Q&A: Sex In a Godless Marriage

We recently received the following email from a reader of our blog:

I am writing to you because your website has got me thinking.  I am an atheist, married to another atheist.  I look at pornography for fun from time to time and often fantasize about other women, even though I love my wife a great deal.  Our sex life is not very good, and I am beginning to think its because we are godless and not really meant for one another.  Note that I do not believe in god, I just recognize that something is missing. I don’t know how else to put this, so I’ll just say it.  Even though I don’t believe in god, I am envious of strong Christians and the love, intimacy, and happiness they feel on a regular basis.  Your website has reminded me even further that when it comes to matters of the heart, I am seeing in black and white and Christians get to see in 3D color. I envy your passionate connection to your god and to one another.  Unfortunately, reason prevents me from believing unfounded supernatural stories, but I acknowledge that since becoming an atheist years ago, my life has felt… thin, almost hollow. I miss Jesus.  Almost enough to resume pretending he’s real.  Almost.  Life without Jesus is awful, but at least its realistic.

First of all, I want to say that this is a safe place for anyone to read, irregardless of whether or not they believe in God. The message from us is that WE believe in One True God and that living under His authority and living as closely as we can to His standard of conduct, sexually or otherwise, will result in the greatest blessing on earth. We are presenting a sexual lifestyle which we believe allows for the deepest intimacy and the most pleasure, and it is completely connected to our spirituality. If you do not believe in God, but you like our message, stick around and just apply what you can, when you can. We are not asking you to mindlessly submit our belief system for your own. We are just presenting ours and asking you to think about it.

I am curious what would happen if someone who did not believe in God, lived according to a sexually Biblical standard anyway. Take God out of the equation and live a monogamous sexual relationship with your spouse, avoiding pornography and extramarital sex, serving one another in love. Would your relationship be better? I believe that having God in the equation makes a huge difference, but I wonder if even just living a lifestyle according to Biblical principles would have a positive effect on your relationship.

I am curious how it is that you see that strong Christians live in color and that you are missing out on something that you had before, but you don’t see that God is the one who does this work. If people could create the passion and color on their own, couldn’t you create it without God? You say that you don’t have any evidence of God’s supernatural power, but this 3D color you speak of can only come from Him. I am as sinful in my nature as you are. The color in my life doesn’t come from how I behave. If it did, I would loose the color when I sin. Rather, the times I have been tempted, for example, to look at pornography and have gone to these spice girls to help me overcome, the color comes from seeing God bring life to their encouragement and enable me to resist temptation. Or when I have actually fallen and I repent to my husband and I say to my Church family that despite myself, God is doing a work in me to make me like Jesus, the color comes from God in me.

And, by the way, there is no reason for you not to see with your own eyes the supernatural work of God. He is doing amazing things on the earth these days. Of course, if you actually wish not to believe in Him it is easy to say that you think other things influenced the miracles He is doing. That the person who was raised from the dead, wasn’t actually dead. That the person who had cancer before they received prayer, but the next day the doctor said they didn’t have it anymore just happened to get better. That it was just a coincidence that the woman who heard in church that God healed someone of severe clubbed feet and had a daughter with the same condition in the nursery said “I’ll take that testimony for my daughter.” Then when she went to pick up her daughter after church, she saw that her daughter’s feet were completely normal. God healed the girl’s feet at the moment that the woman heard the same testimony from someone else and appropriated it in faith for herself. These are real testimonies that I have heard. It’s the color, and the color you speak of is God at work in His people. We can not create color on our own.

Another thing about the color is that I have seen that the more someone submits themselves to God in faith, the more the color becomes vibrant. And yes, it does take faith, but as we step out in faith, God meets us there. There is no reason for you not to have God show Himself to you if walk towards Him. It takes just as much faith to believe that the world came to be accidentally, little by little and have no explanation for what happened in the very beginning as it does to believe that a Creator wanted to have relationship with something and so created mankind. If it could all be proved without faith, we wouldn’t get to choose Him, and He wanted His creation to choose to have relationship with Him. So He arranged it that He would call us in our spirits to make us like Him, and that we would get to choose to say yes or no to the call. For more information on the process of saying yes to His call, please visit this link.

So when you read here, know that our conviction is that making God part of the equation in a healthy and vibrant sex life, is a core value we hold. We have all dedicated our lives to living for God and we serve Him above everything else in life. If you do not hold the same views we have, we still welcome you to be part of this community. As long as people are respectful, we are happy to have anyone participate in the discussions in the comment sections.


  1. Great and well put! I have been married for 21 years and three great kids later. The closer I get to the Lord the better my marriage gets. I am blessed to have a husband that loves the Lord and sets a great example. And the SEX- WOW. The lord has to be the center of your marriage after all he designed sex.
    Keep up the great work girls!

  2. I agree. Very good article! A comment on one thing you said: “I believe that having God in the equation makes a huge difference, but I wonder if even just living a lifestyle according to Biblical principles would have a positive effect on your relationship.”

    I definitely agree with this. I believe that the Lord set up the rules and guidelines for this world. Even if you do not believe in the Lord, but submit to His rules and guidelines for marriage, you will be blessed. An analogy:

    For our senior trip, our class went rock-climbing. I had never gone before and neither had any of my classmates. The guide provided us with equipment then explained to us the safety rules and a few techniques. We all had a great time and a very safe experience because we followed the rules and listened to the instructions. Now, none of us were rock-climbers, but we benefited from the rules of rock climbing and were able to enjoy ourselves.

    The same is true with God’s principles. They are the laws of the universe just as much as the laws of gravity or entropy or thermodynamics, any of them. Those scientific laws work whether you choose to believe they do or not. God’s moral and social laws work whether you choose to believe they do as well.

    When you follow God’s laws, you are blessed. The problem is that when you begin to try to follow God’s laws, you realize that you fall short and cannot do it on your own. That is what leads us to the cross. It is only through Jesus that we are able to fully follow God’s laws and live in the blessing God genuinely desires for us.

    John 10:10 “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy, I (Jesus) have come that they may hive life and have it to the full.” This applies to our sex lives as well! Jesus came so that we can have an abundant, full, blessed sex life. His rules are best and are established so that we can be blessed!

  3. Hey 3Dseeinginfullcolorguy 😉

    Sorry about that corny lingo, had to address you somehow !

    Thank you so much for communicating with us on this site. I feel honored that you would even consider talking with us Christbearers about this most private and sacred of subjects.

    I trust that you will find much comfort and encouragement herein and would like to read more from you.


  4. Hey CinnamonSticks,

    Thank you for being such a wonderfully welcoming Lady of the Lord. You have my full support in your ministry.

    As I wrote above, how much I thank God for this site which can welcome even the stranger and make them feel at home. What a joy to me as I have gotten so disgusted by the Body of Christ in general.

    My faith in those who are true in heart is gradually being restored by reading your site and its members.



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