Position #55: Cupid’s Arrow

OK, you are probably thinking that I came up with the name Cupid’s Arrow just in time for Valentine’s Day and I guess you are right but it is pretty fitting.  This is a woman on top position that allows fantastic G-spot as well as clitoral stimulation but instead of you controlling all the movements, it is your husband who will be determining the depth.  I’m sure he will not mind getting some specific directions from you if needed.  Just yell out your commands to him to go faster or slower and he will be more than happy to please you.  The last time we did this position I told my husband he was lucky I didn’t drool on him.   Not the loveliest image but I’m telling you, it’s that good!!

Have your husband lay flat on his back while you straddle him like a typical cowgirl position.  Support your weight on your knees (which should be on either side of him) and lean forward so that you can rest your weight on your elbows.  Make sure you are forward enough so that your clitoris is being stimulated by rubbing on him.  Have him bend his legs slightly at the knees so that he has leverage to do his thrusting.  Your husband will have freedom to thrust as fast or as slow as he wants.  With each thrust you should also be getting stimulation on your clitoris and his “arrow” should be hitting your G-spot.  The results are mind blowing orgasms. 

Pros: ~ Multiple types of stimulation all at the same time.

           ~ Coordination galore is not needed. (Anyone can do it.)

           ~Face to face contact.


Cons: ~ I can’t think of any.  Well, I guess you could run into that drooling scenario but my husband told me that he could care less if it did happen.  Truth be told, I think it would make him feel pretty good now that I think about it.

Q&A: Positions To Boost Confidence

“I would love to try something like this . . . but every time we try a new position that doesn’t work right away my husband blames it on the fact that his “Mr. Glad” is too short.  He wants to try new positions but his self image and confidence get lower all because he thinks the reason it won’t work *right away* is because his penis isn’t long enough. Which then leads to other issues-he comes too early or not at all-because he is too nervous or down on himself.

First, is there really that much difference in erect penises sizes that would keep a couple from doing most of the various positions?

And, second, if not, then any suggestions in how I can convince him it’s not him and to keep trying with me? My word alone isn’t working. And, if so, then do you have any creative positions to build confidence in a man who believes he’s on the short end of the stick?”

This was taken from the comment section of Position #54: The Wounded Knee. In trying to reply, I quickly realized that it was just going to be too long, so I decided to write up an article in response.

Yes, there are many different sizes and shapes of penises.  Some are shorter and fatter while others are longer and thinner.  Some have a slight curve while others are straight arrows.  There is an average size, however, of around 5 inches erect, with many men falling slightly under or slightly over that.  The length of the average vagina is somewhere around 4 inches deep, although it does have the ability to stretch and elongate some, during arousal.  With all of this in mind, doesn’t it sound like God designed our bodies to fit together comfortably?

There is such a wide variety of sexual positions to choose from.  A position that works well for you and your husband may give another couple problems.  Every couple has their favorite positions or those positions that work better for them.  Likewise, every couple will also have those positions that just don’t work for them.  This could be due to various reasons that aren’t related to penis size/length at all.

Some positions are harder for heavier couples to achieve, due to excess weight distributed in certain areas.  An example of this is a couple that is unable to do the Spoons position.  Some couples may think that this is one of the easiest positions to do, however, if the wife has a little more ‘junk in her trunk’ then penetration may be difficult to maintain.  In this example, the problem wouldn’t have anything to do with penis length, but rather, the extra flesh that prevents the genitals from reaching each other well.

There are also positions that are difficult to do if there is a big height difference between the husband and wife.  Standing and rear entry positions are the ones that come to mind here.  When there is a height discrepancy of 6-10 inches (and sometimes more), it’s hard to get the genitals to line up correctly in those positions.  Again, that has nothing to do whatsoever with penis length.

Another thing to keep in mind is that some positions require a good sense of balance and/or flexibility.  This is seen in many of our CN Positions that are labeled “acrobatic.”  If the wife (and sometimes husband) isn’t limber enough, then sometimes that position will just be out for them.  Just last night my husband and I tried a new one that I just didn’t have enough balance for (it required me to stand on one leg), and he kept slipping out.  It was totally my fault and we ended up giggling about it and just trying something else that we knew would work.

There are some positions, though, that can help to boost confidence in our husbands.  There are some that give a ‘tighter’ feel, thus making him seem larger, and there are also some positions that allow for very deep penetration, so it makes him seem longer.  Let me close with a few examples of each, and I wish you both well!

