Spanking, For Pleasure?

We have heard from several of you, asking about spanking. “Is it okay that I like this?” “Is it wrong for Christians to do?” “How do you feel about spanking?” Well, that kind of depends. If spanking is being used as a form of discipline or punishment, (as sometimes seen in the “Domestic Discipline” lifestyle) then I do not agree with it. That is a separate article in itself and will be addressed at a later time. If the spanking has become a fetish, then again I start to have red flags going up in my head. We will also have an article devoted to fetishes at a later date. But for the sake of this article, let’s just talk about the occasional, consensual swat to the backside during foreplay or sex between a husband and a wife.

Many couples have discovered that the occasional “spank” can be a turn on, and why not? There are many things that we do during foreplay, such as kissing, caressing, rubbing, nibbling, licking, stroking, massaging, etc. All of those things feel good to us, and arouse us. Some women are also very aroused to feel a half-hearted smack to the rear, or a smack and massage to the buttocks. It can add to the excitement and get the adrenaline pumping!

There are sexual positions that allow for it as well. Woman on top is a good one, where the husband’s hands can easily wrap around to the wife’s bum. Reverse cowgirl may be another one. And, of course, there is rear entry, where the wife’s hinny is right there for the taking! Don’t forget that we women can dish it out too! Missionary or CAT position are both nice positions where our hands can wrap around and reach our husband’s posterior.

Giving a “love tap” from time to time does need to be mutually agreed upon by both spouses. It is not a positive experience when a husband does this to a wife that isn’t expecting it, or vice versa. So make sure that you are communicating your desires and expectations to each other. If one of you is uncomfortable with this, then don’t pursue it.  There are several reasons why a person may not like this kind of play.

I’ll end this article with one word of caution. Make sure that you both are able to fully enjoy sex without feeling a need to spank. If you have to use the spanking in order to become aroused or enjoy sex, then you are crossing over to the fetish arena, and that isn’t healthy. So as long as you both feel the freedom to experience this or not experience this, when you make love, then have fun!

Taking things into your own hands: Tamar

My son saw me doing a search on my computer for Tamar and asked me this question, “Why are you looking up about Tamar?” This is what I told him as I read to him from Genesis 38. Many people love reading the good stories, but the Bible also has a lot of wisdom in all of the stories. Sometimes the “bad” stories where people use lies and deceit are placed there as learning tools for those of us in the future. Take for example, Tamar.

Now the story starts out innocently enough. Judah, the brother of Joseph, left his brothers and moved off. He married a Canaanite woman, the daughter of Shua. She bore him 3 sons. The first born was Er, the second born was Onan, and the last son was Shelah. Now Er married a woman named Tamar. The Bible tells us in Genesis 38: 7, that Er was wicked in the sight of the Lord, so He put him to death. Tamar had no children and biblical law said that the brother of the deceaced needed to produce an offspring with his brother’s widow to carry on his brother’s name. Onan KNEW that these offspring would not be his, so when he lay with Tamar, he spilled his semen on the ground, so that she wouldn’t get pregnant! (Oh, yes, that was THIS Onan!) Well, Onan didn’t please God with this, so God struck him down, too.

Now, that left Judah in a predicament. He had one more son. Would God strike down this son, too, if he gave him to Tamar? So, Judah told Tamar to wait until Shelah was older and he would give Shelah to her to fulfill his brother’s duty. So Tamar goes back to her father’s tent to wait for that day.

The bible says that after a *considerable time”, Judah’s wife passes away, and after his time of mourning, he goes to Timnah to shear his sheep. WHen Tamar finds out that her father-in-law is headed to Timnah, she decides to take matters into her own hands. How much time was this *coinsiderable time*, I don’t know. Considerable makes it sound like she waited more than long enough for Shelah to grow up. So, does she go and confront her father in law? Nope, she decides to deceive him.

Tamar takes off her widow’s garments and dresses for a confrontation with her father in law…but veiled. She sits outside the gate at Enaim, which was on the road to Timnah. There she waited for Judah to pass by. Obviously she felt taken advantage of. Shelah was grown by now, and he wasn’t brought to her to make him her husband. Now, Judah saw her on his travel, he thought she was a prostitute. He wants to use her services, but she asks what he’ll give her for it. He offers a young goat from his flock. She wants collateral for it until the goat arrives, so she takes his seal, his cord and his staff as collateral until her returns with the goat. He agrees and consummates with her and she conceives. After he leaves, she puts back on her widow’s clothing and goes home.

