Make Me a Servant

This past Sunday while at church listening to a message from Phillipians, my mind started to wander a little bit to the blog here.   Not only was it a good message for any Christian, but it would really work well in the our marriages as well.   Here is the passage I am referring to

Philippians 2:1-5

1If you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any fellowship with the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, 2then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and purpose. 3Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. 4Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.

Now, Paul wrote this letter to the Philippian church while he was in prison, so “make my joy complete” is talking about him since he started the church there in Philippi, but let’s look at these verses and a few others with a little twist.

1If you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, As Christians, we should have joy and encouragement with Christ as our head.

if any comfort from his love, Jesus’ love for us paid the ultimate sacrifice for us.  In that, I take great comfort

if any fellowship with the Spirit When the Holy Spirit indwells us upon our salvation, we should feel a deeper sense of fellowship with Christ since he lives within us.

if any tenderness and compassion As a Christian, don’t you see things in a different light?  Don’t you tend to look on others with more compassion than when you were a nonbeliever?

2then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and purpose. Likeminded…like Christ, we should strive to love one another as Christ loved us, we should strive to be more like Christ in what we say and what we do, with the same purpose as Christ…to love and serve others.

3Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. 4Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.

These last two verses are the ones that made me stop and think.  I am in the process of reading The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman…why?  Because I don’t know WHAT my love language is…go figure.   So here I am reading about all these married folks who don’t know why their marriage is falling apart….and it is because they are not speaking the same language…love language that is.   The purpose behind this book?  To teach you how to recognize the love language you speak and what your spouse speaks, and how to USE that knowledge to show love to your spouse.   To fill their love tanks.   Chapman asks the folks in his book to consider their spouse before themselves.   I haven’t finished the book yet, but I believe my husband’s love language is Words of Affirmation.   (He can correct me if I am wrong….I haven’t read all 5 Love Languages yet)   I try as much as possible to make sure he knows how much I appreciate what he does because he does A LOT in this household.   I had to drop my own “selfish ambition” in order to meet a need that he has.   I leave him notes on his Facebook page to publically let everyone know how much I love and appreciate him.   I am turning into his biggest cheerleader.   Why?  To get rid of my own selfish ambition and to consider him over myself.    Yeah, it’s real easy for me to follow my own interests and needs, but Jesus wants us to go beyond that and put the needs of our husbands before our own needs.   Is that an easy job to do?  No, but it is SO worth it.   Not only do we make them feel good, but it feels good to do it, too.

Think about this….(Philippians 2:5-8)

5Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus:
6Who, being in very nature[a] God,
did not consider equality with God something to be grasped,
7but made himself nothing,
taking the very nature[b] of a servant,
being made in human likeness.
8And being found in appearance as a man,
he humbled himself
and became obedient to death-
even death on a cross!

What did Jesus owe you?   Nothing.  Absolutely nothing.   Yet, he voluntarily took on human nature and became a servant.   He was obedient to his own death.  A death he didn’t deserve, but he loved us that much.   Commit to serving the needs of your spouse.  Move toward sacrificing the things you want for the things your spouse wants and needs.   I need to try to take this challenge on more for my hubby.   Will you join me?

Monday’s Mission #54

Your mission this week is to surprise your husband with sex at an unusual time. If you normally have sex first thing in the morning or at the end of the day, try it at noon or when he first gets home from work. It will communicate to him that you desire him and that he is a priority to you. Send him a text or call him during the day to let him know you are thinking about him so he begins to anticipate being with you. Have fun with it!

Position #64: The Train

Here is another nice oral sex position aimed at giving pleasure to you ladies out there!  I’m not sure why I named it The Train, but it just came to me after visualizing this one in my mind.

For this position the wife gets up on all fours.  The bed works great but she could also use any other furniture that suits their needs.  Once she is on her hands and knees, the husband sits or kneels on the floor behind her and proceeds to give her oral delights!

The wife can lay her upper body down on the bed if she wants to, but keeps her rear up in the air.  That keeps the easy access for her husband.  This position is really vulnerable and makes it easy to spread her vulva and rear cheeks apart.  Couples who participate in rimming will love this one because her entire bottom is there for the taking.  To see what this position looks like on a tabletop, click here.

Pros: The husband is able to use his mouth, tongue, and fingers to stimulate his wife in a very easily accessible position.

Cons: Some women may think this position is too vulnerable and may be uncomfortable with sticking their rear in their husband’s face.

Anniversary Getaways

One of our readers sent the following email:

My wife and I are going to to celebrate our 6th anniversary in May and I would like to go ahead and at least begin to plan our “date night”.  I would really like to absolutely blow her away with a surprise mini vacation or something.  I can spend around $500.00 to do whatever.  I’ve done the hotel with candlelit dinner before and am thinking about doing it again, but would like some ideas to change things up and make them more exciting.  Thank you in advance for your help.

