Sex in Difficult Times

It is not entirely a coincidence that an article dealing with grief/stress is being published on September 11th.  The terrorist attacks that occurred on this day, back in 2001, occurred close to my home state.  Time stood still for me as I watched the tragedies unfold with complete horror.  Even though I didn’t personally know any of the people on the planes or in the towers I still felt for each and every one of them, as well as for their families.  So many questions ran through my mind. One being, what kind of a world am I bringing a child into?  Oh, I should add that I was 8 months pregnant at the time.   Another question was ‘Why?’  Why was this done to these innocent people?

 

Two things managed to keep the numbness at bay.  One thing that helped was to pray.  I would remind myself of the following verse countless times over the next few days:

 

Pslam121:7-8(New KJV)

7The LORD shall preserve thee from all evil: he shall preserve thy soul.

 8The LORD shall preserve thy going out and thy coming in from this time forth, and even for evermore.

The other way I kept numbness away was by staying connected to my husband.  By that I mean staying connected physically as well as emotionally.  I think some people choose to go into a shell when faced with a stressful situation and shut themselves off from the world.  Not me.  My mind would not stop.  My dear husband had to endure endless questions from me as I tried to make sense of it all.  Why did this happen?  How is this going to affect the future of our kids (the one inside me as well as the ones we already had)?  He reminded me of the Psalm I posted above.   My husband was also there for me physically.  It was as if I wanted to remind myself that I had a life to live and nothing would stop me from connecting with my other half.  The one place on this earth that I felt comfort was in my husband’s arms.  When we made love it allowed me to leave this world even if it were only for minutes rather then hours or days.  It was our way to celebrate life rather then wallow in something we had no control over.  My life perspective had also taken a turn as well.  All those little meaningless things that would weigh me down suddenly lost either lost their importance or dropped down a few notches in my priority scale.  I am blessed beyond my wildest dreams.  I knew I was blessed before this catastrophe happened but it certainly has been a reminder. 

 

Everyone has their own unique story with how they handled 9/11.  Was the way I dealt with it ideal?  Probably not for some but it worked for me.  I think we are fortunate that my husband and I choose to rely on each other intimately during trying times.  God doesn’t want us to walk around in fear.  We need to have faith in Him.  We need to celebrate Him.

 

What kind of a world did I bring my children into?  This is a fallen world, which is why things like that tragic day happen.  Was it done to teach us a lesson?  No, but that doesn’t mean that we should not learn from it.  The victims of 9/11 probably thought their future was full of tomorrows.  Try to not put things off until tomorrow especially if it means showing love and appreciation.  It really does no one any good to get lost in the negative thoughts or feelings of yesterday when we have the opportunity of happiness today and don’t worry about tomorrow because there are no guarantees that tomorrow will ever come. This does not mean that we need to forget what happened.  The people who lost their lives that day should be remembered and honored.  We need to forgive and move on just as we are forgiven.

 

Colossians 3:12-13 (New KJV)

 

12 Therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, put on tender mercies, kindness, humility, meekness, longsuffering; 13 bearing with one another, and forgiving one another, if anyone has a complaint against another; even as Christ forgave you, so you also must do.

 

  Appreciate the great gifts God has given you.  Embrace life and let those around you know how blessed you are to have them to share your life with.  If you are not able to make love while in a stressful situation, that is OK.  I think the important thing to remember is to not shut your spouse or the one’s who love you out and to trust in the Lord.  Just when I think that I am broken beyond repair, He is right there picking up the pieces and putting me back together again.   

 

Comments are welcome.  Feel free to share either how 9/11 impacted your life, how you deal with stressful situations, or any general thought that is related to this topic.

2 Comments

  1. Making love is a stress reducer for me. When bad things happen it helps to feel my husband’s body on mine. Feeling and hearing his heartbeat next to mine is a soothing thing for me and it helps to calm me. I remember being shocked and almost in a state of disbelief on 9/11/01 and for several days thereafter. I wanted closeness and intimacy with my husband during that time. I thought of all the men and women who had lost their spouse on that day and it just absolutely broke my heart. Such a tragic day…

  2. I also was pregnant during 9/11 and we had just and I mean JUST started a business. DH was at the newspaper putting together an ad when it came on the T.V. He called to tell me. I had no idea what was going on and was in shock. I too, drilled my DH with question, becuase I simply did not understand.

    I can’t recall using sex as a stress releaser in that incident but I do recall very vividly when our son was born at 28 weeks. We were over an hour away from each other and not used to being away from each other. IT was about 2 weeks into our stay and we ML on one of his visits. IT was on an awful bed at the Ronald Mcdonald house but it was the best we had ever had. OUr emotions had never been so raw and the sex was sweet. For the first time ever we consistently O’d at the same time. THat last til shortly after we brought our son home. IT has never been like that again, but I undetstood how important it was to our marriage. It wasn’t becuase we wanted sex….we just needed each other so much.


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