In a previous article, we discussed ideas on how you could seduce your husband and now we are going to talk about ways to invite your husband to do the same for you. This article was inspired in part by the following email.
I have always had a hard time with my self-image. That being said, my husband caters to these purges of self-hate wonderfully, and lovingly, but inside the bedroom it is another story. It is very obvious that my hubby is attracted to me, but I am always, without a doubt, the only person who initiates sex. In addition to this, it is very rare that we have what you would call “sexy sex.” Our most intimate moments feel like two fish flopping on top of each other, for lack of a better description. It feels like there is a serious emotional disconnect between us during the act, and it is something that really tears at me, besides feeling unwanted because of never being propositioned. What I’m trying to ask, I suppose, is how to get my husband to seduce me and how I can go about helping him be the passionate person inside the bedroom, as he is outside.
For most people it’s a negative feeling to know that someone has an expectation of us and are disappointed that we aren’t meeting it so first of all I want to talk about keeping this process very positive and light hearted. As far as it depends on you, approach your husband very warmly and openly. You want to remember that this is a process of inviting him to something that will be better for both of you rather than persuading him to become something he is not.
It’s a good idea to maintain a bit of perspective. Try to be gracious and remember that in most circumstances it’s really about learning to be good lovers for one another. If you can learn to be comfortable expressing your sexual self to your husband and he is a decent man, you can get to a good place where you are able to communicate what you’d like.
For some men they need and want you to be very clear about what it is you want. For other men, they want a more playful and unintentional flirtation to entice them into wanting to seduce you. We’ve already talked a lot on our blog about the clear ways that you can communicate with your husband if a very straight forward and honest conversation if necessary so let’s focus more here on the playful ways that you can inspire your husband to pursue you more.
Let’s talk first about the importance of maintaining your own sexual vibe because when you feel sexy, you are going to communicate that to your husband even if you don’t mean to. Maybe staying active in sport or working out helps you with this. Maybe it’s how you dress. Maybe it’s how you keep your hair or wearing make up. There are a lot of non-physical ways that we can promote this sensuality, too. Some women find that the wonderful reading resources that are available today which discuss sexuality in a godly way are very helpful. And don’t underestimate the value of spending time with other women who possess a positive outlook on married sexuality.
So what are some ways that we can creatively step out and stir up our husbands beyond the ideas I already mentioned. I’d love to hear from our readers about things that have worked well, but here are some fun ways you might enjoy trying.
- If your husband is a sports fan, offer yourself as half time entertainment. Bring him a drink and a snack and undo a button on your shirt.
- Let him know at some point during the day by phone call or text that you have been thinking of him and are looking forward to seeing him when he gets home. This will get him thinking too and hopefully he will get some good ideas on what you can do together that night.
- Share a memory with him of when you felt particularly loved or desired by him. Let him know how those kinds of things please you.
- Don’t be bashful about changing in front of him. Keep the lights on. Turn towards him. Don’t rush. Let him enjoy seeing your body.
The idea is just to get him to notice you and be thinking about you. This, along with honest conversation, will really help a husband and wife to become good lovers and to share in initiating sexual contact.
The other aspect of the question in the email is how to make sex more passionate and intimate on all levels. We’ll discuss this in a future article.
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Christian Nymphos 
Just ditto-ing the “change in front of him” idea. This works so well for me/my hubby. Also, taking advantage of moments when you are alone — if he goes upstairs to take out his contacts, and we’re in for the night, I might follow and say “yea, I think I’ll go ahead and change for bed now, too…..” then slowly do so.
Or, he steps out of the shower wearing a towel, and I wash my hands and use his towel to dry them.
If you set up “code words”, just mentioning one is a good way, too. Or eating in a seductive manner — linger over that ice cream cone or banana or whatever, making sure he’s watching. Practically gauranteed to turn him on and end up with him pouncing on you in the bedroom later.
One last thought – once he starts, it is imperative that you not turn him down. It will likely take a while of him being rewarded when he seduces you before he is confident enough to keep it up.
In my case, I had to combine the open and honest talk with heavy duty prayer, because the playful and lighthearted stuff wasn’t working. However, I’m not being a downer here: The good news is that now, after investing in this prayer and awkward-but-necessary dialogue, I can use the tactics that Cinnamon Sticks describes, and my husband finally gets it! I believe this reader’s husband will too.
