With the start of a new year, it has me thinking about my relationship with my husband. Specifically, where we are now as a couple compared to where we were last year at this time as a couple. It’s true that we all change and grow through the years but some years we will notice it more so than other years.
Today we are communicating much more effectively than we were last January. 2009 was an important year for us, and we grew together in ways I had only hoped we would. There were some obstacles early in the year that really had me wondering what in the world we were going to do to get through it, but you know what? God worked in both of our lives to reveal to us exactly what we needed to be doing. We took some practical steps, along with some leaps of faith, and in the end we were a stronger couple. We were able to discover a deeper level of intimacy with each other that we had been suppressing. What had started out as a chaotic and turbulent year ended up being a wonderful growing season for us.
I know that as couples, we don’t have huge seasons of growth and change each and every year. There are some years that go by as mundane as the ones before it. Those are the years that we kind of sail through our marriage without much friction or strife. Then we hit the growing pains, and we either both take each other’s hand and learn to grow and adapt together, or we sit stagnant…pointing fingers, placing blame, and wondering what to do next. In our struggles last year there were times that I was pointing fingers and placing blame. I had allowed bitterness to set in. Once we got to the heart of the issue, I felt something break inside me. The wall of resentment that I had built up came tumbling down as I realized that I too, had played a part in our marital issues.
The conversations we engaged in were uncomfortable. We felt as if we were stripped bare, open and vulnerable to the other. At times neither one of us knew what to say next, but we knew that we needed to keep talking no matter what. We didn’t get a “quick fix” but what we did get was so worth it in the end. We have a stronger marriage, made possible by the deeper level of understanding we attained of each other. God worked in our hearts to soften them and give us the patience and endurance to work through the issues as a team, without placing blame. We learned to stop keeping score of wrongs committed, and to instead work on building each other up.
We know that there will still be times that we struggle, but now we are encouraged by the way we have learned to deal with things head on rather than sweeping them under the rug and hoping that no one will notice the huge lump in the middle of the room. For that reason I am thankful for last year. 2009 ended up being a very important year for our marriage. Going through those struggles and issues together has brought us to a much better place in 2010, and I thank God for giving me my husband.
Christian Nymphos 