Position #53: Spin Cycle



Today’s position of the week is a fun one.  It adds excitement to a mundane chore and I am all for making household chores more exciting.  You will need to have access to a private washing machine and an open mind for some good clean fun!!

To get into position simply face the washing machine and lean over the top.  When the washer is on spin cycle it throws off some fantastic vibrations.  If it is off balance the vibrations are even stronger.   Bending over at the waist allows your genitals to feel the vibrations, increasing the blood flow to that area.  Have your husband enter from behind.  If he is taller then you try using a step or something solid to stand on.  The vibrations will help you go over the top and he should be able to feel the vibrations from the washing machine through you.   Or you can sit on top while he performs oral on you.  Scoot to the end and rest the bottoms of your feet on his shoulders.

Pro: ~ No need to hold any vibrators in place.
       ~Vibrations can be enjoyed by both of you.

Con: ~A washing machine that is off balance makes a lot of noise.  Make sure no one is around to “run to the rescue” to fix it.

Q&A: Praying Before Sex?

“I am getting married in February – we are both virgins – I am making as much preparations for our first time together physically as I possibly can using books, this website and your links – but I wondered how we should prepare spiritually.  Should we pray before we ‘do it’ for the first time? Prob seems silly but I am a bit nervous!”

Congratulations on your upcoming wedding!  What an exciting time for you and your fiance.  It sounds like you are doing a wonderful job of thinking ahead, and NO, you aren’t silly for asking about this!

Making love for the first time is a very special moment.  You and your husband will be joining yourselves together physically as you never have before.  I believe that God smiles whenever two of His children marry and make love.  He gave us this wonderful gift to share with our spouse, so of course you can pray beforehand. Marriage is a triumvirate, with God as the Head.  You two will rely on both each other and Him.

Many couples who have been married for years still pray before sex, asking God to bless their union or to help them please one another or to ask for fertility help, etc.  No prayer is unheard, as our Heavenly Father cares about all that is on our hearts.  There are some couples who even will pray during the act, although I have to admit that praying is the last thing on my mind during sex 😳

Cinnamon Sticks also has a series of articles dedicated to engaged couples such as yourselves, that you might also find helpful.  I encourage you to read them together if you haven’t already:

Q&A: Is Spicy Sex in the Bible?

This is an email we received from someone who found our blog.

“God intended married sex to be spicy. OK, but where in the Bible did He say that?
Sorry but coming up with your opinion and then attaching God’s name to it doesn’t mean God is attached to it.”

Oh, where do I begin…

Well, let’s start with the Bible. Does the Bible say that God wants married sex to be spicy? In the very beginning this is what God said about married sex.

For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh. The man and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame. Genesis 2:24-25

Our first reference in the Bible to married sex is that we would separate from our birth families and unite as one with our husband or wife; unite physically and relationally. God desired that a husband and wife have no shame between them in the most vulnerable of situations; nakedness. Adam and Eve had freedom to explore and enjoy one another without shame, and this did not surprise God. He created them naked in the garden with all their sexual parts in full function. Can you imagine how great it would have been to be naked all the time, in the sun with your husband and not have to carry any emotional baggage? They didn’t work, so they weren’t tired. They walked around all day enjoying the Lord’s creation, chatting without the distraction of a phone ringing or an email coming in. They had all the time in the world to connect emotionally and physically, and they were still without sin. What ideal circumstances for which to build a passionate love life.

Further, if we step out of this story and into another, the Song of Solomon is an incredibly erotic and passionate love story. In this book of the Bible we look at the marriage of Solomon and his bride. Specifically we look at how they relate sexually. After the bride and groom in the story have had a sexually charged encounter this is what is written, believed to be the only time that God speaks out in the book:

Eat, O friends, and drink;
drink your fill, O lovers.

Just as God was pleased with the unity of Adam and Eve, so was He pleased with this union. He encourages the lovers to take pleasure in one another. He wants them to enjoy their sexuality as much as they can. In the Song of Solomon, we find that the couple enjoyed a wide variety of pleasures. The specifics of what they enjoyed are not as important as the fact that they had the freedom and confidence to express their desires, and to meet those of their spouse. They most certainly had a spicy marriage bed.

