Balancing Loving God and Loving Your Husband

My passion for Jesus started at a very young age. I have walked with Him for as long as I can remember without much of a desire to stray from Him. He has been faithful to me in some really difficult things and growing in knowing Him has been my heart’s call for many, many years.

My enjoyment of my husband began the day I met him. We were friends instantly as he has had the same heart’s call and, well, he is just so gosh darn likable. As our friendship grew into love I realized that he was the one I would spend my life with and I can honestly say that God has been faithful to use us in one another’s lives to propel us deeper into God. I wouldn’t change this for anything. It’s one of the things I cherish most about our relationship, that God always seems to be stirring the same things in us when it comes to learning more about how to walk rightly with Him.

I think there are several keys to balancing our love for God and our love for our husbands. One is that it helps tremendously if we embrace a teachable spirit within us. I would far rather have my children marry a believer in Jesus who has a heart that is soft towards the work of God and that is teachable, than someone who just grew up in the church and was a good person without letting God touch them deeply. Of course, we don’t like being corrected, but while it may initially be uncomfortable, generally if we can be open to it and enter into the process realizing that God is doing a good thing in us, it is amazingly valuable. If a husband and wife can do this it allows God to have access to our hearts and for us to learn how to love well.

It also helps if we fully realize that loving God and loving our husbands is not mutually exclusive. They are completely connected. You may have heard people give lists of their priorities in life. For example, God, husband, children, work, extended family, friends and so on. In some ways I can see how it is helpful for people to reflect on what is most important in their lives, but in other ways it can train us to think that these are all separate things when really they all touch one another and should center around our identity as children of God. I am a child of God when I pray, but also when I mother my kids and care for those in need and go grocery shopping AND make love to my husband.

It is far too common for us to hear stories of men in particular who are married to passionate women of God in the world, but apathetic lovers in bed. Whether from wrong teaching or being sinned against or intentionally turning off our sexuality because it feels like it’s a bother, it can be costly to break out of that mindset of apathy towards marital intimacy. We can’t force it on our spouse so when a wife or husband feels cold towards sex, their helpmate often finds themself frustrated. This is why the teachable spirit I mentioned earlier is so important. An aspect of my own sexual awakening was that God knew He had access to my heart. If you are married to an impassionate lover and would like it to change, pray first that God would make you both teachable and that you would embrace whatever He wants to do in your lives. And remember, that may not look how you want it to look.

Embracing that women of God make really great lovers to their husbands can seem quite paradoxical, but it really is true. In fact, it is my firm belief that women of God have the potential to be the best lovers out there. It all depends on how you define “best lover,” but if it looks like a woman who can give her spiritually redeemed self fully to the pleasure and passion, service and sensuality that is available with her husband, THAT is a  good lover in my opinion. Bring it on, God!

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  • March 2009
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