Women, We Have Heard You

An increasing number of women are telling us that the comments from the men are really interrupting their sense of community with the other women at our blog. We know that we can’t stop anyone from reading our public blog and if the men can take the ideas we have posted here and use them for the benefit of their own marriage then we bless that, but we are going to temporarily stop approving comments from the men and we want to hear from the ladies as to whether or not you would like it to continue. It has been the opinion of the CN writers that the comments from the men can be helpful, but seeing as we are here as a ministry to the ladies, we want to take this action in order to serve the women we are primarily focused on ministering to.

So for the next two weeks no comments will be approved from men. At that point, once we have heard from enough of you as to whether or not this action is beneficial to what you are looking for from our blog, then we will make a decision as to whether or not we will allow comments at all from men and perhaps introduce more stringent requirements for which comments we approve from men if the ladies give us feedback that they want a bit of the male perspective on the blog.

So ladies, please post your opinion in the comment section below. Thank you!

67 Comments

  1. I agree with someone who commented on the FB page, that maybe the comments from men could be housed in a separate section? That way the women who care to read can, and those who don’t want to don’t have to? If that would be technically possible, because of all the different topics. 🙂

  2. I totally love the guys comments! I love that they were the highest scoring on the weekly poll. How cool is it that men are wanting to learn what they can do to make their marriage and sex life better. I think it would be sad to loose their comments and input! However I can see the other side as well but I still would like the comments to stay!

  3. I’m completely fine with male comments – they can open another’s eyes to a different perspective. Women aren’t know-it-alls. 😉

    I used to belong on a woman’s health group, and sometimes men would join. Why? Because the men’s version of the same diet or method was FULL of junk. Perhaps it was poorly moderated, but it was very hard to get real feedback without having it turn into a testosterone contest. Whereas on the woman’s group was actually willing to provide insight to the diet and exercise routine and not keep topping out each other who has more muscle and lowest body fat.

  4. Thank you for doing this ladies. I personally, am very disturb to see so many men commented. As well, from your latest polls it seems like at least half of your readers are men. I sometimes think that the discussion on this site is too frank for men. I fear that many of the men that visit this site do so in order to consuming it almost the same way they might consume softcore porn. If it were possible to ban men all together from the site, I would be in favor of that. I want this to be a safe place for wifes to learn and discuss. Everytime I see a man chime in about how great some position is for him, that’s just too much info for me.

    My husband agrees as well. He’s thrilled that I read the blog, but he keeps it off limits to himself.

  5. I guess I could go either way on this. Since this site is meant for women, I get a “girl talk” feeling when I come here…. that changes when I see men’s comments. However, I wouldn’t want to make it off limits to them, because I know they have good input. So I guess I’m not much help…. I’ll think on it some more and maybe come back with a more definite preference.

  6. Well, unfortunately recently in trying to help a gentleman on this site, I ended up getting in a ridiculous argument with him that he obviously started just for the purpose of causing conflict….. So, sadly that didn’t do well for my opinion of men on this site very much. Grant it, that was just one man, and I realize that many husbands that converse on here truly are either trying to be helpful or learn.
    It’s tough for me because I know that this site is open to all public. I have to admit that it does bother me a bit that I have no idea which men are on here reading about our sexual experiences or problems(some of them very personal). I agree that it is probably good for men to look at things from a woman’s perspective. However, I’ve seen a lot of comments from men who say something to the effect of, “wow, I wish/pray that my wife would be more like the ladies on this site….” That’s perhaps a little bit borderline covetous? While it may be true that they are praying for change in their marriage, wishing for their wife to be like someone else’s wife…… I don’t know, comes off a little uncomfortably. Now, don’t get me wrong, I realize that this does not describe all of the men that are reading here. I think it’d be awesome if a group of men had a site like this for married men to blog about their issues/prayer requests, etc.
    Come on CuminMan, SpicyNutmegMan and CinnamonMan!! 😀

  7. I am new to the blog, but have read through the past posts alot. I see both sides. I see where a comment from a man may show a different perspective but I have seen a few that I thought who cares what you say or I did not need to know that. But I have seen the same kind of comments from women so I just move on. We need tp practice that all the time in life when something is not good you move on and especially when it is a temptation. I think these frank discussions can be used for the wrong purpose, because satan has a way of doing that with all of what God intended for good. I think the good out weighs the negative and this is the very thing that Christians need to be open about. Marriage and sex the way God created it to be. There is too much junk out there to lead Christians on the wrong path that we need to be openly communicating with our spouse and others in an appropriate way. Of course I do not have these conversations with men but have recently had these conversations with couples. We have seen where as parents we really need to be open to at least try to prevent the cycle of sin that happens in marriage like not being pure, not communicating, being selfish, and not seeking to honor God with our sexuality. So that whole book to say moderating comments can go both ways. A man could just comment by reversing he and she. I personally feel as though I do not relate to the “typical female”. I have read stuff here that I wanted to share with my husband but he would never comment. I have tried to find a couple friendly site like this one talking about marriage and sex but have not found one that really gets open and detailed like this one.