This is an issue I can relate to. I feel like I have initiated almost every time we have ever ML in our 5 year marriage. Hubby has been free from a past pornography addiction for more than a year, but I wonder if de-sensitization is still an issue.
Instead of being de-sensitized by pornography and over-sexualized media (like ads, movies, etc) like he used to be, maybe he is de-sensitized by me? I know that Cinnamonsticks wrote about how changing in front of him can be a positive thing, but can too much of that, done without a “sexy” attitude/atmosphere be a bad thing? Be de-sensitizing to him, so that he doesn’t get aroused or interested by it enough to initiate, or seduce?
What do you think? Can anyone else relate to this?
My husband is a ‘leg man’ so if i ever need him to make the first move i put on a pair of boy shorts (the underwear that looks like shorts) and a tank top. I make sure to prance around in front of him and it works best if i can work in a ‘bend over’. Wearing them while unloading the dishwasher or dryer is sure to catch his attention and get the reaction that i want. Our kids are still young enough that they think i’m just wearing shorts. I think he’s on to me, but that’s ok.
Yes. I can relate to the husband getting used to nudity. I enjoy being naked, and walk around quite naked upstairs often. He doesn’t even seem to notice now.
Some additional suggestions to give him the idea that you’re open… and then make him want to chase you:
*If he’s reading on the couch or bed (or something along those lines), take a minute to straddle one of his legs. If that alone doesn’t make him think of sex, grind yourself on it for a minute. And then stand up and go about your business. He’ll probably quickly try to get something more!
*If you’re hanging out reading on the couch or bed (or something along those lines–can you tell in my house we do a lot of reading, though? ;o), if you’re feeling a tad horny, don’t be embarrassed to touch yourself a bit, either inside or outside your clothes. Knowing that you’re feeling in the mood may get him in the mood and/or give him the confidence to go all-out in his seduction, as he knows he can get a yes from you.
*Also don’t hesitate to randomly rub him through his boxers. And then stop so he can decide to chase you instead!
*Hanging out around the house without a bra makes it easy for him to initiate boob play.
It really isn’t that hard to do. I unbutton a few blouse buttons (my DH hates sweaters) and allow some of my breast curvature to show. Then I move around in my chair until my skirt rides up to my thighs. If I have stockings on, it really turns him on. I seldom need to do more, since he is aroused by catching glmpses of my body that no one usually sees. It hasn’t failed me yet.
He also bought me a jumper with buttons all the way up the front. While he was having a drink after work, I sat across the room and slowly unbuttoned the top and then the bottom buttons. It had the desired effect, no doubt about it.
YES! I totally identify! And btw, my hubby has never had any problems w/ porn at all. He’s just not really that visual, he says. I mean, sometimes he is visually stimulated (and I SURE am visually stimulated!). But sometimes I intentionally dress down (if ya know what I mean) and hang around him and he doesn’t even seem to notice, or he does notice me and just says ‘oh, you look nice’ and goes back to web surfing…
But then, I’m none to shy about him seeing me naked. I have found that, if he isn’t already in the mood, just dressing skimpily won’t do it, I think maybe b/c he sees me like that often? But if I ACT sexy while being half naked, lol, that seems to do a little more.
I have some sexy things that I only wear when I’m trying to be especially attention getting – I wonder if it helps him when he knows how I expect him to react?
I can relate quite a bit to this, but I’ve tried all of these and they don’t seem to help the passion. My husband does initiate sometimes, but it’s like “hey, lets have sex tonight,” which I always oblige. We follow the same routine that we have every single time we’ve made love. We kiss, he grabs my breasts some, and then he wants me on top of him (sometimes a little boob sex thrown in there). Never a change in position or foreplay. If I try to deviate too much he gets us back on track. He isn’t interested in trying to manually or oral stimulating me and doesn’t like me to try it on him (especially oral).
I get frustrated with the lack of variety and romance. Sometimes I feel like we are just robots going through the motions. I’ve tried to mix things up and that never goes over well and I’ve tried to talk to him some but I’m worried to say too much because he gets very down on himself easily. He is such a giving self sacrificing man out of the bedroom; I don’t know why he seems so stifled in the bedroom. I long for passion and romance.