I offered to write a response because I have had numerous opportunities to go away with my husband and they are most certainly some of our favorite memories. We have taken the opportunity in times of financial plenty and in times of needing to live sparingly. We always found a way to save enough, even if it was for one night at moderately priced accommodations.

With a $500 budget you can certainly manage a night at a luxurious hotel or quaint inn. Depending on what your wife is craving at this time of her life you want to consider if she needs a more peaceful setting or a exciting metropolitan. I have thoroughly enjoyed both and both offer great opportunities to celebrate your anniversary.

If you live near a big city, there is a lot in the way of entertainment to enjoy such as live theater or concerts, wonderful restaurants, and most hotels can give you a list of things to do in the city if you are less familiar with the area. Be prepared to do some walking since most of the time a new city is a lot of fun to explore by foot, but be aware of safety issues as some of the areas may not be good neighborhoods to walk around. Again, your hotel should be able to advise you on issues like this.

If your wife leads a very busy life, she may be craving something more relaxing. Maybe she needs a time where she can go for a peaceful walk with her man or she can just sit back and relax while other people bring her drinks and food. A nice inn or bed and breakfast nestled in a wooded area or on the waterfront can be a really nice option in this case. Definitely try to find a place with a private jacuzzi if your wife enjoys that. Most of the women I have talked to enjoy the intimacy that a hot tub can provide. One place we stayed at had one nestled in a treed area of the property. It was really nice. Another one was indoors in the guest area of the house.

A word on a couple of practical issues. For just one night, my personal opinion is that traveling to the destination shouldn’t take much more than an hour, or two at the most. If you can manage a full weekend, then you could probably look to further areas. Also, assuming that your wife still menstruates, try to plan it around her cycle so that she isn’t having her period when you go away. The other consideration is, of course, the fact that you may have children. If you are blessed to have family that can care for them, then asking them to stay with your kids is an option. Parents, siblings, cousins. Think about people in your family who might be able to help out with this. The other thing you can think about is doing a swap with some friends. You watch their kids for a night for them and then they do the same for you. Your church family may be a good place to look for relationships that allow for this. If you really are at a loss as to how you can manage a night away without your kids, start praying for God to bring people into your life who you can trust to care well for your kids. It will be good for you and for your kids. Also, if you have a baby, you have the option of bringing him or her along. We did that once when my first was 3 months and I was still nursing. It was still a wonderful getaway, so make the best of whatever situation you are in. It won’t be that way forever.

Whether it is an active getaway or a more laid back one, its a really great opportunity to focus on one another. Bring along coconut oil for a full body massage. Make a concerted effort to learn more about your spouse. Try some new things sexually and enjoy the old faithfuls. Talk about your dreams for the future. No matter what your love language is, a weekend excursion will provide you with an opportunity to show and receive a tremendous amount of love. Walking hand in hand in a beautiful setting, conversing over a succulent dinner, laughing together at a comedy show. All of these are great chances for love and intimacy to blossom. Enjoy it! And seal the memories in your heart to enjoy again later 🙂

You may find more ideas in the following articles:

An Innocent Victim: Tamar

Today’s story runs a little tough for me as a write, so bear with me. I cannot compare what happened to me to what happens in this story, but some parts of it are very real to me. I hope this helps someone else who may be going through the same thing.

King David had many children by different wives. In 2 Samuel 13, his firstborn son, Amnon is in a real pickle. His lust for his half sister, Tamar was getting the best of him. He wanted her, but he didn’t want to marry her. His lust for her drove him crazy. She was so beautiful. He was so tormented by her beauty, and she was a virgin, which would cause huge problems. Well, Amnon had a cousin who planned for him how to work it all out….Amnon would feign being sick. When his father, King David, would come looking for him, he would tell his father he was very ill and would he please send his sister, Tamar to care for him and cook for him. When David learns his firstborn is sick, he immediately sends for Tamar per his son’s request. It was not uncommon for a female family member to care for a sick family member. So following her father’s request, she went to Amnon to care for him.

While there, she did as he asked and made him some bread, which he refused to eat. Instead he sent away all who was in his house, and asked Tamar to feed him in his bedroom. And when she went in there, he told her to lie with him. When she refused, he raped her. It didn’t matter that he was the heir to the throne and could take her as his wife…no he didn’t want that. He just wanted to fill a carnal desire within him. When he was through with her, he hated her more than he had ever lusted for her. He sent a servant to kick her out of his house. Her natural brother, Absalom, found her with her with ashes on her head and her robe torn. Instead of defending her, Absalom told her to be quiet about it. King David found out about it and was furious, but did nothing about it.