Positions that give a tighter feel:

Positions that allow for deep penetration, making him seem longer:

Interview: Healing and Restoration After Adultery ~ Part Two

Yesterday we shared part one of an interview with a couple whose marriage suffered infidelity. Today they share further about the struggle in that and their journey toward healing.

CN: How did you identify the problems in your own marriage and address them?

DH: We had help. We were counseled by a couple who had problems in their own marriage. they also seem to be particularly gifted in counseling and have helped many couples. They were able to identify areas in which we were undermining transparency in our relationship. One major area was that I had a history of being a controller and DW had a history of being a pleaser. The controller believes every thing is fine as long as they get their way. The pleaser is fearful of speaking their mind. That particular dance does not lend itself well to real intimacy.

CN: What is important for the husband and wife to do in order to for healing to come to the marriage. I’d like to hear from both of you what you required of yourselves and of your spouse.

DH: Two things come to mind for me.

  • I needed to recognize that DW could be doing the best possible job at loving me and affirming me but that still was NOT able to bring me the healing I needed. Only GOD could do that. It was when I really began crying out to him for healing that healing came to me. This is one of those things where “all things work together for good”. I love my relationship with the Lord and would not go back six years in time for anything!
  • Honesty . I require honesty of myself and expect honesty from DW. Honesty can hurt. However,it’s only when things are out in the open that they can be dealt with and healing can come. Things that remain a secret are deadly.

DW: The hardest thing for me was to forgive myself. I cried a lot. Just when I thought I had recovered, something would set me off and I would cry again. It was worse when I would listen to DH as he struggled and asked hard questions. There were times when I kept things from him because it seemed as if it just increased the pain and I wanted to spare him. That only made it worse. It is tempting to fall back into the “pleaser” role to make things seem better but in the long haul, it is better to be real. I had a lot of help from others in this area, especially from our very compassionate and merciful church, but it took a very long time to really forgive myself.

DH: We both felt it was important to start building NEW, POSITIVE memories together. We did not want the old marriage back. We wanted a BETTER one. For example,soon after our reconciliation DW bought tickets for us to see a Christian comedy show together with our kids. It was wonderful to laugh together. I’m glad she had that insight. Another example is DW had wanted to learn ballroom dancing together for years. I didn’t want to and dragged my feet every time it was suggested. The affair was a wake up call for me in that department. I quickly scheduled dance lessons for us at our “adult education” classes run by our local school district. We had such a good time with that and I wonder why in the world I had reservations about it for such a long time. We both love to dance together. Sometimes I think I love it even more than she does! LOL!

DW: In the sexual department we took it slow on the advice of our counselors. That turned out to be wise advice.

DH: Yes. The sex was emotionally painful at first. For me,particularly after the sex was over. You know, the after effects? What should have been an “after-glow” was just a “trigger” for more pain. Just knowing from our counselors that there was no need to rush the sexual healing, gave us enough space to allow the Lord to bring us together in his way.

DW: I think the only thing I required from my husband was that he accept my answers to his questions. He told me he wanted honesty, but there were times he tried to argue with me once I answered him. My initial reaction was to not want to answer at all.

DH: Yes. I needed to learn to respect her thoughts and feelings. Love does not mean that we agree with each other on everything. “Boundaries in Marriage” was a helpful book for me in this area.

DW:On a practical side, it was also important to me to return all the gifts from the other man. I didn’t just throw them out. I wanted him to know that I know longer wanted them. I also wrote a letter of apology to his wife. I felt the need to ask forgiveness of all the people involved.

CN: What is the condition of your marriage now and what was the road like getting here?

DH: I’m very happy with my marriage. I let my wife be the judge of how good it is. I think that only our partner is qualified to say how good it is. We’ve been married over 30 years. We’ve had ups and downs. We both felt like we were relatively happy for the 1st 24 years. We both feel that it’s far better now. Speaking for myself, the road to recovery from DW’s affair has been very difficult for me. I don’t think it’s been a piece of cake for DW either. I’m sure that living with my woundedness, anger, grieving, brokenness and questions have NOT been easy for her. I do think that in the long run it’s helped us to know each other better.

DW:  I love my husband and my new marriage. The affair was a Romans 8:28 for us.  It worked out that our relationship is much better, more open and real than it ever was before. I would say the road is long but it gets easier the farther one travels down it. On my end, even as I write about it , it is as if I am outside, looking in on another person and events.

