus came into the world to save the world, not to condemn the world. So he forgave the woman and told her to sin no more. He gave her another chance. Did she take advantage of it? We don’t know.

But you know, it is really easy to sin. It was really easy for Adam and Eve from the beginning of time, so why would it be any different for any of us? Sometimes in life when our marriage isn’t going right to us, it is so easy to look for an easy fix…an affair like this woman was involved in. We don’t know much about her at all. Was she married? Was she having an affair with a married man? Was she looking for love in all the wrong places? All we know about her was she was caught having sex with another man. Dear ones, there is nothing that God cannot fix in your marriage. There are times when we need to go to our Abba Father with all our tears and sorrows, not to another man to fulfill our needs. Christ is sufficient for us all. If you have defiled your marriage bed, you can be redeemed by your Father in heaven. Do as Christ told this woman, “go and sin no more.” If you are even considering stepping outside of your marriage bed to meet needs, don’t even go there. Go to the Lord in prayer. Ask Him to help you. Ask Him to help fulfill your needs. Ask Him to help you change to be the wife he intended for your DH. Our time table is not always God’s, so be patient. God’s timing is perfect.

And yes, there is another story coming….in the Lord’s time.

Monday’s Mission #19

Your mission this week is to plan a romantic picnic in your bedroom. You may want to get a selection of new ice creams to try out together (I have a weakness for ice cream and ever since I heard this idea from a sister over on The Marriage Bed I have been wanting to try it), or perhaps a platter of fruit with chocolate sauce for dipping, or a tray of wine and cheese with crackers. You may even want to prepare a full meal to share together. Whatever you and your husband would enjoy. Feel free to add ambiance with candle light and music if you wish to. This is a wonderful way to share in a nice conversation before moving on to any physical intimacy you might enjoy afterwards.

Position #27: On A Yoga Ball

My husband and I recently tried this one out ladies! It’s basically some of the same positions that we’ve tried before, except this time you will be on your exercise ball! You can pick up a yoga ball at many different stores. We have a Stay Ball. It has sand in it that helps it to stay in place and not roll away from you. Just make sure that you get a ball that is the right size for your height. If you are a shorter woman and you get a ball that is too large, then these positions won’t work.

Typical missionary positions can be achieved by having the wife lay her back and rump on the ball. The husband then gets on his knees in between her legs. He enters and the wife can then wrap her legs around his back if she needs to. She can also wrap her arms around his neck. Be prepared for the ball to “give” some with each thrust.

Rear entry is a good one to use with the ball too! The wife can lie across it and relax her weight on the ball. The husband (on his knees) enters from behind like usual. He can hold on to the ball to stabilize it, or he can bend his own body over his wife’s body in a kind of ‘hug’ position. The ball makes this position very erotic.

Another way to try it is to have the husband lie on the floor and put the ball under his legs as seen here.  The wife can then straddle him in reverse cowgirl and she’ll have the ball to hold on to!

A final way is to place the ball on the floor beside your bed (if it’s high enough, ours is on risers) or another high place like the back of your sofa. The husband sits on it, but reclines back onto the bed or sofa. The wife is able to straddle him and make love with her feet on the ground.

Pros: The ball can put a twist on an old position that you may have previously not liked. It works well with several traditional positions so there is a variety of ways you can use it!

Cons: You need to make sure that you have the right sized ball for your body frame. Some positions may require you to be good at keeping yourself balanced.

I’m sure there are other positions that I have failed to mention here, so get your ball and get creative!

Doc Johnson’s Dual Egg Vibrator

This little toy really packs a punch.  It has two eggs attached to two separate wires and the possibilities of what you can do are endless.  You are able to control how fast you want the eggs to vibrate with a little dial on the side.  The wires are pretty long so they can reach two separate areas on you, if you were using it solo, or you could use one on yourself while your husband uses the other.

 I was a bit skeptical about fitting one of these eggs in my vagina while having intercourse but it can be done.  Make sure your husband enters slowly and let him know if he’s bumping anything.  The vibrations he will feel are like no other. The other egg can be used to stimulate your clitoris or nipple.  Another way to use them is to use one on your clitoris while you hold the other under his testicles right on his perineum.  If you are into anal stimulation you could use an egg on your or his anus.  I can not comment on inserting this anally.  I’m not real big on anal penetration but if it has worked for someone please let us know in the comment section.


