Position #70: The Dining Room Table

This position works for vaginal or anal sex.  The husband sits in the kitchen chair and the wife sits on his lap in between his legs, facing away from him.  The husband then raises both of his legs and rests them on top of the kitchen table.  When he does this, they enclose the wife.

At this point the husband can hold onto his wife’s waist and gently guide her down on top of him (anally or vaginally).  She is able to hold on to the table in front of her for stability.  Then she is able to take control of the thrusting if she wants, or she can allow her husband to help her out by guiding her up and down using his hands on her waist.  Here is a good picture of what it looks like.

Pros: The husband gets to sit back and relax.  He also gets to see his wife’s rear.

Cons: The wife’s legs may get sore after a bit.

Q&A: Dressing Sexy

We received the following email:

Can my wife dress provocatively for me and go out in public with me, not to church of course, but like to the movies or to dinner or something along those lines, without losing her salvation?  We worry about the verse that says “do not be a stumbling block to your brother” but her dressing sexy really turns me on, and it makes her feel good about herself to dress sexy for me.  We aim to please each others desires within a Biblical world view.  We think that on one hand, as long as she isn’t out there with the objective to cause men to sin by lusting after her, then we should be OK, but on the other hand, we worry God will still hold us accountable for sin we may be causing even if it isn’t intentional.  What do you think?  Don’t get me wrong, only God knows the real answer, but we are looking for some good solid Christian advice on this subject.  You guys seem to be the best candidate for this situation.  Thank you so much and God bless.

My husband and I sound a bit like this couple in our approach to this. I love the idea of dressing sexy for him and he, of course, enjoys seeing it, but we also want to avoid things that might cause a weaker brother to sin.

Let me begin by giving clarity on one part of this letter unrelated to the topic of lust. This reader asked, “Can my wife dress provocatively for me and go out in public with me … without losing her salvation?” What kind of job are we doing as a church that people need to ask if they will lose their salvation if they sin? It seems to be the most basic and fundamental teaching of the gospel, that salvation is by grace alone and is not effected by how rightly or sinfully we live. Righteous living will be the result of our sanctification, but is not a requirement for our salvation. So, no, a woman will not lose her salvation if she dresses provocatively. The fact that the this couple is trying to determine the balance in this shows that they desire to please God which is a good indication to me that they are maturing in Christ.

Let me also say that for the brother who is so weak that he will lust after a woman wearing attractive, but modest clothing, I hold no accountability for. I do not believe it is my responsibility to manage his sin in such a case. I am not going to walk around wearing frumpy, boring clothing in an attempt to keep someone else from sinning lustfully. Such a man has a problem with lust that I can not control. I think far too many Christian men have trained themselves to bounce their eyes without learning how to look an attractive woman in the face and have a conversation with her. The whole “bouncing eyes” thing should just be one step in a man’s freedom from lust. Hopefully he can move past that and learn to see beautiful women and not lust after them.

Having said that, allow me to share what my husband and I have decided is an acceptable balance between dressing respectably and dressing well in public and for one another. Others may or may not agree and I would welcome you to share your opinions. Even within the group of women who write on this blog we have someone different standards of personal modesty. I will include some links to examples of the sorts of clothing options my husband and I believe are acceptable depending on the situation.

My wardrobe is filled with a variety of clothing styles and there is a wide degree of neck- and hemlines. My normal day to day clothing consists of what I view as trendy and attractive clothing, but doesn’t show cleavage or bare midriffs. I wear this when I go out with my family, or to the store, or out with girlfriends. I try to always look my best so I dress well when I can. Here are a couple examples of what I might wear out on a normal day:

  • Jeans with a great top and boots – my idea of highly conservative and also full of style
  • Skirt with a tank top – a great outfit for a warm day
  • Capri pants with a sleeveless top – also great way to be comfortable on a warm day
  • Minimum skirt length – my skirts aren’t any shorter than this (most are longer), and I would be careful about wearing a short skirt like this if I didn’t have tights with it. The tights continue the color straight down the leg which is more modest than stopping it there and showing skin. I’d wear a short skirt like this without tights if I was out with my husband, but I would wear tights with it if it was part of an every day outfit.

And that leads me to another category of clothing I have. I have a way of dressing when I go out for a date with my husband that can be more provocative and may have a bit of a lower neckline and the skirts and dresses might be a little shorter. If I choose one of these tops which is lower cut to wear one day then I have a growing number of these in a wide variety of colors that I wear underneath. Thrift stores are a great place to get these. Here are some examples of what I am referring to:

These are the kinds of things I might opt to wear, depending on the occasion, if I was going on on a date with my husband. Of course, I’d not wear that sexy red dress to our local coffee shop for lattes….

