Q&A: Paraplegic Husband

“My husband is a paraplegic…we can do 2 position…..me on top and him going down town on me. We have been married 4 years and in the last three years we have DTD less then 10 times! Granted we are having communication issues in our marriage so that doesn’t help intimacy at all. BUT I was wondering if ya’ll could make suggestions about what else we can do….I’m very bored. I used to be a very sexual person…in my life before Christ. I’m just bored, i have tried books, toys, lotions, etc. and nothing seems to help in the bedroom. What can we do? Unfortunately, i miss the positions ya’ll have on this site.”

Actually, I believe you are the second woman we have had to write in with similar circumstances.  You are right that communication issues are huge in a marriage, with or without physical disabilities.  It’s been a few months since you wrote in to us so I am hoping that you two have been able to work out your issues either together or with professional help.  When doing some research on this topic, I came across a website that has a list of books that you may be interested in:  The Travis Roy Foundation.  They look to have some good information there.

I also happened across this site as well.  I’m not sure if this is something that you and your husband are interested in at all, but I’m glad to see that they are coming up with ideas and sexual aids that are aimed at helping people with spinal cord injuries.

As far as positions go, I’m kind of at a loss, since I don’t know more about your specific situation.  You say that your only penetration position is you on top, but have you read any information about paraplegics being able to learn how to perform on top?  I ask because of this article.  It describes the “stuffing” technique, but again, some paraplegics are able to get and maintain an erection without using that, and since I don’t know the specific circumstances in your marriage, I’m not sure what to advise here.  If he isn’t able to maintain an erection, then you could also look into getting a penis extender sleeve for him to wear or a strap on.   He could also use a toy on you to bring you to orgasm, and although it looks comical, you may want to try something like The Accommodator.  That will give you more internal stimulation while he is giving you oral sex.  We do have many different variations of  woman on top and cunnilingus positions on our Position Page that you may be interested in.

I pray that you two are able to find what you need, and who knows, there may be someone out there in a similar situation who reads this and is able to write in with her helpful tips and advice as well.

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