Dirty & Messy!

Okay, here we go.  Talking about dirty and messy sex!  You may be sitting there wondering what exactly it is that I’m hinting at here.  After all the other topics that we’ve covered on this blog, what could possibly be dirty?

Do you remember that book where the husband and wife were painting a room, and then they kissed and accidentally got paint on each other.  Then the next thing you know they are rolling around on the tarp making out and not caring where the paint goes?  Maybe you didn’t read that book.  Okay, well how about the movie Ghost?  You remember the scene with Patrick Swayze and Demi Moore where they are making pottery together on the spinning wheel, and their hands connect on the clay, and then their hands end up all over each other?  They didn’t stop to go shower first.  They just let it happen.  Ahhh, they were in love…

I think the closest to “dirty sex” that we’ve ever came, was on the beach.  Boy, when we were finished, we had sand in places that did not need sand!  When it comes to getting down and dirty, I tend to think that maybe the movies (and books) tend to make it sound so much more glorious than it would really be in real life.  I know that if my husband and I tried doing the paint thing, I would be wondering the entire time how I was going to get that Dutch Boy Cat’s Eye Green out of my hair!  (Maybe I’m just too practical?)

Oh I know there are edible body paints just for this purpose, but I can’t seem to get motivated to even try those!  I think that part of the passion and allure and romance of these silly movies is that the couple wasn’t planning on making love.  It just happened, and instead of freaking out over it, they just let it happen and decided to deal with the consequences (like paint or mud in their hair) afterwards.  And then we women sit here thinking how romantical it is on the screen.  (Yes, I realize I just made that word up.)

We did recently get an email related to this subject:

“My husband and I are wanting to try oil wrestling together. What types of oils would you recommend? I’m having trouble finding ones that are ok to use while having sex that would feel good all over and create a shiny slick skin.”

Well, I know that we here at CN tend to talk about Coconut Oil a lot.  There is a reason for that.  It is amazing!  I’m sold on coconut oil.  We have used it before to give each other an all over body massage, and it was divine!  Afterward we did make love while we were both coated in it and it was such a unique experience!  The coconut oil does give you both very slick skin.  If you have candle light, or a fireplace,  then your bodies will shine or glisten.    I mentioned this in my article:  Sexual Play Using Coconut Oil.


I’ve heard other people talk of spreading a waterproof mattress cover over their bed, and then going to town with different foods and sauces.  While that may seem like a fun idea to many, it really doesn’t appeal to me very much.  I mean goodness, think of all the clean up afterwards!  And I can’t tell you what I’d do if chocolate sauce dripped on my beige carpet ❗   We’ve tried the whole “whipped cream” angle before, and it didn’t do much for us either.  I guess we are just one of those couples where food and sex don’t mix.

So… dirty sex.  Do you like it, or are you like me?  Have you ever had an experience where you and your husband were covered in, say… chocolate pudding perhaps, and you think that was the most passionate time you’ve ever had?  If so, maybe I could learn a few things from you!  For now I guess I’ll just stay in my own little safe world, where things like paint and pudding do not go anywhere near penises  😆

Oh, and if you have any other suggestions for our couple who wrote in wanting to try oil wrestling, then leave your advice in the comment box!


  1. My wife and I did this on vacation once in a motel (then we didn’t have to clean up any little mess we left). We bought a plastic bed sheet from Walmart for $5 and a couple bottles of Mineral Oil and a couple of towels from a second hand store. We then brought up a big garbage sack. We put the plastic sheet over the top of the bed and then had a lot of fun…a lot of fun. There was something about having our bodies all slickery (made up word?) There was a lot of just withering back and forth…it was very sexy. When we were done we just wiped ourselves with the towels and then threw everything into the middle of the plastic sheet and rolled it up and put it in garbage sack. It didn’t make a mess and we just through it in the dumpster on our way out. I don’t think I would like the food thing either.

    Sorry if this has to much detail 🙂 It just brought up a lot of fond memories as it was about six years ago.


    PS Love your BLOG, My wife works full time and I work part time from home and am an avid reader. I always tell my wife about your posts. We have a great marriage but we know new ideas always helps to keep it that way.

  2. slickery, I’ve used that word before. It is a very cool word. DH and I haven’t done this in awhile… that is a good idea though…buying all disposable things and just throwing it in the trash bag. That could be a good Thursday night activity with Friday being trash day here as well!

    I haven’t ever been much into food as a part of our bedroom activities, but I am not opposed to it if I can get some helpful ideas!

  3. My husband and I bought a board game called “Strip Chocolate” a few months ago. Along with the obvious stripping, it involves painting each other with chocolate sauce. Lots of tasty fun in theory, but for me it ended up being more silly than sexy. Still, we had a good time with it… until I got an incredibly painful UTI the next day! The thought of chocolate being in places it was never meant to be is enough to keep the game up on the shelf for now. Suffice it to say, I’m not a big fan of the food/sex combo. Although whipped cream is fun… as long as it stays above the waist!

  4. Very true, vieestbelle. If sugar gets into the vagina it can really throw the ph balance off causing an infection. We discuss it briefly here.