A major consideration in all of this is that a woman who has a smaller bust can actually get away with a lower cut top. I posted what I can wear, but a woman who is smaller chested can usually wear something lower without it being overly immodest. The other consideration is that what I see as respectable here where I live may not be respectable in other parts of the country and certainly in other countries all together. I live in a metropolitan area where, trust me, the things I posted are conservative compared to what a lot of other women wear, but I would say that most women wanting to be fashionable in this geographical area fit in with this standard.

A third category of clothing which I don’t have much of, but is fun is the stuff that you wear which is too inappropriate to wear out, but enjoyable to play around with at home. Tiny tops that just barely cover you. Tight mini dresses. Plunging necklines. The sorts of things that don’t leave much to the imagination. I’m all for a couple enjoying this at home, but do think that it’s inappropriate for wearing out.

Remember to incorporate sexy things when you go out that only the two of you know about, like not wearing panties. A bra that you know your husband likes a lot can be flashed on the way out the door. Sexy messages whispered in his ear when you return from the bathroom can really drive him wild. So use those things that are just between the two of you to build the sexual energy on a date.

I love dressing sexy for my husband. It’s actually a turn on for me to be a pleasure to his eyes. This is the balance I have found between wearing modest clothing and dressing attractively for my husband. I would love to hear how others have handled this balance for themselves so feel free to mention your ideas in the comment section, even if you disagree with me 😉

Remember Me

I know we have readers from all over the world.  Yesterday, Americans celebrated Memorial Day, a day where we remembered all the soldiers who have fought and gave their life for the freedoms that we enjoy today.   We celebrate and are thankful for our current men and women who are serving in the military, either abroad or here at home to keep us safe.   I am thankful for my own relatives who have served.   I have an uncle who served in Vietnam.   I know that was difficult for him.   My own father served in the Army stateside.    My husband and I have a friend who served in Iraq last year and may still be sent overseas for another tour of duty.    We are thankful to God that he was brought home safely to his family and to us, but we still pray that he doesn’t get sent back.

It reminds me of this verse in John 15:13 “Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends.” That is exactly what our men and women in our Armed Forces do for us on a daily basis.  I don’t know that I could do this, but there are men and women who are signing up for this even today, knowing that they could be sent to battle and not come home.   What kind of person does this?

Jesus.   Jesus did this for us all.    He didn’t just do it for the United States, Canada, England, France, Spain, Germany….I think you get the point.   He did this for every single solitary person on this planet.    He chose to leave his home in Heaven, to be born as a mortal man; to live as we live, to experience what we do.   He was tempted as we were; he shared our love and our pain.    He loved his friends.  He wept over the death of his friend Lazarus.   He was angered by the money changers at the temple.   He even prayed to his Father to take away the pain that he was about to endure, taking on all of our sins, but knew that if it were God’s will, that was the way it was to be done.     It happened that way, too.  Our Lord, Jesus, took on all of the sins of the world, so that we would be forgiven and share eternal life with him and his Father.   “This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers.” (1John 3:16)

Who sent this “Army of One”?   God did.   “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life”. (John 3:16)  For anyone who has a son or daughter who is in the military and you have lost your child while they served in the line of duty, God knows how you feel.   He gave up his only son for us all.   He knows the pain of losing a child, but he also knows the thrill of defeat over death.   If you believe in the Lord Jesus Christ, if you believe that he died for your sins and that you have been forgiven, you can be reunited with your Father in Heaven….who truly would be saddened to lose you forever.

So while we are remembering the sacrifices made by our men and women in the military, let’s also remember the sacrifice that God made for us, and be thankful that the Lord Jesus has the power to save us all.

Monday’s Mission #59

Your mission this week is to think about a project to work on together. Maybe some work on your house or in the yard. Maybe to volunteer your time and services. Just something to work on together. I have found that this can be a bit hard sometimes, but it really teaches you how to communicate well and how to work through a  difference of opinion. Give it a try.

Position #69: The Sweeper

I named this one The Sweeper because if the wife has long hair, she may end up sweeping the floor with it.

This is another chair position that has the husband sitting comfortably.  The wife will sit on his lap facing away from him.  Penetration can happen here.  Then the wife will slowly bend over, across his lap, until her hands are touching the floor.  Once she is bracing herself on the floor, she will lift one leg up at a time and give them to her husband to hold.  He will hold them around the calve muscles.

The wife is then able to push against his hands and thrust.  He is able to help guide since he is the one holding her legs.  The two must work together in this position.  If you are having a hard time picturing this one, then click here to see how it looks.

