Monday’s Mission #72

Your mission this week is to stretch your comfort zone a bit by using some spicier language in the bedroom. I’m not asking you to go to an area where you feel it is sinful for you, but turn up the heat by being more vocal and expressive and get a little more edgy with your language. It will be good for your husband to hear how much you desire and take pleasure in him.

Position #83: Water Love

To end my summer water series positions, I thought I’d give a simple position that many of you may appreciate.  For this position it may be best if you both lube up with a silicone based lube beforehand and then get into the pool, lake, or ocean.  This is a pretty discrete position that you can disguise as a hug/kiss/conversation.

You simply go out into water that is about chest high, and then the wife is able to “jump up” into the husband’s arms and wrap her legs around him.  The husband can penetrate and thrust while standing there holding his wife.  They can hug and kiss and talk and passers-by won’t think twice.

Pros: This is a GREAT position for couples that have always wanted to accomplish standing sex but were unable to do so.  The water helps to hold up the wife’s weight, so there is no strain at all on the husband.

Cons: Some couples dislike water sex because of the friction the water causes.

Book Review: Moral Revolution

Kris Vallotton is on the pastoral staff of a church that has been a very great blessing to me, Bethel Church in Redding, CA. Being someone who likes to read about Biblical sexuality, I was excited to get this book and hear what Kris had to say. The following is the synopsis of the book:

Moral Revolution is a non-religious, intimate, and honest look at sex.

Moral Revolution was written for radical lovers and passionate people who dream of being catalysts to another sexual revolution-one that transforms the way the world views sexuality, defines the unborn, and embraces the family.

Moral Revolution seeks to inspire a culture of noble people to walk in purity, passion, and power and to help restore those who have fallen into immorality.

Moral Revolution is a training manual that will equip you to survive the battlefield of your own sex drive, overcome the power of peer pressure, and push back the cesspool of distorted cultural values.

Moral Revolution will help you to emerge from combat with your trophy of purity intact so that you can present it to your lover on your honeymoon night. Many who have fallen in this battle or have been wounded in this war will find hope and courage to start over again.

Please note: This review is based on the previous version of this book, Sexual Revolution. Although a little bit of the content has been changed, it still contains the same message.

Sexual Revolution is not a book only for married people, but rather it is a wonderful explanation of WHY the Lord established sex for a husband and wife and as such it is appropriate for both single and married people. I look forward to reading it with my own children when they get closer to adolescence. It is a refreshing presentation of purity as something worth fighting for. In fact, the author points out that one of the reasons we have a sex drive before God wants us to enjoy it with our spouse is so that when we give them our virginity, we give them something that we fought for.

It begins with a parable which is a short story about a young man who discovers a valuable ring in his adolescence that he works very hard to obtain and then protect until the day he can give it to “the woman of his dreams” on his wedding night. The ring is a symbol for virginity and purity. Later in the book the author explains how he and his wife made conversations about sex common in their home and that as their children came into puberty they would take their kids on dates and talk about the value of purity. Since no one just happens to still be a virgin on their wedding night, he and his wife talked with them about how to come up with a plan so that they would be able to give their virginity to their spouse on their honeymoon. And when their children felt that they were ready to covenant with the Lord to remain pure, the author and his wife lead their children in a prayer of commitment and gave them rings as an outward sign of the vow. I really like how Kris expressed that it was he and his wife leading them, but their kids were the ones who ultimately made the decision within themselves. This is an important factor in mentoring the next generation to value their purity.

Here are several of my favorite quotes from the book (emphasis added by me):

Having a desire for sex is normal, not something that you should feel guilty about…. Sadly, many people withdraw from God in their teen years because they feel guilty for having sexual desires. They begin to believe lies about themselves, thinking, I must not be a righteous person because of these desires. There is something wrong with me. That’s just not true! Sex was God’s idea, and it’s good. The goal isn’t to destroy your sexual passion but to manage it in a way that you rule it and not the other way around.

Because God is the One who designed and activated your sex drive, it follows that He has both wisdom and strength for directing it towards its true purpose. He doesn’t want you to withdraw from Him as you deal with your thoughts and feelings; He wants you to run to Him…. The war in your soul can get so intense at times that you will need His help to win these battles and hold on to your trophy, especially in the midst of a perverted and hostile world.

All of us must have someone in our lives whom we trust more than we trust ourselves. Every one of us is susceptible to deception, and the nature of deception is that we don’t know it when we are deceived. Therefore, when someone tells you that you have a problem in a certain area of your life, it usually doesn’t feel real. You have to trust what the other person is saying to you more than you trust your feelings if you are going to be delivered from deception.