Thanks for replying, what you wrote is so similar to how I dress/act etc. It feels better to know that its not just me 🙂
I’ve thought about dressing more conservatively to see if that makes any difference, but we live in one of the hottest places in the country, so its not an appealing idea!
I think you hit the nail on the head though when you said : “…if I ACT sexy while being half naked…that seems to do a little more”. I guess for now I should just try to act sexier when I’m interested, instead of being disappointed when he doesn’t notice how I’m dressed (or not). If he is desensitized, I really can’t control that anyway, and I choose not to help the situation by dressing conservatively in our hot climate.
ACTING sexy, like you said, is something that is within my control, and easily chosen! Thanks for sharing, it helped me see it from a more empowered perspective!
Don’t lose heart, these things can change. I have found that the most effective way to grow in passion and romance is very gradually, over time, by example. I can relate to what you said “I’m worried to say too much because he gets very down on himself easily”. That’s why allowing God to work gradually is good.
Think of a few things (touches, kiss locations,words, movements, etc) that would make a LM session seem more passionate or romantic to you. Just simple little things to start. Then take baby steps, showing him one simple thing you would like, or requesting it of him (after responding positively to his original moves). Then show him an overwhelmingly positive response. See if he tries to get that response from you again! Just be positive, work in baby steps over several months, gently teaching him what you like, what works for you. Eventually he may open up to you in the same way.
This has (and is still) working for us, as my hubby seems most fulfilled and pleasured when he feels that he has effectively pleasured me. I think this is common for a male ego 🙂 I hope it works for you, if you choose to try it, or anything else.
You might also look into The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman, and study it together to learn about what works to fill each spouse’s love tank. I’ve found that the love language that works in life, translates to the bedroom. I think there is also an article on the Five Love Languages on this website.
I often have the same problem. So every now and again I fix it by making sure my husband doesn’t see any more of my skin than anyone else would for a couple of days, and pretty soon he’s begging for it and undressing me!
Teagirl – you have put into words what I’ve been feeling about my husband and our sex life for a while now. We’ve been married for 22 years and have always done the same old unpassionate (boring) thing, also with no foreplay or change in position – neither of us have been very interested in exploring different things and we have never been comfortable enough to talk about it until just recently when I took a class at our church by Eryn-Faye Frans about having a passionate marriage. In that class I learned about all the possibilities and variety of activities that are out there. For example, I never knew until a few months ago that married couples did oral – and I’d NEVER heard of OS being done on a woman. My only idea of OS was the “bad” girl in high school who gave guys a “b— job”.
My husband also isn’t interested in manually stimulating me (he says I take “too long”). I’ve tried discussing my recent discoveries with him but he’s very closed to making any changes. He said (about missionary position in the dark) “There’s nothing wrong with that – that works for me!” My husband is not visuallly stimulated by my body and he doesn’t respond when I cuddle on the couch and try to manually stimulate him and when I asked he said he doesn’t have sexual fantasies – he’s just a low-needs man. I’ve struggled with feeling rejected, unattractive, and unappealing to my husband and struggled with the despairing thought that I’m going to spend the rest of our marriage feeling bored, unfulfilled and unwanted sexually which, of course, spills over into other feelings of self-worth.
I have to add here that my husband is a really good man – generous, helpful around the house, always wanting to do activities with me and willing to allow me to be a homemaker. In many ways I live the ideal life and I’m constantly thankful to God for the husband He gave me and feel like I have no right to complain, but reading your post hit me because that’s exactly our same situation in the bedroom.
Spiceywife – thank you for your reply to Teagirl because I’m going to put your advice into practice myself too. I’ll pray that God will change whatever needs to be changed in both of us!
Newphase,
Me and my hubby went through that too, while I think we have reconnected without a doctors help. A low sex drive can be a sign of something more serious going on you may suggest a visit to his regular doctor. While it is an embarassing subject for a man and while there could be nothing wrong there are some life threatening conditions that effect a man’s sex drive, also hormone inbalaces ect. And I agree about the 5 love languages it is an awesome book!