Pros: The husband will get an awesome view.

Cons: The wife may have the blood rush to her head.  Also, some men become uncomfortable when their penis bends in this angle.

Lingerie For Men

I thought it was a nice idea to have an article devoted to men’s lingerie.  Of course we women like to dress up sexy for our husbands, but sometimes we forget about the other side of that coin.  Some of you women out there who are visual (like me) may find that you really get turned on seeing your husband in something silky or tight fitting.  Think of your man in a nice pair of tight jeans… does that do anything for you?  Well, if so, then what would you think about seeing him in some form fitting silk undies or some satin pajamas?  And think about him for a minute.  Would it give him a little ego boost to know that he was eye candy for you for a change?  Let’s look at some of the different things out there for men.


Satin Boxers

Satin Boxers

Men who like boxers have it pretty easy.  There are so many different kinds of silk or satin boxers out there in all different colors, and they are pretty easy to find.  The fitted boxers are easily available as well.  I love seeing my husband in fitted boxer briefs because they hug him in all the right places!  They give him a nice rounded rear and a nice front ‘package’ that is very much a turn on!




Some men like to wear briefs, and that’s fine too!  If your husband doesn’t want to let go of his briefs, then you could look for something a little dressy for him.  They do make silk/satin briefs for men that outline his ‘package’ in nice shiny colors!  Your husband may find that he really likes the feel of the silk/satin against his skin, and you may find that you like seeing him in fancy underwear!




There are also thongs for men.  My husband has already told me that I had better not buy him one, although I have heard several men say that they never thought they would wear one until they tried one.  They say it isn’t as uncomfortable as they thought it would be.  These men also really like the reaction they get out of their wives!




Don’t forget that there are also options of see through undies for men too!  I bought my husband a nice pair of black sheer (see through) boxers a couple of years ago, and let me tell you girls, THOSE THINGS ARE HOT! (I put it in his Christmas stocking 😎 ) You can also find see through thongs and briefs.


Silk PJ's

Silk PJ's

Another nice thing on the market for men is silk or satin pajamas.  Usually it comes in a set of pants/shirt or shorts/shirt.  These are especially nice in the wintertime when it’s cold outside.  He can slide into his nice silky pj’s and cuddle with you.  You can also mix and match by getting him some sexy undies and a nice satin robe to go over it!


As a woman I know that sometimes lingerie helps me to feel sexy.  I think we need to remember that if it works that way for us, it may work that way for men too.  Ask your husband if he’d like to pick out something nice to wear for you sometime.  Or, if you think he’d like a surprise, order something for him and ask him to wear it for you.  (Passions Lingerie has some nice things for men!Don’t forget to compliment him on it and let him know how it makes you feel to see him in it! It will make him feel good and you may be surprised at how it affects your arousal level too!


Pierced by a Tongue

I got you, didn’t I?

I like to consider myself a person who watches what I say.   When someone disappoints me, angers me, or what not, I think through my words before I say them.   Well, most of the time.   When I read an email from someone, I carefully chose the words that I want to reply back.   Why, oh why, can’t I do that for my husband?

I received an email in my box today that said this, “Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.” (Proverbs 12:18)    Wow.   Those brought back a memory to me.  See, there was this time last week when my husband walked into the bedroom.   He was talking on the phone to his father.   I, of course, was watching the most important show on TV at the time…..House, MD.   (Yeah, go ahead and laugh…you like him, too!)   So, my dear husband sits down at the computer desk to do some research for his Dad….and here I am trying very hard to hear the TV while he is talking.    My daughter had been asleep in bed for an hour…my son was on the computer in the other room…. I had an hour of peace and quiet.    Or so I thought.    I love my hubby.  I love the relationship that is fostered between him and his dad recently…but does it have to be when I am watching House?   He turns to me, this wonderful man that God gave me forever and ever, and gives me the “can you turn down the TV” sign…  Being the good wife that I try ever so hard to be, I turn it down some.    Alas, I find that when I turn it down, I cannot hear the TV because of his phone conversation.    So, I scoot as close to the TV as I can get so I can hear it while he finishes on the phone.

When he gets off the phone with his dad, he looks at me and basically says, “What is more important to you….this TV program or my talking to my Dad on the phone?”   Aw, crap.   Here I go…I am thinking…thinking… sigh.  I have had a hard day at work.  My daughter doesn’t leave me alone from 3-8pm after school.  Here it is…9:30pm.  I am on my second episode of House (Netflix is great!).  I am relaxed on the bed…Couldn’t he have talked to his Dad in the other room?   We have like more computers and laptops in the house than we have people!   This was my only time of the day to do something for myself that I enjoy.   I open my mouth, and… You know what I said, don’t you?   Sigh.  A Proverbs 31 wife, I was not.

