Should we talk about sex in church?

To answer the question….should we talk about sex in church?   Heck, yes!  God spoke of it first!

Many of you are familiar with the name Ed Young. Yes, he is the pastor of Fellowship Church in Grapevine, TX…you know, the pastor with the challenge to all the married couples in his church to have sex daily for one week. What an awesome challenge! I read a little bit about it. Did you realize that the idea wasn’t Ed’s, but his wife, Lisa’s? In a blog the Young’s pen together here, when asked about why SHE is so excited about this challenge, Lisa says, “Because God has revolutionized my view of sex and removed a lot of preconceived notions I had. And I can truly value intimacy done God’s way.” Does this mean that even PW’s can have hang ups about sex? Does she sound like any ladies you know? I found Ed’s blog and in it he comments, “Our culture is so used to toilet water that it’s refreshing when we get a taste of God’s pure desire for sex in marriage.

After reading and subscribing to Ed’s blog, I followed it up by reading an article online that criticized Mr. Young and his challenge. The article was written by Gavin Richardson, director of youth ministries at FUMC in Hendersonville, TN. In his article, Mr. Richardson calls Mr. Young “off target” in his challenge. He suggests that we “should not be talking about sex as a “foundation” for our marriages”. Instead, we should “figure out how we are friends with our spouses and others.” He feels that “the deep core we need to address is how we are friends in love, not lovers in bed.”

As a youth pastor, he says in the article that he hears about sex all the time. I hope he is addressing it biblically!! When the topic comes up in the youth of our church, I hope it isn’t pushed in the corner in all this talk of becoming friends with everyone. If you aren’t going to openly and biblically answer the questions teens have, they are going to get misinformation and believe what they hear from friends, Hollywood movies, TV shows or by experimenting for themselves! People like Ed Young and the authors of this blog are trying to show the world that sex is not a bad thing when we do it in the context that God created it for. Married sex is awesome, and if we don’t educate our own congregations, we end up with marriages that have so many problems because of misunderstandings, lies or things that the church could and should address. Sexual incompatibility is listed on many divorce websites as reasons that people’s marriages end.

Dear ones, part of teaching our future generations to love and respect each other will include preparing them for the future. Mr. Young is doing a great service to help others understand that God created sex. God wants us to love sex….when it is used in the context He created it for. God loves intimacy. He wants to have an intimate relationship with Him. He created marriage and he created sex to not only create intimacy between husband and wife, but also to bring us together in a greater intimacy with Him. God wrote about physical intimacy in the Song of Solomon. He wrote about proper relationships, how to court each other (without sex involved) and how once we are married that we can consummate a wonderful and sometimes wild sexual relationship with each other. He wants us to enjoy sex. I watched online a part of Ed’s message the other day, and he also said that another part of sex is worship….well, yeah, each other, but it is worshiping God as well. God wants us to use what he created and called “good”. All God saw he created he said was good, sex included between a married man and woman.

But remember, Satan knows God’s word quite well, and he loves to twist it so that we believe differently about sex and marriage. God didn’t just create sex so we would be “fruitful and multiply”. Sure he wanted the world to be populated, but he wanted us to enjoy sex as well! What I want to know is why Mr. Richardson and others like him are so intimidated by seven consecutive days of sex by married couples?

Sex is a very important part of a marriage. By encouraging his congregation to make love once daily for a week, Ed Young is not saying that sex is the only important part of a marriage, but he is recognizing that sex is the first thing to go by the wayside when problems come. Our bodies miss sex when we aren’t taking the time to get intimate with our spouses. Many times, spouses use sex as a weapon, a tool to hurt or manipulate when it should be a tool used to superglue our hearts to each other. Women, we are guilty of this, and we are also guilty of using it as a reward when our husbands do the things we want them to do. This is very wrong and not what God intends for us to be like. 1 Corinthians 7: 3-5 saysThe husband must fulfill his duty to his wife, and likewise also the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does; and likewise also the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Stop depriving one another, except by agreement for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer, and come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. (NASB – emphasis mine) I love that part that I bolded. Stop depriving one another… I hear this in the tone in my voice when my kids are arguing…Stop fighting with each other, but it is our heavenly Father expressing his displeasure with how we treat each other in regards to sex. Stop depriving one another. Love one another. God fashioned our bodies so that when we come together, we become one in mind, in heart, in soul and in body. Genesis 2:24 tells us “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.” Sex in our marriages helps us to avoid sinful temptations. 1 Thess. 4:3-5 tells us It is God’s will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; that each of you should learn to control his own body in a way that is holy and honorable, not in passionate lust like the heathen, who do not know God” Sex with your spouse is holy and honorable….extra marital affairs, sex before marriage, pornography, these are all the passionate lusts that God talks about.  Do you hear God’s voice telling you “Stop depriving one another”? I have been hearing him tell me this more and more often lately, and my husband is reaping the reward of this. 

I support Ed Young, and others like the ladies here at CN who are bringing God’s word forth on this topic, sex in your marriage bed. Dearest, God spoke this well before myself, or Ed Young, or any other who chooses to repeat was the Lord said first himself. The problem is not with Ed Young…the problem is our sinful, disobedient hearts. I am off now to continue with my week long (or more) sexperiment. Take the challenge…dive right in….your marriage will be rewarded in more ways than you can possibly imagine.


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