I will give this product 4 pepper hearts.  You can’t beat the price, the vibrations range from mild to very strong and it’s twice as fun as a single egg.  The only reason I couldn’t give it a perfect 5 was because both eggs are at the same setting and because the wires are so long they can tangle pretty easily.  It would be really nice to have each egg running at different speeds.  For the price it is well worth it!!  Here’s a link if you wish to purchase it.



Sex and Intimacy Questions to Consider With Your Future Spouse

Intimacy questions
What does intimacy mean to you?
Read and discuss The Five Love Languages. Determine what love languages you and your future spouse speak.
Do you think it is important to continue dating after you are married? If so, how often?
Do you find it hard to ask for and extend forgiveness to others? To yourself? Do you find it hard to receive God’s forgiveness?
Do you know how to discuss differences of opinion in a respectful manner?
Do you and your future spouse view issues such as sex, finances and family planning in a similar way?
Sexual questions
Read and discuss a book such as Sheet Music by Kevin Lehman or Red Hot Monogamy by Bill and Pam Farrel.
What is your plan for your first night together? Do you want to try to have full intercourse the first night?
Do you know where the hymen is located? Do you wish to have it broken prior to your first night by a gynecologist or to break it together on your first night?
Is lingerie exciting to you?
Are you comfortable with your body? How do you feel about being naked?
What kinds of birth control options do you have and which one would you like to use to begin with?
How often do you think it is reasonable for a married couple to have sex?
What type of lubrication do you wish to use if there isn’t enough produced naturally?
Which sexual practices do you see as sinful?
Which sexual practices are you uncomfortable with performing even though they may not be sinful?
What are your views on giving oral sex? What are your views on receiving oral sex? Swallowing semen?
What are your views on anal sex?
What are your views on the use of sexual toys, such as vibrators?
What are your views on masturbation while you are together?
What are your views on masturbation while you are apart?
What are your views on manually stimulating each others genitals?
Have you participated in any masturbation until this point in your life? How do you feel about it?
What are your views regarding sexual activity during menstruation? Is it to be avoided completely? Should only intercourse be avoided?
Do you have any sexual sin in your past? Have you received God’s forgiveness for it? Have you prayed and broken the soul ties with those partners if intercourse was involved?
Do you have any sexual abuse in your past? Have you processed the pain (through counseling if necessary) and become free from its power over you?
Do you have any fears regarding sex?
Are you aware of the process of how a female becomes aroused and responds sexually? Do you know where the clitoris is? Do you know what it does?
Are you aware of the process of how a male becomes aroused and responds sexually?
Are you aware that there is often a time difference between how long a female needs stimulation and how long a male needs stimulation in order to orgasm?
Why is foreplay important?

Others of you may be able to add to this and I would welcome you to leave your suggestions of further questions to explore in the comment section. Thank you.

Sexual sin: The Samaritan woman

I was talking to a friend today about a situation that arose at her church. I’ve been going through writers block lately, but God showed me a new way that he wants me to write on the blog for a bit. I have decided to take on a few of the stories in the Bible and expound on them in a more modern way.

When I was in high school, I read the book The Scarlet Letter by Nathaniel Hawthorne. Hawthorne’s story is about a woman, named Hester Prynne, who is forced to wear the scarlet letter “A” on her chest for the adultery that she committed while her husband was presumed lost at sea. Hester and her infant daughter, Pearl, are forced to live a life outside of town because of her sin. This made me think of a few stories from the Bible…one that I had used myself when I first met my husband.

The first story I want to touch on is in John 4. This is the story of Jesus’s travels that took him through Samaria. Jews did not like Samaritans, so the oddity, at least to the woman in this story, is that Jesus would even give her the time of day, let alone ask her for a drink. Jesus knew more about this woman and what she truly needed than she even realized. He was trying to get her to see past physical needs of the body to see that what she truly needed was something that she didn’t realize she didn’t have….a Savior.