The look on his face.  You would have thought I just pierced him with a sword right through his heart.   And I did.     “Reckless words pierce like a sword… ” ACK!   I really didn’t mean to hurt him.  I never, ever mean to hurt him.  But I did.   Why?  For an episode of House?   I had it on DVD right there.   You know, in my mind, I still kept thinking … why didn’t he think about ME when he walked in here?   But God teaches us to think of OTHERS before ourselves.    “Love your neighbor as yourself” is what Matthew 22: 39 tells us.   If I were on the phone with my parents, what would I have wanted or expected from him?   Jesus didn’t tell us that it was okay to hurt the ones we love…in the story of the Good Samaritan, Jesus was asked that question…who is my neighbor?   We aren’t just talking about the noisy, psycho neighbor in the house next door, we are talking about everyone and anyone who we come into contact with.     Do you remember the answer Jesus got to that question…Luke 10: 37  And he said (he being the “expert in the law” who asked the question), “The one who showed mercy toward him.”

You know the most embarrassing thing to me?  God knew I was going to say that before I ever even uttered it.   “O LORD, you have searched me and you know me.   You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar.   You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways.   Before a word is on my tongue you know it completely, O LORD. You hem me in—behind and before; you have laid your hand upon me.   Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain. “(Psalm 139: 1-6)   Sigh.

So why do we do it?  Why did I do it?  Sure it is our sin nature.  I say things more often that hurt my husband and my kids than I do to my employees, my friends, and strangers on the street.   Is it because we are so comfortable with them that we don’t really think before we speak?   Many people think they know me, but if they knew the words that travel through my head, they would be shocked.   I just have a very good sense (most of the time) when to say it and when to not say it.   How about you?  Proverbs 10:19 gives us some good advice “When words are many, sin is not absent, but he who holds his tongue is wise.” Was the episode of House I was watching more important than showing love to my husband?  No.   I should have hit pause, or moved into the other room.   It should have never passed through my lips.   I have a friend who once told me that while she teaches in her class, she has some children that are discipline problems.   I asked her how she handles it.   She told me that she imagines that God is testing her, and that child is Jesus.   How would you treat Jesus?   That is how she treats even her worst behavior problem child.   I think God wants me to do that as well.

Let me leave you with this thought.    (Psalm 34: 11-14)   Come, my children, listen to me; I will teach you the fear of the LORD.    Whoever of you loves life and desires to see many good days, keep your tongue from evil and your lips from speaking lies.  Turn from evil and do good; seek peace and pursue it.

Sorry, babe.

Monday’s Mission #58

Your mission this week is to try to find a new thing that drives your husband wild sexually. It may take some creativity, but consider new positions for intercourse, outer course and foreplay. Consider your attitude and way of relating before you get to the bedroom. Consider your personal appearance. Learn a new technique. Think outside the box and try to come up with something that will become a favorite of his in the years to come. Have fun trying to find new ways to pleasure him.

Position #68: The Jackknife

This is a cunnilingus position that is sure to put a smile on your faces ladies!  You will need to be beside a piece of furniture or your bed.  To get into position you stand beside your bed and lift one leg and place it on top of the bed (or other piece of furniture.)  This is similar to the way a ballet dancer warms up before she dances…when she places one foot up on the rail and stretches.  Except you aren’t worrying about stretching.  You can bend your leg at the knee if it’s more comfortable for you.

So now you will be standing on one leg with the other leg up on your bed.  You will have totally opened up yourself.  Your husband is then able to kneel between your legs and go to town!  If you have a tall husband then he will be able to just sit on the floor and his face will line up nicely with where it needs to be.  The wife can also put her leg up on a chair or other piece of furniture if the bed doesn’t work.  (Even the wall is an option, although that doesn’t look very comfortable at all.)

My husband and I tried this one out last week and although I couldn’t orgasm this way (standing) it still felt so amazing.  You know what else was cool?  Being the ‘dominant’ person and being able to look down to see my husband between my legs.  What a nice change of pace!  Making eye contact that way was erotic!

Pros: The husband has easy access to his wife’s girly bits.  The wife gets a little empowerment.  She is also able to use her own hands to hold her vulva lips open for him if she wants to.

Cons: The wife may not be able to orgasm in this position if she is uncomfortable standing.  (Still, it’s nice to do as foreplay to intercourse, even without orgasm.)

