Position #34: The Corner Pocket

The “Corner Pocket” position is supposed to be done in a swimming pool… and just in time for the end of summer! Since the water makes you so buoyant, many positions can be done with ease, but the “Corner Pocket” makes use of the weightlessness of the water and the stability of the sides of the pool. Sorry girls, if you thought this was going to be a position for you to perform on a billiards table.  Maybe I’ll look into that for next time.
1.  Get in the pool… clothing optional. 
2.  After teasing each other enough while swimming around, find a secluded corner of the pool.
3.  Once there, the wife positions herself with her back in the corner.
4.  The husband will then swim up between her legs to enter while the wife holds on to the sides of the pool.  Make sure you find an easy way to secure yourself.  You may want to try extending your arms along the outside of the pool or by simply bringing your hands up next to your shoulders to grip the edges.    

5.  The wife may then want to wrap her legs around her husbands waste as he holds onto her waste, cups her bottom or holds onto the side of the pool.

6.  Enjoy each other and the free feeling of being in the water.  Your back may drift away slightly from the side of the pool.  Just let the water and the moment take you.

 Things to consider: 

  •  If you don’t have a pool at your disposal maybe you can adapt this position for a natural body of water or even a hot tub. If your pool is circular, then just pick a spot!
  •  Ample lubrication is a must for good sex, but the presence of water may wash away natural lube. If this might be a problem for you, then make sure you have some silicone lubrication on hand.
  •  Privacy. Make sure you do this when no one else is around.

 Have fun getting wet and wild!!!

 

 

 
 
 

 

Q&A: Negotiating Differing Drives

One of our readers wrote in requesting that we consider the following for an article:

“Success stories for negotiating with each other about sex so that any disparities between HD and somewhat lower desire can be successfully smoothed over.”

For clarity, first of all, I want to clarify that the lower drive spouse in this article pertains to a husband or wife who simply has a lower drive than their spouse, not one who is a refuser/controller. They are two very different things and for the purpose of this thread we are only dealing with high drive/low drive couples who are committed to passion, but trying to work out frequency. Please read our article on Living With a Refuser if you need information about that.

I have found in my reading that for as many couples who share a similar drive there are just as many who need to approach their sex life with a greater need to compromise on frequency. It is ideal in this situation that both the husband and wife have an attitude of generosity and consideration.

A husband or wife with a higher drive than their spouse will need to learn through conversation and observation what they need to do in order to speak love to their spouse. They need to be sure that they are clear on what their wife or husband’s love language is so that they can do their part to keep their “love tank” full. In short, it is likely that a husband or wife will respond to sexual initiation when you have already communicated that you love them throughout the day.

In addition to this, it is important to mutually commit to being intentional in initiating and responding. The low drive spouse needs to make an effort to “think sex” throughout the day and commit themselves to making an effort to get sex going every now and then, especially if the high drive spouse is feeling frustrated at being the one who does most of the initiating. The high drive spouse needs to remember that it is OK for their spouse to be wired differently and to allow them to have freedom in that, but it is not a license for them to be apathetic about their sex life.

A lot of couples with differing drives have found great success with varying degrees of a schedule. Some couples will schedule specific days that they will plan to have sex for certain and then other days when it is optional. Other couples prefer a schedule that is more relaxed and they agree that they will have sex any two weeknights, plus once on the weekend, for example. The greatest complaint with this is that “there is no spontaneity.” I think that is an unfair judgment towards this approach. I mean, certainly if it doesn’t work for you that’s fine, but I can tell you for certain that knowing ahead of time that you will have sex on a specific night can be very exciting as you anticipate the day coming. I am specifically thinking about how nice it is to anticipate an night away and plan a steamy encounter while you are away. The same can be said for anticipating sex on a certain night. It doesn’t need to be boring. Plan for it to be exciting if a schedule will allow you to compromise on frequency in a way that satisfies both of you.

For the spouse that has a physical need for more release after a compromise has been met, the couple might consider incorporating masturbation for the high drive spouse. As long as it doesn’t replace intimacy with ones spouse or used while lusting, this is a viable option for many people.

If anyone else has ideas on how couples with differing drives have found compromise, feel free to share them below.

101 Days of Sex

I happened to come across an interesting link this past week.  It seems that a man and his wife decided to have sex every day for 101 days.  It was like a personal challenge, to see if they could do it.  The wife was quoted as saying  “Our marriage really needs to do this.” The couple wrote a book about it and has also appeared on several television interviews talking about their project.  Here is one such interview:

Their story intrigued me, so I read several articles about them.  I also looked up their book, and watched a couple of interviews with them.  For the most part, they are sending out a positive message to couples.  They are trying to encourage other couples to touch more and communicate more effectively.  I get that.  I understand that they feel more connected now, and want to share that with others.  I just can’t help wishing they were Christians.

