Position #57: Hot Dog and Buns

This week I chose an outer-course position to write about.  It is considered an outer-course position because it does not involve any penetration.  Why would a couple want to have outer-course?  It can be used as foreplay (all the sweet spots are being stimulated directly), some women have physical conditions where penetration is painful, or some couples just like to add variety to their marriage bed.   

To get into position lay tummy down on your bed or floor with a pillow placed under your hips.  A pillow is not necessary but it will make things more comfortable plus it can prop your rear up for easier access to your clitoris.  Your husband gets behind you facing the same way, just like typical rear entry, except he won’t be entering your vagina.  Instead he will be rubbing the top part of his penis through the backside of your upper thighs and over your vulva and clitoris.  Make sure his penis is well lubricated before you begin so that he can move easily without friction. Each thrust should tease and titillate your most sensitive areas.   If you get to the point where you can’t stand for him to not be inside you then entry is easy enough but you may want to either use extreme pressure against the bed, your fingers or a toy to keep the clitoral stimulation going.

  After you reach orgasm, and you are ready to focus on him, he can place his well lubricated penis on your rear end and move his penis back and forth between your butt cheeks rather than between your thighs.  This will give him direct stimulation right under the head of his penis, which is where he is most sensitive.  You (or he) could always squeeze your cheeks together to form a tighter sensation.   Enjoy!!

***Even though there is no penetration pregnancy can occur especially if he ejaculates at the opening of your vagina.  If you are trying to avoid pregnancy then other precautions should be used.

Sex Furniture to Enhance Positions

One of the ways to add spice to your sex life is to add in special pieces of furniture which are designed especially for enhancing sex. There are a variety of companies and individuals who have given this some thought and have produced some really great stuff.

Liberator shapes are pieces of furniture specifically designed as sex furniture that allow for certain positions to hit you in just the right spot. They will angle this and elevate that and allow for the positions you have always known to feel a little different. They are built from high quality foam and covered with soft, sensual fabrics. They sell different lines of shapes. Some with restraints, some without. A variety of fabrics and textures. Some of the shapes include the Esse, the Ramp, the Wedge (those two are also sold as a set), the Cube, the Scoop and many other shapes. They also have a nice blanket which is soft velvet on one side and silky satin on the other with an inner layer that is a moisture barrier to keep the fluids, lubes and lotions from getting on your other furniture. If you are looking for this it is called the Fascinator Throe. They also have large cushions and pillows. The greatest problem with Liberator shapes is the cost. They are very pricey and I am convinced that if you have sewing ability, you can make some of them without too much trouble if you can access the high quality foam. So if they appeal to you consider making one yourself or making something like this that one poster spoke of at The Marriage Bed Forums. I haven’t linked to the Liberator site because it contains a lot of nudity. If you wish to go there be forewarned and feel free to find them through a search engine. However one of our affiliate sites does sell Liberator products without nudity, Romance Between the Lines.

Another piece of sex furniture to consider is a sex swing. A sex swing allows you to be strapped in and elevated off the ground. It will most often have padded straps for supporting several areas; back, rear end, legs. It allows for angles and positions that you can’t accomplish without it. (Edited to remove link with nudity.) You can usually find a pretty good one for a little over $50.

Also remember that your house is filled with furniture that you use every day for other purposes that will give you a different angle than your bed. The kitchen table, counter tops, the couch, arm chairs, desks, office chairs, recliners…. Take a walk through your house this week and look at what you have and see if it would make good sex furniture. You might be surprised at what you find. You may not be able to afford Liberator Shapes, but there are lots of other things you can do to spice up positions with the furniture you already have. 😀

Q&A: Male ‘Enhancements’

“I was wondering if you have any information on male enhancements such as penis enlargement patches and pills. My husband would like to have a larger penis to be able to satisfy me better. These websites claim to enlarge the penis by as much as 3 inches within the first couple of months and they claim to give permanent results. I have never heard of these patches and such till now and was wondering if there are any reviews on them or people who have used them and have been successful?”