I just came across this site and I feel so blessed that God has shown me this site and especially this topic. Thank you so much for all your ideas! I thought I was so alone in this. I am so sick of rejection from my husband. I actually did something that worked this morning. I woke up very early this morning on purpose. I aroused myself to the point of where I didn’t need much foreplay – and I woke up my husband by kissing him all over. He always said men like sex in the morning. So, I began kissing him and he was startled and it was totally unromantic and I got so embarassed I actually got out of bed to leave the room. But he actually begged me to come back and was really sweet. He then iniated foreplay and intimacy and sex…and we had a really intimate sexual expierence together. It was really nice. The effort I put forth was worth it. I did expierence rejection – but he begged me to come back. Was it my effort? I don’t know…He wasn’t grumpy like I was afraid he was going to be. I was sick of getting turned down by him. I would ask him. And I felt like I was doing what a guy should be doing – hitting on me. Not me hitting on him. So, I guess this morning I did hit on him. But I think the effort put forth made him call me back to the bed!! and I have to say I took your advice and made a steamy phone call to him later on this morning at work – made him really think about me. It was a positive thing for me. I truly don’t know why he doesn’t iniate intimacy. But I am willing to work on this. And thanks for the name of the book – 5 love languages. I am going to order it. I also looked up the author and he offers workshops! Thank you so much to all of you. My new friends I hope!!! Much love. God Bless!
Carrie,
So glad that your efforts proved to be worthwhile! I don’t know exactly why, but I am guessing that your husband has needs he is afraid to communicate to you. Just a hunch. Maybe as you grow more intimate, he will begin to open up. God bless you, yes you have new friends!
Way to go, Carrie! I still have a hard time initiating sex, because of years of past rejection from my husband. It has gotten a million times better on his end, but it has been a slow process on mine. But every time I DO initiate and he responds positively, it gives me more confidence for next time. So keep it up!
Our sheets had begun to cool…and then I got a Brazilian wax. Mostly it was functional because we live in a coastal area just a few hundred miles from the equator we have a pool.
Having all that icky hair out of the way exposes so many more nerve endings, heightening every little sensation. Not that I am disputing God’s decision to put fur there in the first place, but pubic hair’s primary function is to retain odor for the purpose of attracting a mate. Done. I feel much cleaner all the time, thank you.
My DH is pretty quick to perform oral now that there is no hair to pick out of his teeth. The morning after I went to the salon, he was dressing for work & I was laying in bed. He asked if I was sore from getting waxed. I said well, let’s see. I then pulled my panties down & began to self-stimulate. He was totally ga ga. It took him a few tries to drag himself from the bedside and get out the door to work. And that night…well… I think that man can breathe through his ears. He gave me multiple orgasms before coming up for air. All those exposed nerve endings make his job easier.
Now, for the reality of getting all the hair ripped out of your hoo-ha.
Yes, it hurts.
I got a full leg, armpit a front & back Brazilian. It took about four hours. For just a Brazilian, about 45 min. I went to a salon across town where a soft spoken, middle aged Korean woman had me undress from the waist down & strategically covered me with towels so only the area she was torturing would be exposed. My advice is to wear a cheap disposable g-string, take ibuprofen 30 minutes before your appointment, and use a topical antiseptic spray with a pain reliever like lidocane in it. Chew gum.
Expect to be asked to help hold your skin taut while the waxer smears on warm gooey junk with the consistency of pine sap. Then, a small cloth strip is applied, and RIP! I might have screamed if I could’ve taken a deep breath. But, as soon as the strip is yanked off, the stinging only lasts a few seconds. The bumps only last a few minutes (think plucked chicken). She then went back and nabbed strays with tweezers. Thankfully there were not many. I understand why women leave a landing strip: that spot at the top of the slit is one of the most painful.
The “back” Brazilian is far less painful, but… (or should I say “butt”) it is accomplished by having the waxee on all fours, head down, rear high. Yes, rather embarrassing, but now I’m not the least bit self conscious being in that position for DH because I’m not wondering if he is wondering which one of us has more hair in their crack.
Now that all my hair has been taken out by the root, regrowth will be finer and subsequent wax jobs less painful (remember the first time you plucked your eyebrows? Made your eyes water, huh?).
