Changing & Growing Together

With the start of a new year, it has me thinking about my relationship with my husband.  Specifically, where we are now as a couple compared to where we were last year at this time as a couple.  It’s true that we all change and grow through the years but some years we will notice it more so than other years.

Today we are communicating much more effectively than we were last January.  2009 was an important year for us, and we grew together in ways I had only hoped we would.  There were some obstacles early in the year that really had me wondering what in the world we were going to do to get through it, but you know what?  God worked in both of our lives to reveal to us exactly what we needed to be doing.  We took some practical steps, along with some leaps of faith, and in the end we were a stronger couple.  We were able to discover a deeper level of intimacy with each other that we had been suppressing.  What had started out as a chaotic and turbulent year ended up being a wonderful growing season for us.

I know that as couples, we don’t have huge seasons of growth and change each and every year.  There are some years that go by as mundane as the ones before it.  Those are the years that we kind of sail through our marriage without much friction or strife.  Then we hit the growing pains, and we either both take each other’s hand and learn to grow and adapt together, or we sit stagnant…pointing fingers, placing blame, and wondering what to do next.  In our struggles last year there were times that I was pointing fingers and placing blame.  I had allowed bitterness to set in.  Once we got to the heart of the issue, I felt something break inside me.  The wall of resentment that I had built up came tumbling down as I realized that I too, had played a part in our marital issues.

The conversations we engaged in were uncomfortable.  We felt as if we were stripped bare, open and vulnerable to the other.  At times neither one of us knew what to say next, but we knew that we needed to keep talking no matter what.  We didn’t get a “quick fix” but what we did get was so worth it in the end.  We have a stronger marriage, made possible by the deeper level of understanding we attained of each other.  God worked in our hearts to soften them and give us the patience and endurance to work through the issues as a team, without placing blame.  We learned to stop keeping score of wrongs committed, and to instead work on building each other up.

We know that there will still be times that we struggle, but now we are encouraged by the way we have learned to deal with things head on rather than sweeping them under the rug and hoping that no one will notice the huge lump in the middle of the room.  For that reason I am thankful for last year.  2009 ended up being a very important year for our marriage.  Going through those struggles and issues together has brought us to a much better place in 2010, and I thank God for giving me my husband.


  1. Wow. I could have written your post. The Lord had worked miracles in our marriage in 2009.

  2. I, too, could have written this same post. The Lord has ultimately blessed my marriage and given me a deeper love and appreciation for my husband like I could never have imagined at the start of 2009. Your website is like the instruction manual on different ways I can show my husband this new passion I have for him without i-n-h-i-b-i-t-i-o-n in 2010.

  3. Thank you, Cumingirl, for this phenomenal post. I appreciate your vulnerability to share and I love your learning agility. May God richly bless you this year.

  4. Same here! Could’ve written it myself.

  5. I have been married to my DH for 27 years. At the end of 2008, the Lord began the restoration process in our sexually deprived marriage, that’s when now I realize I had what I read here in the site” my awakening”. 2009 was a difficult year for me due to the passing of my mom, but I can also say that our love grew , the communication, the connection that we now have is awesome… I am so thankful that God led me to your site right at the beginning of 2010…coincidence??…I don’t think so!…. I believe that in this day and age where divorce is so prevalant even among christians and because God is a God that restores not only lives individually but also marriages, I am proof of it He will use sites like this one to restore first the marriage beds and then the restoration flows into all the other areas of the marriage…I think that when married couples are not happy with their spouses in their marriage beds then every other area is affected and not in a good way.We can be better at parenting our children when we are sexually connected to our husbands, thats just one of the benefits, we are experiencing since our restoration began . Our children are growing up with a deep sense of security as they see us kissing and hugging each other… so in love after so many years of marriage…even though,… all we hear from them is” eewww!!! that’s disgusting”!!! lol … I am just so thankful for what God has done for us and I’m looking forward to all that He will continue to do in our marriage, especially thru this site…. Thank you CN girls!!! May God bless you all with more of His wonderful gifts……

  6. Same here!!! isn’t it WONDERFUL what the Lord does in our hearts?!! 😀

  7. “He who honors Me I will honor…”
    What a difference this has made in my marriage as of late!
    What an awesome God we serve!

