A Private Affair – The Erotic Game of Secrets, Plans and Promises for Couples

A Private Affair

We were contacted back in late July by Todd and Jan Sellick, who wrote us an email, asking us if we would consider trying their game, A Private Affair.   Mr. Nutmeg and I were up to the task, so we asked him to mail the game to us and we would try it out and give it a review on the site.

It came to us shipped all the way from Canada.   Upon opening our package, we pulled out a black box the same size and shape of the boxes of cards in Trivial Pursuit games.   A note inside the packaging intimated to us that we were not about to embark on a typical “couples game”.   “The game gives individuals the opportunity to explore and to express some of their most personal thoughts, feelings, preferences, and requests as they delve more deeply into their own ‘private affair’”. I have to admit that I went into this game with the same thought about the word “affair” as some of you might have thought   about the word “nympho” in our website name, but I was willing to look at it as having an affair with my husband.

The game comes with a large deck of 500 boxed cards, 2 APA pins (A Private Affair) and a SUDS tablet.  This game can be played anywhere, but it is recommended that you take a small handful of cards when you go out on a dinner date or something similar.  My husband and I decided to play it at night before bedtime.   Place your stack of cards face down on the table (or bed in our case).   The woman always goes first, so she takes the top card on the stack and reads the card to her partner.   Then the couple discusses what the card says or tells them to do.  There are at least 12 categories in the deck (I will go into those later).  Take your time to complete the card and allow your partner to ask you questions or for clarification.   You can SKIP any card at any time that you do not feel applies to you or if it makes you feel uncomfortable.   Some cards will ask you to use the SUDS sheet.   These sheets are for you to make plans, write down secrets or things you want to remember for later.   When the woman is through with her turn, then her partner chooses the top card on the pile and the game continues.   You can choose how many cards or how few cards you wish to play before the game is over.

Like I said earlier, you can take these cards with you anywhere.   Slip a few in your purse, put some in your hubby’s briefcase, or in your car glove box for the next car ride you take.   Keep some on your nightstand for before bedtime.  You can literally play it anywhere.

Let me go back to the cards quickly.   While my husband and I were playing, we noticed that there were about 12 categories of cards in the deck.  I would like to give you some examples of what you would see as you play the game.   There are “complete the sentence cards” where you are given a prompt that you will finish with your own thoughts.   There are “imagine cards” which puts you into an imaginary setting and asks what or why you would imagine about it.   “And I quote” cards ask what you and your partner think about quotes given on the card about romance, intimacy, or sex.  “Definitions” card gives you a word and asks you what that word means to you.  “Heavy Petting” cards have you recall and describe touching early in your relationship with your spouse.  “Roll Over” cards are ones that you choose the next card on the stack and answer it the way that your spouse would answer it.  “One paragraph fantasy” cards give you three words that you must use in writing a short, erotic vignette about you and your spouse.   “Open Window Pin” cards instruct you to use your APA pins and create a special meaning for them.   Wear the pin in public whenever you want to be reminded of something or you are suggesting something private between you and your spouse.  There are cards that ask how you feel about different sexual positions.  There are cards that ask you a specific question for both you and your spouse to answer.  “Go Deeper” cards can be saved to use at a later time if you want to go into more depth with a different card or subject.   There are also blank cards that you can add your own questions to.

If you are looking for a game like “Bliss”, you will be sorely disappointed in this game.   This is not a game that you will play that will quickly get you into the mood for intimacy.   My husband said he felt like we were in a marriage counseling session.   While we played, there were times that things got a bit intense for us.   The game really makes you get your communication skills going, and this can be a good thing, but at times when you are going to bed and you had an intense discussion session, well, sometimes it would be better to choose another time to play it.  If you and your spouse don’t already have fairly good communication skills, it won’t always be very fun.  It can HELP you work on communication skills if you both are willing to work at it though.

I already told you that I was taken aback by the name of the game.   I also found a few of the cards to be pretty risqué, and I had to write the creators of the game about them and what their intent was.   Some of the more risqué cards are intended “for folk to take a stand on what they believe, to explain their position, etc.” and are not worded to suggest that they are okay.  Another thing that concerns me a little is that instead of using the word “spouse”, the game uses the word “partner” a lot.   I don’t know if the intended audience for this game is supposed to be married couples, single couples or hetero/or homosexual couples.   The creators tell me that the game is intended for both Christian and non Christian couples.   If you choose to purchase and play this game, you can substitute the word “spouse” anytime you see “partner” written.