DH is quite pleased with the results, I shower in a flash because I don’t have to shave, and his admiration for my tolerance to pain is expressed with his tongue.
Amen, sister. My DH bought me a jumper that had snaps all the way down the front. It pleases him immensely when I do one on top, then one on the bottom – then continue with the rest. I have never yet seen him wait until the last one was undone.
What’s a jumper?
I told my husband a few nights ago that I need to be seduced more. I don’t think he understands what the heck he’s supposed to do. We are finally overcoming poor communication surrounding his ED (him lying out of embarrassment about taking his ED med or not taking it, etc)…and since he has so many hang ups about that situation, I hate to tell him that there’s yet another problem with our sex life. The main thing is that he doesn’t get that there’s not much exciting about lying side by side in bed when sex begins – I want sex to begin in the kitchen (i’m told there’s a book with that title), which means that he comes up behind me when I’m cooking to whisper to me, etc. When I tell him that, he says “Yeah well I like to be talked to too…” but he is talking about something totally different, like dirty talk in the bedroom (which I do, but it’s never enough for him). So since he changes the subject that way, we are basically going in circles every time we talk about this. These are all great ideas in the article (of course!), and I have done a few of them with great success, but I still feel like they are really about the wife doing the seducing. When I think about being seduced, I think it means that HE is conspiring ways to make me helpless to resist him and not vice versa. I appreciate anyone’s input on this, as I’m just really frustrated right now.
jumper is a sleeveless dress that you wear a top under…can be made of any type of fabric. I have a denim one that i dearly love – has a zipper, low cut armholes. I usually wear a sports top or bra under it.
Here’s a few….
Read more about how a man thinks. We think they have our minds and our emotional responses….NNNNNOOOOTTT.
You are right in concluding that this seems all about the woman doing the most to get married sex ‘just right’. I have done much soul searching and have gradually realized that this whole deal is not about making my man ‘do me’…it is about me living the most fulfilling life that I can live. Not meaning to sound crude but I have to ‘do me’ instead 😉
My sexuality cannot be determined nor controlled by my husband. It is all up to me to reach out for what I desire in my life…this includes the clothes I wear, the perfume I adore, the people I mix with, the food I relish, the lotion/potions/notions I lavish upon my daily existence and excuse me for going here… whether I am sexually alive each day.
My feminine essence is not created by my husband. It is figured out and embraced by the only person who can do so….PRECIOUS, LITTLE, FOXY, AND SENSUALLY-SEXY ME!
Without dissing my husband for all that he has not, is not and will not do, I have instead focused on making my life happier for me and in that way have removed tons of pressure in my marriage and in my marriage bed.
I wish you much personal happiness…like mine 🙂
Hi Coco,
I empathize with you completely! Ditto on almost everything you said in your post and I also understand your frustration. I too think the husband should be able to think of seducing his wife on his own without having to be told & coached every time (after 23 years?!). I’ve often wondered WHY it’s up to us wives to be in charge of; communication, romance, mood-setting, spiritual matters, child-rearing, and now it seems we can add to that list our own sexual fulfillment.
Smokeypuss, I see you’ve managed to happily adapt to the reality that it’s up to the wife. How long did it take you to get to this place? Maybe there’s hope for those of us who REALLY want our husbands to take the initiative – at least once in a while.
I’d like to, and I’m sure Coco would like to find much personal happiness like yours!!
Pray pray and pray. God can do anything and change any circumstance. We need to discover who we are, if your a christian, then that identity comes from Christ. When we realize we are his nothing else in life matters more and we can have true joy! Once you really grab hold of this concept the other needs/wants in life seem to fall into place. Christ gives us the desires of our heart when we seek him.
As with any relationship in life, when I want something to change I look inward first, and ask God to change my heart!