CN: Describe your relationship today.
DH: We were just discussing this recently. We are BEST friends! We love each other more than ever.
DW: We have just become empty nester’s ( almost, our youngest is in college) and I told my husband that I enjoy being alone with him. On that note, I have to add that even the sex is the best it has ever been for me and I know my husband likes the fact that there is more of it.  I did not think that would happen and it is a wonderful blessing.  We continue to grow.
DH: Yeah, there’s more sex, which is great, but even better is the fact that my wife is truly engaged with me. It’s not obligatory sex. She loves it / loves me and I love to please her. It’s an extension of the rest of our lives together. We’re always looking out for the interests of the other. We see so many marriages that struggle with infidelity. We want folks to know that God is able to “restore the years the locust has eaten”. If you are struggling with this, your marriage can be better than it’s ever been before. There is hope.

CN: What resources did you find helpful in your journey to healing and restoration?

DW & DH: We both agree that there are probably no set formulas to follow. Each situation has it’s own personalities and problems. That being a given, here’s what was most helpful to us:
We took advantage of any marriage retreat, seminar or video teaching for the 1st 2 or 3 years after reconciliation. We took advantage of a lot of resources (Harley, Rainey, Smalley, etc.etc.) Our new Church was really helpful that way and has a strong marriage ministry. The church we had been attending during the affair did not handle things well and did not have much emphasis on marriage. It may be helpful to find a church that can be supportive if your church is not. We went to marriage counseling. The 1st counselor was not so good and quite expensive ( about $100 per hr ). The second counselors were a husband/wife team who did more for us in 2 hours ( for FREE! ) than half a dozen sessions with the first counselor. It’s OK to shop around and find a good fit. A good counselor will be able to spot dysfunction in the marriage and help find a healthier way to relate to each other.
Books that were helpful to us:

  • We both read “The five languages of Love” by Gary Chapman
  • We both read ” boundaries in Marriage” By Cloud and Townsend
  • DW : “Every Woman’s battle” by Shannon Ethridge
  • DH : “Passionate Marriage” by David Schnarch ( this was especially helpful in DH’s healing )

I know that many people will be blessed to hear your story. Thanks again so much for your willingness to be open and transparent with us.

Interview: Healing and Restoration After Adultery ~ Part One

Is it possible for a marriage to survive adultery? If the marriage survives, is it possible for it to become a place of deep passion and intimacy again? This is a very serious issue and after receiving an email from a reader who is currently caught in the sin of adultery and wondering how to get free from it, we wanted to talk to a couple that had experienced infidelity and been restored. We are grateful to the couple who shared their story with us.

Christian Nymphos (CN): What was the condition of your marriage prior to the adultery?

Dear Wife (DW): I think it is very important to point out that we believed that we had a good marriage. Other people looked up to us and I had friends ask me for advice about marriage. One woman from the church told me that I was married to a “promise keeper” and that she was going to find someone just like him. I think the verse, “Let him who thinks he stands take heed lest he fall” is very wise advice. I remember telling my husband that I knew I could never cheat on him. When I was in counseling, I told my counselor that “everyone was shocked.” Her reply was, “and you most of all.” I think that was accurate. Now in hindsight, we realize that things were not perfect. We did not understand each other’s love languages. I also feel that personally, I did not always speak my mind/thoughts but allowed myself to be repressed by my impression of what others expected of me as a “woman of God.”

Dear Husband (DH): I think it is important to note that DW had been faithful to our marriage vows for over 24 years. I felt as though we had such a good track record, that this was not something we would ever have to deal with. I was blind to it at the time, but I can look back and see that I had been having an affair myself with my church work for 15 years. I was preaching in Sunday services, leading worship, on various committees, etc.to the neglect of my wife and children. I think I could have fostered a much stronger connection with my wife. Maybe she was starving to death and didn’t know it. Neither of us came from homes with good models for marriage and I think we just reproduced what we had been brought up with. We were just discussing tonight how 30 years ago churches didn’t offer much in the way of preparing young people for marriage.

CN: What would you say were the largest contributing factors which lead to the adultery?

DW: I would say low self esteem and depression were the factors which left me vulnerable. Add a person who gave me a lot of attention and compliments whom I saw on a regular basis.

DH: I was working long hours. Worried about the bills. Not taking vacations. Sometimes not having dinner with the family. I remember one time when DW’s windshield wipers need replacing. I was slow to act. This guy jumped in and replaced her wipers. That’s just one example. He had pet names for her. Because of our different love languages (I’m physical touch, she’s words of affirmation) I was not feeling all that loved myself and became critical of her. I think this guy wanted her. She’s a fine looking woman with an attractive personality. He jumped in and filled a void. This was not the first time a man came on to her or the last, but at this time in her life she was vulnerable.

