So What Is “Kinky?”

There is a lot of discussion these days on things being ‘kinky.’  The term ‘kinky’ is rather subjective.  One couple will say something is too ‘kinky’ for them while another couple thinks the same thing is rather tame.  It really does depend on the general disposition of the people involved.

Here are a couple of different definitions found in the online dictionary for Kinky:

1.  Slang Showing or appealing to bizarre or deviant tastes, especially of a sexual or erotic nature
2.  (used of sexual behavior) showing or appealing to bizarre or deviant tastes; “kinky sex”; “perverted practices” 
3.  Slang. marked by unconventional sexual preferences or behavior, as fetishism, sadomasochism, or the like.

Wow, those are some pretty strong words!  Bizarre, deviant, perverted, fetishism, sadomasochism… And here I am using that term to mean something a little, umm… less!  My husband and I use ‘kinky’ to describe something that is just a little out there or a little different than our normal routine, but not necessarily something that is related to fetishes or BDSM!

There are some couples that would say oral sex, anal sex, and toys are all kinky (to them).  On the other side of the coin, some couples would say that those things are just a normal part of their love making routine and are not of a kinky nature at all.  While we’re on the subject, let’s just make a list of some the things that could be considered ‘kinky’ to people:

Of course this isn’t a complete list of all things sexual.  It’s just a short list off the top of my head.  As you look through this list you’ll probably notice that there are some things that are on the tame side of the spectrum and others that are on the flip side.  Even though the dictionary gives us all of those strong words for ‘kinky’ I still use that word in varying degrees.  As an example, I think that oral sex, female ejaculation, using mirrors & hot oils, lingerie, masturbating for each other, and most sex toys are just a normal part of our sexual routine.  On the other hand, role-playing, submit games, light bondage, spanking, and rimming are all just a little ‘kinky’ to me.  That’s not to say that I don’t indulge in them.  Just that I have to be in a slightly ‘kinky mood’ in order to engage in those things.  (It works out great when my husband and I are both in a kinky mood together!)  There are also those things that I think are just ‘too kinky’ for me and have no interest in (chastity belts).  Then there are some things that are either dangerous or I think border on sexual sin  and I stay away from those.

Of course everyone’s list of what they think is kinky will be different.  Sometimes even within a marriage one spouse may feel certain things are too kinky and the other spouse may think differently.  My list above is just a starting point that maybe you could use as a discussion starter, to discuss how you feel about certain acts.  Maybe you and your husband could go down this list, or make up your own, and sit down and talk about what things you think are tame, slightly kinky, and too kinky for you.  Even if you have done something like this in the past, I’m here to tell you that things change over the years.  You may have had one set of ideas when you first married (or even just last year) and find that now your views have changed somewhat.  The key here is to be open to discussing these things together and then to respect how your spouse feels. Maybe you could plan some time in the next week or so, to discuss this topic together and see how you both feel about specific things.  God bless!

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