Monday’s Mission #58

Your mission this week is to try to find a new thing that drives your husband wild sexually. It may take some creativity, but consider new positions for intercourse, outer course and foreplay. Consider your attitude and way of relating before you get to the bedroom. Consider your personal appearance. Learn a new technique. Think outside the box and try to come up with something that will become a favorite of his in the years to come. Have fun trying to find new ways to pleasure him.

Position #68: The Jackknife

This is a cunnilingus position that is sure to put a smile on your faces ladies!  You will need to be beside a piece of furniture or your bed.  To get into position you stand beside your bed and lift one leg and place it on top of the bed (or other piece of furniture.)  This is similar to the way a ballet dancer warms up before she dances…when she places one foot up on the rail and stretches.  Except you aren’t worrying about stretching.  You can bend your leg at the knee if it’s more comfortable for you.

So now you will be standing on one leg with the other leg up on your bed.  You will have totally opened up yourself.  Your husband is then able to kneel between your legs and go to town!  If you have a tall husband then he will be able to just sit on the floor and his face will line up nicely with where it needs to be.  The wife can also put her leg up on a chair or other piece of furniture if the bed doesn’t work.  (Even the wall is an option, although that doesn’t look very comfortable at all.)

My husband and I tried this one out last week and although I couldn’t orgasm this way (standing) it still felt so amazing.  You know what else was cool?  Being the ‘dominant’ person and being able to look down to see my husband between my legs.  What a nice change of pace!  Making eye contact that way was erotic!

Pros: The husband has easy access to his wife’s girly bits.  The wife gets a little empowerment.  She is also able to use her own hands to hold her vulva lips open for him if she wants to.

Cons: The wife may not be able to orgasm in this position if she is uncomfortable standing.  (Still, it’s nice to do as foreplay to intercourse, even without orgasm.)

Communication 101

Learning how to communicate well with your spouse is so important. If you know how to express your thoughts and emotions in a way that your husband will understand, and if he can do the same with you, you really are set up to be able to walk together through anything that comes your way. Most of the problems we hear about from people who write us are a result of a poor ability to communicate effectively. It takes a commitment from both the husband and the wife to be certain that they are clearly expressing what they want to communicate.

Have you ever considered all that may be happening under the surface of a conversation between a husband and wife? Let’s think about this together. There is what I want to say, what I am saying, what I am feeling, what I am thinking, what he is hearing, his internal response to my words, his external response to my words, my perception of the topic or issue, his perception of the topic or issue, my body language, his body language, my understanding of what the non-verbal cues mean, his understanding of what the non-verbal cues mean. I could go on and on. There are so many variables influencing effective communication that if a couple isn’t committed to learning to understand one another, they are walking through life together without a really important tool in their toolbox. When trouble comes, as it usually will at points, they are not armed very well to come through it stronger.

I have noticed a few things that help a lot in communicating well as I have lived out my own relationships and by observing others. One of the biggest things I have learned is not to hold on to offenses. Whether a person is purposely trying to be offensive or it’s unintentional, if I choose to react to that I end up more focused on defending myself than on dealing with the issue at hand. This can be really easy in some situations and really hard in others, and some people know exactly which buttons to press in order to cause a reaction. I love the story of Jesus in the Bible where he has just communicated something that really offended many of the people when He talked about how people would need to eat His flesh and drink His blood. Most of the people who heard this message left and when he turned to his friends he said “Are you going to leave too?” meaning are you going to hold onto an offense or push past it to hear what I am really trying to communicate to you? Peter’s response was genius “Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life.” He humbles himself and affirms that he wants to hear from the Lord. The full story can be read here. It’s a perfect example of continuing to push through the need to communicate even when it would be easier to say forget it and go on misunderstanding the context because we don’t want to let go of our perceived right to be justified.

Another thing I have witnessed in my own life and by watching the communication efforts of others is that a spoon full of sugar goes a long way. Mother Teresa was quoted as saying “Kind words can be short and easy to speak, but their echoes are truly endless.” If I want to bring something to the attention of my husband, whether it’s small or big, the best first course of action is to be sure that my words are filled with grace and kindness. Affirm that you care for him and in cases where it is a significant issue, let him know that you want to use the situation to strengthen your relationship.

