Monday’s Mission #87

Your mission this week is to pick a morning to serve your husband breakfast in bed. You can make it as fancy or as simple as you wish to, but the idea is just to let him know that you want your home to be a place of rest for him and to make him feel special. Give it a try. 🙂

Q&A: Anal Sex & Hemorrhoids

“I know this is not a tasteful category, but can you write an article about anal sex and hemorrhoids?  Can you still have anal sex with the different types of hemorrhoids? What precautions should you take? I need some experienced help!”

We seem to discuss everything else on this site, so why not hemorrhoids?  🙂  Unfortunately, I suffer from them too, so I can write from personal experience here.

I never had hemorrhoids until I gave birth.  Pushing out that 9lb+ baby just really did me in down there.  I had to learn fast about alleviating the pain and burning associated with external hemorrhoids. I still have issues with them from time to time, and having them has indeed affected my desire for anal sex.

Most of the time hemorrhoids come and go.  If you are having a bad bout with them, then you need to abstain from having anal sex until they are all healed up.  Try to get more fiber and whole grains in your diet so that your digestive tract can become more regular.  When your bowel movements are soft and easy then you will have less chance of your hemorrhoids acting up.  Having to strain because of hard stools will inflame your ‘roids and make them swell, burn, and itch.  Then you will have to start all over again with the creams and medicated pads and cooling gels and cool baths to try and get them to go back down.

If you have your hemorrhoids under control and they aren’t swollen or bleeding or bothering you at all, then yes, you may be able to have anal sex without any pain (using plenty of lube).  If you try and it does hurt then I strongly advise you to STOP, because you could cause further irritation and swelling. I was able to have totally pain-free anal sex a few times after I got hemorrhoids, but again, I had to wait until they were not inflamed.  In the last couple of years though, we have given up anal sex mainly due to my hemorrhoids.  I just never know when they are going to be bothersome to me, so we have just migrated away from anal sex altogether.

If your hemorrhoids are extremely bothersome then you should totally abstain from any type of anal play and see your physician for treatment. I hope you are able to get yours under control.

Letting Go of Your Past

It may not surprise you to hear that we have had a high number of people over the years write us asking about how they can let go of the sexual sins of their past. We all have regrets over things we have done and when it comes to sex, it has a lot of potential to wreck havoc in married sexuality. What often happens is we become deceived when we are single into believing lies about sex and then the enemy turns it all on it’s head and comes at us from the other side to guilt us into living in bondage. In both cases we aren’t living out of the identity that God has spoken over us.

So if you have regrets about your sexual past, where do you start? As always, I encourage you to start by connecting to God. To begin with, if you have not repented and broken the soul tie to your previous sex partners that is your first step. This would include premarital sex that you had with your husband prior to marriage. Draw close to the Lord and stay in that place with Him. The Lord does not require a perfect heart, but a contrite one. Bring your regret and repentance to Him and then ask Him to restore you to a right relationship with Him. Ask Him to break off of you every attachment that you have in your soul to people whom you were intimate with. Certainly intercourse would apply here, but so would oral and manual sex. Remember that our Saviour Jesus died for those sins and then was raised to life so that your inheritance in the kingdom of God could be restored to you. So leave those things at the cross and let Him raise you to stand in the identity that He has established you in. Claim your forgiveness with determination and boldness.

Once you have received forgiveness from the Lord, it’s time to move onto something that can be much harder for some of us. Forgiving yourself. This is the aspect where a lot of women find the greatest point of struggle. A “good Christian woman” can learn to receive the forgiveness of God, but forgiving themselves can feel inappropriate. That somehow they are not serious about their repentance if they don’t hang onto a little bit of what they did, even if it’s subconscious. Many women carry their regret into marriage and have a hard time learning to embrace their sexuality in a godly way when they have misused it in the past. It can take years, but once a woman forgives herself the process is much easier.

I would encourage you to ask the Lord to wash your mind of the sin as well. There is no reason to hang onto the memories of your mistakes. They will not benefit you now and they are a distraction to the intimacy you can have with your husband. Invite the Lord to cleanse your mind and release His thoughts over you in replace of those memories.

There is nothing we can do to change the mistakes of our past, but we sure can give it way more authority than it ought to have. We can let it have more control over us than it needs to and can remain bonded to our sin even while the Lord has forgiven us. So often the truth evades us that while we continue living in a cage, the doors have been opened. All we need to do is walk out and embrace our freedom.

Sometimes, however, the struggle is that while you remain convicted and focused on saving your sexuality for your spouse, they did not? This is an important discussion to have as well, one we will talk about further in an upcoming article.

I would encourage our readers to share their stories of how they let go of any sexual mistakes of their past. It’s very helpful to hear from others who are living in freedom after having regrets about how they managed their purity.

Weekly poll #32: At what age did you experience your sexual awakening?

Monday’s Mission #86

Your mission this week is a repeat of a previous one, but it’s important so I want to invite you to pray about your sex life with your husband. Prayer can bring a world of change to seemingly impossible situations. Orgasm problems? Low sex drive your part or that of your husband? Lack of effective communication? Minimal intimacy? Sexual addiction? Whatever areas you see a need for improvement, invite God into those things and ask Him to bring His kingdom.

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