  8. I am very relieved about this, even if it is just temporary. Part of the reason I haven’t been on as much lately is that all the comments from men made me very uncomfortable and I kinda found some of them innapropriate, considering that the intended audience was women.
    I’ve been most upset when a man writes about he wishes his wife would do X, or would be more like so-and-so. I do not wish to read a man talking that way about his wife in front of other women. He might be fully justified in his feelings, but it’s just tmi for me and I don’t want to read it.
    I haven’t complained about it in the past, I simply don’t participate in the comment sections very much anymore.
    I understand that men also want to grow and handle sexual problems, but it’s my opinion that, as a general rule, the only member of the opposite sex that people should use to help with their sexual issues is their spouse.
    To have a lot of fellowship with women on this topic is refreshing to me, but when men are also involved it makes me very uncomfortable.
    I think it would be GREAT if there were a site like this for the guys, I would totally send my husband there. I sometimes forward these posts, but he doesn’t read the site otherwise. Frankly, I would probably not like it if he did. Part of me wants him learning stuff, but the other part does NOT want him comparing me to the other women writers and commenters. I just know i’d be so self-conssious going to bed with him and thinking, does he now wish I were more like one of those women seem to be?
    I guess what I’m saying is, I don’t want such intimate knowledge of other men, and I don’t want my guy to have that knowledge of women – b/c sometimes we get personal on here and that’s okay, I just would prefer that it were ‘girl talk’.

  9. I like mdcccc’s idea on this! I like hearing what the men are thinking! It helps my DH and I!

  10. The Marriage Bed Forums are REALLY good. It’s where the CN writers all met and became friends. Their main site is in our blogroll and there is a link from the main site to the forums.

  11. I don’t mind the comments from men at all. As long as they are being positive and making loving comments about their wives I feel fine about what they say. I am glad they are seeking out ways to understand their wives better. I also have no problem with the bluntness of this site because when people are vague there are so many more misunderstandings. I have no control over if a man is looking at this site in a God-honoring way – it’s out of my control so I just let it go.

    When I find something I disagree with I just move on (male or female) unless I think I have a valuable perspective they might listen to and benefit from (male or female). I guess I am also counting on the moderators to make wise choices on what to approve or not and I think they do a fine job.

    Whatever is decided, I still will visit. Thanks everyone!

  12. Thanks ladies….This makes me feel a little safer and more free to participate. I, for one, have not participated recently, due to so many men commenting…It was just over a line for me. If I wanted that kind of communication, I know there are other resources – just look at your blogroll – for that. I appreciate the time, effort, thought and prayer you ladies put into this site!!!

  13. I have no problem with men commenting as long as it is helpful. I think whether or not you allow men to post their comments, it probably won’t change that they look at the site. Anytime anyone posts anything they need to be aware that they have a possible worldwide audience. I agree with some of the previous posters that maybe a mens’ only section might be a good idea.

  14. Thanks Ladies, The bible tells us there is a time and place for every purpose under heaven, and I believe the LORD has lead you ladies to give of your time to create a place for married women to discuss our sex lives within the context of our christian walk. The anonymity of this site allows women to discuss subjects that many won’t talk about even with thier very best friend. I hope you don’t mind but I took the liberty of coping tihis from the CN Home Page:

    “We welcome all married women to enter our community at the Christian Nympho blog and interact with the articles. Just know that we speak from the heart. We write honestly and in some cases, bluntly. We are not embarrassed or ashamed to talk about what the Lord has done in our lives, including our marriage beds. We hope you bookmark us and come back to see us regularly! ”

    I was so thrilled when I first found this site and read this. Finally, a place to let my hair down and talk to other christian women about sex without having to worry about the whole congregation or nieghborhood knowing about my sex life. This is the only site I’ve been able to find that is aimed specifically at married christian women, and I praise GOD for answering prayer and for the CN staff for returning this site to its original intended purpose (at least temporarily)!!! This is a one of a kind resource and you may never know how many womens lives your touching by allowing women to connect this fashion. Thanks again for providing a safe and open forum for women to minister to each other.