Perhaps it would be helpful to pause here and explore what it means to have a spicy marriage bed. It doesn’t mean that everyone has hot, steamy, intense sex every day, twice a day, doing everything that is talked about on our website. It means that your sexual encounters with your spouse, whatever they look like for you, are intentionally focused on growing in passion. A spicy marriage bed is where you can be honest about your desires and trust that your spouse is a safe place for you. A spicy marriage bed is one where you desire to meet the sexual needs and passions of your spouse and they yours. Husbands and wives who have impassionate love lives are really missing out on the beauty of God’s plan for our sexuality. This is why it is such a terrible and damaging sin for a husband or wife to withhold their passion. It robs their spouse from expressing a desire that God put in them.

We haven’t attached God’s name to our opinion about sex. We look to Him to guide us into how He regards sex and we submit what we know to His Word. For many years many of us lived under many lies, but we are on a journey with the Lord and our husbands to fully embrace who God made us to be. We don’t claim to have arrived at perfection, but we have caught a glimpse of where our marriages are going and are fill with hope at the thought of what amazing thing God could do with two lives submitted to Him, united to each other.

Monday’s Mission #44

Your mission this week is to ask your husband to take you for a drive out to a quiet spot to watch the stars, somewhere secluded. On your way, once you leave the common streets, unbutton or remove your top and give him a little something to look forward to when you arrive at your destination. Kudos to you if you find a private enough spot to enjoy some car sex when you get there. Have fun with whatever you can work in. Apart from the sensual possibilities, you may also find that these drives are a good chance to connect conversationally. I really mean that. 🙂

Position #52: The Honeycomb

This is an oral sex position that is sure to please!  And from the title I bet you can guess who will be getting the most pleasure here.  Wives, this one is for you!

To get into position the husband will lay down on his back on the bed.  He then needs to let his head hang just off the edge.  The wife then walks up to the bed and straddles her husband’s face.  He pleasures her orally while she stands.  She can lean over and hold on to the bed or his body to keep her balance.

This is one position where having a lower bed is probably best.  If your bed is on bed risers then the wife may need to stand on small stools in order to accomplish this one.  Get creative and see what other furniture you have in your house that would accommodate this position!

Pros: Wives have some power here, as they are able to move and add pressure as needed.  Husbands may like the eye candy.

Cons: Some women are uncomfortable or unable to orgasm standing up.  Make sure that the husband has adequate ventilation for breathing!

Should we talk about sex in church?

To answer the question….should we talk about sex in church?   Heck, yes!  God spoke of it first!

Many of you are familiar with the name Ed Young. Yes, he is the pastor of Fellowship Church in Grapevine, TX…you know, the pastor with the challenge to all the married couples in his church to have sex daily for one week. What an awesome challenge! I read a little bit about it. Did you realize that the idea wasn’t Ed’s, but his wife, Lisa’s? In a blog the Young’s pen together here, when asked about why SHE is so excited about this challenge, Lisa says, “Because God has revolutionized my view of sex and removed a lot of preconceived notions I had. And I can truly value intimacy done God’s way.” Does this mean that even PW’s can have hang ups about sex? Does she sound like any ladies you know? I found Ed’s blog and in it he comments, “Our culture is so used to toilet water that it’s refreshing when we get a taste of God’s pure desire for sex in marriage.

After reading and subscribing to Ed’s blog, I followed it up by reading an article online that criticized Mr. Young and his challenge. The article was written by Gavin Richardson, director of youth ministries at FUMC in Hendersonville, TN. In his article, Mr. Richardson calls Mr. Young “off target” in his challenge. He suggests that we “should not be talking about sex as a “foundation” for our marriages”. Instead, we should “figure out how we are friends with our spouses and others.” He feels that “the deep core we need to address is how we are friends in love, not lovers in bed.”

As a youth pastor, he says in the article that he hears about sex all the time. I hope he is addressing it biblically!! When the topic comes up in the youth of our church, I hope it isn’t pushed in the corner in all this talk of becoming friends with everyone. If you aren’t going to openly and biblically answer the questions teens have, they are going to get misinformation and believe what they hear from friends, Hollywood movies, TV shows or by experimenting for themselves! People like Ed Young and the authors of this blog are trying to show the world that sex is not a bad thing when we do it in the context that God created it for. Married sex is awesome, and if we don’t educate our own congregations, we end up with marriages that have so many problems because of misunderstandings, lies or things that the church could and should address. Sexual incompatibility is listed on many divorce websites as reasons that people’s marriages end.