Also, establish between you and your husband that honest emotions and thoughts, with appropriate filters, are acceptable and safe. Talk about what “constructive criticism” looks like for each of you. How do you want to be approached when he has been hurt by you? What if you see something in his life that needs addressing? How does he want you to bring it up? If there is a problem the last thing you want is to feel that you can’t bring it up for fear of hurting each other. You have to be willing to work through the tough stuff and be willing to have one another highlight the areas where you both need to grow. Establishing that it is safe for both of you to be forthright in your communication, with grace and love, makes a big difference in allowing communication to flow effectively.

If you haven’t taken the time to read The Five Love Languages, I would strongly encourage you to do so. The basic message of the book is that everyone has a primary “language” or two that they communicate love by. Physical touch, words of affirmation, quality time, acts of service, and gifts. Understanding how you and your husband show love and feel loved is a significant part of establishing good communication. We are always getting letters from people who are in situations where their spouse is not speaking their love language. A woman who says, “I work really hard at being attractive for him and he never notices” may need to hear her husband say “You look hot” in order to believe that he notices. If she doesn’t hear the words, love has not been expressed. She speaks in words of affirmation. A woman who says, “I feel like such a freak. I have a higher drive for sex than my husband and he doesn’t even think about my needs” needs to connect sexually with her husband in order to feel loved. If he rejects her or doesn’t meet her advances enthusiastically, she doesn’t feel loved. A recent email we got about this actually said the words, “It’s one way that i feel loved and desired.” She speaks in physical touch. Also realize that things you do in direct contrast to a primary love language will speak to your spouse that you do not care for them, even though it is not true. You may unintentionally be communicating something very contrary to your real feelings. So if you and your husband haven’t read this book and discussed it for yourselves, I would strongly encourage you to do so. It will make a huge difference.

A final thought is that sometimes we have traveled for so long in differing ways of communicating that a legitimate and helpful resource is to find a good biblical counselor who will help the two of you get back on the same page again. This is the Christian Counselors Directory and it will allow you to search for counselors in the US and in other countries as well. If this is a real need for you and your spouse please be willing to pursue it. Some people feel bad about seeking out counseling, but humbling ourselves and asking for help is very important when the need is legitimate.

Hope Never Fails

Last week, I did a short study on faith.   This week, I want to touch on something I was reminded of this past Sunday at church.

This past week ended with a tragedy for a friend’s family, and we were overcome with the “WHY?” question.   At this point, I realize now that I will never really know why.  I don’t really need to know why.  If I did, I would already know why.    But I put my trust in one thing…that God knows why and it happened for a reason.   That’s all I need to know.   Many of my friends and I have been encouraging each other this weekend and the start of this new week.   Something my pastor said this weekend really hit home with me.    Hope.    Here’s the verses we studied this weekend.

Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.  (Romans 5:3-5)

Now, when I wasn’t a Christian yet, I suffered a very painful time when I was young.   My grandfather died, and I didn’t understand why.   All I knew was that he was gone.   After his funeral, my family had a party (At least to my teenage mind, it was a party)   Why were we celebrating?  Hello!  Did you not remember that Granddad died?  Why are you all laughing and joking?  What is so funny about it?   I was hurting really bad.   My grandma was celebrating because my granddad had come to know Christ before he died.   Granddad cheated death so many times already, and Grandma knew it was because God wasn’t done with him yet.   So she was celebrating that she would see her husband in Heaven when she died.   But I didn’t understand that fully until I became a Christian myself and I felt my Father’s hand on my shoulder comforting me.     See, God wants us to thank him in times of happiness.   He wants us to be grateful when we get a prayer answered.   But he wants us to know that he is there when we are suffering, too.    Even though we are suffering, God isn’t through with us yet.   Through our pain, through our suffering, the Master craftsman is molding us and shaping us for something new.   The things we suffer make us stronger.  In it’s verb form, gives this definition for persevere: “to persist in anything undertaken; maintain a purpose in spite of difficulty, obstacles, or discouragement; continue steadfastly.” That’s exactly what God wants us to do….keep on keepin’ on, even in the worst situations.   Keep your eyes on the prize, keep striving toward the goal.    Perseverance builds character.   Integrity.   Our traits that form our individual nature as children of God.  and character builds hope.   I love this next part.   And hope does not disappoint us. AMEN!   Our hope is in the Lord.  He always has our best interest at heart.   We have a hope for the future.  Our future is with our Lord in heaven, going about the business that he has planned for us.   Our future IS NOT eternal separation from our loving God.  I look forward to the day that God decides that my time on this earth has ended and my time with Him begins eternally.   (that is when God decides it is my time)   My hope looks to that future and my hope will never fail me.   God loves me so much that he sent his Son to die for me.   There is my hope.   I have a Savior who loves me and would give anything to have me with him forever.   That, dear ones, is a promise that will never be broken.