    I can’t help but notice that there aren’t as many spices in the cabinet as there used to be. Perhaps this is a very good decision on your part, I can only imagine the amount of time that the three of you invest in this site reading every post, creating the daily articles, and researching and responding to questions, while still finding time for DH and families. By returning to a women only format one could only significantly reduce the load and devote more time to GOD and family.

    From those of us that live in remote locations where fellowship with other christian women is hard to come by, PRAISE GOD FOR CHRISTIAN NYMPHOS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  15. I’m happy with the change: it causes no direct harm or discomfort for the men to be silent readers, but I too become uncomfortable when I notice mens comments on an article. I found the poll results that indicated such a high male readership to be disturbing as well.

    I hope that you decide to make this a site that feels safe and comfortable for all of the women, not just some of the women and lots of men. thanks for the trial run, and the opportunity to provide feedback!

  16. I love the confidence in girl talk. That was the initial draw for me. I love the annoninimity offered in a Christ-centered environment, even if everyone doesn’t agree on everything. But girl-talk is better when there’s just girls.

  17. That’s a good idea.=)

  18. “However, I’ve seen a lot of comments from men who say something to the effect of, “wow, I wish/pray that my wife would be more like the ladies on this site….” That’s perhaps a little bit borderline covetous? While it may be true that they are praying for change in their marriage, wishing for their wife to be like someone else’s wife…… I don’t know, comes off a little uncomfortably”

    Erin, I coudn’t have said this better myself!

    I posted a lengthy comment on that poll page that was not approved, and I don’t wish to compose it all over again – instead, I’ll just say that your point is one of the motivations behind my position. My other reasons include the common theme here, that men chiming in breaks up the female peer community feel I get from visiting.

  19. I’m so appreciative you ladies did this. I think it was a great decision for so many reasons. God bless you as always!=)

  20. I appreciate the temporary change. I was SHOCKED to see the large number of men who read this site. I have never commented on any of the articles before and one of the primary reasons is due to some of the comments made by the men. Although I do not know any of the motivations of the men who read this blog I have to agree with the comment made above concerning the men viewing this site as they would soft core porn. I have wondered if they feel that because the site has the word “Christian” in it then they are justified in doing so. I think I would personally feel more comfortable commenting if I knew another woman’s husband was not going to comment in return.

  21. My first initial reaction was that I didn’t mind the guys chiming in, but now that I think about it, I did enjoy reading comments more when it was mostly ladies.

  22. I have not been disturbed by the male postings, though I do really value the original aim of this website. While male insight can be valuable with the topics we discuss, I think we need to focus on us girls, rather than getting distracted by answering the concerns of husbands. There are other avenues for them, like The Marriage Bed forum. Thank you, SpiceGirls, for bringing back the focus =)

  23. i like to read the men’s comments if they are helpful. i agree that they should be deleted if they are negative in nature. i will miss getting to read my husband’s comments – he is awesome at giving marriage advice. it has been fun to get on after work and find a little tidbit here and there from my dh!

  24. I came across your sight last summer while I was engaged. I’ve been married for 4 months now. 🙂 Your sight has been so helpful and encouraging to me. I understand the benefit to men commenting but quite frankly it has made me very uncomfortable numerous times. This is the first time that I have posted because I didn’t want men besides my husband hearing any sexual issues I might be having or offering me sex advice. If this sight is for women then please keep it safe and only for us. We young wives desperately need the encouragement we find here!

  25. I don’t mind the men’s comments. In fact, I appreciate the other gender’s perspective and I often feel like I connect more with male thinking, even though I am a woman. I think it is good to know how men think and react, because it helps me understand my husband better.

    I know that if I were a reader of a men’s site I would expect to be allowed to comment. I probably would only do so very rarely, but I would still want to have the option, and to not be excluded from participating. I think that if a men’s site was having this discussion and considering excluding women, the women readers would be calling it sexist.

    Another point: even if the men can’t comment, you bet they’re still reading the things you put down. And the very dishonest ones can easily pretend they are women if they want to. So what will we accomplish? We will exclude the honest men who have meaningful additions to the conversation, and the perverts will still get in.

