Interview with Paul and Lori Byerly: Creators of

The Marriage Bed website is significant to the writers on this blog because… that is where we met and became friends. I personally found the website at the beginning of my sexual awakening as I was looking for information on how to strip for my husband. When I started reading the discussion forums I was relieved to find so much valuable information that was incredibly significant in freeing me to walk in who I saw God was drawing me to become, a journey I am still on today. If I had a dime for every time I thought “If only I had found this at the beginning of my marriage,” I would be a very rich woman today. We are all so thankful for The Marriage Bed ministry and we are thankful to welcome the creators as guests on our blog.

Christian Nymphos: How long have you been ministering to married couples about godly sexuality through The Marriage Bed?

Paul and Lori Byerly: The main site has been up for eleven years.  The message boards have been up nine and a half years.

CN: What resources are available to people through The Marriage Bed?

PLB: There are a growing number of articles on sexuality, intimacy and romance.  We strive to make everything consistent with the truth of the Bible and scientifically accurate. There’s also a message board, a community of individuals who share and learn together, and a listing of other on-line resources (sites, books, etc).

CN: What are the most common problems or questions people have when they come to The Marriage Bed forums?

PLB: The vast majority can be summed up as “am I/are we normal?” and “is this okay?”  These are things people don’t tend to talk about face to face, so most folks have no idea what is usual or unusual.

CN: Other than your ministry through The Marriage Bed site, in what other ways are you involved in ministering to married couples?

PLB: We also do The Generous Wife and The Generous Husband, in which we send out a daily tip on being a more loving and generous spouse.  These tips cover a wider array of topics than The Marriage Bed. We do one on one ministry with individuals and couples via e-mail, as time allows. In the past, we’ve done marriage weekends, and we anticipate doing that again in 2009.  We had our first marriage seminar on board a cruise ship last year, and we have another scheduled for May 17-24 of this year – details here.

CN: What are the best resources you have found which support a husband and wife in building intimacy and wholeness together?

PLB: Fortunately, there are a growing list of books available.  The TMB bookstore tries to keep the newest and best books available on sexuality, communication, and general marital issues.  I would also point to ministries like Joe Beam’s Love Path and Dr. Harley’s Marriage Builders.  There are also an increasing number of helpful sites (Growthtrac) and blogs (Christian Nymphos).  The body of Christ is stepping up to the plate in creating resources to help in healing and building marriages.

CN: Do you see a shift happening in the church towards embracing proper sexuality? It seems like more and more pastors are beginning to speak more openly about it.

PLB: In more than a decade of doing this we have seen a significant change.  The message of TMB has not changed, but we have become far more acceptable, and have links from places that would not have acknowledged our existence in the past.  We see this change as one of positive peer pressure that allows those who have always agreed with our message to say so without fearing they will be punished for it.  The “sex is dirty, even in marriage” message no longer rules unopposed!

CN: How can we encourage the men and women in our circle to walk in more freedom in their marriage beds?

PLB: Communicate, communicate, communicate!  A couple must talk clearly and freely with each other.  Help others by openly and appropriately living your love and desire for your spouse.  When others make disparaging remarks about marriage or married sexuality, don’t let it go – make it clear that you think differently!  The more the message of good, Godly sex is proclaimed, the easier it is for folks to hear and heed that message.

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