Q&A: Costumes and Role-Playing

“I have a timely suggestion for a topic that I would like to see the spice girls discuss. I don’t believe this has been discussed already (at least not extensively) if it has I apologize. How is a Christian couple to think about sexy Halloween costumes and their use in the bedroom? I’m not wondering about the Halloween aspect of it, I am more interested in the costume, dress up, and fantasy aspect. (sexy cheerleader, police woman, etc.) Thanks.”

Using costumes and role-playing can be a controversial topic. You may get a different answer from each person you ask. We have mentioned costumes a couple of times on our blog. Cinnamonsticks mentioned using costumes in her article: Stripping For Your Husband, and Sugar & Spice has talked about wearing sexy things in her article: Vision of Love. I feel like the husband and wife are basically free to wear whatever they wish behind closed doors, as long as they are both comfortable with it. If one spouse feels humiliated or degraded or uncomfortable in a certain outfit, then it should go. Otherwise, have fun! Sexy costumes or lingerie can help to boost a woman (or man’s) self esteem and confidence!

Role-playing can be fun as well! In my article The Humor In Sex, I mentioned how my husband and I laughed so hard once, when I was trying to say the lines we wrote for our script. We still have that on video and love to watch it every so often. The possibilities of role-playing are endless! The only thing that I would caution you about is fantasizing about sinful situations or acts. An example of something sinful would be you and your spouse fantasizing about having a threesome with another person. That just wouldn’t be healthy for your marriage at all.

But go ahead and buy some novelty handcuffs and play police together! Husbands, get some medieval costumes and play castle. Wives, purchase that cheerleader costume and then invite your hubby to play with your pom poms 😉  Have fun with each other and celebrate this wonderful gift that God has given us as married couples!


  1. My husband and I love to ‘play’ doctor. You don’t need to drop big bucks on a fancy costume either. Just eat some popsicles earlier in the day and there you have some home made tongue depressors.

  2. Quick clarification requested: Any role playing in which you are not married or each other would be under the heading “sinful”, right? I can be myself who happens to be a cheerleader, but should not be a high school cheerleader who is babysitting some hot divorce’s kids. Thanks, ladies for the great encouragement!

  3. madeforhim,
    Yes, role-playing such as what you described would be sinful (the high school cheerleader babysitting someone’s kids). Another example that comes to my mind is the whole “pick up at a bar” scenario. My husband and I don’t frequent bars, but I have told him that I do have a fantasy of him and I role-playing where he “picks me up” somewhere (it could be a restaurant). I would love for him to flirt with me and buy me a drink or dinner, and then we get busy in the car afterward or something! But we would have our wedding rings on and would not be pretending that we are single. Just a playful game between husband and wife 🙂

  4. Thank you for the clarification, Cumingirl. That babysitter may not have been the best example, but I had just finished reading about someone who was assaulted by the father of some kids she was sitting for, and I guess it was on my mind.

    I love your idea, too , of being “picked up”. I think part of the allure of role playing is feeling desired – at least for me it is. In that scenario, I would feel special and desired. May have to try that soon! (Actually, when we were dating, DH used to come up to me in public places and pretend to “pick me up”. Not for intercourse, just flirting. I loved it. Too bad that spontenaiety usually decreases with young children around.)

  5. I’m confused. If someone “picks you up”, surely that’s intrinsically singles behaviour. And for me, that’s sinful.

  6. If this is a line you feel inappropriate to cross, then you should be free not to do it. Some couples can participate in such a situation without it being sinful. The term “pick up” is being used to understand the scenario, not to explicitly communicate that they want to try to convince everyone in the room that they are single.

  7. Guernican,
    I can understand your confusion. Let me try to explain a bit more of what appeals to me about the “pick up” scenario. Once a couple is “fixed”, whether that be marriage or just a long term dating relationship, we have a tendancy to take each other for granted. My example has to do with when DH and I were engaged at college. When Homecoming dances would come up, it was always “assumed” that we would go together. Of course, I didn’t want to go with anyone else, but I did want to be asked. To me, that simple request or invitation communicates respect as well as his desire for my company.

    We would both leave our rings on and not act single. We would just be a married couple enjoying the type of relationship we put more effort into when we were single or dating. (Really, this does not need to be done in a public place, it can just as easily be done at home.) And even better, where we used to go home alone after flirting, we can now go home together!!

    I hope that helps explain more what I have in mind when I use the “pick up” heading for a fantasy.