    This is the internet. It is a public place. They are anonymous but so are you. My feeling is that the ladies who feel SO uncomfortable knowing that men can comment are just manifesting the discomfort that many women have with their own sexuality. My sisters, don’t be afraid! We are all adults here. If you don’t like what someone says, male OR female, it is your right to leave it and not give it another thought. Don’t let their words have power over you!

    CN girls, some of your readers have been outspoken about feeling uncomfortable with the male presence here. Now I am speaking out to tell you that if you exclude the men, we will lose a valuable source of insight. I have found it extremely helpful to hear both sides of the story, and I wish to continue to do so.

  26. I agree with cinnamonsticks – try The Marriage Bed forum!!! SOOOOOO good!!

  27. My husband was actually the one who found your site. While neither of us have commented till now, i have found many of the comments- from men and women- exceedingly helpful.

    my husband found the site as he was looking for ways to better help me grow as a wife who deeply loves her husband and the sexual relationship we share, but is more meek than he is. without pressuring me he has given me a safe place to explore my sexuality in Christ.

    that said, while i appreciate a male perspective from time to time, some comments have been hard to stomach. i like the idea of a separated space for men’s comments that i could seek out if i so desire.

    thank you for all you do and the courage you are showing by encouraging christian women to strive for the awesome sex lives God intends for us to have. i love the site!

  28. I agree with sparrow. . I think the men should have their own separate blog. this way as sparrow mentioned if we want to seek out what the men are saying all we have to do is go into their blog. just as well if the men want to seek what we are saying , they can have access, but they cannot comment….

  29. My thoughts exactly Kimberly. Very well put.

  30. My husband actually introduced me to this site. He came across it on The Marriage Bed forum that he watches. So from that point on (a little over a year ago), I have actively read every post on the CN site. My husband does not read this site, unless it is something I specifically send him or ask him to read or we talk about together. Likewise, he monitors The Marriage Bed forums… I don’t typically read or monitor that site unless it is something he sends me or asks me to read. It is a great way for both of us to have our “own” sites and actively be a part of increasing the intimacy in our marriage. We discover new things and are able to openly share them, and it has worked out well since this site is to be devoted to women. Bottom line, comments from men on this site will not keep me from visiting. However, there are other Christian sites (like The Marriage Bed) that could be better suited to a male audience.

  31. aw, I would be disappointed. I like hearing from the husbands. I say the more variety and responses, the better. I like hearing all these different people’s experiences.

  32. “My feeling is that the ladies who feel SO uncomfortable knowing that men can comment are just manifesting the discomfort that many women have with their own sexuality.”
    I for one am very comfortable with my own sexuality, it’s just that mixed comments are contrary to my sense of modesty and propriety, among other things, but I won’t repeat myself.
    If the shoe were on the other foot, if this were a MEN”S site about sex, I wouldn’t be reading it 🙂 so I wouldn’t care if it seemed sexist or not to exclude women.

    when it comes to men’s opinions, I want the insight of my husband alone, or perhaps what another woman says about her husband (depending on what it is and if it’s benificial to other women in general)
    If we’re talking all or nothing regarding men’s comments, it’s my own opinion, the potential benefit of men’s insights don’t outweigh the potential harm (or the discomfort factor…).
    I’ve been reading and still will read the site if men are again allowed to comment when this trial period are up, I’ll just (as before this week) not spend as much time on the comment sections.

  33. I certainly understand the hesitation some women feel when posting on a site that men also read and occasionally write on. However, our marriages are about both us AND our husbands. I think not allowing them to comment and join our discussions defeats the purpose we’re trying to achieve. We want to have marriages and intimacy that satisfies our husbands as well! With that said, I think the moderators of this site have done a phenomenal job determining what comments are appropriate and allowing those to stay. Thank you, so much, for everything you do for us through this site!

  34. I found this site a few months ago, when I really needed some help in this area. My husband and I have been working through a number of issues, emotional, sexual, spiritual etc. I have been so incredibly grateful to have a place for Christian wifes to learn openly together and encourage one another. This site has been key in starting to embrace greater and much needed sexual freedom with my husband. Thank you so very very much.

    I have found some of the comments by husbands helpful, in giving some male perspective. Personally, the comments by men don’t make my uncomfy. But I also really value the girl-talk side of this site and can see how male comment alters that sense.

    However, as a general biblical principle, we don’t want to cause each other to stumble. With so many sexual stumbling blocks around, I wouldn’t want women who are bothered by men commenting to lose their ease with this incredibly valuable resource. I agree that this needs to be a safe place for women.