Let me just say right from the get go that I have never heard of any of these “enhancements” actually working.  They are basically rip-offs.  I had a girlfriend to ask me about this same topic years ago and we even went to a GNC and asked the guys behind the counter about it.  They told us upfront that those silly commercials that claim to give you up to three more inches are bogus.  They did say, however, that there are pills that increase blood flow to the penis, therefore helping it maintain a firmer erection.  Of course this is true of Viagra, Cialis and other drugs.  But a man can no more grow a couple extra inches of penis than he can add a few inches of leg.

I have to wonder why your husband thinks that he isn’t enough for you.  You say he wants to be able to satisfy you better, but how do you feel about that?  There is a huge misconception out there that a longer/larger penis will equal a more satisfied wife.  What a crazy thing to think!  Woman to woman let me tell you that adding a couple of inches is not what will satisfy you.  The main nerve endings that give us sexual pleasure are found in the clitoris and labia, and then a couple inches inside around the g-spot.  After that there really aren’t many nerve endings deep inside the vagina.

If you truly are unsatisfied in your marriage bed, then you can start to rectify the situation by communicating to your husband the things that you need from him.  He needs you to tell him what you like and what feels good to you.  Think about trying some new sexual techniques or toys with each other or trying some new positions.   And if you are already satisfied, then girl you need to tell him so!  Reassure and affirm him!  Don’t allow him to continue to worry about his size and wonder about enhancement pills!

Save your money.  Don’t buy into ridiculous gimmicks that do nothing more than to perpetuate the lie that “bigger is better.”

Other Related Articles:  Does Size Matter?

A lesson from Lot’s wife

Obedience. Now there is a word that we all *think* we can handle, but a lot of times, that word “obedience” or “obey” makes us really think hard….if I obey, will I loose all autonomy? Surely I don’t have to obey the speed limit if I am late for work, right? If my family were in the midst of a natural disaster, surely God would forgive me if I stole something to help me survive, right? Obedience is a very strong word, and I am hopeful in this study that we can all learn that when God asks us to obey him, that we should just do it.

This week’s bible study starts with the infamous cities of Sodom and Gomorrah. Just this morning, I had someone mention to me that she thought the U.S. today was becoming a modern day Sodom and Gomorrah. I can see where she is coming from. We are moving so far away from God in our society. There are so many things that God made sacred that as a people, we are just flat out ignoring and turning our back from, just like the people from Sodom and Gomorrah. Turn in your Bible to Genesis 19.

In this chapter, Lot is visited by two angels who stay at his house. The men in the town realize that there is someone new in town and want Lot to let them have relations with his male guests. Lot pleads with the men in town to leave the guests alone, even offers his virgin daughters to them instead, but the men of Sodom are in a wild frenzy to get inside to his visitors. The angels pull Lot inside and blind the men outdoors so they cannot find their way in. The angels warn Lot that he, his wife, and his daughters MUST get out of town fast. They have been sent to destroy the city. The next morning, Lot is told by the angels “Hurry! Take your wife and your two daughters who are here, or you will be swept away when the city is punished.’ (Gen. 19:15) And they were serious….so serious that the men grasped his hand and the hands of his wife and of his two daughters and led them safely out of the city, for the LORD was merciful to them. As soon as they had brought them out, one of them said, “Flee for your lives! Don’t look back, and don’t stop anywhere in the plain! Flee to the mountains or you will be swept away!” (Gen. 19:16-17)

