Q&A: Oral Sex and TMJ

“I am a newlywed, and my husband and I are not at all uncomfortable with the concept of oral sex. I fully enjoy it when he does it to me (of course!) but when I give him oral I get physically uncomfortable very fast! My jaw hurts a lot if I do it for too long (I have mild TMJ, and sometimes my jaw will also start to “click”), and the only way I can keep going until he comes is by focusing on something entirely different, which of course isn’t really very romantic. Any pointers?”

I was diagnosed with TMJ at the age of 17, when I had my wisdom teeth cut out.  As I recall, it was worse back then and has gotten better through the years.  Back then I was told to give up gum and hard candies and to eat slowly in small bites, or else I would be facing surgery.  Since then, I have had some small issues with it whenever I have to visit the dentist and keep my mouth open wide for long periods of time.  I’m always sore afterwards.  But the biggest nuisance that I’ve had with my TMJ revolves around oral sex too.

This link is rather interesting.  It says that 90% of people who seek treatment for TMJ are women, and that there may be a correlation between sex hormones and pain.  Apparently women who are on hormone-replacement therapy OR birth control pills are more likely to seek treatment.  This same site gives many other symptoms that can be caused by TMJ and some suggestions for seeking help.

I know all too well how TMJ can interfere with giving oral sex.  The popping, clicking, and grinding sounds made by your jaw are not the most erotic things to hear.  There is also the fear of it “locking up” on you while you are doing the deed!  Then comes the pain.  It gets so very sore when you aren’t able to take a break or stop.  But when you are pleasuring your husband that way, you really don’t want to have to stop because it’s important to you to finish him! (Or is that just me?)  For those of you out there with TMJ issues, here are some things to keep in mind that may help.

On days you plan to give him oral sex (as if we wake up planning it, lol), take extra precautions to not overwork your jaw.  Take a pass on that large sucker or hard candy.  Don’t chew gum or eat crunchy foods in excess.  Use small bites when you eat, and cut your food up if it helps.  Yeah, I know that trying to “plan” oral sex is hard to do.  It may be a good idea to just try to do these things daily anyway, especially if you have a severe case.  Oh, and if you are supposed to be wearing a mouth guard at night, don’t forget to do so!

Limit how much of him you take in.  Trying to engulf his entire member, or deep throat him, may make things worse.

Use your hands more.  Lube up your entire hand and then wrap it around his penis.  Then try to focus your tongue on his frenulum while your hand is doing the pumping up and down.  His frenulum is very sensitive.  You can have your tongue going up and down or left and right on it, and you don’t have to worry about opening your mouth wide.  You can just give your hubby a seductive grin as you make eye contact with him.

If your jaw is really hurting, then you could change things up and focus your oral attentions on his testicles, while you are giving him a hand job.  Or, you can totally use this as an opportunity to learn some different techniques for hand jobs!

You could also try having intercourse first, and when your husband knows he is getting close to climax, you change positions and give him oral sex to finish him.  That way, your vagina does most of the work for you, but your husband still gets to experience your mouth on him.

Having TMJ is frustrating, and it does take some creative thinking for us gals to be able to overcome this obstacle.  Some women with severe cases aren’t able to give oral sex at all.  I’m sure your husband will understand if you need to try some of the above suggestions.  He doesn’t want you in pain while you are trying to give him pleasure.  Talk to him about it and see what you two can work out together.


  1. I totally agree with the hand-job and licking portion, as it seems my jaw gets tired quickly. I also throw in prostate massage. With the HJ and looking at him and whispering for him to release, I wait until he’s close and then take him in my mouth and swallow, which guarantees NO complaints even though he’s not in my mouth very long.

    Good luck and don’t feel pressure as your husband loves you, loves your touch and will be happy with however you please him!

  2. I too suffer from TMJ, it is not constant, but tends to flare up. We find that the hand job doing most the work and the oral part kept at the end really works when when it is bothering me. Also, I have found that lying on my belly with my head in his lap tends to not be such a bother. A little hard to explain, but you have gravity working for you a bit and it seems to allow the jaw to remain a little more relaxed. Also, in the facing position, it helps when he holds my head/face. (like when you have a “hands on” kiss)
    It offers some support, and keeps from feeling like you will open too widely and lock up. Personally, I find it a little extra spicy.

  3. Also don’t forget that practice makes perfect! My jaw used to get very tired very fast. The more you do it 😉 the more accustomed you become.

  4. On the TMJ stuff I also wanted to let all the women out there know that there are massages and therapies that can help you as well. I went to a physical therapist to have pelvis work done after my baby and she had also done therapy on women with TMJ. The pain went away after she showed me a few techniques and I feel empowered to deal with the pain if it comes back. Ladies do research and find someone you feel confident that understands your needs and doesn’t just tell you nothing can be done but surgery or mouthpieces. I have even stopped grinding at night. Good luck

  5. Change your position to go with his curve, When I’m in front of my husband it’s uncomfotable to the point of pain, but if we are in the 69 position I can go on for a much onger time.

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