I call cohabitating the prime expression of the “Judas spirit” because, at Jesus’ going away party, He said to His team, “…One of you will betray Me.” None of His guys knew who the backstabber was until Jesus suggested that they make a covenant. That’s when Judas decided that he was out of there. Later Judas betrayed Jesus with a kiss because the Judas spirit always wants intimacy without covenant!

Perversion has an ecosystem that sustains, perpetuates and nurtures itself. As perversion grows in a society, people begin to withhold their affection so that they won’t be perceived as sexual predators. As people withhold their affection, a famine of love begins to grow in the land. In a society starving for affection, love-deprived folks begin to lower their sexual standards to obtain some affection. As they break their moral barriers to do this, perversion increses. This, of course, causes even more people to withhold their love, and the beat goes on and one.

Towards the end of the book, Kris takes a chapter and addresses the issue of abortion. It’s one of the most compelling pieces of literature on abortion that I have ever read. Filled with God-given wisdom, it is a good balance between truth and grace. One of the strongest points for me to read was how glaringly obvious it is that so many human mothers have departed from the basic instinct to protect her young. You see it everywhere when you look at wild life, but several key elements in the last 150 years have had a significant effect on dulling this instinct in a lot of women. This YouTube video is of Kris sharing a dream he had from the Lord about His heart regarding abortion, which is also explained in the book. Be warned that it is explicit and may be disturbing for some readers.

One of the ending chaptera is the story of a young couple who fell in love and had to work through the issue of a painful and promiscuous past on the part of the girl. Some time ago someone wrote into our CN blog and ask about secondary virginity. In my response to that email I said that I had never heard of a miracle of the hymen being reconnected, but it stood to reason that given the other creative miracles I have heard about, that it is certainly possible that the Lord could do it. In this closing chapter of Sexual Revolution, Kris gives a testimony of he and his wife praying for this girl to have her virginity restored and after the couple was married they found that God had, in fact, reconnected her hymen.

This is definitely a book that I will keep in my library for many years. You can access it here if you wish to purchase it.

Sex Survey

We originally saw this survey on The Marriage Bed Forum (see link to TMB in blogroll) and while we do have it on our blog in the comment section of one of our articles it didn’t have it’s own article until now.

The questionnaire below can be filled out and shared with your spouse on an evening away. You can also fill out the answers trade sheets and spend the next few weeks surprising each other. The key is to get talking often simple things are hard to reveal. Some questions use the code at the top of each section, some questions are fill in the blank ,some leave you a place to check your choice and some give you a place to write. Remember the more open and secure we can be with each other the stronger our relationship and the better the sex. Why are you waiting get going!!!

(insert L= like, WL= would like, DNL= do not like, SL= sometimes like)
I ____ share my fantasies with my partner
I ____ to have sex ___ daily, ___ 2x week, ___ 3x week, ___ 1x week, ___ never stop
I ____ being ravished
I ____ sex in the ___morning, ___afternoon, ___evening best
I ____ to find my partner naked ready for sex
I need to have more sex ___yes, ___ no
I need less sex than my spouse ___often, ___sometimes, ___ never
When my spouse rubs, massages my ______ I want sex instantly
My partner’s satisfaction is just as important as mine __always , __sometimes, __never
I am turned on when my spouse tells me they love me by ___________
I have a lot of fantasies __yes __no
I feel comfortable sharing my fantasies with my spouse ___ yes, ___no

(insert L= like, WL= would like, DNL= do not like, SL= sometimes like)
I ____ it really slow and erotic with lots of touching
I ____ to give my spouse massages
I ____ to shower with my spouse
I ____ to see my spouse partially clothed
I ____ my nipples pinched massaged squeezed
I ____ to watch my spouse masturbate
I ____ to masturbate
I ____ to mutually masturbate with my spouse
I ____ when my spouse offers themselves to me

(insert L= like, WL= would like, DNL= do not like, SL= sometimes like)
I ____ it when my partner tells me they are not wearing underwear
I ____ my partner to wear something I can tear off them
I ____ my partner to dress scantly
I ____ to see my spouse in a thong
I ____ exposing parts of my body to attract attention
I ____ my spouse to wear a skirt with crotch less panties / hose

(insert L= like, WL= would like, DNL= do not like, SL= sometimes like)
I ____ the missionary position
I ____ to be on the bottom
I ____ to 69
I ____ the woman on top facing away
I ____ to be on top
I ____ anal sex
I ____ it Doggy style
I ____ side by side

(insert L= like, WL= would like, DNL= do not like, SL= sometimes like)
I ____ sex in the shower
I ____ sex on the dining room table
I ____ sex on the kitchen counter
I ____ sex in an office
I ____ sex in the living room
I ____ sex in cars or vans
I ____ sex outdoors
I ____ sex in the pool
I ____ sex in the hot tub

