Position #72: On A Stool

I believe this is our very first position that is meant solely for anal sex. We have a few other positions that could be used for both anal and vaginal, but this one is primarily anal.  I know that many of you out there do not engage in anal sex, but for those of you who do, I thought this was a unique position that may intrigue you.  (*Scroll down for a tip on how to turn this into a vaginal position.)

To do this position you will need a bar stool or some kind of tall  stool.  The wife will sit on it and scoot far enough back so that her rear is almost hanging off the stool.  She will then lean forward and could either hold on to the stool itself or hold on to a table or other sturdy piece of furniture in front of her.  The husband walks up behind her and is able to penetrate while standing.  Of course this will only work if the stool is the appropriate height to his genitals.  For a picture of how this position looks, click here.

I could also see this position working if you use a smaller shorter stool and the husband is on his knees.

Pros: This is a very unique angle and position for those who practice anal sex and are looking for something new.

Cons: There may not be room for much clitoral stimulation, unless you are able to hold a small vibe in place.

Tips: For those of you who do not practice anal sex, there may be hope yet!  You could try having the wife sit on the stool facing the husband, and have him stand and enter her vaginally while she wraps her legs around him.  This could be an alternative to standing sex, because the stool will hold up the wife’s weight. 😛

Q&A: When the Five Love Languages Seem To Fail

We received an interesting email that I wanted to use to propel a discussion about the five love languages.

My wife is an amazing wife and a godly woman.  She has a servants heart and feels that her love language is most definitely service.  I would agree and affirm that about her.  The only difficulty this brings into our sex life is that she often sees sex as being a service that she offers to me.  Even when it was difficult and painful she has never been a refuser by any stretch of the imagination.  However, I’ve never been content to simply receive from her and go on my way. I want her to desire me and receive from me.  She is trying very hard and we’re both trying to encourage each other and not put too much pressure on her.  She wants things to be different but doesn’t know how to change.  We’re both praying for an awakening for her.  I think the 5 love languages is a great model, but it is simply a model and has its shortcomings.  I think one of them, or at least our understanding of it, is deficient in how it can be assumed that sex is going to be fulfilling for people with physical touch as their primary love language.  I can’t accept that as true, I believe God created sex for married couples and not just certain partners in those relationships with a particular love language.  This is something that is confusing us.  We don’t simply want sex to be something that she does to serve me, or even vice versa, but something that brings deeper intimacy and oneness to our relationship.  We would deeply appreciate any advice/help you all could give. Thanks for all that you’re doing to see the Kingdom come on earth as it is in heaven!

I really appreciate this man’s heart. It’s obvious that he and his wife are focused on strengthening their relationship for the long haul and have lofty, yet attainable goals for their relationship as they walk together with the Lord. As soon as I read this email I thought of a post that a friend made on this topic of the five love languages. I asked him if he would allow me to use his insights for this article and here are his comments about this:

I was just thinking the other day about Love Languages. My DW and I recently took yet another Love Language quiz online which prompted my little brainstorm. I was trying to figure out which Love Language would sex fall under, since my DW has always insisted that that was my LL. My conclusion? It falls under ALL of them! (keep in mind, this is sex as God intended, between a man and a woman in a married relationship)

Words of Affirmation: Honestly…how many of you just lay there and read a magazine or watch TV? In the heat of the moment, praise and adoration for your spouse seems to just kinda flow! There’s just something about making love that really opens up the heart, even in us guys. Admit it, you’re really a teddy-bear inside.

Quality Time: There’s not much more you can do to spend quality time with your beloved. Watching TV together, taking a walk together, etc….there’s always something else to distract you from your spouse. With sex, your attention is 100% on them. The lights are low (or flickering warmly from the top of a candlestick), the music is soft….yeah, there’s a lot to be said about spontaneous back-seat-of-the-car or outdoors-on-the-trampoline sex, but the majority will be in the comfort and safety of your own home. Enjoy, the quality doesn’t get much higher than good ‘ole sex!