I know that my husband was disappointed in the game since he was hopeful that it would be a lot more like the game Bliss.  I didn’t know what to expect, but this game showed me that I am not as forthcoming with my communication skills with my husband as I would like to be.  I am hopeful to use this game again in the future to work on bettering my communication skills with my husband.

The game is out in time for the holidays.  You can visit the website for A Private Affair or A Private Affair: the Game for more information and to order the game for yourself.

Rating the game?

My hubby gives it 2 chili peppers…it wasn’t what he thought it would be, but for the kind of game it was, he thought it was good.   As a guy, he didn’t enjoy playing it as a game.

Me, I would give it 3 chili peppers since I think it is very good for opening up channels of communication in your marriage, but like my hubby, I really wouldn’t think of it as a game I would want to play.

We both think it is a well done and well thought out game.   Thank you so much, Todd and Jan, for allowing us to try it out!


  1. Well I have to played the game and think like you mentioned it really is more suitable and exciting if tackled while out on a diner or coffee date vs before bed. Communication and sex for my wife and I are inseparable as the one comes before the other. Like any game there is right and not so right place and time…no exception here! Good convo and fun doing it makes my wife WANT to DO IT! The game gets 4.5 stars out of 5 for us, I always leave room for improvement. I recommend the game to any couples needing some jazzing up in the sack!


  2. Considering my husband and I do not have that kind of luxury at the moment, we had to do the best we could since I knew the makers of the game were really interested in our review of their product. We may be able to do this sometime in the future when we have more time to go out. That being said, I personally am not comfortable yet with talking about some of the cards while we’re out at dinner. Since you grab some cards and go with out looking at the cards, I don’t know how well it would have gone over.

    I am glad you enjoyed the game. Some people will enjoy this more than others. It all depends on what you expect out of a game.

  3. I have played the game in private as well as out on a diner date. I guess it all depends on where you are at in your relationship…for us 2 kids, bad pregnancies has led to a dull sex life the last 5 years. The game has helped us immensely with respect to getting the engine running again. My hubby and I love the game but I guess we are all different and like anything this game will work for wonders for some and maybe not so much for others.

    D 🙂

  4. We have ‘the brick’ – my term of endearment for this game, given its size and shape. I HAVE a term of endearment, because I think it’s a GREAT game! … an investment that’s yielded priceless rewards. When we take cards out of the box, I know I’m not going to be disappointed … but not because it necessarily gets either of us into “the mood for intimacy” then and there. For us, the rewards of this game have arrived in somewhat of a trickle … slow and steady. We’ve only played a small fraction of the cards (4 kids have something to do with this!) … but we’re both recognizing, absorbing, and ENJOYING a new dimension of our 22-year marriage. The new ‘glow’ has emerged as a result of the more thoughtful (and less inhibited) communication that the game has inculcated into our marriage. To put it simply … we talk to each other alot more about our sexuality … and about aspects of sexuality that we never did before ‘the brick’. We’re in no rush to go through all the cards quickly, and are happily basking in the benefits we’ve gained so far … sort of like enjoying a suck candy … rolling it around in your mouth to prolong the pleasure. Now I’m not saying that since owning ‘the brick’ we haven’t ‘bitten the candy’ for an explosion of taste now and then … but not at the actual time we’re playing the game. (good thing, as many of our APA times so far have been in public places!) The ‘taste explosions’, however, have been DELICIOUS … and a direct effect, I’m sure, of the amazing, tantalizing, and provocative conversations that have bloomed from the APA cards. We don’t have experience with any other commercial marriage or sex games (I.e. a game like ‘bliss’). But I think APA is a wonderful way for couples to hone their communication skills; and for us, that has proven to be a key to polishing a ‘good marriage’ into a great one.

  5. We haven’t played this game but it sounds very complicated. It also sounds more like a communication game than a sexual game.

    On this subject, I have noticed that a lot of couples games on the market now are geared more toward conversation than foreplay. Of course communication is important, but I wish there were some more good old fashioned sex games!

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