Not long ago we received a question from a reader seeking to be justified in a desire to be in a swinging lifestyle. We responded to them that we did not see any biblical grounds for this to be an acceptable practice for believers. Hoping to bring some reality to the situation we contacted a couple who had been redeemed from the swinging lifestyle and they graciously agreed to share their story with us in the hopes that they can help others to escape the sin of swinging. This is Part One of their story.
Christian Nymphos: Describe your marriage prior to becoming swingers?
Husband – We both felt our marriage was good. Don’t get us wrong, it wasn’t perfect but we weren’t fighting like cats and dogs as many marriages suffer from.
Wife – We had an active and enjoyable sex life together.
CN: Were you Christians at the time?
Husband – Yes, we were both active Christians just prior to swinging but had a falling out with our church and left it. Little did we realize until years later, we let our embitterment cause a falling out with the Lord.
Wife -My husband grew up in an active Christian home while I was raised in a home that rarely attended church. So we came from different upbringings but fell to the same sins together.
CN: How long had you been married when you decided to try it?
Husband – Shortly after we got married we experimented briefly with swinging. It was more to satisfy a curiosity. But that didn’t last long and after it we grew into a closer walk with the Lord. Then later in our marriage we fell away, far far away (reference question number 1). It was at that point that we fell deep into the swinging lifestyle.
Wife – This first brief time was more of a experimentation because of the curiosity.
CN:What was your motivation?
Husband – For me the husband, it was a strong desire to share my wife with others. To have them covet what a great wife I had.
Wife – It was the curiosity of being pleased by more than one person at a time. And the stronger influence was the flattery of another’s interest. An ego boost if you want to call it that other’s still think I’m sexually attractive.
CN: Were you both committed to trying it or was it more like one of you was curious about it and the other just agreed to do it?
Husband – I was very curious to try it. My persistent pressure on my wife got her to concede to trying it.
Wife – I had my curiosities, fantasy and desire to try it myself. But without my husband’s insistence to do it I probably would have never acted on it.
CN:Describe the emotions involved the first time you did it?
Husband – Nervous, butterflies, etc. And that feeling really didn’t go away even later in the lifestyle. There were always some butterflies before each meeting even if it was with partners we had already been with. Another emotion the first time was a sensation of ‘wow, we’re finally doing this’. It had been years of desires built and now finally fulfilling them. Then those inherent thoughts of ‘Is this really finally happening?’ and ‘No stopping now’.
Wife – Very nervous. But once the physical part began that went away. Satan has a way of squashing emotions with pleasures of the flesh.
CN: Did you have to shut down part of yourself?
Husband – Actually my mind was too busy with itself. Trying to take it all in and grasp getting to finally act out the physical pleasure.
Wife – Yes. With sex there is also an emotional tie and there was no way I wanted any type of emotional ties with anyone but my husband.
CN: What exactly were you both in to? Were there rules that you followed?
Husband – This will answer two questions. When we started out we had all sorts of ground rules. Threesome with men only. No friends. They had to be single. And condoms were required. But swinging was like a drug. The more we did the more we wanted. Always looking for the next bigger and better fix. We ended up breaking all our original ground rules. And on top of that we ended up doing couple swaps in which my wife partook of bisexual play with the other wives. We went to strip clubs and swinger dances. Pretty much, we ended up doing most everything other full blown stereotypical swingers were doing in the lifestyle.
Wife – My husband seemed to always want to try more and was fueled by porn. But as I fell deeper into the lifestyle my inhibitions seemed to fall away too.
CN: Did you find yourself in any dangerous situations?
Husband – Actually no. We were very selective on who we met. We’d screen them online for some time. (Or talk in depth with close friends we brought into our lifestyle.) Then we’d schedule a non-sexual face to face meeting first. If things all clicked to that point then we’d schedule a meeting for a sexual encounter.
Wife – Looking back, we did set ourselves up many a time where a dangerous situation could unfold. But it never did. Even in sin God was still watching out for us.
CN: At the time, how did it effect your own intimacy?
Husband – We use to brag to others how it made our marriage stronger. Looking back I really can’t say it did.
Wife – All it did was allow us to suppress any insecurities in our relationship based on the fact we were open with our marriage.
CN: Was it what you thought it would be like?
Husband – It kind of varied actually. Some encounters were just blah. While other encounters we’re some of the wildest sex we’d ever have. Those types of encounters would stay with me for days and weeks afterwards. I’d dwell on what happened and feel a rush from it. Overall being a swinger was what I thought it would be. But the consequences were a surprise I never thought would happen to us.
Wife – The physical pleasure was what one might expect. But the emotional roller coaster back and forth between lust and guilt wasn’t something expected.
CN: Did you deal with jealousy issues?
Husband – I never did. Because my desire was to share my wife with others. For me, sex with other women was more of a token event I did so I could watch my wife have sex with the other women and their husbands.
Wife – I enjoyed the physical pleasures with being with other people. But I never got 100 percent comfortable with my husband having sex with other women.
CN: Was it a huge secret that you kept from your friends & family? Or did everyone around you know?
Husband – It was a deep dark secret we kept from everyone we knew. Well, except for the few friends we ended up bringing into the lifestyle with us.
Wife – One thing we and a few other lifestylers couldn’t understand was how many swingers that were open about it. Posting face pictures at swinger sites, etc. For us discretion was one of the most critical elements and still is with our testimony afterwards.
Tomorrow we will share the rest of this couple’s story, including how they were eventually set free from the swinging lifestyle.
Christian Nymphos 