Judah sends a servant back with the goat, but can’t find the prostitute, so he asks the locals about her. They tell him there is no prostitute that sits at the gate. He goes back to report this to Judah, who realizes he would be made a fool if he pursued his things back.

Three months later, Judah finds out that his daughter in law is pregnant. He wants her to be brought out to be punished for her sinful behavior. She sends a message to him…”I am with child by the man to whom these things belong.” (Gen. 38: 25) Judah recognizes his things. He realizes that he had not given his son, Shelah to be her husband. Tamar gives birth to twin boys, Perez and Zerah.

I asked my son, do you understand why I chose Tamar for this lesson? He nodded as I told him there was a lot to learn from Tamar, so that we don’t repeat it ourself. Who knows what would have happened to Tamar if she had waited on the Lord. Would He have still provided her offspring? Sure, he would. It was in his plan that the lineage of Jesus come through her and Judah. Like Sarai, she decided it just wasn’t happening fast enough. So, when Judah was at his lowest, mourning a dead wife and probably really in need of a release, there was Tamar to get her offspring. Could she have done this another way? Sure, there was always another way, but as we learned from the past, we don’t always wait on the Lord. I recently saw a sign on a church marquis that said, “Sin is man’s Declaration of Independence.” While this has been up on the marquis for this church for a long time, it holds some truth to it. We have been given our own free will, and we sure do like to use it for our own purpose, and it leads us to sin. Tamar and Judah were both guilty of sin here. They both made bad choices.

BUT our hope is in the Lord. He forgives all our bad choices. As one of my favorite songs goes “Strength will rise as we wait upon the Lord.” (Everlasting God) It is hard to wait on the Lord, but God’s ways are the best ways. Do not let sin tempt you into getting what you believe is rightfully yours. God will provide all your needs according to his riches and glory. (Philippians 4:19)

Monday’s Mission #24

Your mission this week, if you chose to accept it, is to make sure your man knows and feels like he is your top priority.  Even though you may have vacuuming that needs to be done, dishes that need to be put away and buttons waiting to be sewn back on a shirt, put them all aside and enjoy your man.   Make him realize how special and important he is to you!!!

Position #32: X Marks the Spot

In this position the two of you will form an x shape. You may have done something similar with your husband on top, but in this one the wife is on top.

To get into position, have your husband lie down on his back and get on him as you normally would for woman on top. Then straighten out your legs so they are parallel to his. At this point rotate your body to the right or left of him and set yourself up so that you are in form to do a push up. You may prefer to keep one of your legs in between your husbands or to put both your legs on the outside of his. The latter will cause the two of you to make an X shape.

This position allows your husband to fondle your breasts, rear and other body parts easily. With you doing most of the work, he can lie back and just enjoy you.

Dealing with the Mess


I am a Christian wife who loves sex. I am willing to be adventurous and am happy to have sex many places and many ways… My husband (20 yrs) has always been rather “uptight” about sex – he didn’t like it when I was pregnant or nursing or menstruating, and the “mess” has always been a problem for him. He is however dissatisfied with our sex life and wishes we would have more sex. I can’t figure out what/how to work through this with him – he doesn’t seem inclined to talk about it… Can you offer suggestions?



It sounds like your husband has some aversions to bodily fluids.  While reading this I was wondering if he was having issues with only your fluids or if it carried over to his own as well?  Does he not like to please you orally because of the mess?  The vagina is very clean.  Much cleaner then the human mouth.   Natural lubrication is needed in order to have intercourse and as long as you do not have an infection it should not be an unpleasant smell.  As for having sex while menstruating, I can go over some options.


