Domination Play

When someone mentions a “dominatrix,” what does your mind conjure up?  For most people, it’s a woman donned in black leather or vinyl lingerie, black stiletto thigh high boots, and she’s carrying a whip.  Was this similar to what you were thinking?  Some people do live a life that revolves around hard-core domination and a BDSM type of lifestyle.  They may or may not dress that way.  For the purposes of this article we will not be talking about using domination as a fetish, as people in BDSM do.  So let me go ahead and say that I do not agree with any lifestyle or sexual inclination involving pain or humiliation.

Now that we have that out of the way… Domination play can be fun!  How would it feel ladies, to turn the tables on your darling husband?  Take a minute to think about it, especially you women out there who are usually very quiet and mild mannered.  Think about this scenario:  Your husband comes home from work one day to find you cooking dinner like usual, except that there is something slightly different, and at first he can’t put his finger on it.  You greet him with a kiss and as you hug him you say into his ear:  Tonight you’re mine… and then you gently bite his earlobe.  You go finish cooking and for the rest of the evening, whenever you pass him you grope him or give him a very sly look.  Once the kids are in bed, you tell him that you expect him in the bedroom in five minutes, and then you disappear into the bedroom yourself.  When he comes looking for you, you shut the door and lock it, push him up against the wall, and kiss him passionately.  You start undressing him.  He attempts to help but you swipe his hands away and tell him “No” pretty firmly.  You look him in the eyes and tell him that this night will go exactly as you want it to go, and you ask if he understands.  You undress him (and have fun doing it) and then you tell him to undress you…slowly.  He obeys and when he is finished you push him to the bed and straddle his face so that he can pleasure you.  (Of course you pleasure him too.)  Throughout the rest of the night you give orders and assert yourself, all the while making sure that your husband is enjoying what is happening.  You call the shots.  You decide on the positions.  You say when it ends.

Think you could do something like that?  Of course that is just a basic outline, and it can be changed to suit you and your husband, but the whole point is to get you to think about taking charge for once.  How do you think your husband would react to a situation like above?  Do you think it would be a turn on?  Would he wonder what had possessed his normally demure wife?

To many men, a woman who isn’t afraid to take control every once in a while is a good thing.  Having a wife who knows how to assert herself sometimes is a big turn on!  I mean, think about it.  If you are always the quiet natured ‘good girl’ and you are always letting him initiate and having him dictate how things go, then don’t you think he may grow tired of having to fill that role?  Constantly having to be the predator can just plain get old.  Take this recent email for example:

“My wife and I found your website and just love it!  It has really helped us break out of a rut and enjoy our love life more, and we have been encouraged to try new things that have drawn us closer.  One question we had is about light domination, or role-reversal play.  My wife is not exactly a dominatrix by nature, but she’s curious about it and I would just love for her to take a little control and assert herself, in the bedroom and out.  My gorgeous wife being dominant is just very appealing and sexy to me, but we don’t know if this crosses any lines.  Does this go against biblical teaching on the roles of husband and wife?”

Here is a husband who wants his wife to step up and take the reins sometimes!  And no, I don’t believe this goes against any biblical teachings.  God did say that the husband’s body is not his alone, but also belongs to his wife!  So as long as the husband and wife mutually consent to a little domination play, then have some fun!  You could even purchase an outfit as described in the opening paragraph if you want to!  Stilettos can be useful in many situations 😉

So ladies out there, I just wanted to leave you with something new to ponder this week.  Think about a little domination play, and if you think your husband would like it.  You don’t have to do the scenario I laid out.  You can come at it from any angle you think of.  Have fun!


  1. I surprised my overworked tired husband one night as he came through the bedroom door
    with only black thigh highs and heels, and my strawberry blossoming. His eyes got as big as saucers and he said,”Oh, My ” He quickly understood the next few hours were mine.

    We have 4 kids and to find time is a real effort but it’s worth it. I believe my job is to build up my life- time mate, causing him to spring forth as a fulfilled man of God.

  2. @ strawberryblossom – You go girl ! Iknow from experience how hard it is to get some alone time when you have a full house. Now I’m beginning to understand what our premarriage class counsellors meant when they said – “marriage sometimes can be hard work”!

  3. When my husband and I were on our honeymoon, i think one of his most surprising and fun moments was when I took the lead for the first time. I pushed him down on the bed and undressed him. We had waited till marriage, and in the few times we had had sex, I was always the “demur” wife. He was surprised and definitely turned on!

  4. Before my sexual awakening, I used to find it so amazing that no matter how tired and exhausted my husband was he could always find the energy to have sex. A large part of that is due to the fact that he is always “thinking sex”…but at times he needs a little help too and what could be more alluring than when their “saint in the kitchen” becomes their fantasy tiger in the bedroom. This didn’t come natural for me ’cause I never had the shear transparency that my DH and I share…the 1st marriage lasted more than 20 years…well, I didn’t even know what a “G-Spot” was…but it’s all better now, believe me!
    Haven’t tried the stiletto heals yet, but have worn thigh-high black fishnet hose with a wild fish-net teddy attached via garter UNDERNEATH an attractive pants and blouse outfit to go out on a date with my DH. Played footsie under the table and said sexy things into his ear while at the restaurant and then when we got home and I start stripping down…he’s like, “Thank you Lord”.
    It was so much fun…the planning, purchasing, and hiding of my new little outfit so that he could truly be surprised! I’m thinking it’s time to go shopping for some black, thigh-high stiletto boots!!!
    Thanks for the great idea girls to spice up our marriage!

  5. ha! the closest i think either of us has come to this is me just messing w/ him climbing on his back and pretending to shove his head in the pillow (like he does mine) and telling him to shut up! take it! shut yo mouth!
    it’s one of the few things that really makes my husband laugh out loud

  6. To all your newly-weds or DINKS (double income, no kids :-))Something I did before we had kids, was to start preparing dinner early, so that when he came home, it was almost ready. Then, just before he gets home, I would undress and put on ONLY an apron. When he walked into the kitchen, I would be standing infront of the stove with my revealing back-side to him and the front all covered up. You can guess what he had in mind, but I told him NO – wait until supper is finished… then I would pass him a nice cold glass of wine and finish up… light the candles and have a romantic candle-lit dinner in ONLY my apron…. then I would “dominate” the rest of the evening. The biggest challange was to make him wait… and then tell him what kind of desert he will be getting… with ALL the details… we have fond memories of those child-less years… being creative without worrying about the kids is just so much easier… enjoy the time!

  7. ah how fun! i’ll have to think of a time to try that senario. I’ve never thought of “dominatrix” as a “tame” thing like that. hahaha my man would love it. 😀 lol

  8. Oh my gosh did I ever blow my husbands mind the other night!!!! Neither one of us could believe how it went. It began with me just taking the lead and telling him I wanted hijm to go down on me and he asked how I wanted it……slow, direct ete….So I started kinda giving him directions as he went along. Well he loved me doing it and I started feeling really comfortable with it. Talk about mind blowing………..We’ve expanded on it since then and ladies it was awsome. I discovered a naughty side I didnt know I had and hubby has been wild with gusto!

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