Weekly Poll #3: Who initiates more often?


  1. I guess there is a difference between initiate and ask.

    Perhaps he initiates more, and I ask more.

    When I’m wanting to be intimate I simply ask him if he’s in the mood or if he’d like to “play” after dinner or whatever.

    He doesn’t ask . . . he likes to turn me on with touch and kisses and have me ask for it.

  2. I am aggressive and TALK about my desire to make love as against relying upon body language because my body language sucks. I even confuse myself !! I send off the wrong signals every time…totally frustrating for me. I was raised to be a masculine, in control, female and have a difficult time being a female vamp. I speak to my husband in a sexually suggestive way every day.

    He initiates with strong male body language. I find it such a turn on because he ‘gets in my face’ when he wants me. Speaking sexual language is not his strong point but he is working on it as I love to hear his words of love and lust for me and have noticed that he has only to SAY what he wants me to do and I do it. He dominates me and I adore him. Perfect for us.

  3. I actually selected ‘neither one of us initiates’. That prolly sounds bad 🙂
    But what I mean is it seems like a lot of the time we’re just kissing or holding hands and then next thing you know….. And I can’t say later that either one of us technically ‘initiated’.
    I do initiate some and it makes him feel so sexy.
    I’d love it if he initiated more (I LIKE to feel wanted, I thrive on it, and while I do feel wanted, I feel even more so when he ‘starts it’), but I think he doesn’t want to be demanding. I think I shall tell him that.

  4. I use to say that I initiated way more than my husband, but I believe that it’s pretty even now. We seem to have found a nice balance between the two of us 🙂

  5. I am recently married and I always feel a little shy about “initiating.” We used to have a couch, and it was much easier when just sitting around to get playful. But now we have two separate chairs (that I don’t particularly like!) and once my husband is sitting there in his chair and I in mine after dinner, most likely with computers on our laps, I feel kind of stuck. We’re moving into a tiny apartment soon, though, and we might not have either chairs or a couch there.
    I loove it when my husband just comes up to me and starts things, though, so maybe I just need to take the initiative.

  6. “Anonymous” maybe you could take some sexy pictures of yourself, and when you and dh are in your separate chairs with computers in your laps, e-mail him one! Or if you guys have yahoo messenger or something like that, send him a sexy comment that will catch him off guard. 🙂 I have been married for almost 10 years, and I still have problems initiating sometimes. But the more you do initiate, and get a positive response from him, the more it will build your self-confidence, and the easier it will be next time. So give it a shot!

  7. Anonymous – sometimes hubby works after he gets back from work, or sometimes he likes to unwind by surfing the web and reading about his fave sports teams. We both have laptops on desks facing walls opposite each other in our bedroom.
    So, I’ve sent some pretty steamy chats before – Gmail is great.

    You might try doing something like this – email/chat/text him to meet you in the bedroom in five minutes, run into the bedroom, slip into something sexy, throw your discarded clothes at him if you’re in range from the bedroom (gosh I hope my dad never reads this and recognizes me…), and if he doesn’t come, call him.
    if that doesn’t get him I’m not sure what will!
    OR skip all that and change into something alluring and replace the computer in his lap with yourself. If you have a perfume or lotion that he loves, put that on, too.

    My husband LOVES it when I take the initiative, esp if I do something like uh, forget to wear underwear beneath the mini-skirt that I just happen to be wearing 🙂

    My way of taking the initiative is usually by wearing or doing something that just screams “available” to my hubby, but sometimes I get more direct, and do something like suggested above. It’s a blast when you get used to it!
    I’m not always comfortable initiating b/c I don’t want to be too demanding. But my darling does like me to take the initiative.
    If I think he may be too tired for LM, then I usually just let him know I’m available but I’l be available tomorrow, when he’s better rested, too.

    Sometimes after I initiate, I start second guessing myself, but then I just tell him that and he always reassures me that he loves it.

    Anyways, have fun!

    p.s. it does take some courage to initiate, sometimes. Not sure why. I give myself peptalks like ‘he thinks you’re sexy; he likes this’ to remind myself why I’m doing it.
    It’s easier if you simply focus on driving your husband crazy 😀

  8. Just tell him you like him to start things.
    Ahhh, the computer obstical. A positive is that you’re using laptops. GREAT!
    Wait for that time and make your move. Put your computer down, You can say, “Honey I’m going to bother you for a moment” then go over to him, take his computer, set it aside and just crawl into his lap with your arms around him. Tell him specific things you like that he does. tell him things you appriciate about him. Don’t be disappointed if you don’t get what you’re after. Chair snuggles are great. You can then go back to what you were doing. Also, you can tell him then, that you like him to start. Who knows, he might want to share the beauty of love with physical passion.
    Good luck, newly married! Remember, talk, talk and talk with each other!
    God Bless

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