Okay, here is where the obedience comes in. What is it that the Lord’s servants told Lot’s family…. FLEE…DON’T LOOK BACK… DON’T STOP ANYWHERE… Have you ever heard the Lord speak to you? There have been times in my life when I stopped in my TRACKS where I was when I heard the Lord’s voice. I stopped immediately. Here are these very explicit instructions. Pretty simple and easy to follow, wouldn’t you say. FLEE … that word means run away as fast as you can…Just like Joseph did when Potiphar’s wife wanted him to lie with her. He RAN so fast that he left his cloak behind. DON’T LOOK BACK…. Pretty self explanatory…. Don’t turn around AT ALL. DON’T STOP ANYWHERE. That one is pretty strict. Keep going…and going and going…don’t stop ANYWHERE.  Yes, that means ANYWHERE.   These angels had told Lot that they had been sent by the Lord to destroy the cities. So Lot and his family know what is going to happen. So the angels drag them away from the city and tell them to keep on running. Don’t be a rubber-necker, staring at the accident as you go by… RUN!….Then the LORD rained down burning sulfur on Sodom and Gomorrah—from the LORD out of the heavens. Thus he overthrew those cities and the entire plain, including all those living in the cities—and also the vegetation in the land. But Lot’s wife looked back, and she became a pillar of salt. (Gen. 19:24-26)

NOOOOOOOOO!!! Don’t look back!!! Argh, she did anyway! Why didn’t she obey? Why didn’t she listen? Gosh, those are things I think about my kids all the time. It’s called our sin nature. Can you imagine what Lot’s wife might have been thinking while running away? “Just one peek. What could it hurt?” or maybe “Surely he didn’t mean to NOT look back at all” or how about this one “But…but … but… my home! My things! My life is all back there! And it is all GONE!”

Do you do these things, dear one? God gives us instructions through out the Bible. I am in a Hot Topics study at church right now about Fireproofing your marriage. Have you seen that movie or read the book? Awesome! But think about it… did Caleb think that porn could hurt his marriage? What was more important to him, his marriage or that boat he wanted to save all his money for? And Catherine wasn’t immune either…instead of communicating her needs to Caleb and having them fulfilled by him, she was ready to take the next step with another man. My Sunday school teacher said it best, “We feel like we have 80% of what fulfills us in our spouse at times, and we look elsewhere for the other 20%….and what happens? We leave the 80% for the 20%.” It’s so true! Ladies, we need to open our ears and listen to what our Lord has to say! Women, we are instructed to respect our husbands and submit to them. Sure sometimes they don’t deserve it, but what does God say? Just do it! Your husband has been told by God to love you like Christ loves the church…are you always loveable? Probably not, but God has told him to love you anyway. Do we always listen? Nope. If you were tempted by another man, could you flee or would you want to look back to get another glance? Both Exodus 20:14 and Deuteronomy 5:18 tell us very clearly “You shall not commit adultery”. When that 20% of a man comes your way, listen to God. Flee. Remember, he’s only 20% ladies. Only 20%. Your man is your 80%….God is your 100%.

We’re like children who love to touch that burner even though we are told not to. We like to run in the street when we’re told to STOP! Both of my kids favorite thing to tell me is “Nothing happened to me” when I tell them not to do something and they do it anyway. We take our free will as far as we can possibly go, trying not to get burned. God wants us to listen to him and just do what he tells us. Don’t be like Lot’s wife. If God tells you to flee, run as fast as you can. If God tells you to not turn around, don’t do it. What we don’t realize is that God has something much better in store for us if we only obey him.

Monday’s Mission #47

Your mission this week is to think about how you speak about your husband to others. Are you respectful in how you speak of him? Do you honor him with your speech? Do you tell others the things he does that make you happy or show love to you? Or do you take opportunities to complain about him? To join in “husband bashing?” To speak negatively about marriage or your relationship? I am not suggesting that if you are experiencing marriage problems that you pretend everything is sweet and pleasant. Just that you guard how you speak of your husband. Keep the mind of Christ and let your words be filled with grace. There is great power in transforming cursing into blessing, and hearing words of honor is a beautiful thing.