CN: In hindsight, how could you have kept the adultery from happening?

DW: I think once the flirting became obvious, or at least suspect, I should have told the man that I felt uncomfortable with his attention, especially when it became more physical. It was how I felt at first, but became more comfortable as it continued. Later on when a different man was flirting with me, I told him it made me uncomfortable and that pretty much ended it with him.

DH: Before it got to intercourse, DW was advised by a close female friend who she confided in, to tell me about it. That would have been the best thing. Instead, she was afraid of hurting me and actually caused far greater hurt than she ever imagined.

CN: DW, what was your struggle like when the adultery was happening?

DW: I remember asking God to take away the temptation and feeling as if He wasn’t hearing me. I shared with a friend and she prayed with me and it seemed to help for a short while. She had also told me to tell my husband and I was afraid to do so for fear of hurting him. It seems preposterous now considering how much more I hurt him in the long run. I know I heard that people say they couldn’t help themselves and I used to think that was just a line, but that is how I felt once it started. I felt like no one could possibly understand me and I was quite alone. I struggled for a month with a lot of pressure from the other man to sleep with him before I shut down my conscience and gave in. After that it was like being trapped and I couldn’t climb out by myself. By the end the only prayer I was able to offer was “Oh, God!” I believe God hears even when we are unable to come up with the words.

CN: DH, did you have any idea what was happening? What did you experience when you found out?

DH: When the affair was in the flirting stage I had no idea what was happening. By the time the affair had gotten to intercourse, obvious changes in DW’s behavior started to occur. I had been wanting to spend some quality time with DW for a while so I planned a day trip to the beach. By the time we actually got there DW had already had sex with the Other Man (OM). She was especially affectionate with me,hugging my arm and thanking me for taking her to the ocean. A short time later, walking around our neighborhood, she hugged my arm and told me how much she loved me. I later found out that at that stage, she felt like she was, ” in love with two men at the same time.”

Over the next few months I saw her attitude toward me change. One time we were laying on the bed together and seemingly out of nowhere she began to sob. I asked her what was wrong. She told me that she couldn’t tell me. I asked why. She said, “I promised the person that I would never tell.” I said, that is wrong for you to make that kind of promise. A secret that hurts you this badly should not separate a husband and wife.” She still refused to say what was bothering her. I was very distraught over this and called my pastor. He thought the behavior was strange but assured me that knowing my wife as he did, she was NOT having an affair. I had been trying to make dates with her so that we could spend time together. She always gave me a reason why some other obligation was more pressing. There was missing time. She would awake in the middle of the night and say should couldn’t sleep so she was just going to go into work.

All this mystery continued to build for about 4 months till I was no longer able to contain myself. Somehow I got her up into our bedroom and insisted that she tell me what in the world was going on in her world. That’s when she “spilled the beans”. There were a lot of tears on her part as she told me she was having an affair and could NEVER return to me because, “I will always be comparing you to him”. For whatever reason, I just held her tightly for a few minutes. The kids knew something was terribly wrong. We told them right away. I told DW that she should leave the house and live somewhere else. She immediately went to her mother’s house to live. The full force of what had happened hit me after she left the house. I’d never felt a pain so bad in my 50 years. It was indescribable. I’ve often said it must have been like getting your leg sawed off in the Civil War with no anesthesia. They just give you a piece of wood to bite down on. After about a week there were specific things that she did that made me very angry. I told my pastor that I wanted a divorce. He said, “It’s too soon”.

Over the next 4 months God brought me very wise counsel in the form of many different friends. I spent most of my waking moments in prayer during that time period. God is so faithful. I’ve gained things from Him during that period that I wouldn’t trade for anything. At the end of that period of time DW came to me and said that God had spoken to her on her bed at night, had showed her what our marriage could be like. She said, “I can’t believe how badly I hurt you. I want to make our marriage work.” Our church paid for us to go to a professional counselor. Reconciliation seemed to work well for about a month but DW had not cut off all contact with the other man and the affair (unknown to me) reignited. I was trying as hard as I knew how, to be a good husband but it was not working! Her heart was not with me. I knew something was terribly wrong and told a friend that I could not continue in a marriage with her much longer. Four months after it reignited, DW completely repented and broke off the affair. The affair lasted a year. There were many supernatural signs that led to that point. We both clearly saw the hand of God in our reconciliation.