  8. my husband and i are enjoying our life together,we are now alone in our home,all 3 girls are out on their own.weve found each other again and these past 6 months have been wonderful.weve come over a few obstacles and a bout of infidelity but have came through all of it stronger as a couple.ive used this website as a tool for helping us with things and the wealth of information is great.
    now we just have a problem with the other woman, my husband told her 9 months ago that hes working on our marriage and wants for him and i to be together but shes not listening.she keeps trying to talk to him,keeps following him ,even at work she has followed him into the restroom, what is anyones advice for how to handle this situation,something needs to be done before my husband ends up losing his job.
    thanks in advance for any advice.

  9. If she is acting out of bounds at work, seems that he can check company policy. If he does not want to go straight to the personnel department about it, as he has already asked her to cool it, he should ask a close friend, also a co-worker (possibly someone who is in equal rank or higher to BOTH your husband and this woman, if it is another woman, this woman should be at least old enough to be your husband’s mom), to go with him and tell her that she needs to be “only business” from now on in their relationship, and that if she keeps pursuing him, he will have to go to the personnel department to lodge a complaint. Having a witness–someone else who hears him and her, will help establish what he has said to her–keeping both him accountable, as well as her. It will also establish to the third party that he is really trying to do what is right, not just a “he said, she said” situation that no one really knows what did happen.

  10. This was beautiful to read. I would like to share that my husband and I had something between us that allowed bitterness to set in my heart. And that bitterness caused me to say no sexually off and on in our marriage for more than two decades. He had a sexual encounter before we were married and I was poisoned with this toxic truth for so long. My choice, I believe, helped to turn my husband in the wrong direction sexually and he committed sexual sin. When we were in the midst of this and as I was praying, I realized while I was not responsible for his choice, I helped him make his sinful decisions by not being the wife I was supposed to be. During these prayers, one specifically I remember feeling God direct my heart to myself to examine. After asking Him for specific convictions and after reading so many verses about what kind of a woman I am to be to him, I made a choice to change. In faith I told God I want to let go of the bitterness and I am willing–just please show me the way. I am very student-minded and seek out information if I do not have it. so off to the internet I went. Three sources have now helped me. One is a website I cannot find any more which helpd me form 10 steps to sexual healing. The other was this website and then through this site, the book “The sexually confident wife.” 2 months later my husband and I are healing every day, making love every day and it feels like a honeymoon—and a stress release of past bitterness all in one! I feel free to be the woman God created me to be and while we still are getting through difficulties, God has set so much right with us……….we are on our road to recovery.

    I wish there was a way to truly give thanks to you ladies who run this site…the only way I know is to share with other women. I am still working on how to do that. I know so many who are not free in this area of their lives (which of course keeps them from freedom in every area as they are not who God created them to be).

    Blessings in abundance ladies!

  11. I just bumped into this site and am impreast with what i have read so far..
    I have been married for 3yrs and i just dnt have a good relatioship with my husband.
    Am so tierd most times…..some times i just wish i could go away and not come back…this marriage has been a struggle for me this pass 3yrs….
    I really do want it to work….Sometimes i try to talk with him but he keeps telling me that i insult him…God knw i really want a realationship where am free with my husband but the devil is really working overtime in my marriage.
    We dnt even sleep in the same room for more than 8mths…Am so tired most days from arguing with him..
    i really dnt knw what else to do…right knw we are not even in talking terms.
    we are always fighting over the most trevial things..
    Due knw i have learnt to just ignor him…I really wish and long for a relationship where
    I can gladly go home, sit down ad talk with my husband.
    I really used to like having sex but knw i just get irritated when he comes near me..
    its really very unfair… i want to be happy…Sometimes i just feel like am a bad wife..
    God knws am really trying my best but all i feel is anger ad resentment toword him…
    I wish i cold just get over all the hurts that i feel…
    I really do need help and prayers…

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