Communication 101

Learning how to communicate well with your spouse is so important. If you know how to express your thoughts and emotions in a way that your husband will understand, and if he can do the same with you, you really are set up to be able to walk together through anything that comes your way. Most of the problems we hear about from people who write us are a result of a poor ability to communicate effectively. It takes a commitment from both the husband and the wife to be certain that they are clearly expressing what they want to communicate.

Have you ever considered all that may be happening under the surface of a conversation between a husband and wife? Let’s think about this together. There is what I want to say, what I am saying, what I am feeling, what I am thinking, what he is hearing, his internal response to my words, his external response to my words, my perception of the topic or issue, his perception of the topic or issue, my body language, his body language, my understanding of what the non-verbal cues mean, his understanding of what the non-verbal cues mean. I could go on and on. There are so many variables influencing effective communication that if a couple isn’t committed to learning to understand one another, they are walking through life together without a really important tool in their toolbox. When trouble comes, as it usually will at points, they are not armed very well to come through it stronger.

I have noticed a few things that help a lot in communicating well as I have lived out my own relationships and by observing others. One of the biggest things I have learned is not to hold on to offenses. Whether a person is purposely trying to be offensive or it’s unintentional, if I choose to react to that I end up more focused on defending myself than on dealing with the issue at hand. This can be really easy in some situations and really hard in others, and some people know exactly which buttons to press in order to cause a reaction. I love the story of Jesus in the Bible where he has just communicated something that really offended many of the people when He talked about how people would need to eat His flesh and drink His blood. Most of the people who heard this message left and when he turned to his friends he said “Are you going to leave too?” meaning are you going to hold onto an offense or push past it to hear what I am really trying to communicate to you? Peter’s response was genius “Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life.” He humbles himself and affirms that he wants to hear from the Lord. The full story can be read here. It’s a perfect example of continuing to push through the need to communicate even when it would be easier to say forget it and go on misunderstanding the context because we don’t want to let go of our perceived right to be justified.

Another thing I have witnessed in my own life and by watching the communication efforts of others is that a spoon full of sugar goes a long way. Mother Teresa was quoted as saying “Kind words can be short and easy to speak, but their echoes are truly endless.” If I want to bring something to the attention of my husband, whether it’s small or big, the best first course of action is to be sure that my words are filled with grace and kindness. Affirm that you care for him and in cases where it is a significant issue, let him know that you want to use the situation to strengthen your relationship.

Also, establish between you and your husband that honest emotions and thoughts, with appropriate filters, are acceptable and safe. Talk about what “constructive criticism” looks like for each of you. How do you want to be approached when he has been hurt by you? What if you see something in his life that needs addressing? How does he want you to bring it up? If there is a problem the last thing you want is to feel that you can’t bring it up for fear of hurting each other. You have to be willing to work through the tough stuff and be willing to have one another highlight the areas where you both need to grow. Establishing that it is safe for both of you to be forthright in your communication, with grace and love, makes a big difference in allowing communication to flow effectively.

If you haven’t taken the time to read The Five Love Languages, I would strongly encourage you to do so. The basic message of the book is that everyone has a primary “language” or two that they communicate love by. Physical touch, words of affirmation, quality time, acts of service, and gifts. Understanding how you and your husband show love and feel loved is a significant part of establishing good communication. We are always getting letters from people who are in situations where their spouse is not speaking their love language. A woman who says, “I work really hard at being attractive for him and he never notices” may need to hear her husband say “You look hot” in order to believe that he notices. If she doesn’t hear the words, love has not been expressed. She speaks in words of affirmation. A woman who says, “I feel like such a freak. I have a higher drive for sex than my husband and he doesn’t even think about my needs” needs to connect sexually with her husband in order to feel loved. If he rejects her or doesn’t meet her advances enthusiastically, she doesn’t feel loved. A recent email we got about this actually said the words, “It’s one way that i feel loved and desired.” She speaks in physical touch. Also realize that things you do in direct contrast to a primary love language will speak to your spouse that you do not care for them, even though it is not true. You may unintentionally be communicating something very contrary to your real feelings. So if you and your husband haven’t read this book and discussed it for yourselves, I would strongly encourage you to do so. It will make a huge difference.

A final thought is that sometimes we have traveled for so long in differing ways of communicating that a legitimate and helpful resource is to find a good biblical counselor who will help the two of you get back on the same page again. This is the Christian Counselors Directory and it will allow you to search for counselors in the US and in other countries as well. If this is a real need for you and your spouse please be willing to pursue it. Some people feel bad about seeking out counseling, but humbling ourselves and asking for help is very important when the need is legitimate.

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