Last Monday we published part one of our interview with Lauren Jordan, Certified Sex Therapist. Today we a please to offer you part two.
Specific sexual issues:
8. What are the top issues that you see most prevalent in your clients?
The most common complaint for women is Low Libido, and for men, it is Early Ejaculation and Erectile Dysfunction. I also see a lot of women who have never had an orgasm.
9. What are the biggest factors in low libido?
The biggest reasons for low libido in my opinion are: sexual shame and guilt, relationship issues such as general disconnection, fears of intimacy, or buried resentments; unrealistic expectations about sex and romance, negative body image, sexual trauma, and fatigue from being over-committed with responsibilities.
10. There are so many women who struggle with achieving consistent orgasms or orgasms at all. What medical conditions can effect a woman’s orgasmic function? For women for whom it is psychological, what do you suggest women do to overcome this mental block?
Medications such as SSRI anti-depressants (prozac, lexapro, Zoloft, paxil) can both decrease libido and make it more difficult or impossible to have an orgasm. Anti-seizure medications can also interfere with orgasmic ability, as can neurological disorders. Almost all of the factors that can interfere with desire can also limit or interfere with orgasmic potential. It is a huge list of factors – see my eBook for a complete description. The treatment is to determine which factors are getting in your way and work to resolve them.
11. We hear frequently from couples who are dealing with pornography, and its devastating effects on their marriage. Do you have experience counseling couples in this area? In your experience, is pornography addiction directly related to any sexual issues and dysfunctions?
I have seen a growing amount of pornography addiction in recent years. It can be devastating to a couple – as devastating as an actual affair. An addiction can be born out of the sexless marriage – especially if the low libido partner has refused to listen to the other partner’s needs and wishes, or is unwilling to do anything about it. I’m not saying this is right, just that it happens. A male who has a fear of intimacy, negative body image, buried resentments towards his wife, feels sexually inadequate,and/or performance anxiety may retreat into porn as an emotionally safer substitute.
12. Although our blog is targeted at married women, we have many male readers. Do you find that men are more reluctant to come in for therapy? Do you have any specific areas that you specialize in for men?
I think it is difficult, anxiety-provoking and embarrassing for men and women to enter sex therapy. Men can seem to have more motivation to break through this because of their generally higher sex drives. When the issue is her low libido, most men are willing to come in for couples sessions – possibly because they see the problem as hers, rather than his or theirs, and may feel less embarrassed. However, there is almost always a relational contribution to a partner’s low libido.
I work with men on sexual problems such as Early Ejaculation, Erectile Dysfunction, Low Libido, Lack of Orgasm, Sex Addiction or concern about a particular fantasy or Fetish. I think men have the additional barrier of thinking that seeking help is not “manly” and I am sure there are many men out there who would never consider sex therapy even if their problem is ruining their relationship. After the first session, often both men and women tell me that they feel a huge sense of relief after having the chance to talk openly about their concerns without being judged in a negative way. They say they feel hopeful about being able to solve their problem now.
We are so thankful for Lauren Jordan’s willingness to give us her professional perspective on these questions. They will certainly be a valuable resource for our readers and I am particularly hopeful that much of the mystery behind sex therapy has been removed. To contact her please use the following information:
Lauren Jordan, LCSW, CST
7557 Rambler Road, Suite 612 Dallas, TX 75231 214-692-6100 lauren@BoostYourLowLibido.comLauren has a workshop coming up. Feel free to check it out.
WHEN THERE’S NO SEX IN YOUR CITY: A Workshop for Women about Sex, Intimacy & Desire
October 24, 2009. Contact: lauren@BoostYourLowLibido.com
1 Comment
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Christian Nymphos 
Thanks for this interview. Good information here.
I loved what she said here: “A male who has a fear of intimacy, negative body image, buried resentments towards his wife, feels sexually inadequate,and/or performance anxiety may retreat into porn as an emotionally safer substitute.”
I’ve often said pornography is not as much about what the woman looks like on screen as it is about the medium of pornography is “safe” for them.
I wrote a post a while back, “Husbands Who Watch Porn – Wives are asking, ‘What’s wrong with me?'” – http://www.covenanteyes.com/blog/2008/09/22/husbands-who-watch-porn-part-4-wives-are-asking-whats-wrong-with-me/