I’ve been married 23 years and have found true happiness and contentment. God is always good 🙂
Smokeypuss, I see your point and while I don’t feel entirely as you do, I do know that there is merit to many of your views and am glad that they have helped you attain immense personal happiness. I really like your point about reading up on how men think; that is definitely a good idea that I will pursue. I also appreciate the reminder that I may feel better if I refrain from focusing on what my husband doesn’t, isn’t, or won’t. Thank you for your input. NewPhase, thank you so much for your empathy and sisterly support…it’s always comforting to know you’re not alone, and I pray that both of us will find God’s truth in the midst of our circumstances. I don’t reject any teaching that women’s ministry books offer regarding these issues, but truly if we’re being honest..it seems that these notions – exactly what you said, that “it’s up to us wives to be in charge of; communication, romance, mood-setting, spiritual matters, child-rearing, and now it seems we can add to that list our own sexual fulfillment” – that this is the conclusion of female Christian authors, but not necessarily the instruction of scripture. “Husbands, love your wives and give yourselves up”…I don’t know, maybe this is a stretch but seduction is part and parcel of that, no? Women are always being told what submission means in today’s world (as that directive is part of the same passage)…so where are the discussions about what it means to really love your wife in a practical, modern marriage, including what it means for your sex life?
“The Way to Love Your Wife” by Clifford and Joyce Penner is a fantastic book on the subject of loving your wife. My DH is not a reading man; he has not read it yet, but I will make sure it’s out in full view when the “farming” season slows down. I did get him to read “Sheet Music”.
I digress…it takes a MAN’S view of the above discussion and suggests to HIM what HE should do to rev US up…..
I learned something!
Ooh my! I laughed so hard when I read this. 😉
Our church had a weekend where they showed videos by Mark Gunger called Laugh Your Way to a Better Marriage. Everyone loved it as Mark talks about men’s brains, women’s brains, how we act and there is lots about sex. One of the things he mentions is slow roasting your woman. Meaning get her in the mood and not by just jumping on and expecting her to go. Sometimes my husband tries to rush things and I can now just playfully say “Slow roast me don’t microwave me.” He laughs and slows down. The videos are done with humour so as a couple we could laugh at ourselves, at each other and still take a lot away from it. Buy it and watch it together, or get your church involved and have them host it.
“Slow roast me, don’t microwave me.” I HAVE to remember that next time DH is in a hurry. LOL thanks for the chuckle!!
This is hilarious! I laughed all the way through. Thank you for being so candid. I was just reading about Brazilians last night. Had decided, based on some of the accounts of pain, NOT to do it. But you’ve made me re-think it.
Still laughing!
🙂
For those women who are terrified of waxing or just prefer not too, a #1 or #0 on an electric hair cutting razor works really well also. Without the pain! 🙂
What I told my man is that when he rushes, it’s like trying to throw the pasta in the water before it boils. Yeah, you might eventually get something you want to eat, but if just a few more minutes of prep could practically guarantee you those perfect al dente moments of bliss, why wouldn’t you? He laughed and now our code phrase is “pasta water.” It *totally* confuses my family when we mention it around them as a cue that I want some slow, steamy moments with him later! 🙂
Can any wives suggest sexy role plays??
Hey! I have been reading these posts and I really feel for some of you ladies who are having a hard time with your sex life. It is such a sensitive aspect of any marriage that it can be a “hard nut to crack” in order to get it just right. Anyways, I think with all of the things women in today’s society have going on, we can be very distracted, which makes it even harder to have a great sex life. We are working as chefs, mothers, driviers, teachers, negotiaters, not to mention if we work outside the home!!! It is exhausting. But none of this is a reason to reject our husbands. I think the key to turning on our husbands to us is by not rejecting him in the first place. Do you remember those nights lying in bed half asleep when he starts to touch you? Do you remember actually falling asleep before anything could take place? Do you remember perhaps, kissing passionately for a few moments, being satisfied with that, and not making a move forward? I think we don’t understand sometimes the advances our husbands throw our way because we are too busy, too tired,
too frustrated, and our self-image is a little low. So then what does a man do? He gives up. He stops trying and plays dead, because that way he doesn’t get rejected by the one person who is supposed to accept him. If he has a hard day at work- have sex. If he has a deadline he doesn’t think he can reach- have sex. If your bills are not getting paid or he just lost his job- have sex. These moments of satisfaction amidst outer chaos will help boost his ego enough to initiate sex. We send signals that we are disappointed in other areas of life when we reject their small advances. The sexiest thing to a man is knowing his woman wants him, whether he is successful or not. I also think men can be very desensitized by what they see on a regular basis. Not with their wives necessarily, but out in the world. TV, movies, billboards, etc. Everything now is selling sex and it is hurting our marriages. So, I pray everyday for the Lord to help my husband protect his eyes, ears, mind, and heart and help him save them only for me. Since I have been praying this way the Lord has opened many doors in our sex life. We are very adventerous lol! And I would not have it any other way. But I had to come to a realization about my self, that I was overworked and underpaid and I was taking it out on the one thing I should’ve been doing to stay connected. I hope this helps! I am praying for you struggling ladies!!!