The OM continued to try to make contact even up to a year after it was over. I never knew if he was sneaking around my back door. It was pretty disconcerting. The reconciliation process has been long and difficult. It has been so worth it! God has truly “restored the years the locust has eaten”. This affair was a “trigger” that forced me to face deep wounds I had long buried. Things like abandonment issues from my father, performance based self worth and baggage from affairs that my Mom had when I was a youngster. I am much more at peace with myself than I ever was before. I love life and I love my Savior. I love my wife more than I ever have.

CN: DW, how did you cut the tie to the other man?

DW: I wish I could give a list of steps to follow, but I have to give all the credit to the Lord. I did not feel able to end it myself although I kept telling myself that I would end it. There were several miraculous interventions including the Lord using our pastor to speak to me from the pulpit. He looked directly at me the entire time and had gone off his topic to say, “The Lord expects you to keep the covenant you made before God and men.” It was in reference to the marriage covenant. Another friend from church whom I had not spoken to in years told me that the Lord had directed her to pray for our marriage. I had assumed she heard that we were separated but when I asked her , she said she had not known anything was wrong. There was also a couple, friends of ours, who prayed with my husband. He said he was very aware of the spiritual battle taking place there.

CN: Was this a struggle for you?

DW: Once it was really over, it was not a struggle. It was as if I had been set free. The road to recovering our marriage, and actually improving it from what it had been before the affair took time but I never regretted that the affair was over.

CN: Do you think there is ever a place for a wife or husband to commit adultery and keep it a secret if they can break it off?

DH: DW and I have a slight difference of opinion on this. Of course neither of us are marriage counselors, yet I know that there’s even a difference of opinion among trained professionals. I believe that if full restoration is to take place, full disclosure must take place as well. I see no reason why an affair should EVER be kept secret. Had I not known about my wife’s affair I would not have dealt with my own issues. We as a couple would not have dealt with the weaknesses in our marriage that made it vulnerable to an affair in the first place and DW would have been living with a terrible secret for the rest of our marriage. Not exactly a formula for true openness and intimacy. I remember one story on themarriagebed.com where a spouse had secretly ended the affair and gone back into the marriage. 15 years later the truth came out. The betrayed spouse always knew in their heart that something was terribly wrong but didn’t know what it was and unfaithful spouse was living with guilt the whole time. They said that when the whole thing was exposed was when their marriage really began to prosper. They were sorry that so many years had been lived with a dark specter hanging over them.

DW: I actually do agree with my husband. I just don’t want to make a blanket statement because there may be some situation of which I am unaware of, which would make it better to keep it a secret. For us personally, it is much better for both of us that the secret came out. The secret effected my behavior, even secrets about the other man calling or stopping to see me at work effected how I related to my husband. It is very freeing to have no secrets between you.

DH: Of course the spouse in the affair runs the risk of the betrayed spouse wanting a divorce. However, I’ve seen over and over again that what the betrayed spouse would like to see more than anything else is a truly repentant husband or wife who wants to try to make the marriage better.

Tomorrow we will share the second half of this couple’s story of healing from infidelity. Click here to see that interview.

Monday’s Mission #45

Your mission this week is to take some time to reflect on specific areas where you would like your relationship with your husband to grow. How do you want to love him better? If you don’t know what his love language is, ask him what most makes him feel loved by you. Do you have any habits that cause him to feel disrespected or that make you feel like withdrawing? Do you have a good balance between work and play? Are there areas of your life that you guard more from your husband? Areas where you lack initmacy? Continue to ask yourself more questions so that you can have a clear vision of where you want your marriage to go from here.

Position #54: The Wounded Knee

I call this position The Wounded Knee simply because afterwards your knees may be sore!  To get into position both spouses are going to kneel on their knees facing each other in the floor.  Then, the husband will raise one leg up and place his foot flat on the floor in front of him, as seen in this picture.

The wife will then scoot up to the husband and they will be able to penetrate this way, on their knees.  If the wife needs to, then she can also raise one leg up to help her keep her balance.  She can wrap her hands around her husband’s bottom to help with thrusting.

Pros: This is a perfect face-to-face position for kissing! The husband is also able to caress his wife’s rear and breasts.  What a nice position to try in front of a fire.

Cons: You are sure to get sore knees out of this one!  This position may not be attainable for couples who have a large height difference.

Tip: To help with the knee problem, try putting pillows under you both or using an exercise mat.  You could also try this one on your mattress if you chose to.