The easiest, quickest way to cut back on the “mess” would be for him to wear a condom.  The condom would contain his ejaculate.  If a condom is out of the question then you could always put a stack of towels under you to avoid creating a wet spot. I have heard wonderful things about the liberator throw.  It is comfortable and cleans easily.  Try having some baby wipes nearby.  After the two of you have sex you could clean him up and make it a positive sexual experience instead of a “get this gunk off me” scenario.  If you want to engage in intercourse while menstruating you may want to look at the article spicy Nutmeg wrote on “Instead Softcups” and/or the one Cinnamonsticks wrote on “The Diva Cup”.  Both are menstrual cups. They stop the blood from flowing down.  The diva cup can be used while he manually stimulates your clitoris without the worry of blood. A woman who is nursing can look into purchasing some nursing pads like these.  They can slip into her bra and the absorb milk from the breast.


Those are just a few suggestions.  I have not had to deal with this issue personally so hopefully some of our helpful readers can chime in and share what worked for them.  I really hope that your husband comes to a place where he can talk to you about this issue.  You are certainly a blessing to him for seeking a solution with limited communication.  I’ll be praying for you.



The Humor In Sex

When is the last time you laughed during sex? For me, it was two days ago. My husband followed me into my walk-in closet and closed the door behind us. I laughed as he told me that we had not ever done the deed in my closet before. I then giggled some more as we went about trying to find positions that would accommodate us in my cramped closet! 😆

I personally think that a healthy sex life should have some degree of humor in it. I’m not saying that you should laugh every time you do it. I do realize that there are times for serious emotional lovemaking. However, there is something to be said about the couple that is able to occasionally let loose, and not take themselves so seriously all the time.

I treasure those times when my husband is playful with me. And he loves it when I’m in an adventurous mood! Trying new positions is one thing that will usually get us laughing. Sometimes the positions just don’t quite work out the way we think they should, and we end up rolling with laughter!

Other things that have gotten us to laugh have been costumes and role-playing stuff. I remember once, when my husband even wrote me a short script. Every time I got to this one particular line, I started laughing so hard, and couldn’t stop. It took several “takes” for me to say it halfway right. We have it on video, and now when we watch it, we giggle and remember how much fun that was.

I could go on and on and on here, listing tons of examples of when we have laughed in our bedroom. Those are special times between us that we’ll never experience with anyone else. That is the beauty of marriage. But I would love to hear from any of you out there. What role does humor play in your marriage bed? How often do you laugh with your spouse behind closed doors?

A Tale of Two Wives: Leah and Rachel

Genesis 2:8 gives us the groundwork for what God intended Man to be like. He placed the man he created in the garden to care for it. The animals were there and Adam named them all, but no suitable helper was found for him. So God placed the man into a deep sleep, took a rib from his body, closed the area up with flesh and used the rib to create woman. He brought the woman to Adam. Genesis 2:24 is infamous in weddings… “ For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.” Remember this verse as we go through today’s bible story.

Today’s story starts with a deception. In Genesis 27 , Jacob deceived his father and received his older brother’s blessing. Esau held a grudge, so Jacob fleed his home for his mother’s family in Haran. When he got there, he saw some shepherds watering their flock. He inquired if they knew his uncle, Laban, and they did and directed him that Laban’s daughter, Rachel was approaching to water her father’s flock. He helped to water his uncle’s flock and told Rachel that he was a relative, so she ran to tell her father. Laban was thrilled to see Jacob and let him stay there in his home.

Here’s where it gets interesting (Genesis 29:14) ….Jacob started working for his uncle. Uncle Laban wanted to pay him for his work and asked what he wanted for wages. Well, Laban had two daughters, Leah and Rachel. Leah was said have “weak eyes” and Rachel was beautiful. Now whether or not Leah had poor vision or maybe her eyes didn’t sparkle as much as her sister’s, Jacob’s choice was the younger sister, Rachel, to be his wife. Jacob agreed to work for his uncle for 7 years in order to get the hand in marriage of Rachel. Laban agreed, and Jacob worked there for Laban for 7 years. Jacob was really smitten with Rachel, so it was like days to him before those 7 years were up.

But Uncle Laban had a problem. How could he possibly marry off his younger daughter when the older daughter was still not married? So after preparing a marriage feast for everyone, he sent Leah into Jacob’s tent. When Jacob awoke the next day, there in his tent was Leah!