So yes, we will go through times of sorrow.  We will go through times of pain.  We will go through times that we just hurt so badly.   These words from God tell us to praise him in this storm.   God holds us all in his hands, and there are no other hands that can hold me so tightly and never let go of me.   God is not through with you, dear one.   When Noah looked out on all the rain that fell and flooded the earth, did he give up hope?  Just because he couldn’t see it through the rain didn’t mean that the rainbow wasn’t there.   God’s word is true forever and ever, AMEN!   God’s promises will never come back with a return to sender stamp on them.   So thank God and praise Him when you are at your lowest.   Take his hand.  There is nowhere to go but up.

Monday’s Mission #57

On Mother’s Day morning I was sitting in bed waiting for my kids and husband who were generously preparing a breakfast in bed for me. I spent the time as I waited studying Proverbs 31. I am always struck by how faithful God has been to teach me the character of this woman. She is a mentor of mine and one I believe we can exibit the qualities of as we submit ourselves to the Lord and seek His wisdom and path for our lives, though perhaps not perfectly.

So your mission this week is to study this passage and ask the Lord to continue the work of making you a woman of deep character and integrity. Here are a couple of different versions of the passage:

Enjoy the journey to becoming a wife (and mother if you are one) who is like this woman.

Position #67: Up Close & Personal

Here is another oral position for you ladies out there!  This is a FAVORITE in my house and we do it almost every time we make love.  All you need is your bed, although a sofa may work as well.

The wife lays flat on her back on the bed, but scoots all the way down to where her rear end is at the edge of the bed.  Her genitals need to be flush with the edge.  The husband kneels between her legs so that his face is right there.  The wife lifts her legs up and over his shoulders.  He can then wrap his arms around her legs and reach up to cup her breasts while he is pleasuring her orally.  If her legs get tired, she can place her feet directly on his shoulders.

Pros: The wife is lying down so she is very comfortable.  The husband is able to sit on the floor or on his knees and give oral attentions to his wife without getting a kink in his neck.

Cons: The height of your bed may play a role in you being able to do this one.

All Things Crotchless!

So ladies, do you own anything crotchless?  You know, lingerie that is “open”?  If you don’t then let me take this opportunity to recommend some things to you!

Crotchless panties are really nice!  When you first get them, you may think they look kind of strange.  When I got my first pair, it actually took me a minute or two to figure out how to put them on.  😳   But once I had them on, I felt a bit empowered.  I walked around with my sexy little secret trying to decide when to tell my husband.  And when he found out what I had bought and was wearing, of course it made his anticipation go up!  Here are a couple of examples of what they look like.  The first one is backless panties and it is great for rear entry positions because it frames your hiney for him!  All of these pictures are of mannequins:

Crotchless teddies or body stockings are even better!  Those of you with body image issues listen up!  If you can find a good crotchless teddy (or body stocking), then you will have your body covered in lace or satin, and you won’t have to remove it to have sex.  You and your husband are able to make love while you keep your teddy on, and you don’t have to worry about your love handles or tummy area!

Making love with crotchless lingerie is an awesome feeling.  It’s nice eye candy for your husband too, especially if you have an open bust!  Many of the crotchless teddies and bodysuits also come with an open bust area, so that your husband has access to your breasts.  That way he is still able to see them and give you stimulation there as well.  A perfect example is the Open Front Teddy.

It was very hard searching for examples to link to without having scantly clad models pop up on my screen.  I wrote to Passions Lingerie and told them of my dilemma.  They stocked examples of what I requested and then displayed them on mannequins.  I am so appreciative to them for their help. So, to see further examples of things that are crotchless, you can now click here, guilt free, to view the pieces. The wonderful thing about Passions Lingerie (also known as Three Passions Gifts)  is that you are also able to show it to your husband and get his opinion on the lingerie without subjecting him to half naked women.

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