I am assuming here that they are not.  As a part of their pledge to have sex for over three months straight, they went to a porn convention together and rented X-rated movies together.  When I read this part of their story, I cringed.  I was really enjoying reading about them until I got to that part.  How sad.  In order to help them in their quest to have sex daily, they felt like they needed to resort to pornography?

I’m not naive here.  I do know that it would take a tremendous amount of dedication and creativity to be able to make love to your spouse every single day for 100 days.  We are all under time restraints and have so many other outside obligations tugging us in so many different directions.  We have children and jobs and family and extracurricular activities.  Sometimes there just aren’t enough hours in the day to fit everything in, including sex.  Taking a challenge like this would require dedication, heart, and an understanding that your normal schedule may change a little, but it wouldn’t require porn.

I would have loved to read about how this couple was able to draw closer to each other and to God, but that wasn’t the case here.  It seems like they were just grasping on to any and every thing they could think of to help arouse them.  In the end they said that it did bring them closer and improve their communication and that they do touch more now and feel a stronger bond, but I’m still bummed out.

This has caused me to stop and try to think of how long I think I could commit to something like this.  I think I could do a month, but beyond that I’m not sure.  I just sit here thinking about football practices, and swim lessons, and working, and the cooking/cleaning at home, and my husband’s work hours.  It’s fatiguing just thinking about trying to make sure that I fit sex in there every single day!  But we put priorities on other things in our lives, so why do we put our marriage at the bottom of our priority list so often?

These are just my thoughts as I read and watched this couple’s story.  They wrote a book about this whole project of theirs as well, but I’m not interested in reading it.  I would, however, like to hear from some of you.  Do you think you could take a challenge like this?  What would be your biggest hurdle?  Would it be easier for you or for your husband?

Faith Revealed: The woman with a hemorrhage

This story has been on my mind lately. I guess as a woman who goes through the discomfort of a monthly cycle, I certainly could not relate to what the woman in Luke 8:42-48. This poor woman had been having her monthly cycle for 12 years straight….you heard me, 12 years with no stoppage of bleeding. I don’t even know how that is possible…how this woman could even be alive losing so much blood is beyond me. The bible doesn’t tell us if it was just a light flow or a heavy flow or what, just that she had “been subject to bleeding for twelve years, but no one could heal her.” (Luke 8:43) She spent all of her money that she had on doctors who could not heal her. As the story continues, Jesus was on his way to Jairus’ house to heal his daughter. This woman knew that Jesus was in town and she made her way through the crowd to get to Jesus. This took a huge amount of courage and bravery. This is a woman who was required by Jewish law to yell “UNCLEAN” wherever she went so people could avoid becoming unclean by her. Can you imagine the humiliation of this? This poor woman, I can really feel for her! People probably treated her like she had some deadly disease when she was in public. I cannot imagine the isolation she felt with something she had no control over. But Jesus was here. He could heal her. She had faith that he could. So here she was, among the crowd of people who were pushing and shoving to see a miracle that Jesus was going to do for Jairus. After all, Jairus was a very important man, a leader in the synagogue, so could Jesus really heal his daughter? This brave woman reached her hand through the crowd and touched the edge of Jesus’ cloak and she was immediately healed! But Jesus stopped. He had been touched. He said to his disciples, “Who touched me?” No one would admit it, so Peter said it was just the crowd pressing against him. Jesus said again, “Someone touched me; I know that power has gone out from me.” The woman had to confess. If others who knew her to be unclean saw her in the crowd (where she shouldn’t be), she would be in trouble. So she falls to Jesus’ feet and told him she had done it and why. Uh, oh. She just made our Lord and Savior unclean by touching him! The Law in Leviticus is clear “When a woman has her regular flow of blood, the impurity of her monthly period will last seven days, and anyone who touches her will be unclean till evening.” (Leviticus 15:19) And Leviticus 15: 27 also says, “Whoever touches them will be unclean; he must wash his clothes and bathe with water, and he will be unclean till evening.” But he needs to save Jairus’ daughter! He needed to bathe and wash his clothes? Jairus’ daughter might die by then!! Did Jesus get angry? NO!! He had compassion for this woman. She told him why she had touched him and that she had been instantly healed. He said to her, “Daughter, your faith has healed you. Go in peace.” (Luke 8:48 ) Daughter….he called her daughter.  She belonged to God’s forever family because of her faith!  Her faith in Him caused her to go out amongst the crowds of people who would condemn her to get healed from the Great Healer and the Savior of the world. So beloved, do you have something that is holding you back from your Savior? Take heart, no matter how badly you feel you have messed up, your Abba Father is always waiting to take you back with open arms. Have faith and courage that whatever you may be going through, there is nothing that the blood of Jesus Christ cannot heal.