  8. A role play that is multipurpose ! I have found it very helpful to get my hubby more excited about the honey do list, to shave everything put on the daisy duke cutoffs my favorite jeans eveolved into( They met with a very unfortunate hking trauma.) A rather thin but uplifting shelf tank, and offer to hand him tools. I have found it quite amusing to drop tools and have to bend to pick them up. He also gets lots of eye candy and affirmation( I do well to put a kid puzle together much less build something.)
    Another thing I’ve found fun is to ,”draft” him into the sous chef role. I usually cook with my house coat and slippers on and put something “tasty” underneath. He gets very jazzed about cutting potatoes when he can see an outline of dessert under my clothes! The kids are typically none the wiser about the stuff.

  9. Another couple ideas for roleplays.

    Take a couple of old mesh laundry bags cut out arm holes and a neck hole and play a little touch football. You can play offense and chase him around or vice versa. you can also rouge your nipples with a bit of peppermint or cinnamon candies rubbed on them.
    My other idea would be to hang all you lingeie up in the bathroom and have him go ,”shopping ‘for something special for you. ( You can pretend to be surprised>)
    Or you can hang them on the ceiling fan and pretend the bathroom is the dressing room ……
    Just thoughts.

  10. I’m trying to understand where the line is between healthy and sinful role play. One of the first examples was of playing Doctor. Did that cross the line? I’m sure that Doctor in the role play wasn’t examining his wife. Is the maid quickly married just before things get hot? Most role playing, to me, is creating that first meeting excitement that arouses us. I agree that creating such role plays as ‘threesome’ is a dangerous door to open. But my wife and I often role play (usually in words only as we make love) using various nameless characters that have just met. I have never had a twinge of guilt from the Holy Spirit. And when I am in sinful behavior I usually sense the tap on the shoulder. Until then I’m comfortable being that Golf pro helping her with her swing…..

  11. I do not understand why it would be sinful for a husband and wife to fantasize about any scenario other than why isclearly forbidden in the Bible such as bestiality and fornication with anyone other than your spouse. If I want to fantasize about being a young slave girl that my master purchased from my father – I don’t see anything wrong as long as I am imagining my HUSBAND as my master and not the neighbor or his friend. And He is imagining me as his slave girl and not the check out girl at the store.

  12. I wonder about that too. Does anyone have some more ideas of “safe” role play? I always liked the idea of my husband and I pretending to have just met, but if that’s a sin, what are some other fun role-playing things we can do?

  13. ok so what about pretending to b a puppy is that going too far ? OH and myself would like to role play where i am a puppy with a little collar and a leash etc its something we are both more than happy to do just wondering if anyone else has tried it 🙂 we do dress up etc and really enjoy it

  14. Well I can only give you advice on what my love & I do. We only have a couple of rules we follow no matter what; Anything & everything can be up for discussion. If we are both willing, we’ll try it at least once and we keep our sex life between us. Most of our friends would freak out if they knew the things we do in our marriage bed. Yea my friends would freak. So if you both are ok with it I say go for it. In my book, as long as it’s just between two married people, (no outsides allowed) anything is game!! You could say I’m kinky to the core. I hope this helps.

  15. My husband and I do lots of role play and that makes our sex life is so incredibly hot!! We have done and will try the following:
    The Massage Client, The Call girl, The Stripper, The Professor, Chef Assistant, The Male Escort, Response to an Ad, and more to come…….Just be creative with the costumes, look in your closet and let your drive maneuver the creativity!! Have loads of fun!!

  16. My husband and I got “really early” invites to a Halloween party this year from a Christian couple we know. I totally believe in freedom from the law through Christ, and I don’t think there’s anything sinful about having a Halloween party but I grew up in a household where we didn’t celebrate Halloween (but we did have a harvest costume party) and my husband went trick’or’treating every year and his family did big blow out Halloween parties. Since we were raised differently, our views on Halloween are different. I’m glad we got the invite early because it gives us time to talk about it and our views on costumes. I want to wear something that is pleasing to the Lord and doesn’t cause another person to stumble to the party, but I thought it’d be fun to stretch myself and surprise my husband by bringing costumes into the bedroom after the party. Of course at this point, I’m okay with it being more risque since we are married and we’re in the privacy of our own home. Do you have any thoughts or suggestions about costumes, especially ones that can be tasteful in public, but a bit more exciting in the bedroom? Or should I just go with 2 different costumes? I’ve never really done this before but my husband mentioned it would be a real turn-on to use costumes in the bedroom one day.

  17. My Hubby loves the naughty nurse…. And I totally agree with onmyknees4him. . .

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