Monday’s Mission #79

Your mission this week is to have your husband lay on the bed, light some candles and give him a full body massage. Coconut oil works, but if you don’t have that you can use any body lotions or oils. Start on his back, arms and legs and then move to his more sensual areas. Extra points if you welcome him initially into your room wearing some sexy lingerie 😀

Position #96: Hungry Hungry Hippos

This is a great vaginal or anal sex position.  I wasn’t sure what to call it, but the position that the wife gets into kind of reminded me of that children’s game Hungry Hungry Hippos. 😆

The wife gets on her hands and knees at the edge of the bed, sofa, desk, or other furniture.  She then squats down so that her genitals are actually touching the bed and her legs are kind of spread out to her sides and bent.  She can stay up on her elbows.  It’s similar to the crouching woman in the picture at the top, except her legs need to be spread apart and her rear lowered.

The husband then walks up beside the bed and is able to enter her vaginally or anally.  He is able to thrust while holding on to her hips and she is able to reach in between her legs to rub or hold a vibe to herself.

Pros: This is a great position for anal sex.

Cons: You will need to find a piece of furniture that allows for both genitals to line up perfectly.

Intimacy After Miscarriage

Walking through a miscarriage is a very difficult process; one that effects each woman individually. It can influence both devistation and great faith even within the same woman.  I lost a baby in between the two children I have now. We didn’t have an easy time getting pregnant the first two times. For both our son and the baby we lost, we tried for a year to conceive so to lose our baby filled us with deep sorrow. At the same time, I also heard the Voice of my Lord loud and clear. My husband and I were part of creating a life that could worship Him for eternity and nothing could take that from us. Regardless of my circumstances, my spirit was drawn to worship Him because He had worked out a faith in me that had confidence in His goodness. I stood firm in His Word over me that He had something else for me to walk in. Our doctor told us to wait at least one cycle before trying again so we did and that very next month we conceived the daughter we have now. And I can’t imagine my life without her. That is my story, and if you have had to endure a miscarriage, I am sure you have your own story. Feel free to share it. It doesn’t need to sound like mine. In fact, I am sure that it won’t. Please be free to share honestly what you felt and experienced just as I have.

We received an email requesting an article about how miscarriage can effect a husband and wife’s sex life. This, too, is something that is influenced in a unique way depending on the couple. Some couples find that it draws them deeper into intimacy. For others it becomes something that developes into a wedge between them. Some couples are required to abstain from sex for physical reasons and some couples find that the emotional wounds result in sexual separation. Some women desire more sex, some women desire less. It can be very scary for both the husband and the wife to begin having sex again as it may be physically or emotionally painful. I want to offer a few things that helped my husband and I through these issues related to our miscarriage.

First, we discussed the physical aspects with our doctor and one another. We determined what was physically safe and made further sexual decisions with that in mind. Some couples are required to abstain for longer periods depending on the circumstances of the miscarriage. Now, having said that, just because a husband and wife are given the go ahead to start having sex again doesn’t mean things resume as they were before without some difficulty. On the other hand, for some women, it is less of a problem and they find themselves drawn to physical intimacy as much as they had before. Whichever category you may fit in, know that both are normal and can be worked through and result in deepening intimacy for you and your husband.

It is important that both the husband and the wife feel safe to share their emotions honestly. It’s also important for them to commit to empathizing with their spouse. A miscarriage can be devistating and part of the grieving will result in becoming very self focused. That is part of the grieving process and shouldn’t be discouraged. In order to grow in intimacy with the Lord and with your husband, though, we can not stay in that place. We must commit to walking through grief and not allowing our pain or regret to keep us stuck in it.

This brings me to the aspect of prayer. Staying connected to your relationship with the Lord through prayer will help so much in the healing process and the growth of a vibrant sex life after a miscarriage. It is through this lifeline with God that you will hear His truth about your situation. His voice is one of healing and will bring unity to you and your husband as you listen together and respond to Him. I look at painful experiences such as miscarriage as an opportunity. I see them as encountering a choice to use it to go deeper in intimacy with my husband and my God or to allow it to become a divisive wedge. This isn’t something I come up with in the moment. It is my over-arching perspective of life and is then put to the test when I am faced with something that is hard to walk in. It doesn’t make my responses perfect every time I encounter something hard, but I keep it as a value and endeavor to live according to it. Each of us is at a different place in our journey with God though so I can not transfer this to everyone’s situation and make a judgement that it should look this way for them. I can only share what has worked in my life. God is faithful and because of my history with Him, I do not shy away from things that will result in a more godly character. I don’t go looking for bad situations, but when I am faced with one, I pursue God for His perspective. After all these years with Him, I can’t imagine doing anything else.