Dear ones, part of teaching our future generations to love and respect each other will include preparing them for the future. Mr. Young is doing a great service to help others understand that God created sex. God wants us to love sex….when it is used in the context He created it for. God loves intimacy. He wants to have an intimate relationship with Him. He created marriage and he created sex to not only create intimacy between husband and wife, but also to bring us together in a greater intimacy with Him. God wrote about physical intimacy in the Song of Solomon. He wrote about proper relationships, how to court each other (without sex involved) and how once we are married that we can consummate a wonderful and sometimes wild sexual relationship with each other. He wants us to enjoy sex. I watched online a part of Ed’s message the other day, and he also said that another part of sex is worship….well, yeah, each other, but it is worshiping God as well. God wants us to use what he created and called “good”. All God saw he created he said was good, sex included between a married man and woman.

But remember, Satan knows God’s word quite well, and he loves to twist it so that we believe differently about sex and marriage. God didn’t just create sex so we would be “fruitful and multiply”. Sure he wanted the world to be populated, but he wanted us to enjoy sex as well! What I want to know is why Mr. Richardson and others like him are so intimidated by seven consecutive days of sex by married couples?

Sex is a very important part of a marriage. By encouraging his congregation to make love once daily for a week, Ed Young is not saying that sex is the only important part of a marriage, but he is recognizing that sex is the first thing to go by the wayside when problems come. Our bodies miss sex when we aren’t taking the time to get intimate with our spouses. Many times, spouses use sex as a weapon, a tool to hurt or manipulate when it should be a tool used to superglue our hearts to each other. Women, we are guilty of this, and we are also guilty of using it as a reward when our husbands do the things we want them to do. This is very wrong and not what God intends for us to be like. 1 Corinthians 7: 3-5 saysThe husband must fulfill his duty to his wife, and likewise also the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does; and likewise also the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Stop depriving one another, except by agreement for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer, and come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. (NASB – emphasis mine) I love that part that I bolded. Stop depriving one another… I hear this in the tone in my voice when my kids are arguing…Stop fighting with each other, but it is our heavenly Father expressing his displeasure with how we treat each other in regards to sex. Stop depriving one another. Love one another. God fashioned our bodies so that when we come together, we become one in mind, in heart, in soul and in body. Genesis 2:24 tells us “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.” Sex in our marriages helps us to avoid sinful temptations. 1 Thess. 4:3-5 tells us It is God’s will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; that each of you should learn to control his own body in a way that is holy and honorable, not in passionate lust like the heathen, who do not know God” Sex with your spouse is holy and honorable….extra marital affairs, sex before marriage, pornography, these are all the passionate lusts that God talks about.  Do you hear God’s voice telling you “Stop depriving one another”? I have been hearing him tell me this more and more often lately, and my husband is reaping the reward of this. 

I support Ed Young, and others like the ladies here at CN who are bringing God’s word forth on this topic, sex in your marriage bed. Dearest, God spoke this well before myself, or Ed Young, or any other who chooses to repeat was the Lord said first himself. The problem is not with Ed Young…the problem is our sinful, disobedient hearts. I am off now to continue with my week long (or more) sexperiment. Take the challenge…dive right in….your marriage will be rewarded in more ways than you can possibly imagine.

Q&A: Resolving Conflict Over Sex Acts

We recently received a number of emails from a husband who greatly desires to receive oral sex, but his wife is unwilling to offer it in the way he wants to receive it. Cumingirl has previously written an article that addresses many of the issues surrounding this struggle. Her article, Overcoming Reservations About Oral Sex, may be helpful to a degree, but it was written more for the wife who wants to grow in this area along with some tips for husbands on making it easier for them.

While I could deal specifically with the topic of oral sex, it seems to me that it would be more beneficial to consider this more broadly. There are so many acts that a husband or wife could be hesitant to incorporate while their spouse desires it. Since every couple is individual in their desires and preferences and way of relating, I offer this article as a general guide to help those who desire a certain sex act that they are not currently experiencing in their marriage beds.

To begin with, I want to say that if your spouse has an aversion to an act, but is generally a generous lover in other regards, be cautious about placing too much importance on that act. If it becomes your focus so much so that you are distracted from enjoying the intimacy they do offer, you are in danger of finding yourself in a place where a preoccupation with that act begins to master you. This is unhealthy for you and unfair to your spouse. I have repeatedly heard men in particular say that they desired a certain act and their wife did not want to do it with them, but another woman approached them and offered and they said yes. This is a direct result of the sex act having mastery over you. Sexual intimacy is about serving one another and if you are more concerned with your spouse serving you with a certain act than you are of serving them, this is a problem.