    So, reading the responses by other women that are bothered by the male comments, I too wondered if it would be good to have a separate page within this site for male comments that is perhaps more moderated than male comments are currently. For example, only allowing only helpful advice or gratitude from men for improvements in their sexual relationship with their wife, rather than the ‘I wish my wife xyz’ comments that appear to have made the most women uncomfy. That way, helpful male perspective wouldn’t be lost, and I hope husbands seeking to improve the sexual relationship with their wives might not feel unwelcome.

    I don’t know if it’s possible but in the comments section on each post, could you have a box for male/female, and if the comment is by a male it be posted on the dedicated male contributor page with the title of the post it was written in response to. For those women that do find men’s comments helpful, would it also be possible to set the website so that it automatically shows a count and link of how many comments have been posted by men in response to a particular post. For example, ‘To read the 2/4/6 comments written by men in response to this post, click here.’

    Many blessings.

  35. The targeted readership of this site is married Christian women. If you exclude men because they don’t fit that criteria, then you must apply the other two categories as well. Are you prepared to exclude women who aren’t married? Women who aren’t Christian? I would hope not.

    I would like to comment again on what I think the real issue is. Many posters who are against male comments have mentioned that they feel uncomfortable when men post explicit details about their wives or sexual lives. But ladies, don’t we ALL post explicit details about our husbands and our sexual lives? Isn’t that what most articles on the site are about? You don’t complain about THOSE explicit details. I would like to point out that the problem you have is not with the explicit details, but the fact that they were posted by a man.

    I do not want to sound like I am putting down my sisters. It is not my intention to make anyone here feel badly. But I do want to speak the truth clearly and frankly- The issue is NOT that men post on the site, or that they post details about their wives, their sex lives, and their feelings. With all respect, I say that the REAL issue is that these women are just plain uncomfortable with men. Simply put, they are insecure. This is an emotional issue that they alone are responsible for, not the website or it’s readership.

    If men’s comments are excluded, it will only enable these insecure women. And at what expense? They will never have to face their emotions, and the rest of us will lose a unique perspective in our discussions.

    I’d also like to say that while it sounds good on the surface, I am completely against the idea of segregating men’s comments. I personally think it is rude and immature. Remember the saying, “If you’re not part of the solution, you are part of the problem”. Instead of making a special place for male comments, I suggest that we make a special place for the female readers who feel uncomfortable. They are the ones who have spoken up that this is an issue for them. Let’s give them a place where they can speak comfortably and leave the rest of the conversation alone. Perhaps each reader can sign up for an account, and then when posting a comment they can specify “visible to everyone” or “visible to members only”. Something like that?

  36. When it comes to mens opinions, there’s only one opinion that should and does matter to me and thats my DH’s. The only insight into male sexuality that any of us should have is that of our DH. I think thats the whole purpose behide this site, to find out what is acceptable in GODs eyes for you and your marriage from a female perspective. This site totally encourages male involvement, but on a personal level. Almost every answer to a question or article written, in one form or another tells each of us to TALK TO YOUR HUSBAND. The reason I focus on the the female aspect is this, hopefully we are all christian women here (heterosexual) and we come here looking for answers because were not totally satisfied in our relationships (a very vulnerable state) and the lust element is removed and allows a very frank and open discussion.

  37. “I suggest that we make a special place for the female readers who feel uncomfortable. They are the ones who have spoken up that this is an issue for them. Let’s give them a place where they can speak comfortably and leave the rest of the conversation alone.”

    If you knew anything about this site you would know that this is precisely why this site was started. The CN ladies all met at a co-ed site and obviously felt a calling to provide a resource for us “INSECURE” women. The question is why are you so intent on changing the only site on the net for us “INSECURE” women when there are a multitude of other co-ed sites out there. Could it be your one of those “PRETENDERS” you were talking about in your previous post?

  38. Kimberly…you *are* putting down your sisters…in the way you speak because many of us don’t feel the way you feel. You say you speak the truth…You speak *your* truth, or your idea of it. I do not have a problem with men. I do not have a problem with my sexuality. I am not insecure. Quite the opposite.

    I, personally, do not believe I need to be in conversation about sexuality with men other than my husband. Does this make me prude? Insecure? No. My personal belief is that having in-depth, personal, intimate conversation with a man other than my husband is not God’s will for me or any other woman. It is a dangerous place. Why give the devil a foothold?