Okay, I am stepping out of the story for a moment here. Do you feel Tamar’s pain as much as I do right now? The men she entrusted most with her life have all betrayed her, keeping such a foul secret and ruining her life. She is ruined! Her father….that would have been the biggest betryal to me if my father knew and did nothing about it. I would expect my dad to go out with guns blazing to protect me and my reputation….hers did nothing. What about the fact that big brothers should look out for and protect their little sisters? One brother raped her and the other one told her, “Be quiet now, my sister; he is your brother. Don’t take this thing to heart.” DON’T TAKE THIS TO HEART? Yeah, little sis, shake it off. Don’t let it bother you. WHAT? You’ve got to be kidding me right? Besides the fact that her virginity was TAKEN from her by FORCE, the bible tells us she lived in Absalom’s house “a desolate woman”. She’s got some major emotional wounds here as well as the fact that she is living with a sin that isn’t her fault! Merriam-Webster defines desolate in the following manner “joyless, disconsolate, and sorrowful ” She not only lost her virginity that day, she lost her trust in her family that day. Maybe even her God. Why did God allow this to happen? Don’t we all think this at some time or another? The bible tells us that Absalom never said anything at all to Amnon, but that he hated him for what he did to Tamar. Two years later, Absalom did indeed have his brother Amnon murdered, but what is that to say for Tamar? We lose her after this point. No more mention of her.

Isn’t that sometimes so true in our own society. Rape and incest get swept under the rug, but does the innocent victim ever overcome the hurt and pain? It is possible through the blood of Jesus Christ. Praise God that I was never raped, but I was made highly uncomfortable by a family member when I was a preteen. I was always very uncomfortable when I was alone in a room with him….I made a point of NEVER being alone with him. I honestly believed that if I told anyone in my family about things he attempted with me (mostly fondling…I never let it get further) that it would be my word against his. How fair is that? A young girl going though puberty’s word not taken over a relative. Maybe I was wrong back then. Maybe something would have come of it. To this day, my husband is the only one who really knows. I don’t ever see this relative anymore. He’s not part of the family anymore, but I don’t think I have ever forgiven him. That is something that is very hard to do, but something that I need to do. When we left Tamar in the story, she was desolate. Down, depressed, desolate. We aren’t told what ever became of this young beauty. Life was probably never the same for her again. Who do you trust? Who would want a woman used and thrown out like an old worn out sneaker?

Jesus does.

Dear one, I don’t know if this has ever happened to you. But I do know a Savior that loves you and wants to help you to heal. He is the great Physician. The great Healer. I know you probably don’t trust anyone, but God is trustworthy. His Son paid the ultimate sacrifice for you. Cast all your cares on him. He cares for you. He wants to listen to your hurt and he wants to make you whole again. Jesus paid it all for you. Give Him the heavy yoke that you carry. His is much lighter. He will help you carry the load. I am praying for you, dear sisters.

Monday’s Mission #53

A years worth of Monday Missions have passed so your mission this week is to think about how to make the next year a wonderful one in the life of your marriage. What will you put in place to allow Monday’s Mission #49 to be accomplished? What will your anniversary be like this year? What will you do for your husband’s birthday? Can you do date nights more often? How can you show love to your husband better? What areas do you want to grow in spiritually with your husband? Which friendships do you want to invest in as a couple? Friends play a key role in feeding us positive an negative attitudes so think about which friends a valuable in encouraging you to grow in integrity and authenticity.

HE IS ALIVE!!!

1On the first day of the week, very early in the morning, the women took the spices they had prepared and went to the tomb. 2They found the stone rolled away from the tomb, 3but when they entered, they did not find the body of the Lord Jesus. 4While they were wondering about this, suddenly two men in clothes that gleamed like lightning stood beside them. 5In their fright the women bowed down with their faces to the ground, but the men said to them, “Why do you look for the living among the dead? 6He is not here; he has risen! Remember how he told you, while he was still with you in Galilee: 7‘The Son of Man must be delivered into the hands of sinful men, be crucified and on the third day be raised again.’ ” 8Then they remembered his words. (Luke 24:1-8)

Yes! He is alive! Just as he said! He overcame the grave and he is alive!