While I encourage wives to push out of their comfort zones and try new things with their husbands, I also encourage husbands to be a safe place for their wives to do so. If a wife is feeling that they dissatisfy you, they are not going to be motivated to grow in these areas. The same applies to wives who want their husbands to try a certain act. Let him know that he is the man and gives you much pleasure, and then have a conversation.

In your conversation with your spouse, gently and respectfully ask how they feel about the act? Do they feel it is sinful? Do they lack the confidence to do it well either because of their own insecurities or because of expectations you have placed on them? Is there anything you could do that might make it more relaxing or pleasurable for them?

If your spouse makes an effort to try it, be encouraging and supportive. Show appreciation that they are trying it and keep yourself from negatively criticizing their technique. If you would like to see them improve something in their technique always go the route of “That was great. What if you do _____ with your ____? Does that feel better for you? I like that.” Speak positively and be thankful that they are making an effort to please you. If they genuinely try an act and are not comfortable with it, you need to respect that. There is so much joy to be found in the journey towards intimacy that becoming overly focused on one act will end up robbing you and your spouse of what the Lord has for you.

The bottom line is that you have far more control over yourself than you do over your spouse. Yes, I want men and women to be generous towards their spouse. Yes, I endevor to speak this freedom to the women we minister here, but when a woman is not in a place where she is experiencing this freedom, drawing her in with kindness and grace rather than pushing from behind is going to be more benefical to both of you in the long run.

Just the Two of Us


I am looking for incite on the “empty nest” issue.  I know it is not necessarily sex oriented, but I am sure you have some ideas, as so many of us are moms.
I am 38 and have one child who is now an ‘adult’
I have had some issues with just feeling out of sorts.  All is perfect as can be in the marriage, but my frustration, which I think is because my job as a mom has gone away has me a little off track.
You all seem younger, or at least have children at still at home.  I was just looking for some insight on this particular feeling.  What do you do when the kids are gone?


This is a difficult time for many women because once our children leave our home we suddenly lose one of our roles that define us.  Relationships suddenly change….our relationship with our husband, children, as well as friends.  Some of your friendships probably were based on other mothers who had children going through the same life experiences as yours.  You may go through some questioning of ‘who’ you are, how will this affect your marriage and what is my purpose? 

 Pray about that purpose.  No one knows you better then God and He is the one who is in control anyway.  Talk to your husband about your feelings.  Chances are he is going through similar feeling himself.  Maybe his roles are still in place for the most part (such as breadwinner) but he may be going through regrets such as, “I should have spent more time with the kids”.  Make some lists.  List the long term and short term plans for how the two of you want to spend your money.  Construct a fun list of things you have never done but always wanted to do.  If you are feeling distant or strained from your spouse for an extended amount fo time be sure to seek counciling.

Transitions can take awhile to get used to and this is no exception.  It may be a matter of months before you feel comfortable in this new season.  Don’t be surprised if you feel elated on second and sad the next.  Sometimes change is difficult to embrace but just because something is different does not mean it will not be better.  You have spent all these years preparing your child to be independent.  Now it is your turn to sit back and enjoy the fruits of your labor and see how well adjusted your child has become.  God knows you have earned a front row seat.

It is true that the phrase ’empty nest’ is a term that describes a child/mother relationship but really a phrase should be made for this time in our lives that signifies the new relationship that we are going to experience with our husband.  My personal feeling is that your relationship with your husband should be a priority and if it is then this transition will be viewed with a positive mindset.  This subject fits perfectly with Christian Nymphos.org because our purpose is to help strengthen the bond between husband and wife.  I’m thinking that instead of referring to this phase as ’empty nest’ I may use the word ‘encore’.  An empty nest looks like it’s been abandoned.  Signs of life are left like an empty shell.  I’m using encore because more acts are to come.  They may not last as long as the initial show but that doesn’t mean they are less important.

Interview with Paul and Lori Byerly: Creators of themarriagebed.com

The Marriage Bed website is significant to the writers on this blog because… that is where we met and became friends. I personally found the website at the beginning of my sexual awakening as I was looking for information on how to strip for my husband. When I started reading the discussion forums I was relieved to find so much valuable information that was incredibly significant in freeing me to walk in who I saw God was drawing me to become, a journey I am still on today. If I had a dime for every time I thought “If only I had found this at the beginning of my marriage,” I would be a very rich woman today. We are all so thankful for The Marriage Bed ministry and we are thankful to welcome the creators as guests on our blog.