Receiving Gifts: God gave us the gift of sex (after we’re married, obviously). I personally can’t think of anything I’d much rather regift for my DW than sex!!! As I told my DW once, I can kiss a friend or a relative on the cheek, I can hold someone else’s hand (prayer circles, for some reason, love to do this), I can buy someone a gift…but sex is hers and hers alone, the ONE gift I will not give anyone else. Period.

Acts of Service: Unless you’re married to the most selfish person out there, happily/healthily married couples typically go out of their way to please their spouse during sex. Yeah, pleasing them pleases you, too, so its a win-win situation, but most are still willing to do whatever makes their DW/DH happiest. If your spouse is going out of his/her way to do the same, both will have their needs met in some mind-blowingly sexy way. If your spouse isn’t actively doing all he/she can to please YOU, well….you’re still having sex!

Physical Touch: Seriously. Do I really need to go in depth here (pun intended)? Insert Tab A into Slot B. Or C. Or D. Whichever the two of you mutually agree upon. Rinse and repeat. For those of us with PT as a primary (or VERY close secondary) language, this one’s a no-brainer. We can high-five at the football game, shake hands at church, hold hands in the movies, enjoy a good massage, even wrap our arms around our loved ones while snuggling in front of a fireplace, but there’s just no adequate substitution for full-on whole-body skin-on-skin entanglement. Well….coconut oil helps, but still…

I would agree that the five love languages is just a model and has it’s short comings, but I think that generally if people are seeking to understand one another, that it is an amazingly helpful tool. When a wife has a love language of service and during sex offers herself fully to her husband, she is communicating in her most heart felt way that she loves her husband. A husband who doesn’t speak this language as primary, doesn’t feel loved which is why he needs to communicate to her what love language he needs her to speak as well. Not either or, but both. You must receive the love your spouse gives which is spoken in their love language as enthusiastically as the love they speak in your language. And sex, as my friend points out, can really be used to speak all five languages, if you are listening for it.

So if my husband spoke in the language of gifts and brought me home some lingerie or something sexy for us to use in bed, I need to respond as enthusiastically to that as I would to him canceling all his plans for an evening to be with me if my love language was quality time. During sex a husband and wife need to get to the point where they can give and receive love in BOTH of their primary love languages. So for the man who wrote in, he needs to fully receive the acts of service his wife gives and appreciate them for what they are, but he also needs to let her know what she needs to do in order for him to hear love in his primary language too. Eventually we need to get to the point where we can speak both our language and our spouse’s fluently and naturally. Like breathing. But this takes time, years of studying one another. Until we are fluent in the love language of our spouse, it feels like we are not being loved when they show love by their love language. In the example of the man who wrote in, when his wife serves him in bed it feels to him like he isn’t being loved because she hasn’t communicated to him HIS language as well, but really she has told him she loves him in the clearest way possible in her mind.

By the way, it is not uncommon for men of ANY love language to say that they want to feel that their wives desire them and to be free to receive pleasure from them. It’s one of the reasons we write this blog, to let wives know that they should be free to express passion and desire to their husbands, but it is going to look different for everyone depending on their individual make up.

So be encouraged to study your spouse and become fluent in their love language. It may not be a perfect model, but by and large it works really well.

Weekly Poll #1: Personal lubricant

Monday’s Mission #61

Your challenge this week is to make a sexy playlist of songs to make love to. A previous contributor to the CN blog, Sugar and Spice, wrote a great article suggesting a plethora of different song and album options. Give that article a read and think about what music you and your husband enjoy. Incorporating music into the bedroom can be a very fun spice 🙂

Position #71: The Feast

Here you all probably thought we had covered all the cunnilingus positions that were out there!  You should have known we’d go digging for more!

This one takes some effort to get into position.  The husband will need to sit in a chair.  It can be a kitchen chair or a Lay-z-Boy.  The wife starts out by sitting in his lap, straddling him.  She then lies back on his lap while he carefully helps her pick up her legs and put them over his shoulders.  Once that is accomplished, he grabs her by her legs or waist, and brings her up further, where her genitals are close to his face and her legs are bent down his shoulders.  He will have to continue to hold her up using his hands while he is pleasing her orally.  She will also need to help hold her lower body up for him as much as she can.  Her head will be in his lap at this point.  To see a picture of how this position looks, click here.