(insert L= like, WL= would like, DNL= do not like, SL= sometimes like)
I ____ my spouse to make noise during sex
I ____ talking dirty to my spouse
I ____ to make my spouse yell out with passion during sex
I ____ it when my spouse uses short phrases like YES, Faster, Harder, repeatedly
I ____ it when my spouse tells me to _____ them now

I climax stronger and faster when my spouse talks dirty ___ yes, ___ no
I am turned off when my spouse talks dirty ___ yes, ___ no
I am turned on when my spouse talks dirty ___ yes, ___ no
I am turned off when my spouse use clinical terms ___ yes, ___ no

(insert L= like, WL= would like, DNL= do not like, SL= sometimes like)
I ____ to finger my spouse to orgasm
I ____ to be fingered to orgasm
I ____ giving oral sex
I ____ receiving oral sex
I ____ my spouse to perform oral sex without my asking

(insert L= like, WL= would like, DNL= do not like, SL= sometimes like)
I ____ to skinny dip
I ____ to use a vibrator
I ____ to use lube
I ____ to eat ____ fruit off your naked body
I can’t stand it when the dog or cat is watching us have sex ___ yes, ___ no
My favorite thing you wear to tell me you want sex is _______
My favorite food to play with during sex is __________
I like sex best when we ___________
The best time we had sex was __________

Weekly Poll #12: How did you find our blog?

Monday’s Mission #71

Your mission this week is to ask the Lord if there is anything in particular that you and your husband could do to deepen your intimacy. Maybe there is an area of your life were you could get free from sin or a way that you could honor one another in a new way. Maybe He wants to show you a new perspective of His love for the two of you or His plans for you as a couple. Maybe He wants to set new dreams in your hearts to draw you to a more united path. Take the time to seek Him this week about specific strategies for growing in love for one another.

Position #82: H2 FellatiO

We already had a summer cunnilingus position for swimming pools and bodies of water, so I felt it was only fair to feature a fellatio article as well!

This is a very simple position.  The husband goes and sits up on the ladder at the side of the pool.  The wife swims up and holds on to the sides of the ladder while giving fellatio to her husband.  If she needs to use her hands with her mouth, then she can use a noodle or two to help her stay afloat.  This position can also be accomplished by having the husband sit on the steps leading down into the shallow end of the pool instead of the ladder.  Click here to see a picture of this position.

Pros: Nice and relaxing for the husband.

Cons: The wife may find it awkward trying to stay afloat and give oral at the same time…so if the wife isn’t a strong swimmer then you may need to do this at the shallow steps.

Q&A: Web Cams!

“My husband (let’s just call him Clyde) recently pushed for us to get web cams for our computers. The idea of being able to see each other while talking from long distances was a big turn on to him, as I discovered. Need some dialogue about whether or not video chatting or exchanging with my husband videos of a sexual nature is advised. Trying to brainstorm creative ways to stay connected in anticipation that one or both of us may be deployed with the Army. Thanks!”

Web cams are really cool to utilize when one of you is away.  My husband has taken a web cam on his business trips before, and I plan on taking one myself on an upcoming trip where I will be away from home!  Video chatting is basically just conducting an Instant Message conversation while having your cams turned on.  By using the camera, you and your husband will be able to type back and forth to each other and see each other at the same time.  Some programs even allow you to use your microphone so that you can hear each other, and there is no need for typing.  This makes it even more intimate!

Being away from your spouse is hard, and web cam sex can indeed be something spicy that you can add to your marriage until you are reunited again.  It’s like phone sex, enhanced! 🙂  It’s wonderful for people who are visually stimulated, because you get to see your spouse doing those things for you that blow your mind!

My only caution is that both spouses make doubly sure that absolutely NO ONE can/will walk in on you while it’s going on.  Privacy is very important here.  Hotel rooms are one thing, but if your spouse is deployed overseas… it may be harder for him/her to be able to guarantee absolute privacy.

You asked about “exchanging videos of a sexual nature” with your husband.  (Of course, I assume here that you mean sending your husband a sexy video of yourself.)  Again, my only concern with this is your privacy and making sure that no one other than your husband will have access to it.  Personally, I would feel better with the live feed on the camera instead of emailing him a video to open on his computer.  Because if he doesn’t get that video deleted then his friends may accidentally come across it 😯

You wrote to us back in April, so one of you may be deployed by now.  I hope you have come to a safe agreement about what you will do together to keep your marriage bed sizzling while you are apart!  God bless!

Weekly Poll #11: Which of these are you most likely to try?

Monday’s Mission #70

Your mission this week is to consider having some middle of the night sex. Not every couple enjoys being awakened for sex, but if you and your husband enjoy it and you happen to wake up one  night, make the move and enjoy some lazy, sleepy sex.

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