Q&A: Cunnilingus 101

“I need a step by step manual on how to perform cunnilingus. My husband is enthusiastic but as clueless as I am. I read the article written on it on this site and found it rather vague. He’s very intelligent but he needs “something more detailed than just that? ” Someone at TMB had suggested getting the book “she comes first”, but for reasons of location it’s impossible for me. I only recently am managing to overcome hang-ups I’ve had about it so if we’re going to do it I’d rather he did it right, or not at all. It’s mortifying having to endure having him there and gaining nothing from it. Would really appreciate any further suggestions as to how to get things running smoothly. What I mean is – is it possible to paste the manual up here? That way he can always have access to it easily.”

For some strange reason, I think that people automatically assume (or expect) that men know how to give cunnilingus.  It’s common for women to read up on how to give fellatio, but we don’t really expect to hear about men wanting information too.  We need to realize that men are not born with the exact knowledge of how to please us orally.  They need information too!  I’m going to try and share some tips and techniques with all of you couples out there on giving good cunnilingus.  Let me give just a minor warning that this article will be full of detailed information on giving oral sex to wives.

Cunnilingus is good whenever the wife is wet.  If she isn’t wet enough with her own secretions, then the couple can use coconut oil or another lube of their choosing, or the husband can use his saliva.  Just make sure that the entire area is lubed up.  The husband’s mouth and fingers need to be able to ‘glide’ around her intimate parts.

The wife and husband both need to be in a comfortable position.  It helps to have the wife’s legs spread far apart, to give her husband easy access.

When he is ready to get down to business, then it’s a good idea for him to spread her outer labia apart with one (or both) hands.  That will help him to see and navigate her better.  Her lips will be out of the way so that his tongue can have free range!

From here I’ll give you some examples of specific techniques to try.  Not all women will like every one of these suggestions, so the best way to find out is to just ask her straight up.  Ladies, if you need to print this out and put a check by the paragraphs that you like, then do it!

When starting out, it helps to go slowly and lick and kiss all around the vulva area.  You can even suck one of her outer labia lips into your mouth and run your tongue around on it.  All of these sensations feel good for her!

Lick around the vaginal opening.  If you pull down lightly on the skin/labia, while you still have them spread, you will see the vaginal opening towards the bottom.  Run your tongue around the entrance and caress her gently with your gliding motions.  She may like circular motions or a light licking motion across the entire opening.

Probe her vagina with your tongue.  Stick it in as far as you can, without hurting yourself (yes, you can overextend your tongue).  See if you can replicate the thrusting motions that you normally do with your penis.   After every few thrusts, bring your tongue up to her clitoris for a couple of licks, and then resume your probing.  This can be very erotic for some women.

Run your tongue up and down the entire length of her inner labia on both sides.  Give a little diversity by varying the speed and pressure in which you are licking.  Use the tip of your tongue and then use the full width of your tongue.  Make sure that you are grazing over her clitoris during this process too.  You can also include her perineum area (her ‘taint’) that is between her vagina and anus.  She will delight in the sensations that you bring to her entire garden!

Apply indirect pressure to her clitoris by circling all around it with your tongue.  You may need to stop holding her labia lips open for this part.  Some women, who can’t take direct pressure, respond better to indirect pressure.  When you are holding apart her labia lips, you are making the clitoris more pronounced, and it could possibly be too much.  (Ask her and see.)

Apply direct pressure by continuing to hold her labia lips open, and licking directly on her clitoris.  (It will feel like a little pebble at the top of her vulva, near her pubic mons.  For more info on the clitoris, click here.)  Try making quick, flicking motions on her clitoris with your tongue, up and down or back and forth.  You can also change it up and move your tongue in small circles around her clitoris, first clockwise and then counterclockwise.

Another really nice thing to try is to suck her clitoris into your mouth and then gently suck on it as you would her nipple.  As you are sucking on it you can use your tongue on it at the same time.  You can also try to hum with her clitoris in your mouth, to give her some vibrations to enjoy!

When you are devoting your mouth and tongue to her clitoris, you can also incorporate your fingers during this time by fingering her vagina.  You can use one or two fingers, lightly thrusting.  You will help to stimulate the g-spot if you bend your fingers gently into a “come here” motion while inside her.  You can also use the “corkscrew” method, by crossing your index and middle finger and inserting them that way.

You can easily add rimming or anal attentions to oral sex if you two are into that sort of thing.  Finger cots and lube make it easy to graze or rub lightly over the anus while your tongue is busy up top.  There are many nerve endings at the entrance to the anus and many women are surprised to find out how stimulating that area can be.

Ladies, it is your responsibility to give him feedback and let him know if what he is doing is working!  If he tries something that doesn’t work for you, then tell him that!  If he tries something that feels wonderful, then communicate that to him as well and ask him to keep on doing it!  If you are too shy to speak up, then make up some non-verbal cues that you can use together, like… If you tap him on the arm or shoulder then it means you need something different because what he is doing isn’t working.  If you touch him on the top of his head or play with his hair, then you want him to continue doing exactly what he’s doing because it feels great!  If you grab his head and pull him into you, then you are telling him that you want more pressure.

I hope this article was helpful, and as always I’m sure our readers will also chime in with other tips and tricks that work for them.   The woman who wrote in asked for a step-by-step manual for her husband.  I hope that I’ve helped, by giving  some tips and techniques, however I feel the need to remind our men readers that we are moderating men’s comments even harder now.  We will not publish any comment that is too detailed or descriptive or that simply isn’t helpful to our women readers.

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