Q&A: Chastity Devices

“I was curious if any of you have every experimented with chastity devices for your husbands?  Several years ago my wife and I bought a CB-3000 as a means of helping her control my curiosity toward pornography.  If she found I had been looking at porn, she would withhold relations for some period that she determined and controlled.  It also ensured that I wouldn’t go insane (i.e. remained faithful) while away on business.  From my It perspective it was very effective but we only did it for six months.  Several months after it was over, I lapsed into porn, but she didn’t want to resume using chastity as a corrective because she felt it was artificial.  I was curious what you thought about this idea.”

I actually have mixed opinions on this.  Let me start off by saying that if a couple decided together that they’d like to “play around” with something like this as a temporary sex toy, I may would encourage it.  I could see how this could potentially be fun and exciting for a couple looking for something new and different to spice up their relationship.  Something that was just thrown into the sex drawer with all the other toys and used every once in a while for fun.  Just because I can’t see myself ever wanting to do that, doesn’t mean that I can’t try to look at this objectively and see the other side so to speak.  (I mean, I’m the one who wrote an article defending “pegging” for peat’s sake…so surely I can try to be open minded here as well, right?)

However, I do have some concerns here that I’d like to mention.  You are not the first couple that I’ve heard of using such a device.  I know of another couple that said they used it for similar reasons as you described above, regarding porn use and the potential to be unfaithful.  The problem that I have with this is that an addiction to pornography or a tendency towards infidelity cannot be fixed this way.  To me it would be equivalent to slapping an ace bandage around a compound fracture.  It would serve to hide the broken bone, but underneath the problem would still be there and in need of a real fix.

In your email above you wrote: It also ensured that I wouldn’t go insane (i.e. remained faithful) while away on business.” How can a chastity device really fix the heart issue of infidelity?  Yes, I’ve seen those devices and I can see how you wouldn’t be able to get an erection in them (at least not comfortably) but so what?  All that means is that physically you wouldn’t be able to have penis-in-vagina intercourse with someone else.  (Originally this sentence said “you wouldn’t be able to cheat” but I had to revise it, because technically you would still be able to do other sexual acts with a woman.)  What about what is in your heart?  What about trying to figure out why it is that you are so easily tempted?   Is your self-control so low that you cannot be trusted to take a business trip without wearing this device?

I have the same concern for a couple that chooses to use this chastity device in the hopes of it fixing a porn (or masturbation) addiction.  Yes, I understand that you are in essence, trapping the penis, so that it cannot get release.  But how does that minister to the heart of the man’s issue?  How does simple negative reinforcement speak to the core of his problem?  How does it help him understand how his pornography viewing hurts his marriage and affects his wife’s self esteem?  Sure, it will probably be a temporary fix, but what happens when the man tires of wearing it, and decides to take a break from it.  Will he be suddenly cured of his addiction?  Or will he use that as an opportunity to slip back into his old familiar roles?  You even said yourself:  “…we only did it for six months.  Several months after it was over, I lapsed into porn, but she didn’t want to resume using chastity as a corrective because she felt it was artificial.”

So I guess in conclusion, I could see how this might could be a fun and exciting toy for a couple to try using every once in a while, but I do not see how it could effectively help a marriage that is suffering from the effects of infidelity or porn addiction.  Those marriages need more than just an “ace bandage” approach.

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