Put yourself in the place of these women. They were coming, hoping to properly embalm the Lord’s body, and they found the stone rolled away already. A stone which could not easily be rolled away. And where were the guards? The tomb had been sealed and guards placed outside. Where were they? Why did they leave their post? To leave an assigned post in those times would have been cause for the death of the soldiers. What had happened to cause this to happen? Matthew 28:2-4 tells us “2there was a violent earthquake, for an angel of the Lord came down from heaven and, going to the tomb, rolled back the stone and sat on it. 3His appearance was like lightning, and his clothes were white as snow. 4The guards were so afraid of him that they shook and became like dead men. Did they faint? It surely sounds like somehow these men passed out from what they saw! When word got back to the chief priests and elders, they told the guards to tell this story as they gave them a large sum of money to do so….(Matthew 28:13-14) “You are to say, ‘His disciples came during the night and stole him away while we were asleep.’ 14If this report gets to the governor, we will satisfy him and keep you out of trouble.” This makes me laugh. If they were asleep, how would they know who took the body? If the governor were to find out that they were ALL asleep on the job, no matter what the chief priest say to him, these men are in big trouble. Admitting to sleeping on the job? All of them at the same time? They are still in big trouble.

Let’s go back to the ladies who came to the tomb. Matthew tells us that the two ladies who came were Mary Magdalene and another Mary. Luke says there were more than two ladies at the tomb that morning. I don’t really think it matters how many were there, but ladies, isn’t it awesome to hear that WOMEN were the first ones to find out that the Lord had risen from the dead? These women ran back to the apostles to tell them what they had seen and heard. Have you ever been in a group of ladies who were so excited they were speaking so fast and probably didn’t make a lick of sense? I have a feeling that was what happened. Luke 24:11-12 11But they did not believe the women, because their words seemed to them like nonsense. 12Peter, however, got up and ran to the tomb. Bending over, he saw the strips of linen lying by themselves, and he went away, wondering to himself what had happened.

Jesus also appeared to Cleopas and another man on the road to Emmaus. They didn’t recognize him at first, but when he broke bread with them, they realized that it was He in their presence. Jesus then appeared in the presence of the 11 Apostles. In the flesh. Flesh and bones. He ate with them, opened their minds to understand the scriptures, and he told them to stay in the city until they were “clothed with power from on high” (v.49)

Each of the four Gospels give different witness accounting of what had happened that Sunday morning, but they all concur on one thing. Jesus was alive.

Matthew 28:5-7 5The angel said to the women, “Do not be afraid, for I know that you are looking for Jesus, who was crucified. 6He is not here; he has risen, just as he said. Come and see the place where he lay. 7Then go quickly and tell his disciples: ‘He has risen from the dead and is going ahead of you into Galilee. There you will see him.’ Now I have told you.”

Mark 16:5-7 5As they entered the tomb, they saw a young man dressed in a white robe sitting on the right side, and they were alarmed.  6“Don’t be alarmed,” he said. “You are looking for Jesus the Nazarene, who was crucified. He has risen! He is not here. See the place where they laid him. 7But go, tell his disciples and Peter, ‘He is going ahead of you into Galilee. There you will see him, just as he told you.’ “

Luke 24:4-7 4While they were wondering about this, suddenly two men in clothes that gleamed like lightning stood beside them. 5In their fright the women bowed down with their faces to the ground, but the men said to them, “Why do you look for the living among the dead? 6He is not here; he has risen! Remember how he told you, while he was still with you in Galilee: 7‘The Son of Man must be delivered into the hands of sinful men, be crucified and on the third day be raised again.’ “

John 20: 10-18 10Then the disciples went back to their homes, 11but Mary stood outside the tomb crying. As she wept, she bent over to look into the tomb 12and saw two angels in white, seated where Jesus’ body had been, one at the head and the other at the foot. 13They asked her, “Woman, why are you crying?” “They have taken my Lord away,” she said, “and I don’t know where they have put him.” 14At this, she turned around and saw Jesus standing there, but she did not realize that it was Jesus. 15“Woman,” he said, “why are you crying? Who is it you are looking for?” Thinking he was the gardener, she said, “Sir, if you have carried him away, tell me where you have put him, and I will get him.”  16Jesus said to her, “Mary.” She turned toward him and cried out in Aramaic, “Rabboni!” (which means Teacher).

Dear ones, we celebrate today because Jesus overcame the grave. It was written in the scriptures that he would be crucified, die and be buried, and rise again on the 3rd day. He was placed on the cross to take our place, to bear our sin, so that we would be sinless in the sight of God. It’s a free gift for you. The Lord died for you right where you are in this time. You don’t have to clean up anything. You don’t have to redeem yourself first to accept this gift. God loves you. It may be hard to believe with the sin we all bear, but he will never leave or forsake you. He wants you to be a part of his forever family. Put out your hands. Accept the free gift of His Son. Jesus didn’t die. He is alive today and will return for His people.


Happy Resurrection Day, my friends! He is risen INDEED!

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