How do the CN girls do it?

“I was just curious. I love my husband, and we have a great relationship.
I do not have the same sex drive as he does. I work full time, have teenagers, house, church, and all the other things that take my energy and time.  I am curious how the Christian nymphos have the time and energy they are investing.  It sounds like they are having sex 6 and 7 times a week, Wow, where do you all get the energy and the time?”

Well, we all get up at 5:30am and shower thoroughly, shave all crevices, brush our teeth, and apply perfume and/or sweet smelling lotions. We then sneak back into bed smelling all fresh, where we proceed to wake up our husbands up with oral sex.  After morning sex, we go make a three-course breakfast for our families and send everyone off to school/work. We attend aerobics/pilates/kickboxing classes weekly to keep up the cardio, and we eat protein bars to help sustain us. We masturbate five times daily to keep our drives up, and then we have a gourmet dinner ready when our husbands come home from a long day’s work. We then give our husbands a foot rub while they watch the game on TV. During half time we have sex again and then we wash up and retire for the night. Isn’t that how it works at your house? 😆

I hope you at least smiled just now. We certainly don’t keep up schedules like that, and I don’t know anyone who could. We come from all walks of life. A couple of us work full time or part time, and a couple of us are stay-at-home-moms. We all have at least two children and we all attend church. We know all too well about time restraints and feeling low on energy. We don’t always have the time or the energy to do all that we want to do, but we know that should not be used as an excuse to refrain from nurturing our marriages.

As a woman, I can say that one of the best things I have that helps keep me motivated is Christian girlfriends. When I hit a rough patch and my libido drops, and my attitude turns sour… you had better believe that my Spice Sisters are there to encourage me to help lift me out of my own pity party. They remind me to count my blessings and to keep looking up. When I get too busy and start venting and complaining about life’s daily struggles, they help me to regain my focus.

No, we are not all having sex every single day, nor did we mean to give the impression that we are. We six women are using this blog as a place where we can all write about important sexual issues and topics, and at the same time reach out to other women and bring them into the fold. And in doing this, we are actually helping to encourage ourselves in the process. I may not be in a very sexual mood today, but if I’m in charge of writing up the “Position of the Week” you had better believe that my mood will probably change after thinking about doing that position with my man! Writing on this blog kind of forces us to “think sex” and therefore helps us to keep those creative thoughts at the front of our minds.

You asked how we have the time and energy to invest in this. The answer to that is fairly simple. We make it a priority. I wake up in the morning and go over my to-do list in my head…pack lunches, check the blog, go to the grocery store, do the laundry, thaw the meatloaf for dinner, oh, and try to remember to send my husband a sexy text or put on something sexy under my clothes for later tonight! For me, making a mental list is essential to getting everything done in my day. Many times I even have to write it down. I know that I need to pick up milk for my family because it’s a need. I know that I have to wash our laundry as well. Adding one simple thing each day (or trying to) that pertains to my marriage or my husband really helps to keep the fire alive. Sure there are days that I forget or days where I run out of time and don’t get everything done, but the point is for me to try and make a conscious effort to THINK about my husband and/or our sex life. When things don’t work out one day, I just try again the next.

Believe me when I say that we do understand. None of us claim to be super-wives or sex goddesses 24/7. We are simply striving to do our best to be the wives that we know Jesus wants us to be for our husbands. I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about us, and I’m so glad that you wrote in asking us about this! I wrote this article on behalf of us all, but I’m sure that the other Spice Girls may choose to leave their own replies in the comment section below.


  1. I can see how it looks like we have sex all the time because we write about it all the time, but we are as real as any of the women who read our blog and have to balance their marriage with kids, work, and other outside commitments. Our biggest message is to embrace the sexual wife you are and enjoy it as best you can. However it looks to you, walk it out.

  2. I find that keeping my priorities in order is important. If I have dishes in the dishwasher, laundry that needs to be done, and a husband needing my attention then my husband comes first. The dishes and laundry will be there when I am done. We have a very active sex life and it bonds us beyond words, so naturally that will be my priority. It is important for a couple to find common ground where frequency is concerned. You need to meet in the middle so that there is no resentment. If Mom and Dad are happy the kids will be happier too. (Speaking of kids, don’t be afraid to have them unload the dishwasher or do the laundry. They won’t do it as well as you would but that’s OK because you are tending to something much more important. 😉 )

    As for where does they energy come from? I go to the gym at least 4 times a week and I do weights as well as cardio. It is a major stress relief and energy booster. If I skip the gym for an extended amount of time I can feel it in, as well as out of, the bedroom.