Premature Ejaculation

We have received various emails from women asking us about premature ejaculation.  This is obviously an issue that men experience but I felt that it is important and affects a marriage enough to write about.   This article will include some research, much compassion and a dash of advice but I cannot give you advice based on personal experience.  It is normal for a man to ejaculate sooner than their spouse would like occasionally. It becomes an issue when a man ejaculate minutes after penetration or even before penetration occurs on a regular basis.  I can understand how this would be very frustrating to both husband and wife.

Here is a sample of the types of emails we have received:

Hi, I want to ask what to do when I (wife ) am the one who has the higher drive. It is always assumed to be the man. Have been married 20 years and would say that we have a good relationship but we have problems in terms of sex which we somehow survive.  Premature ejaculation is one, he has got worse with age instead of better. We have a loving relationship and are faithful and both Christians and I cannot understand why he does not trust me. He worries about his performance and even though I have assured him that the closeness etc is also vital to me, it is still an issue and maybe why he is afraid of sex. I don’t know what his parents did to him! or how he got all these hang-ups, because he also is nervous to try almost anything other than the most basic two positions. I have given up trying to get him to try others because I think he just panics.  He won’t talk about it and he certainly won’t see a counselor. What am I supposed to do? He also works all the time and although he
is a good father and is kind and good, I am getting to the point where I would almost rather be single than have these hopes of having a man who is at all romantic, who occasionally compliments me for my looks, who actually wants to make love to me…. I stay in the marriage because I do love him and our kids would be devastated otherwise. However, for the first time, maybe because 20 years is a watershed, I am starting to think that if he is not prepared to talk about it or see someone, then I want out. Please help


Let’s first try to understand what causes premature ejaculation to occur.  This condition could be brought on from many varying factors which can be either biological or psychological origin.  Here are some psychological issues.  Their bodies may be used to rushing to climax for fear of being caught, followed by feelings of guilt.  Anxiety could also be at the root of the problem.   It could be anxiety about performance or it could be anxiety over something non sexual.  One of our readers stated that her husband had an affair and never had this issue with the other woman.  I am not a doctor but this that particular situation, as well as the email mentioned above, seems to be psychological rather than biological. A therapist may be able to hear that couples entire history and pin point where the anxiety is stemming from.

Biological factors, according to the MayoClinic, include; abnormal hormone levels, abnormal ejaculatory response, thyroid, inflammation of the prostate or some inherited trait.  It does not matter if your husband’s particular case is biological or psychological, either way medical attention is recommend.  If left unattended it can cause unbelievable stress on a marriage, as well as fertility issues.

Treatment will vary depending on the severity.  Some doctors may recommend him to masturbate a couple of hours before intercourse.  Another recommendation could be for you to engage in other sexual activities, such as him performing oral on you, to alleviate some performance anxiety.  Don’t be alarmed if an anti depressant is prescribed.  Sometimes delayed ejaculation is a side effect.  Some people have found desensitizing creams to be helpful while others have found them a hindrance by numbing the female genitals as well.  The cream is supposed to be wiped off before intercourse but the penis can still cause a numbing effect on whatever it comes in contact with.  Counseling may also be an option.  He will be able to talk about what is causing anxiety and you may be able to talk about how it is affecting you and your self esteem.

Here are some techniques you can try at home.  The squeeze technique helps him recognize the feeling of coming close to climax and being able to retreat.  Stimulate his penis until he is close to climaxing (make sure he isn’t too close to ‘the point of no return’), then squeeze his penis where the head meets the shaft until the urge to ejaculate has passed.  Feel free to resume foreplay and repeat the squeeze as necessary.  His penis may lose some of its rigidity but foreplay should help him regain full erection.   If you are able to have him penetrate without ejaculating then he could try the stop and go method.  As he is approaching climax he needs to pull out and stop all stimulation (this doesn’t mean he needs to stop focusing on you with either his fingers or mouth.)  He can also try to have thoughts that are not sexy when he is coming close, we will call this ‘unsexy thoughts’.  My husband and I were embracing in the water at the beach one day and I guess things became a little heated.   As he was exiting the water he started mumbling “Think of grandma….think of grandma.”  That was when I notice that I had unintentionally brought his sail to half mast. 

It is no secret that females may need more prolonged stimulation then males to achieve an orgasm.  This stimulation is compromised if premature ejaculation is occurring.  Plus, if this is happening from other circumstances, such as trust, then walls will be put up.  Lines of communication need to be open.  If you are having issues with your husband climaxing before you are ready then it needs to be brought to his attention. It should be done in a gentle manner so that more anxiety is avoided but he should also know that it is a very real problem.  If he still is hesitant to receive professional help then you need to make sure he knows how serious this has become.   I think some men go in denial because they are embarrassed to bring it up to a doctor or an outside source.  Originally I was not going to include an email in this article but I did in hopes that it allows others to see how destructive premature ejaculation can be.  If it is something that occurs regularly then please address it before it bleeds into other parts of your marriage.  If anyone has lived through this and has BTDT advice or has other suggestions please feel free to comment below.