I am still newly married, just 8 months now. I would love to try sending him some sexy notes or texts, but have no idea what to say! Any ideas or resources?
The morning after a steamy encounter, I love to send by DH a text telling him how great he was in bed the night before. This really boosts his ego. Even if you tell him he was “smokin’ hot last night”, he’ll love it! Find out what words really turn your DH on, and use them in a text. Be bold and tell him what you want to do to him later that evening or what you want him to do to you. Tell him you can’t stop thinking about him or can’t wait to be with him. Sometimes my texts are very, very private, but sometimes I simply tell him how much I love or appreciate certain things about him, like how hard he works everyday and how dedicated he is to our family. The text that got the best response, though, was when I took a picture of my breasts, nothing else (my DH is a breast man), and said, “This, and so much more, can be yours, tonight!” He immediately imposed an early bedtime on everyone in our house that night, and no one knew why. Only he and I knew, and that was great fun! That’s what it’s all about, Melody. Having fun with your DH. Go for it, girl! He’ll love and appreciate any effort you put forth. May your marriage be blessed!
Also, be a bit bold in your messages too. It might surprise him. I came from a very strict and fundamental background where one didn’t talk about sex at all, more or less. Let alone be candid about it like we do here. Anyway, one time my husband was out at sea (being in the Navy), and I sent him an email saying “Can’t wait for you to come home and pet the pussy ;).” That really surprised him, seeing he never expected me to even use that word. But at the same time, he was pleased to read that kind of message ;).
My husband hates sports, and has no reaction to nudity, sex or intimacy. Weve been married 40 plus years and 30 of those horrible years have been sexless. He won’t talk about it to me or his doctor. When the conversation starts he just walks away and says don’t bother me about intimacy and sex. He got tired of all the questions and move down stairs. He installed a lock on the door and now we communicate with sticky notes. (Really Romantic) He won’t even talk to our minister.
My heart goes out to you. Let me first say I will be praying for you and your husband. There are some things you can do. First, you need to pray for your husband. When you pray, have compassion for him. Ask God to help you see him as God sees him. Ask that God will give you a tender loving heart towards him and that He would give you understanding, and pray each aspect of the fruit of the spirit (Gal. 5:22-23) for your life. Clearly something is amiss with him. It could be a chemical imbalance in his body, physical problem, guilt, anger, depression, addiction or any numerous reasons he has been pushing you away and has no interest in intimacy. Since you can’t get him to talk to you, the minister or a doctor, then find someone he will talk to. There must be at least one person in his life he is close to. This could be a friend, co-worker or male relative. Whoever that person is, invite that person to meet with you and your pastor to talk about what has been going on and enlist the person to try to get to the heart of the matter without coming across at threatening. A man is most likely to open up to another man they are closest to. The goal is not to fix your husband for your benefit, but for him to be whole and have an abundant life in Christ. Years ago, God impressed something simple yet profound on me. Focus on Him, and He will take care of the rest. If you focus on Him and your relationship with Him, it takes the stress, pressure and frustration from you and places it on Him. Take heart. God knows exactly what is going on and is right there with you.
“One last thought – once he starts, it is imperative that you not turn him down. It will likely take a while of him being rewarded when he seduces you before he is confident enough to keep it up.”
That is such a true statement. That is something my husband and I struggled with quite a bit. He said “It seems as tho when I (meaning my hubby) starts to gain confidence in anything, you (meaning me) would shut me down. So why should I continue to do something to continue to get shot down?”
He raised a good point. So now, I have to keep that in mind and even on days I “don’t feel it”, I still follow thru whatever he is wanting because if I stop, he’ll stop.
OK, now I understand. In the Uk if we say jumper we are referring to what Americans call a sweater!