Pros: The husband has open access and rimming is easily done in this position.

Cons: The husband can’t finger his wife in this position because his hands are too busy holding her up.  Both may fatigue quickly.

So What Is “Kinky?”

There is a lot of discussion these days on things being ‘kinky.’  The term ‘kinky’ is rather subjective.  One couple will say something is too ‘kinky’ for them while another couple thinks the same thing is rather tame.  It really does depend on the general disposition of the people involved.

Here are a couple of different definitions found in the online dictionary for Kinky:

1.  Slang Showing or appealing to bizarre or deviant tastes, especially of a sexual or erotic nature
2.  (used of sexual behavior) showing or appealing to bizarre or deviant tastes; “kinky sex”; “perverted practices” 
3.  Slang. marked by unconventional sexual preferences or behavior, as fetishism, sadomasochism, or the like.

Wow, those are some pretty strong words!  Bizarre, deviant, perverted, fetishism, sadomasochism… And here I am using that term to mean something a little, umm… less!  My husband and I use ‘kinky’ to describe something that is just a little out there or a little different than our normal routine, but not necessarily something that is related to fetishes or BDSM!

There are some couples that would say oral sex, anal sex, and toys are all kinky (to them).  On the other side of the coin, some couples would say that those things are just a normal part of their love making routine and are not of a kinky nature at all.  While we’re on the subject, let’s just make a list of some the things that could be considered ‘kinky’ to people:

Of course this isn’t a complete list of all things sexual.  It’s just a short list off the top of my head.  As you look through this list you’ll probably notice that there are some things that are on the tame side of the spectrum and others that are on the flip side.  Even though the dictionary gives us all of those strong words for ‘kinky’ I still use that word in varying degrees.  As an example, I think that oral sex, female ejaculation, using mirrors & hot oils, lingerie, masturbating for each other, and most sex toys are just a normal part of our sexual routine.  On the other hand, role-playing, submit games, light bondage, spanking, and rimming are all just a little ‘kinky’ to me.  That’s not to say that I don’t indulge in them.  Just that I have to be in a slightly ‘kinky mood’ in order to engage in those things.  (It works out great when my husband and I are both in a kinky mood together!)  There are also those things that I think are just ‘too kinky’ for me and have no interest in (chastity belts).  Then there are some things that are either dangerous or I think border on sexual sin  and I stay away from those.

Of course everyone’s list of what they think is kinky will be different.  Sometimes even within a marriage one spouse may feel certain things are too kinky and the other spouse may think differently.  My list above is just a starting point that maybe you could use as a discussion starter, to discuss how you feel about certain acts.  Maybe you and your husband could go down this list, or make up your own, and sit down and talk about what things you think are tame, slightly kinky, and too kinky for you.  Even if you have done something like this in the past, I’m here to tell you that things change over the years.  You may have had one set of ideas when you first married (or even just last year) and find that now your views have changed somewhat.  The key here is to be open to discussing these things together and then to respect how your spouse feels. Maybe you could plan some time in the next week or so, to discuss this topic together and see how you both feel about specific things.  God bless!

Look for something new starting next week!

Are you ready for something new? With the popularity of our Monday’s Mission and Position of the Week, we are adding something new to our blog. Starting on Tuesday, June 9, we will be adding a weekly poll. Each Tuesday, we will post a new poll and you will have the opportunity to take the poll and then feel free to add comments or expound on your answer. As always, we remind our readers to please keep it clean. We reserve the right to edit or not publish comments that are too graphic in nature. We hope that this new venture will get positive marks with our readers and that you will feel free to participate! Who knows? Maybe our next blog article will come from a comment or the results of our latest poll!

Monday’s Mission #60

Your mission this week is to ask the Lord to give you a promise or encouraging word for your husband. Seek His face and ask Him to reveal something that would be a blessing to your husband. Search the scriptures and recall previous promises that He has made.

Nothing draws us closer to our husbands (and other believers) like hearing what God thinks about them.

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