Book Review: Christian Sex Ethics

ThePureBed has a set of electronic booklets available for download at their site.  Their latest (and fourth in their series) is called Christian Sex Ethics.  While the others are available at a low cost, they have released this one FREE for download.  I recently downloaded and printed it out to read.

This is a very well put together booklet.  It is not just a list of things that are allowed or not allowed in the marriage bed.  Rather, it is written to provide biblical teachings for how a Christian should approach sexual issues.  It discusses sexual attitudes, preferences, and of course, God’s word.

Christian Sex Ethics does a great job of listing the sexual prohibitions as outlined by the bible. They also list scripture references for each sin.  These are the same things that we have written about before on our blog.  Then they take it one step further and list a set of five basic principles that they believe should help us with our sexual attitude and practice.  Again, these five things are found in some way, shape, or form, in different places here on Christian Nymphos, but they tie them all up in a tidy booklet!

Also found within this 25 page booklet are two separate worksheets for the husband and wife to print out and do separately.  Then they are able to come together and discuss the results.  This is especially great for couples who have a hard time communicating about sexual topics.

The thing I really like best about this booklet is the fact that it isn’t a long read.  It packs a lot of biblically sound information into 25 pages and even has an index at the end.  I can see how this would be a wonderful tool for people who don’t like to read long in-depth books.  If you get a chance, I encourage you to visit ThePureBed and download your free copy soon.  Read it alone, or better yet, with your spouse.


I was listening to one of my favorite online pastors the other day, and his message was on betrayal. Have you ever been betrayed? It hurts like nothing has ever hurt you before. And what hurts worse is when you are hurt by someone who is closest to you. Maybe a spouse that has had an affair….maybe your spouse is a refuser….maybe your spouse is into pornography. It digs deep inside your soul and the pain is worse than childbirth.

Why does God allow such things? He didn’t create the pit you feel that you are in, but he allows it because there is a purpose in the pit. In today’s lesson, I want to focus on a few people of the bible who were in deep pits, how it affected their lives and what we can learn from them.

Think about a person from the bible who seemed to have it all, but soon found himself in a deep pit. And a pit with vipers in it, too. No, I am not talking about Indiana Jones, I am talking about Job. Job 1:1-3 tells us a little bit about him. In the land of Uz there lived a man whose name was Job. This man was blameless and upright; he feared God and shunned evil.  He had seven sons and three daughters, and he owned seven thousand sheep, three thousand camels, five hundred yoke of oxen and five hundred donkeys, and had a large number of servants. He was the greatest man among all the people of the East. Job was a good man, feared God, and he was rich…not only in things, but he had full quiver there with 7 sons and 3 daughters. He was a blessed man. But what would happen to him if he lost it all? One day, Satan paid a visit to the Lord and the Lord talked to him about Job. Why in the world would God tempt Satan with a godly man like Job? Because God knows Satan and the omniscient Lord knows his servant Job quite well. So God gave Job over to Satan to be tested…to prove to Satan even when he lost it all, he still recognized God’s hand in it all. So Satan took away everything he had…his sheep? Fire from heaven burned them up. His camels? Taken away by the Chaldeans. His oxen and donkeys? Taken by the Sabeans. His servants? All killed except a few that survived to report what had happened to him. Surely not his children! Yes, all 10 of his children were killed in one full swoop while eating dinner at the oldest brother’s house. It reminds me of looking at a picture of a Hurricane Katrina victim after the storm. Lost it all. It’s all gone. What did Job do? At this, Job got up and tore his robe and shaved his head. Then he fell to the ground in worship and said:
“Naked I came from my mother’s womb,
and naked I will depart.
The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away;
may the name of the LORD be praised.”

I would pray that if this ever happened to me, I would praise God in the way Job did. He realized that all he had was not his. It belonged to the Lord. In the following chapters, Job was struck from head to toe with boils. Still he wouldn’t curse or denounce God. Job remained faithful to God no matter who tried to convince him otherwise. In the end, Job finds contentment in his relationship with God and all that he lost was restored twofold. Was Job betrayed? Maybe by his wife who asked him to curse God and his friends with their bad advice, but not by God. Never once by God.