    Please stop judging those of us with differing opinions, and please be more respectful.

  39. I like girl talk. I want girl talk. I need supportive, insightful, Christian girl talk. Please, let us keep this “site for women” for women.
    Thanks for everything you do, btw. This site really is helping me (and through me my husband) out.

  40. I would just like to say that I have never felt uncomfortable with anything the men have said. In fact, at times I think it has been helpful. As open as many of us are with our husbands, sometimes there are things that are left unsaid. Hearing men state their frustrations as well as what they like can open up our eyes as women and actually help our marriages. It may cause us to wonder if our mate feels unsatisfied or reaffirm that what we would like to do is a good idea. At the very least it may help give us ideas of things to discuss that we might not have otherwise thought about.

    Yes, this is a forum for women by women and ultimately it will be the “Spice Girls” decision as to who can join, but I for one would never have found out about this site if it hadn’t been for my husband. At first I was uncomfortable even reading about some of the things here; but after more reading and coming to understand where the Spice Girl’s heart’s lay, I knew that this was a site that I could learn from and share in a safe, non-porn setting.

    This site has been a real blessing and I know that through prayer the girls will make the wise decision. I would support them either way…but not being a man, I am not excluded.

  41. I think this is a great idea. It’s nice to have a forum that’s “women only”. There are just some things I’m more comfortable sharing with other women than with a mixed audience.
    This is an awesome site and I love that it’s geared for women. There are other Christian sites that are directed at men, so it’s not like we’re leaving them without resources.

    Thanks for trying this, ladies. I appreciate it. =o)

  42. I second the objections to this post. Kimberley, I think you have really missed the point here.

    You are right: there are women here who feel uncomfortable that explicit posts have been “posted by a man”. But this website, and our wonderful Spice sisters, have created something so blessing and inviting and safe for fellow sisters, to come out of our sexual hiding shells and support and uplift one another. How could the reasonable solution be to segregate the shy sisters from everyone else? That would defeat the entire purpose –what a hindrance to the ministry.

    In response to your initial argument about how it wouldn’t make sense to exclude unmarried women or unChristian women, I agree: you are right. But these demographics are offending no one!

    To use a biblical example, Paul advises us not to eat anything that would cause another to stumble. He doesn’t say that we should respond to the vegetarian, “eat somewhere else”, especially if we are in the vegetarian dining hall! Substitute “vegetarian” for “women who prefer to discuss sexual matters with only other women”, and you see that it is more considerate to ask the omnivores to enjoy their meals in another venue.

    I would really encourage you to meditate on your words, and think if you are sharing “the truth” about an action that is “rude and immature” , or if you have become judgmental while trying to “stick up for the men”.

  43. there was a post recently from a man who wrote about encouraging his wife to pretend she was with another man and tell him how this other man was so much better at sex etc.

    that made me uncomfortable — although it is an actual fetish by some people — it was just way too over the top for me.

    i do not mind men with more conventional posts. however, extreme fetishes like humiliation and adultery may be “normal” from a psychological point of view, but are just too weird for me.

  44. Again, I have not said anything in a spirit of meanness. I am not trying to put anyone down. That implies purposely saying negative things about their worth or their character, and I have not done that. I don’t think my words have been any less judgmental than a previous poster who said that she didn’t like what a man said because it was “covetous”.

    This is an issue I feel strongly about and I have shared my opinion. It felt like the elephant in the room. My words may be unpopular, but I stand by them.

    Thank you CN Girls for allowing a such heated debates! Iron sharpens iron and all that. 🙂 I will accept whatever decision you make.

  45. For a man to wish his wife were like certain other women IS covetous. He is coveting someone else’s wife. He may not see her face or body, but he wants what that other woman is giving her husband. Should we say about other men “I wish my husband were like him…” etc? No! I should be praising God for the wonderful man he has blessed me with, and if there is something in our marriage that needs change or growth, I should be asking God for his help, not wishing that my husband were like someone else. That is what I meant with my previous comment.
    You will also find that the majority of the women have been bothered specifically with this type of comment from men wishing that his wife were “more like x y z…”

  46. Perhaps the male comments could be color coded so that the readers who are bothered by it can just omit them while reading.

