Two weeks ago we published this article and asked our female readers for feedback on whether or not they would like to continue to see comments from men on the CN blog. We are thankful that by and large most people were very respectful of other’s opinions and for all the points that were made. We privately discussed the ideas you presented and have prayerfully considered all the opinions expressed.
There seemed to be a lot of concern regarding the simple fact that men are reading a website that has a focused ministry towards women so please understand that our new policy on comments from men is not going to change the fact that a large percentage of men are reading our blog. We think our blog helps most men in healthy marriages to have a better understanding of their wives so we bless that they are reading here. The insight they will gain is going to end up being a blessing to their wives. For those men who are reading here with a covetous heart that they do not have a wife who desires sex, we can not manage their sin for them, but we will restrict their ability to voice their grief here and direct them to appropriate avenues.
There was also some discussion around whether or not the opinion of another man is at all helpful for ladies to understand their own husband. Some were adamant that they only want the opinion of their husband. Others who are in conflict with their husband or who simply value the opinions of many like hearing the perspective of another man. While our blog has always been focused on ministering to women, we have never banned comments from men for this reason.
We thought the suggestion of having a separate area for men’s comments was a good one. We discussed this option and realized that since the format of our website is a WordPress blog, it would be complicated, take too much extra time and add confusion.
The most helpful comment that was made regarding the negative consequences of a complete ban of men’s comments was this one:
Even if the men can’t comment, you bet they’re still reading the things you put down. And the very dishonest ones can easily pretend they are women if they want to. So what will we accomplish? We will exclude the honest men who have meaningful additions to the conversation, and the perverts will still get in.
On the other side, one woman made this comment, which struck the heart of the issue for us:
Thanks ladies….This makes me feel a little safer and more free to participate. I, for one, have not participated recently, due to so many men commenting…It was just over a line for me. If I wanted that kind of communication, I know there are other resources – just look at your blogroll – for that. I appreciate the time, effort, thought and prayer you ladies put into this site!!!
After considering all of the points, we have made a decision. We couldn’t possibly have pleased everyone who expressed their opinion so we didn’t even try. We considered all that the women shared in light of our heart for this ministry and came up with this policy that we have peace about:
- Comments from men will now be moderated on a case-by-case basis.
- Most comments from men will be deleted, particularly if they are graphic in nature, argumentative, negative or disruptive to our mission.
- If a man’s comment contains information that is presented in a positive and supportive way and that is a truly unique perspective we might approve it.
Here are some examples of comments from men that will no longer be published: “I really like this position of the week and will ask my wife to try it soon!” “Thanks for this review. My wife and I have been wondering about this book.” “I really like it when my wife dresses sexy for me. It heightens our date night!” Each of these comments is rather tame and nice, but do not share a unique perspective that is absolutely helpful to our women readers. In simpler terms, we will no longer allow our blog to become cluttered with mundane comments from men. We decided to make this decision retroactive, meaning that we have spent hours pouring over all comments made from men since the beginning of our blog. Those comments that do not fit with our new guidelines have been deleted, so most men will find their comments have been greatly reduced.
We ask that you respect our decision and if you no longer wish to participate because of our policy on comments from men, then we bless you to continue on your journey from here. If for some reason you need to contact us regarding this decision you can do so through our Got Questions? page.
Christian Nymphos 