New Positions, Techniques and Introducing Toys

We have received a few inquiries on how to go about incorporating new toys and/or new positions into the bedroom.  Everyone is in a unique situation and how your husband responds is based on what type of relationship you have with him.  Some couples love to bring in new ideas into the bedroom while others like to stick with the old faithful.  

   I  feel that bringing new things to the marriage bed helps increase arousal.  I am so blessed to have the husband I have because he is always so eager to try new things.  This is especially handy when I am trying out something new to write about technique-wise or when writing for our ‘Positions of the Week’  section.  I would never write up on a position that I have not personally tried first.  He likes variety so when I ‘spring’ this on him when we are in the moment then it is not a big deal.  I think most men probably like the idea of their wife coming up with a new position or technique to try.  It could be as easy as saying “Hey Hot stuff, let’s try this….” and then explain what you are trying to do.  Whether it be that you are looking for added stimulation or you want to be on top to give him a show.  If people know where desires are coming from they tend to feel more comfortable.

We did have one technique I was asked to write about for the blog.  My husband and I discussed this act and both were on the same page of “we are not interested in trying this”, so I interviewed someone who had done it.  I am sharing this because it shows how important communication and respect are when discussing this topic.  Once a spouse feels belittled or neglected then walls are put up and communication is then compromised.   If it is about an act that has been done in the past you could always bring up the fact that you felt so cherished and blessed when you experienced it.   This would be a perfect time to ask him if there is something they did not like about it because you really miss it.  Then the two of you could collaborate on how to deal with the issue.

Toys can be a touchy situation, especially if it is phallic shaped.  Some men see bringing a toy in bed as a sign of you not being satisfied and they feel threatened by it.  If the idea of toys is new then a simple egg or bullet may be the best toys to start with.  They don’t resemble a penis and he won’t feel like it’s a competition.  I can remember my husband sharing the fact that he can’t vibrate and spin around like one of these toys.  I reminded him that he couldn’t light up either and I wouldn’t want him to.  A toy is not a replacement for my husband.  We use them as a supplement, a way to add spice.   He is perfect the way he is and I would not change a thing about him. 

If you have never talked about trying a new technique, position or about getting a toy before then I highly recommend you do so when you are not in bed.  When a couple is naked we are extra vulnerable.  Wait until you have some quiet time together and bring it up.  Try looking at toys  and picking one out together.  If he is a part of the process he may be more receptive of it.  When you are talking about a certain position make it clear that if one of you becomes uncomfortable then you can stop whatever you are doing.  A lot of things in life are trial and error.  You may not know if you like something unless you try it.  Bringing new ideas into the bedroom takes a lot of trust on both sides but it is well worth the effort.



  1. I set up a WP account just to be able to comment here 😉

    We’re a bit older, and have been married almost 10 years, and have enjoyed a very satisfying sex life. We slowly but surely built up our technique experience, and our inhibitions eventually became less. So I “jokingly” told him I wanted a sex toy for my birthday once, but never brought it up again as my birthday approached.

    He listened, and bought one! I was slightly embarrassed, but got over it pretty quickly as he used it on me. Then over time, he started handing it to me, since he thought I knew better where to put it.

    So anyway, earlier this week a website I sub to linked another website that did a sex toy post. It seemed like that site only looked at photos and read the descriptions, rather than trying them out or asking her friends, but I was grateful that she linked to the site [link removed].

    That site had top rated links which was nice, but what I really liked was that they allowed user comments. I found one toy for the ladies that was VERY highly thought of by a LOT of ladies, so I saved that page to show hubby, and we had lots of fun listening to him reading some of the comments out loud.

    And then he ‘jokingly’ asked me if I was going to order that toy, then fell asleep because he’d been working all day, and I’d fed him ROFL. But I took the hint, and ordered it, AND a vibrating ring for him.

    Later when he woke up, I told him I’d ordered the toy he’d been looking at, but also told him about the toy I also ordered for him, and how I was going to pleasure him while he was wearing it. I’ll remember the face he made while hearing that for a very long time. I can’t wait until our package arrives.

    Once we got over the embarrassment, we didn’t have any problem with the vibrating toys (some are a bit too much). We’re married, and neither of us have read that married people shouldn’t use toys.

  2. shewhispers, we had to remove the site that you mentioned. They sell some products that are not within our beliefs, such as ‘Sex Education’ DVDs.

    If someone is looking for a reputable site please feel free to check out the many links we have in our blogroll (that is the list of site to the right) and resource page. If you scroll over the companies in the blogroll you should be able to see if they sell toys.

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