Position #56: The Push Up

This position is a fun one to try, if you dare!  To start off with the wife will lie down on the bed on her tummy, with her head facing the side or foot of the bed.  Then she needs to scoot up until her head, arms, shoulders, and breasts are off the bed, and she is helping to support her weight with her hands on the floor.  Her tummy, hips, legs, and feet should all still be on the bed.

The husband then assumes the same exact position on top of her, with his arms supporting his weight on the floor and the rest of his body still on the bed.  He can then penetrate and start thrusting.  His chest should be on his wife’s back.  They will both be in a “push up” position, with their lower bodies on the bed and upper bodies hanging off the side of the bed.

Pros: The wife’s breasts are not squished from lying flat on the bed!

Cons: If you have bed risers, this position will not work for you because the angle will be too great.  This position has the potential to send more blood to your head and could cause dizziness if you are prone to that.

Tip: If you are having difficulty with this one, then try putting a yoga ball or exercise ball under the wife’s head.  She can use the ball to help hold her weight up and may be able to relax more without having to hold herself up on her hands.

Keeping Score

Do any of you ever feel that you are putting way more into pleasing your husband than he is putting into pleasing you? After all, men do get aroused easier and orgasm faster.


I can only speak for myself but if any of my spice sisters (or any of our readers) feel differently I’m sure they will speak up.  Our blog is not just about pleasing our husbands; we are encouraging women to embrace their sexuality.  Many women have been suppressing their sexual urges because they have been taught (either through church, by parents or just from society alone) that it is wrong.  It is not wrong and completely natural.  God made us this way.  If pleasing my husband makes me happy, and he pleasing me makes him happy then don’t we both win?  Marriage is not about keeping score.  It’s about building a bond, through God and then that spills over into our marriage. 
(My only disclaimer is if you are in a marriage where your spouse puts your needs second, time and time again, then you need to make him aware before resentment sets in. )


Men do become aroused easier, but that is no reason to neglect those special things that cement our bond.   A good marriage takes a lot of hard work, open communication and it requires a team effort.  You and your husband are on the same side and you should be each other’s biggest cheerleader.  Intimacy is not just about ‘getting off’.  Here is a food analogy for you.  Let’s say you are hungry and you satisfy that huger with junk/fast food day after day. All that fast food is going to take a toll on you in the long run.  Your hunger may be lessened but you body will be missing out on serious nutrition that helps your body run effectively.  The same goes for a marriage.  If you are only interested in keeping yourself satisfied sexually then the other half of your marriage suffers and your bond is weakened.  Soon you will be feeling empty.  I love knowing that I make my husband feel like the most special guy in the world and in the long run I think it helps him be the best husband he can be. 


Remember that the best way to be blessed is to be a blessing yourself.


Q&A: “He’s Too Spiritual”

We received the following email from a reader:

In my new marriage sex is great, but he’s a much stronger Christian than me and so he’s is not as willing to get more into trying new and erotic things as me.  He believes doing some of these things are major sins.  This kind of disappoints me that our sex life is not as crazy, adventurous, and romantic as it could be. We also both waited till marriage to have sex.  How can I get him to break down that extreme Christianity wall and realize that God will forgive him and that prayer before sex is not necessary, because it really is a HUGE turnoff to me.

There are a lot of issues going on here. I seems apparent to me that there is a need for you and your husband to get on the same page sexually. If the sex is great, that is a good start, but learning to communicate now about sex will pay you back in dividends later. That he is committed to his faith is also a good thing and I would caution you to be careful about trying to get him to be less committed to his convictions. If he feels that a certain act is sin and you don’t agree, it would be more helpful to discuss the reasons than to ask him to do it and then ask for forgiveness later. We should never enter into sin lightly with the thought that Jesus died for it so it’s OK. (A study on this passage may be helpful to you.)

If he believes that certain acts are sinful, ask him why and go to the Word of God together to see what it says. You might find this article helpful as you determine appropriate sexual boundaries together. It may take some time to work through these things, but you have a lifetime to grow in intimacy and passion. It’s important to work towards unity and honest communication so give it the time it needs.