  47. Perfectly put!!!

  48. For me, it’s about the purpose of the site. This site was created to give a christian/biblical perspective of female sexuality to women as an encouragement in their marriages. It is meant to build up women in their understanding of God’s will in their relationships, specifically in the area of sexual intimacy and all that entails. This is the core reason this website exists. The CN girls came together from a co-ed christian sex site and still felt there was a need for this niche right here. It is not discriminatory to have a target audience and to ensure the audience is comfortable. For this site to become male dominated, as it shows from the poll it is becoming, would be a reversal of its purpose. I know that we can’t prevent who is viewing this site, but there can be a much tighter allowance of postings. It has consistently concerned me when I read men’s posts who wish their wives were more sexually open and who won’t read the site. To be honest, if the wife is not comfortable to be on this site herself, then there is no reason for the husband to be on here. There are plenty of other resources out there for christian men and their sexuality. While I’d love it if all of those wives could be on here, I don’t want them to feel threatened by their husbands comments wishing for them to be different.

    Thank you for giving us this time without male comments. I am not inherently against men posting, but feel they should only really be allowed when they have a purpose of encouragement and actual insight for women to use. Their questions could be redirected to The Marriage Bed, which is FOR them!

    Thank you again for all your hard work!

  49. Yes, I missed that comment. I would not support one partner “pretending” to be with another or state what she liked with that other partner…fantasy or not that is a “mental affair”; these mental fantasies of an affair could lead to an actual one. Actions begin with thoughts. I will only have a love affair with my husband!…no one else needed!!!

  50. Maybe the husbands of the CN’s could start a site “Just for Men”…Ya know…By Men, For Men. They might prefer it as well. Just thinking out loud.

  51. my husband thought it would be neat to have a male spice for the men. we thought he would be great for the job. his name would be ‘old spice’.

  52. I have not read all of the comments, so please excuse me if what I say has already been said. I just wanted to mention that it does not bother me that the men are making comments as I learn a great deal from their perspective and it recently even helped me in my marriage. But I do not like the interaction between the men and the women on sexual topics. That makes me uncomfortable.

    Thank you ladies for caring enough to ask what we think. Your website is a tremendous blessing..

  53. I only have a second & no regular access, but PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE women only!!!

  54. I think there is a TON of confusion going on here. The fact is that ANYONE can read this site. So the “uncomfiness” that is being expressed is a little odd to me. You would feel more “comfy” if this site were only open to a woman’s post, however, men ARE reading them! I am not sure I see the big issue with them posting as well. I, like many others who have commented, have a learned a lot from the mens post. Our hubbies don’t always share everything that is on their mind with us (as we don’t with them, I am sure). I enjoy hearing the mind of hubbies! It gives me a little glimpse of what may be in my hubby’s mind. I have descussed different post with him to get his thoughts or if this is something he has been thinking about.

    I do agree with the idea of having a separate place on THIS site for the men’s comments. This may make others feel more “comfy”. I also think everyone needs to realize that the “Spice Girls” work very hard to filter out any unfit comments on their site. This goes for the men too. Are we now saying that we feel so “Uncomfy” that we don’t trust their descernment?! I hope not! They have done a wonderful job at protecting us from the unfit post so far. I trust they will continue.

    Of all that I have learned from the men’s post, I would hate to see tham be cut out. What a shame it would be to refuse this area of learning and becoming a better wife.

  55. I totally agree with the last comment I have been reading the growing list of comments with interest over the past week and been meaning to post something similar to what Julie has said.
    It does sound as if people are confusing the issue here. I
    f the issue is that people want a place where ONLY WOMEN can talk about sex then stopping men from commenting isn’t dealing with the problem. To me it would seem that stopping men from commenting might encourage women to think that only women read this site when it obviously can be read by men unless it becomes a site where everyone has to log in to be able to read as well as post. I accept that this is a matter of conscience and that some feel strongly that it is not right for them as christian women to be talking about sex in a mixed forum. However it is a mixed forum becuase men can read whatever we say even if they are not allowed to post!
    Personally I don’t have a problem with the male comments and I’m sure that the spice girls do a great job at moderating some out as appropriate.
    Of course the site needs to feel like a safe enough place for us women to be able to share but lets not confuse the issues and delude ourselves into thinking that we are creating a women only site by disallowing male posts. All the (sometimes explicit) details we share can still be read by men unless the site becomes more of a closed group.