Monday’s Mission #25

Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to make a special CD just for the two of you to enjoy.  Go to Itunes or your favorite place to download music, pick out a few songs that are special to the both of you and mix your own custom CD.  Or you can use the music that you already have around the house to make a new medley.  Songs that you might want to include are songs played at your wedding, songs from a favorite movie soundtrack or favorites that each of you have.  And don’t forget those songs that just help get you in “the mood”.  Play this CD during your next romantic evening at home or pop it into the CD player before making love.

Position #33: The Italian Chandelier

 

My husband and I love to try different positions.  We take a standard position, tweak it a bit, and then it happens……a brand new, never done before position is born.  Then I will poke around online and see that this new invention of ours is not so new to the rest of the world.  In fact I even found out how many calories were burned during this particular position but I do not think it’s too accurate.  I didn’t even break a sweat but it is now our most favorite position.  It’s officially called “The Italian Chandelier”.  I love the name so I think we will be referring to it as that too.  😉

 

Have your husband lay flat on his back,  his knees bent with the balls of his feet flat on the bed.  You will straddle him facing his feet so that you are in a reverse cowgirl position but instead of sitting straight up you are now going to lie back on top of your husband.  Now get into a crab-like position where your legs are outside his and your arms are on either side of him supporting your back up off his chest.  So now, as well as it being reverse cowgirl-like it’s also a rear entry position. Here are the wooden figures, provided by sexualpositionsfree, showing the finished position.

 

He should be able to thrust and get leverage from his legs and you should be able to meet his thrusts with your own while getting leverage from your arms, as well as your legs.  While he is thrusting he can caress your breast.  If you can support your weight with one arm, you can stimulate your clitoris with a toy or your fingers with the other, non supporting arm.  Both the G-spot and clitoris can be stimulated in this position resulting in a fabulous orgasm. 

Now I’m off to ‘invent’ some new positions with the love of my life. 8)

Q&A: Romance Novels

One of our readers wrote us asking if it was OK to read romantic novels. There are several variables to consider in this discussion.

One is that it is my opinion that reading detailed descriptions of the sexual encounters of others is inappropriate so if we are talking about the sort of romance novels where the author is painting very vivid images of how the couple is having sex (essentially erotica), then I believe it is unhealthy to choose that as reading material. We work hard here at Christian Nymphos to provide honest and straightforward information about sex without attempting to titillate our readers so it isn’t that I see a book about romance or even sex as inappropriate, but how does the author go about writing the story? Is it overt and exceedingly descriptive or subtle and just enough to tell the story?

One example of healthy romantic literature is the work of Francine Rivers. Some of her books contain sexual encounters, but they are only giving the reader enough information to know what is important to the story. She doesn’t even confine her work to godly, Christian sex because some of her characters endure great sexual hardships, but in any description of a sexual encounter she isn’t tantalizing the reader with blatant illustrations of how the characters were actually having sex. I am something of a fan of her work so I have no trouble recommending her books. Her characters struggle with real issues in their relationships and though they are not perfect, she shows how the power of God can breathe life on the relationships we have that feel like they have no life on them anymore.

Then there are other romantic novels which are not based in reality at all. The characters experience trite conflicts and find themselves overcoming them with little effort on their part. Their man comes in and all their problems are resolved quickly and easily. Their love lives are filled mostly with roses and champagne, and really show a very unrealistic and unhealthy way to approach relationships.

So, having said this, the other variable to consider is that some women read either what I would deem as perfectly healthy romantic novels or these fantasy-based romantic novels and it causes them to become discontent in their own relationship. “Why isn’t my man that romantic?” “I wish I had a relationship like she does…” If the fruit of reading romantic novels is discontentment, then I would caution you to select your reading material more carefully. If on the other hand you can read these books and not find yourself drawn into unhealthy expectations or discontentment, then there is probably nothing wrong with it.

It is kind of like watching a typical “chick flick” to me. The storylines are usually the same. Boy meets girl. Boy deceives girl. Girl and boy get emotionally and sexually involved. Girl finds out about deception. Girl gets angry at boy. Boy delivers heartfelt appology. Girl forgives boy. They live happily ever after. I love it when a chick flick departs from this plot and does something unique, but I still watch these typical chick flicks sometimes. I can watch them without allowing myself to long for being swept away like that.

A final point to consider is that most of the time you are reading stories where the characters are engaging in sex outside of God’s design, most commonly premarital and extramarital sex. Just be cautious about this. Perhaps a good guide would be to consider whether you would watch it if it was in a movie. I do watch movies that have sexual content, but avoid movies where it is the predominant theme. You might consider applying the same principle to romance literature.

So in deciding if romance novels are healthy or not for you, consider how well you do at separating yourself from a fanciful story and how much detailed and overt sexual content is in the story.

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