There is no predetermined time frame for grieving. It will look different for each of us and won’t be expressed in a neat little package, but if a husband and wife turn towards one another and become a strength for the other they can often end up moving into a deeper intimacy and richer sex life.

I am thankful for….

In lieu of a weekly poll, we wanted to give you the opportunity to comment on the things you are most thankful for.   There are too many things to add into a poll about it, so feel free to put your answers in the comment section…

So faithful readers, what are you thankful for?

Monday’s Mission #78

Your mission this week is to take one of your opportunites for making love and really focus on incorporating elements that employ your senses. Candlelight. Scented candles. Massage. Music. Something sweet to sip or eat. Quite often allowing our sexual encounters with our husbands to be intentional about these things can intesify the experience for us.

Position #95: The Flying Trapeze

This is the perfect position for any of you out there who have a swing set in your back yard!  You’ll also need a private yard.  Wait until your kids are gone to bed, or better yet send them to grandma’s house for the night.  This is also another standing position.

The wife jumps up and hangs from the top of the swing set.  She wraps her legs around her husband’s waist.  He is able to enter her and hold on to her rear as he thrusts.  She is able to just hold on to the top of the swing set and hang her head back.  She may be too high up to kiss, but he may be able to suck on her nipples.   You can also use the trapeze bar that comes with some swing sets.

Pros: The wife is able to help hold her own weight up.

Cons: Her arms/hands may grow tired after a few minutes.

Tip: You may be able to find another place in your home to do this position, such as a doorway or sturdy overhang.

Pjur light

My husband and I have been trying to find a lube that isn’t sticky during lovemaking, and that would also help out my dryness issues at the same time.   While searching on Amazon.com, he came up with an idea…an expensive idea, but it was worth a try.  He ordered us a 8.5oz bottle of pjur light.

When it arrived, we put it to the test right away.   I have to admit that it was really nice feeling lube.  It is a silicone based lube and for us, it didn’t get sticky like KY and Astroglide do.  (Yes, I know they are not silicone lubes!)  We’ve tried other silicone lubes, and really liked this one much better!  It was thin and very soft and silky to the touch.   The label says that you only need a few drops, but we ended up using more than a “few” drops.    The product claims to be usable for massage and as a bodyglide as well.   We haven’t used it for those purposes, saving each and every precious drop for intercourse!   I like that it is fragrance free, so if you have sensitive skin, it shouldn’t irritate your genital areas (it doesn’t irritate mine)  It is safe for latex condoms.  The directions say to apply to any part of the body that needs moisture and it is safe for daily use.

The pluses?  It did a nice job of keeping me moisturized.   This is very important to me, since I am in the pre-menopausal years and I can get very dry.   While we haven’t tried it in water yet, I am sure that it would do great.    I am hoping in the future that we will have opportunities to use it in a hot tub!  We usually use coconut oil as our lube, and it doesn’t last very long for me, but the pjur light lasts much longer.   On occasion, we have to apply the product a second time depending on my dryness.   I was very impressed by the website (http://www.pjur.com/) and while searching through the site, I found out that a lot of testing goes into this product to assure that the best quality product is delivered to its consumers.

The minuses?  The container that it is in is not user friendly.   You have to unscrew the cap to get to the product.   It takes away from the moment when you have to fumble around to get the lid off.   If you happen to get lube on the container?   It makes the whole container slick.  Right now, as I am holding it in my hand, it is slippery.    Research on the website says that it should be cleanable with soap and water…. I tried it and they were right!   I learned something new tonight!

The 8.5 oz. bottle we bought cost $39.95 through Amazon.com   The 1 liter container is $92.95 also at Amazon.com.  It is produced in Germany.  Is it well worth the money?  I would say yes, most definitely.   It is now my lube of choice.

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