How about returning back to a story I did a long time ago, but looking at it through someone else’s eyes. I talked about Sarai and her barrenness awhile back. She took matters into her own hand and gave her servant Hagar to her husband and Hagar bore him a son. Remember that story? (Genesis 16) No sooner had Hagar conceived a baby with Abram, Sarai flew into a rage about it. She was cruel to poor Hagar, so cruel that Hagar ran away. An angel of the Lord found Hagar and told her to return to Sarai and submit herself to her. The Lord would greatly multiply her descendants through her child. Even though Hagar was an Egyptian, she recognized that she was in the presence of the Lord and feared Him. She went back as she was told, but after Isaac’s birth, she was sent away again with her son. (Genesis 21) As she sat out in the wilderness, she cried out to God. God heard her and her son’s cries, and once again He sent her an angel. God opened Hagar’s eyes to see that a well of water was nearby and she filled a skin with water to give her son a drink. God was with her and her son, and Ishmael grew up in the wilderness and became an archer. Notice a theme…in her time of need, instead of cursing God, she cried out to God. She lived among Abram and his wife and must have learned so much about their God.  She was serving Sarah while she was pregnant with Isaac at age 90, so she saw God’s miracle with her own eyes!  Was Hagar betrayed? By Sarai and Abram, yes. By God, no way.

What about Joseph? Oh, my if there were ever anyone in the Bible who was betrayed, this young man was betrayed over and over and over again…first by his brothers who threw him into a pit (literally) and sold him to slave traders. Next in Egypt by Potiphar and his wife, the latter who accused him of trying to take advantage of her in Potiphar’s house. He was sent to prison for a crime that he did not do for a LONG time. Did Potiphar betray him? Sure! For believing his wife when he knew Joseph’s character. After all, he made him the head of all of his household! Why would someone he trusted to take care of his household betray him? But in the end, we learned that God had a plan in all of this to save his family during the famine. His dreams and visions came true.  While Joseph needed to be humbled from his boastful nature as a child/teen/young man, but while in his pit, he learned so much more about God’s faithfulness and was made stronger.  He was betrayed by a lot of people, but never by a faithful God who had a purpose for the pits Joseph found himself in. A purpose that was revealed in time.

Jesus. We all betrayed him, didn’t we? Why should he have to be thrown into the pit? He didn’t sin, not even once. Why did we betray him that he would have to die for us? That is one pit I am so glad to avoid, and try with all my prayers and strength to prevent friends, loved ones or others who may read this blog who don’t believe from being condemned to this pit for all eternity.  In all of it, God’s love for us provided a way out of our pit of betrayal of him. Isn’t it awesome that by believing in Jesus, we are eternally saved from the pit of hell?

I use a NASB Ryrie study bible for all these studies, and in it, Dr. Charles Ryrie had this profound thought….”If we know God, we do not need to know why he allows us to experience what we do. He is not only in control of the universe and all its facets, but also in control of our lives and he loves us. Though his ways are sometimes beyond our comprehension, we should not criticize him for his dealings with us or others. God is always in control of all things even when He appears not to be. “ Amen to that. And I am so glad to leave things in the Almighty’s hands instead of mine.

Sisters, sometimes we sit in the lowest place we think that we could possibly be. I want you to remember this….God doesn’t send us anywhere that he hasn’t been first. Psalm 23 isn’t just for funerals…think on this “The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he restores my soul. He guides me in paths of righteousness for his name’s sake. Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. “ (Psalm 23:1-4) Are you in a pit right now? Is it dark and you can’t see your way out?  Then look up!!!   Remember the Lord is there with you. He will never leave you or forsake you. You are precious to him…so precious to him and he loves you. Trust that he has a plan for your pit and that in God’s time, you will come out of that pit…stronger…stronger in faith and in life than you could ever possibly imagine.

Three Passions Gifts

We wanted to take a moment to let you know a little about the newest addition to our blogroll at the right.  Three Passions Gifts is a small business started by a husband and wife team.  They decided they were going to create a “marriage-friendly” lingerie store, where couples could shop for lingerie without worrying about scantly clad models.  You can read more about them here.

You will not find pornographic materials or live models on their site.  Instead, they put their lingerie on mannequins.  They have size charts, gift certificates, and even offer a men’s collection!  I was just over there and noticed a nice selection of discontinued items at good prices.  They also carry a Kama Sutra line with massage oils, powders, and lubes.

So if you are looking for something for Valentine’s Day coming up, then go check them out!  They offer telephone assistance for those of you needing ordering or sizing help.

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