  5. I love the idea of “dirty” sex but knowing all I know, I have trouble with the concept. I cringed when I heard the Mineral Oil comment. Mineral Oil is the last thing you should ever put on your body, let alone in your body! It’s so bad for your skin and can cause infections in your vagina. You should even stay away from lubes that have petrolium glycerin! And pesticides used on fruits and vegetables have been linked to cirvical cancer. Sugar can cause infections when used on the vagina, and even Soap! Even if you don’t get an infection, it’s still not good for a woman’s body. Knowing how careful you are supposed to be when it comes to what goes near your vulva, I just can’t seem to get to have dirty sex. If I want to get dirty, I have to restrict the mess to being on him. (Lucky men; it doesn’t matter what goes on their body.) I would love to hear how to have dirty sex while still protecting yourself. Anyone?

  6. My dh and I like to use olive oil. It has a great slippery feel and the taste is okay if you decide to do some kissing on the lubed up places.
    We haven’t tried the coconut oil yet. I don’t care for the flavor of it, but dh will be trying it on me. Y’all have made it sound too good for him to resist! 🙂

  7. One of the best days of sex DH and I had was a dirty sex day. He wanted to make a plaster of my breasts. So I got down doggie style and he made up some plaster of paris, got some newspaper strips and got to work. We were on a huge plastic painters sheet. He didn’t have the patience to let it dry enough and it didn’t work anyway. To get off the plaster of paris the baby oil came out and we ended up at the other end of the clean sheet. Slickery is a great word to describe what it is like. Of course then you need to hit the shower…

  8. ha! I dont know about dirty sex, might be fun, me and my DH would like to get some glow in the dark paint and a big canvas and make our own “portrait” by rolling around on it together, then hanging it on our bedroom wall to set a good sex vibe everyday… idk tho 🙂 anyone know of some good non-toxic glow in the dark paints good for this sort of play? ^.^

    im not sure hoow safe it would be though, I would try to keep certain places free of paint :). thought it would be a fun art project 😀

  9. I just want to put in – I dunno about made up, but my Hubby and I have been calling things “Romantical” (and usually always said in a gushy ‘I’m intentionally being gooey’ tone 😀 ) for as long as I can remember!!

  10. Painting tarp, large one so you have lots of room to play, chocolate syrup, redi whip, strawberries, and LOTS of fun…
    Make sure you put down towels in a trail to the bathroom so you can take a shower and not kill your carpet afterward.
    The shower is fun tooooo!

  11. After OS my husband will often draw a line of whipped cream and/or syrup from my navel to my lips and work his way back up slowly kissing and licking. Waiting for him to finish before the main course drives me wild and when he gets to my lips there’s no weird flavors, just dessert. I love it.

    In my experience, the really messy stuff isn’t worth it…paint does not wash off, you have to basically peel it off (not fun!). The pottery one is actually very cool and slick which can be very sexy and fun, but it’s a bit uncomfortable if you give the clay chance to dry. Clay that is intended for pottery, is very clean and washes off very easily though so hopping in the shower or using any nearby water source will allow you a cleaned and fun finish.

  12. You gotta try Baby Oil!! We had tried baby powder when the weather was hot to help with friction (on sweaty skin and legs and such) but then one day we thought to try the baby oil for massages. We put the bottle in a glass jar of warm water and put it on a candle warmer. We put towels all over the bed so it wouldn’t get on the sheets and started massaging. then when it came for more interaction 🙂 we just lightly poured the oil where it needed to go. (using KY for the important parts) We’re not very adventurous (which is why I’m here!) but that was some of the best love making we’ve ever had!! The sensation that came from our whole bodies gliding was almost breath-taking. then of course the shower afterwards requires lots of help to get it all washed off. Thankfully we have a tankless hot water heater so we never run out of hot water! 🙂

  13. What fun! Great idea!

  14. Hubby and I once tried chocolate pudding. while it was fun to lick off of each other (avoiding between my legs) it was messy and he said it felt too weird. Well, I had fun lol.

  15. My hubby & I use olive oil alot too. On his bday one year, I surprised him with having the baby in bed early, a candle-lit room, sexy music, & a full body massage with it while I was dressed in sexy langerie. He enjoyed it so much that he tells me every bday that it was the best surprise present he’s ever gotten!

  16. This is an example of dirty sex that probably couldn’t & shouldn’t be repeated, but it was amazing. Even though it happened about 20 years & two kids ago it I remember it vividly…

    My husband had been gone for months during Operation Desert Storm and had finally come home. When I picked him up at the hangar he looked like the best thing I’d ever seen in my life! Very fit with a super tan (thanks to the saudi sun!).After being on a cargo/troop carrier for hours on end, he smelled like, I don’t know what. Definitely a man! Not offensive like body odor. It must have been the combination of the cargo plane and all the men together for so long, the smells of leather & rubber, outside,earthy & work related “man stuff”..Something I’ve never smelled since.

    We were so excited in every way to be together again (finally)that he didn’t even wait to get a shower, we just got down to business. Exhausted, he just went to sleep for the night, dirty & all (something he’d never done before or since), then in the middle of the night, he woke me for more deliciously & dirty lovin’! That was the only time that ever happened, but it I keep it tucked away as one of in my most yummy memories : )

  17. That’s a great story!

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