  56. It doesn’t bother me to have men post.

  57. As a newcomer to this site I will say that the fact that its an open site with no log-in required actually makes me feel more secure about visiting . I don’t feel like I’m inside a “secret place” . I Like that my husband can stand over my shoulder and read with me what we all share in common. We all love God and our husbands, but with so much confussion on what constitutes a pure marriage bed this is sometimes a dark place for couples. For men who need input from a womans perspective this is a good place to find it. Especially if his wife is unable to talk to him yet about how she feels… Finally there is a ministry that is willing to speak the Truth about Love In Marriage- Why would we want to exclude the ones we are trying to get closer to? In order to grow in this sensitive area of our marriages, the two must become ONE (not stay segregated) in the Light of God’s Truth. There seems to be something here for most everyone and we all have the ability to skip over comments that bother us. However, it might be a good idea to pray about WHY something bothers us and discuss that with our Husbands.

  58. I’m mulling over what you just said about the fact that this is not a secret place makes it more safe. I agree with you.

  59. Hey all, I really like having comments from men! Reason—it is helpful to hear what they have to say on subjects I may not have asked my husband about or may not have the nerve to ask him about!
    And yes I really like the fact that we do not have to “log-in” and create a profile in order to comment; definitely makes me feel more comfortable with commenting!!!

  60. I find the comments from the men interesting and helpful. It is of course necessary to keep “screening” comments before they get posted officially – very good idea btw! – but to cut out the men isn’t necessary IMO. It just struck me again now as I read the comments on the “Dressing Sexy” article. The men’s comments about how they see the topic provides new perspective, and helps us to consider them.

  61. This site has been the source of many great discussions with my DH although he’s never visited here. When this subject came up I asked him to visit and give me an opinion. His first response was ” Are you asking me to sin? “. I asked what do you mean? His answer was ” The home page clearly states who is invited to participate and I’m not a married woman.” I asked whats the big deal, it”s open to public viewing? He responded with Luke 20:25 “Caesar’s,” they replied. He said to them, “Then give to Caesar what is Caesar’s, and to God what is God’s.” He went on to say that Caesar Spice had created the law for her domain and to proceed past the home page would be contrary to the teachings of Christ. I had not thought of this before and am now left guestioning the intent of all male posters to this site. Food for thought ladies!!

  62. Hello all!
    I really value and appreciate male feedback. I think it is important to have that perspective and to not restrict or cut off married men from participating from growing closer to their wives and having more healthy and fulfilling marriages, at the same time we women need to hear what Christian men have to say! We are all in this together and need each other. My husband really values the information that is posted here and it has really benefited us that he feels comfortable enough to read and also ‘try out’ new ideas with me (though he has never posted before). It gives us great confidence that this is a Christian site (although we always weigh things against our own convictions and comfort level) plus this is a private site so lets be open and gain wisdom/ides from one another male and female! and yes, continue to keep screening all comments from all posters- that is def. wise!! 🙂 blessings to you and thank you for your ministry to us.

  63. Interesting thought carpentersdream. While I do think that some of the men’s comments have been helpful at times, I agree with you that the bottom line is that this site was made for married women and that it DOES clearly state that. It doesn’t say “For Married Couples” or “For Married Men”
    By commenting on a site that was clearly made for women’s fellowship, are men overlooking the purpose of the site? Should men start showing up to women’s bible retreats just because they might have some good ideas to share with us? I know that I should respect the men’s privacy in their specific meetings/mentoring groups at church, so why should it be any different with a women’s mentorship online?

  64. Thank you. Glad we’re on the same side of the “discussion” this time. GOD uses all things to his advantage, even the sin of one to benefit another. My DH compared this site to a womens locker room. We are all here figuratively revealing our nakedness trying to change. I wonder how many would use a co-ed locker room?

  65. It’s a little humorous to describe this site as a women’s locker room since ANYONE can peek in even if they don’t comment. 🙂

  66. When I read your post I flashed back to my high school locker room that had a row of high windows for light and ventilation. I can recall a certian group of boys who were always on the roof trying to peek in through the windows or positioning themselves in the hallway to get a glimpse when someone would open the door. They had no respect for the privacy or the girls in that locker room or the authority that placed the “GIRLS ONLY” sign on the door, they were only looking to satisfy their own carnal desires. The same applies here. You may not be able to keep them from peeking, but you can keep them from coming in and taking a shower. The Honest and pure of heart will see the sign on the door and move on.

  67. We would like to thank you all for your input but we will no longer be accepting comments on this article, as we are currently in discussions and planning on making our decision known tomorrow. Again, THANK YOU for letting us know how you feel on this issue! 🙂


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