If you want to spice things up, keep on suggesting and trying new things that are within his current boundaries. Have sex somewhere new. Put some sexy music on and dance for him. Avoid the word strip if it causes negative feelings for him. Greet him after work in the privacy of your own home wearing only lingerie. There are lots of spicy things that can be enjoyed. The list is endless. Enjoy what he is comfortable with now and grow in it as you grow in the other areas of your relationship.

It seems to me that his desire to pray before sex may be one of the ways he is trying to be a spiritual leader and covering for you. Based on what you have shared, I can see why he is praying out loud with you. He wants both of you to grow together in your relationship with one another and with the Lord. Be careful about how you handle this one as it may come across as though you do not appreciate that. If it turns you off and you want to talk to him about it begin by affirming to him how much you appreciate his commitment to making God a priority in your relationship. Once you have established that, tell him that it is hard for you to stay aroused when the focus shifts from the two of you to God. Ask him if he could pray internally. If he feels it helps and you feel that it detracts, then you can both have what you need if he prays silently. I suspect that while you wish that he would loosen up and be less focused on God, that he wishes that you had a closer walk with God.

You might find further helpful information about this issue in the following articles:

As I said at the outset, I think this really is an issue of learning to communicate well with your husband. Countless books are written on communication for a reason. As simple of a concept as it is, learning to do it well is incredibly valuable in a marriage.

Q&A: “Submit-Date”

“If anyone here watches a certain daytime talk show host who is mega wealthy.  She had a two-part show with a so-called sexpert on who had a neat idea.  A “submit date” for a lack of better terms.  She was counseling a dominant female and a submissive male, not in an S&M sense but more in an extrovert introvert sense.  The couple had to go on a date where the man chose everything down to what the lady wore out for the evening and she had to let him.  I was just wondering if any of you saw it and what your thoughts were on this.  My wife is a real planner and I do that kind of thing for a living so when I get home I often do not feel like making a lot of decisions.  She and I have been talking about going on one of these dates ever since.  We think it may be interesting if only for the fact that it would get both of us out of our comfort zone and change up the routine. What are your thoughts?  Any ideas on how to make this fun?”

First of all I do not watch that mega wealthy daytime talk show host.  However, a ‘submit date’ sounds very intriguing!  Surely we can think of some ideas to go along with this!  Let’s look at a ‘submit date’ and come up with a list of things that the dominant spouse could get to decide on:

  • Day and time of date
  • Childcare arrangements
  • Attire for both of you
  • Whether or not you will wear undies or lingerie under clothes
  • Vehicle to use
  • Music to listen to in vehicle
  • Dinner reservations or arrangements
  • What you both will eat
  • Where you go after dinner
  • What movie you see
  • Who will drive
  • Whether cell phones are allowed on date
  • When sex will happen on date
  • Where sex will happen on date
  • What positions will be used
  • Who gets to orgasm first
  • How many times sex will happen
  • Sexual techniques
  • If you shower together beforehand or afterward

Oh the ideas could be endless!  I am a planner.  I like things to be organized and planned well in advance, so for me to hand over the ‘power’ so to speak, to my husband, would be… a huge step for me.  That would definitely be out of my comfort zone.  In fact, he probably wouldn’t believe me if I told him I’d be willing to do this! 😆

If any of you get the courage to try out a date such as this, please write in and let us know how it goes!  I’d love to hear from people who have gone through with it.  Maybe you could share some tips with the rest of us!

Monday Mission #46

Your mission this week is to try to come up with a sex position that you and your husband have never done before. Something totally new. Before you read for ideas on our Position of the Week Page, try to discover something between the two of you. Think about trying something sitting instead of laying, one or both of you standing on the floor instead of being on the bed, or using another piece of furniture all together. Try to think outside the box of your current repertoire and have some fun.

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