Making Time for Sex

Do you ever feel like your husband approaches you at some very inopportune times or frustrated because days turn into weeks without getting a physical connection with your husband?  If so then it may be time for you to start scheduling times on a calendar for sex.  Many women do not like the idea because they feel that scheduling takes away some of the spontaneity.  I suppose it does to an extent but some aspects can be kept a mystery.  You don’t need to discuss exactly where it will happen or what sex act will take place.  I would much rather lose some spontaneity rather than dealing with the feeling of rejection.  I know that in the past I have dropped hints (that I thought were blatantly obvious) only to find that my husband was clueless to my advances.  This was our beginning stages of me realizing that he truly is not a mind reader.  At the time I was feeling very frustrated and thought he was avoiding me and these feeling could have been avoided with better communication or simple scheduling.  Another scenario where scheduling can help is if your husband approaches you at inopportune times such as when your friend is walking up to your front door so that you can watch her child for her.  Putting things on a schedule assures that we are hearing each other and it is important enough to not let it just fall through the cracks.  It is easy to say no, go about our business and not see how this may be affecting our spouse.  Communication is so very important.  If you have a spouse who wants to be there for you sexually but is having difficulties finding the time, don’t be shy to pull out a calendar or simply make a ‘date’ for later in the day.  Once it is on that calendar it is a visual reminder for both of you and it gives you something to look forward too as well!!  It can be exciting not knowing exactly what will happen on that special, marked day.

9 Comments

  1. Hi

    May I suggest one other “advantage” of scheduling …

    Often we get extremely busy and “spontaneous” time together isn’t going to happen. By recognizing those times in advance and “pre-empting” them, you can relive a lot of stress.

    As a HD husband with a SD wife, those “just before the busy times” are the hardest for me. I see company coming to visit for a week, and know that if we get some together before that, it will be a very long time. I see a business trip for 3 days, and know that I won’t see her or get a hug or anything for a while.

    Anyway, scheduling helps you to recognize that there is a busy busy time coming up and putting time into the calendar before that time …..

  2. I have also thought of scheduling because I agree with my husband…it is unfair that when I want to, he should just stop whatever he is doing and be ready, but when he wants to, it seems like I have a million and one reasons not too. My thing is, how can you pump yourself up for it. Because I can’t do it when I don’t want to and I can’t fake the pleasure, because that’s dishonest and I feel bad, and not too mention shamed, to do it.

  3. At those times, make the sex about giving him pleasure, and showing him your love. If you get pleasure out of it, eventually, great! But, if you focus on making him happy, and he is happy, you will also be happy.

    Compare it to making something he likes for dinner, that you really don’t enjoy. I, for one, HATE sausage gravy over biscuits. I make great biscuits, and put butter and honey, and preserves on mine. I also have learned to make REALLY GOOD sausage gravy (for those who enjoy sausage gravy). I love surprising my husband with the gravy, because it is not something I like, and it is not really healthy either, so it does not end up on our table often. But the enjoyment and relish my husband gets out of the meal makes me happy.

  4. we are all different, but i find my husband’s sex drive humorous.

    that is, hubby would loooove to do it every day and i am more of a once a week or even once every two weeks type girl. it is not that i don’t like sex, i do, but i just do not feel a need for it every day.

    however, i do find it funny that he is so driven by it. so i guess i get myself “pumped up” by just having fun with it. i don’t necessarily pump myself up to feel sexy, but just to have fun.

    the thing is, i find most of my friends who complain about their husband wanting sex spend much more time and energy avoiding sex and complaining about sex, than they would just having sex.

    so i would try to look at the glass half full aspect of this. if you know you will have sex on wednesday night and saturday afternoon think how much you can tease your husband with stockings and lingerie and suggestive looks — even when you are busy — and if he responds you can say, “i am sorry honey, it is not wednesday yet!” you could have lots of fun with this.

    but then, i find how excited men get hilarious.

  5. I’m faced with a different time problem and not sure how to deal with it. My hubby has always worked rotating 12 hr shifts, but this new job has him working 5 to 5 for four days in a row. This means when he works graves, he would get home around 5:30am and leave close to 4:30pm. I want to enjoy our time together, but the afternoon doesn’t sound appealing because I’ll be missing him all night long. I lean to the morning, but I’m not a morning person and it takes a while for my mind to get into gear. Also, he may be tired when he gets home and not want to spent the time I need to really participate. I guess we could experiment until we find what works best, or just wait until he’s off graves. Any suggestions?

  6. My suggestion is the afternoon, after your husband is rested. Also, men tend to have higher sperm count in the afternoon than any other time of the day. This may be thrown off by his schedule, but maybe you can both take a shower together, have sex and take a “naked siesta” together before he goes to work. Just a suggestion. 😉

  7. He’s working his last grave tonight. From watching him earlier, I don’t think afternoons will work. He’s too tired. Wakes up on and off. This is a new and different schedule so I don’t know what will work best yet. Time will tell. Funny thing about showering with him. They don’t do much for him. A hot tub on the other hand is magic. Too bad we don’t have one in our apt. But we do plan having one in our next house 🙂

  8. Scheduling is not always the best but I recognize it is important to schedule time regularly for sexual intimacy for at least three reasons:
    1. Since I have a lower drive, it prepares me before lovemaking in not to be overly busy before and make my DH happy as he likes to express his love physically towards me.
    2. This helps me to strengthen an indefectible bond between us as I am sexually united to him even if I am not in the mood for myself.
    3. When I wish to have sex, thinking a long time before gives the opportunity to my body to respond more during preliminaries and as a result, the pleasure of orgasm is amplified

  9. We have scheduled sex and it is good in that we have sex more frequently but the downside right now is he is less likely to engage in foreplay. I think in his mind that because I know it’s coming, he doesn’t need to “prepare” me. Another thing we need to discuss.


Sorry, the comment form is closed at this time.

Comments RSS

  • Click here
  • April 2009
    S M T W T F S
    « Mar   May »
     1234
    567891011
    12131415161718
    19202122232425
    2627282930  
  • Archives