  3. I agree with Peppermint Girl. It is all in priorities. These days many Christian women backburner their husbands. These days you hear of so many women that want to be treated like a queen, but how many are treating their husband like a king? Upkeep on an exciting sexual relationship will go much farther than folded laundry in the scope of the relationship. I find, that the sexual and physical wifely duties coinside. If one is lacking, usually so are the others. For me, the whole nesting, cooking, cleaning, and loving all go together.

  4. Hubbie here: What do you want for your marriage? What do you want for your husband? For yourself? If any of us don’t think about this specifically, get a clear vision of what it could be like, and pursue it with vigor … well, you know the answer.

    Queen and I are around 50 years old, and I know that I want our next 25 years to be the best third of our lives, and it won’t happen “naturally”, it won’t happen just by luck, it won’t happen unless (1) bathed in prayer, (2) willing to submit to God’s loving and wise safeguards, (3) we describe it to each other clearly, get agreement, and then go after it with all the energy we have. An alternative that I don’t want to experience is that we get to 75, look back, and say, “big deal”, “ho hum”, “that was boring”, “who are you?”, or worse yet, “where’d you go?”. Nightmarish and horrible, without direct and focused effort, this is a real possibility.

    That brings up the idea of obligation versus opportunity. If I don’t have a clear idea of what I want and where I want to go (within God’s will, of course), then any pressure outside of the status quo feels like an obligation. “I guess I HAVE to do this.”

    However, if I have a well-developed idea of what God has for me, my spouse, and our marriage, and I learn new tools and skills and points-of-view about things, including sex, then these things become opportunities. “You mean I GET to do this? Outstanding! When can I start?”

    If I WANT my spouse to think about me throughout the day, to get pulled to a sensuous daydream about us, to delight in our sexual life together, to look forward to seeing me at the end of the day, to have passion in our lives, then all these things become OPPORTUNITIES for me to make that happen. That’s an energized life!

    Where do you want to be in 25 years? months? days? hours? minutes? You only get one shot at it. Go make it happen! Now! I’m serious, get moving!

  5. Hello all! I just wanted to put my opinion in. My husband is the greatest thing that ever happened to me. I don’t mind giving him 30 minuets of my time (give or take). i find that even if I don’t want to, if I start, I enjoy it. We so rarely get time alone at this point in our marriage that just that little bit helps renew our bonds. He has given so much to me that I can give him that time and ENJOY giving it.

    It never hurts to give it a try, you may like it.

    Plus being healthy helps. If you are unhealthy, then you sleep badly. That effects every part of your life.

    Even a quickie is enough to keep things going until we can be more focused on each other.Plus we are constantly touching each other when we are close. Even a brush as we pass in the hallway while running after the kids says that you are on my my mind.

    Communication! Can I say anything else?

  6. Good post! I hope the busy husbands out there are taking the time necessary to please their wives as well! Like peppermintgirl said, some of the other “to do’s” in life can wait. Hope the husbands feel the same way!

  7. I know this is an old post, but I’d like to add that one of the many advantages of exercising is that it increases the secretion of hormones, including testoterone, among other thingss ,Testoterone is the hormone that controls our Libido. I’ve noticed that the days that I have a long, sweaty exercise session, my sexual awareness increases significantly. By the way, when it comes to increasing your libido,strength training have a bigger effect than aerobics or other types of exercises…


  8. Oh my goodness!! Thank you both so much for bringing up the importance of exercise to a marriage!!! I cannot stress this enough and while I haven’t read all of the archives, I feel this warrants at least one article of it’s own!
    Thank you,thank you for what you bring to Christian marriages!

    Blessings indeed!

  9. I’m a newer reader as well. Just found your site about 2 days ago and since my husband has been out of town on business i’m spending all my time devouring your archives.

    the mention of excercise really hits home with me. i need to reincorporate excercise in my daily routine. it has completely fallen by the wayside and i’m sure that would give me the energy and up the hormones I need to be as active as my husband would like. 😉 i just need to remind myself that it doesnt have to be an all or nothing mentality. if i can only do 20 mins i should just do the 20 and not lamen ton how i cant get in a solid hour therefore why bother.

    so easily typed. need to go live that now.

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