John 4:10
Jesus answered her, “If you knew the gift of God and who it is that asks you for a drink, you would have asked him and he would have given you living water.”

Still the woman doesn’t get it. She thinks Jesus has some kind of miracle water that will quench her thirst forever…until Jesus asks her to go get her husband and bring him back. She doesn’t have one. In fact, Jesus goes on to tell her that she had 5 husbands and the man she is with now is not her husband. WHOA! How did he know all of that? Because he is God. She goes back to town to tell everyone who will listen about this man at the well. Jesus is invited back to town to stay for a few days where he witnesses to the Samaritans and many believe in Him.

So what does this have to do with being a nympho? Talk about scarlet letters! This woman may have prided herself for having so many different husbands and a lover now. Who knows what happened to all the other husbands before this man that she lived with. If this woman was divorced, rabbi’s usually only permitted 2-3 divorces at most, and here she was living with another partner. This woman may not have had enough room on her clothes for all the “A”‘s that could have been put on her. But Jesus was kind to her. In a world where Pharisees and Saduccees may have stoned her to death for her sin, Jesus spent time trying to save her from her sin. We all know John 3:16 by heart, but can you remember what comes next in verse 17?

“For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him.”

Some of us have come into our marriages with the same kind of sexual sin. Jesus died on the cross for you as well as for this woman. After hearing someone who was a stranger and a Jew tell her everything about her sexual history, she came to believe in Him. All of her sins are forgiven in Christ’s death and resurrection. So are yours, my dear readers, so are yours. No matter what your situation, please don’t let sin enter into your life. My friend was telling me about an aquaintance who’s dh was in prison and now she is living with another man. It is so easy to fall prey to Satan’s game. Leave that sin on the shelf, my dear ones, and follow Christ.
Proverbs 3:5-6

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways, acknowledge HIM, and HE will make your paths straight. (emphasis mine) Keep your eyes and your heart on God and he will lead you through.

Lord, your grace is enough for me. I’ll continue another story in my next post.

Monday’s Mission #18

Your mission for this week is to see if you can find a place to go skinny dipping with your husband! It’s the hottest time of the year, so this is prime time to try and do something like this! If you live near the ocean or at a lake then you are at an advantage already. Also, those of you with swimming pools have no excuses! Feel like a kid again and let it all hang out (literally) while you are in the water together 😛

Position #26: Spoons

This weeks featured sex position is “Spoons”… and I’m not talking about the popular card game that some of us play at family get together’s!  But, I guess if you want to play that game in bed, then go for it!  Instead, let’s focus on the sex position. 

  • You lie on your side.
  • Your husband lies behind you, mimicking your body position.

Now, you are spooning.  When we spoon with our spouse, there is nothing that can get in between us, which makes this position quite intimate.  Your husband may choose to put his bottom arm (the arm on the bed) underneath your neck, so that he can reach around and caress your body.  His top arm is free also, so he can navigate his way over your curves and it’s an opportune time for him to stimulate your clitoris manually.  This position also gives him direct access to your neck, back and ears if you like it when he gets these sometimes neglected areas.  And he can directly whisper sweet nothings into your ear!  And let’s not forget your toosh!  Your husband will have unbridled access to your behind.

So, what can you do?  Both of your arms and hands are free so you will be able to assist your husband.  Perhaps you can put your hands on top of his so you can follow his movements as he travels around your body.  And you can always take matters into your own hands and stimulate your breasts and clitoris.  You will be able to kiss, but you will have to break the position slightly to crane your neck so you can meet his lips.  You can also use your top arm to reach behind you and grab hold to anything that you can, like his penis, his back or the back of his head.

When both of you are ready, remain in this position and have your husband enter you from behind.

I’ll leave you with the song that always runs through my head when I think of this position.

By the light, of the silvery moon,
I want to spoon,
To my honey I’ll croon love’s tune.
Honey moon, keep a-shinin’ in June.
Your silv’ry beams will bring love’s dreams,
We’ll be cuddlin’ soon,
By the silvery moon.


  • Click here
  • July 2008
    S M T W T F S
  • Archives