When morning came, there was Leah! So Jacob said to Laban, “What is this you have done to me? I served you for Rachel, didn’t I? Why have you deceived me?” Laban replied, “It is not our custom here to give the younger daughter in marriage before the older one. Finish this daughter’s bridal week; then we will give you the younger one also, in return for another seven years of work.” (Gen. 29:25-17)

I can imagine there was one very unhappy Jacob to have been deceived by his family. But he agreed to work for his uncle seven more years for Rachel. But unfortunately for Leah, Jacob loved Rachel more than him.

Let’s stop for a moment here and look at this scene. Here are two sisters. The Bible doesn’t really tell us what kind of relationship they had prior to this. I know that I have a IRL sister, and we are the best of friends, but what would it take though to change that relationship….maybe to have her given to the man I love? Maybe to be married to the same man? I mean, you’ve gotta admit, women are wired for relationships. I crave the attention that my husband gives me. I am his helpmate, but I do have needs, relational needs (not just sex, but yeah that kind of relational need as well) that only he can fulfill. So here are two sisters. One is loved and adored by her husband and the other one, well, she isn’t her sister.

We are told in Genesis 29:31-35 that the Lord had pity on Leah because she was unloved and opened her womb 4 times. Listen to the names of her sons and what she said after they were born…

1. Reuben: It is because the LORD has seen my misery. Surely my husband will love me now.
2. Simeon: Because the LORD heard that I am not loved, he gave me this one too.
3. Levi: Now at last my husband will become attached to me, because I have borne him three sons
4. Judah: This time I will praise the LORD

Can you feel her pain after her first 3 sons were born? She was so craving the love that her husband wasn’t giving her…thinking that bearing him sons would make him love her. How sad!! I think after #4, she decided it was time enough and she needed to praise the Lord for the children she had been given. At that point, the Lord became her husband. He was giving her the love that she needed.

What about Rachel during all this time? She was barren. Yup, the one Jacob loved with all his heart and soul, could bear him no children. How ironic. At first she blames her husband for not giving her children. It isn’t his fault. They are having sex! Jacob warns her not to compare him to God. It is God that will give her the children. So history is about to repeat itself. Do you remember Sarah? How she decided that God’s time wasn’t good enough and she gave her servant to her husband. Well, Rachel did the same! She gave her servant Bilhah to her husband and Bilhah gave him two sons. Look at what Rachel said after the birth of her maid servants two sons.

Dan: God has vindicated me; he has listened to my plea and given me a son.
Naphtali: I have had a great struggle with my sister, and I have won

Right there….the last one. The exact reason why God intended one man and one woman to be married. It’s in plain black and white. The race is on to see who can create the most children to make Jacob happy.

So do you think Leah took this well? Nope. She gave her servant, Zilpah, to Jacob. Zilpah bore 2 sons.

Gad: What good fortune!
Asher: How happy I am! The women will call me happy.

It didn’t stop there either. Reuben brought his mom some mandrakes from the field. Rachel wanted some and Leah accused her of taking her husband and now she wanted to take the mandrakes, too? Rachel sold her right to bed Jacob that night to her sister in exchange for some mandrakes…..Issachar was born from that union. Leah also bore another son, Zebulun. She also bore a daughter, Dinah. Are you keeping score?? Leah 9 Rachel 2. God did finally give Rachel her own son, Joseph. Genesis 35 tells us that Rachel bore one more son with great difficulty and she died after Benjamin was born.

What’s the moral of this story? I don’t think that it matters that the two wives in this story were sisters, honestly. Think about how women are wired. We want the sole, undivided attention of our husbands. I don’t want to share my husband with another woman and I definitely don’t want to share my marriage bed either. Marriage is meant to provide the following… partnership, spiritual intimacy, and the ability to pursue God together. (Carol Heffernan: “God’s Design for Marriage” FOTF) Remember that Genesis 2:20 tells us that no suitable helper was found for Adam. So God created woman out of man, and He created the first marriage…one man to one woman. Genesis 2:24, once again identifies a complete marriage as one man and one woman, heterosexual, monogamous, and a complete union of those two people. Jacob learned the hard way with two women fighting over his love and attentions. It just wasn’t God’s design for marriage. One more thing that you may or may not realize…do you remember the genealogy for Jesus in the last lesson? Judah, the son of Leah, was in the Messianic line. Not Rachel’s sons. So in the end, God honored the marriage of Jacob and Leah in the line to our Savior.

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