Christian Nymphos: How long have you been ministering to married couples about godly sexuality through The Marriage Bed?

Paul and Lori Byerly: The main site has been up for eleven years.  The message boards have been up nine and a half years.

CN: What resources are available to people through The Marriage Bed?

PLB: There are a growing number of articles on sexuality, intimacy and romance.  We strive to make everything consistent with the truth of the Bible and scientifically accurate. There’s also a message board, a community of individuals who share and learn together, and a listing of other on-line resources (sites, books, etc).

CN: What are the most common problems or questions people have when they come to The Marriage Bed forums?

PLB: The vast majority can be summed up as “am I/are we normal?” and “is this okay?”  These are things people don’t tend to talk about face to face, so most folks have no idea what is usual or unusual.

CN: Other than your ministry through The Marriage Bed site, in what other ways are you involved in ministering to married couples?

PLB: We also do The Generous Wife and The Generous Husband, in which we send out a daily tip on being a more loving and generous spouse.  These tips cover a wider array of topics than The Marriage Bed. We do one on one ministry with individuals and couples via e-mail, as time allows. In the past, we’ve done marriage weekends, and we anticipate doing that again in 2009.  We had our first marriage seminar on board a cruise ship last year, and we have another scheduled for May 17-24 of this year – details here.

CN: What are the best resources you have found which support a husband and wife in building intimacy and wholeness together?

PLB: Fortunately, there are a growing list of books available.  The TMB bookstore tries to keep the newest and best books available on sexuality, communication, and general marital issues.  I would also point to ministries like Joe Beam’s Love Path and Dr. Harley’s Marriage Builders.  There are also an increasing number of helpful sites (Growthtrac) and blogs (Christian Nymphos).  The body of Christ is stepping up to the plate in creating resources to help in healing and building marriages.

CN: Do you see a shift happening in the church towards embracing proper sexuality? It seems like more and more pastors are beginning to speak more openly about it.

PLB: In more than a decade of doing this we have seen a significant change.  The message of TMB has not changed, but we have become far more acceptable, and have links from places that would not have acknowledged our existence in the past.  We see this change as one of positive peer pressure that allows those who have always agreed with our message to say so without fearing they will be punished for it.  The “sex is dirty, even in marriage” message no longer rules unopposed!

CN: How can we encourage the men and women in our circle to walk in more freedom in their marriage beds?

PLB: Communicate, communicate, communicate!  A couple must talk clearly and freely with each other.  Help others by openly and appropriately living your love and desire for your spouse.  When others make disparaging remarks about marriage or married sexuality, don’t let it go – make it clear that you think differently!  The more the message of good, Godly sex is proclaimed, the easier it is for folks to hear and heed that message.

Position #51: Stargazer


I was drawn to this position because of its name, Stargazer.  I love looking at the stars and figuring out the different patterns.  I thought my husband would love just laying back and relaxing.  There was no doubt in my mind that this was going to end up being our all time favorite position. Little did I know that this would be a memorable position for much different reasons then I expected.   

Get into a simple woman on top position, facing your husband with him laying flat on his back. His legs slightly separated and slightly bent.  You can either have the balls of you feet flat on the mattress or you can just support yourself on your knees.  Once you are in position you can slowly lay back so that you are in a position to do some stargazing.  I found that if you support yourself with your arm on either side while leaning back that you can get more leverage.

This is nice because it hits the woman’s g-spot and it allows her husband to stimulate her clitoris pretty easily.  However, when you are leaning back you need to keep a few things in mind.  As you are reclining do it very slowly just in case you are squishing your man’s family jewels and do not have him put his knees together as you go back.  That will only bring the squishing up a notch.  The second thing to keep in mind is that your man has an erection and if it is one of those erections that don’t ‘give’ and aren’t ‘flexible’ then it could result in some pain.

So, if it sounds like I am telling you what not to do out of personal experience then you are correct.  We did have some laughs when all was said and done but this position just was not in the stars for us.  Don’t worry about my husband.  He is fine and he did leave our bed a happy camper after all was said and done.  If anyone has any suggestions then please feel free the share and perhaps we will give it another whirl.


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