Q&A: Husband Deployed

“Im a US Marine, currently deployed to Iraq and my question is what can I do for my wife to keep intimacy alive in the relationship. She sends me pictures and videos and things of that nature, but im curious as if you might have any ideas to what I can do for her.”

Being away from your spouse for an extended period of time can be difficult.  I applaud your wife for sending you pics and videos!  I know you are limited in what you can do for her, but a couple of things did cross my mind as I sat and thought about this email.  Let me give a few suggestions, and then if our readers have any more ideas I’m sure they’ll leave them in the comment section.

Write her a love letter. Not the normal “this is what is going on here and I hope things are going well for you there” type of letter.  A REAL LOVE LETTER.  The kind of letter that teenagers write to each other in high school instead of doing their algebra.  Pour out your heart in the letter and tell her exactly how much she means to you.  Be descriptive about your feelings and go into detail about why you feel that way.  Tell her how beautiful she is and describe some of the things that you most admire about her.  Tell her how you can’t wait to be with her again, and, if you know that she’d like to hear it, then tell her exactly what you want to do to/with her once you are back home in her arms.  Women love to read mushy emotional letters that are written from the heart.  You can’t go wrong here.

Write her some poetry. Again, this is something that can touch a woman’s soul.  Knowing that you spent hours, if not days, trying to come up with just the right words for your poem will mean the world to her.

Videotape yourself singing her a song. It doesn’t matter if you aren’t the world’s best singer.  Think back to the song played at your wedding, or your favorite song while you were dating.  Just think of some song that you know will touch her and bring back special memories for her.  Cut on your video camera (borrow one from a friend if you need to) or use your webcam to video yourself singing it to her.  If you play guitar (or other instrument) and have one there, then that’s even better!  You may even be able to recruit your buddies to be back up singers for you!  Another suggestion is to write her an original song and sing that to her.  Believe me when I say that she will be listening to the words and watching your body language and taking a trip down memory lane (and possibly shedding some tears) and will not even notice that you are off tune! 🙂

Make an erotic video for her. Of course I had to throw this one in!  This is only if you have the privacy to do so.  If your wife is a visual woman, then she may appreciate you putting on a show for her… rub yourself on camera and talk to her while you are doing it.  Tell her how you wish she were there and what you’d love to do with her if she were.  Describe how you would make love to her and use language that you know she likes to hear.  Just remember to be very careful and not leave video files such as this on a shared computer.

These are the things off the top of my head.  Hopefully you’ll get some other ideas and suggestions from the women who read and contribute on our site.  Thank you for your service to our country and God bless you and your wife!


  1. God bless you sir, for your service to our country and I pray His protection over you and your wife :o)

  2. I love the love letter idea I know your wife will love it too if you do it. I would recommend if you do the video be in uniform. My uncle is in the Navy and my father was in the Army and military wives love the fact that their big strong husband is off protecting them and the nation.

  3. I am a wife of a husband who has been deployed to Iraq 2 times for a year each time. The first deployment we were wuite shy with each other, but this last deployment was great. We did phone sex, pictures, we masturbated on webcam to each other, sent emails daily, pictures all the time, and continually talked about our reunion. My husband sent me flowers and letters and those helped immensley. We were open about when we masturbated to each other and kept the lines of communication open about our sexual tensions and temptations. With a deployment there are many temptations but I believe they can all be overcome with honesty and real expectations. I believe this article sums it up. Doing everything you can and not feeling guilty bc you cant do it all really helps. I know there is a sense of guilt on both parties to feel that they cant meet all the needs of their spouse bc they are gone for such a long time. But knowing, loving, trusting, and meeting needs as can reasonably be expected from such a distance will make you guys stay on track when you get back. Hang in there, when you get back the reunion is better than the honeymoon, its sooo worth it!!! 🙂

  4. my husband is in kuwait right now. our deployment was a blessing because it helped us so much in keeping our purity before we got married over his r&r (after which we had bunkerbustin lovin’ 😀 ) we use skype, webcam, i’ve written him erotica about his homecoming, and he actually made me a clone-a-willy while he was home. sometimes we both feel frustrated because of the distance, but we know that when he gets home it’s going to be ten times better. 🙂

    try cloneawilly.com

  5. I have been married for 10 years to a military man who is away most parts of the year. When he is away there is no communication on sex eventhough I hint him on how much I miss him. It doesn’t get any better when he returns home. He does not seem interested in my sexual needs; being rejected several times so I don’t find the strength to initiate sex anymore. I’m feeling very resentful and desperate now. As a christian i know just thinking of another man is sinful. What do I do? Seek separation or divorce. I am at my wits end and need some good advice.

  6. Abee,
    Reading your post literally made my eyes tear up. You should not have to live this way! I know how hard military marriages are, I am in one also. I would highly suggest that you and your husband, as soon as you can, look into attending one of Joe Beam’s workshops (he is listed in the advertisements on this webpage on the right hand side).

    He does three day workshops that are absoultely revitalizing for marriages, and also immensely help your sex life. He is a Christian and has astounding results of people attending his seminar and helping there marriage. It’s so worth it. Email me more about it if you would like to, I can give you information and even let you know how to get a discount. My husband and I are going to it next month.

  7. My husband’s in the Navy and sometimes is gone overseas on his ship for a month. We communicate through his email account attached to the ship. Can’t get explicit through that address, so I use his personal account which he reads when he has the free time.

  8. God bless you Kimberly for the headway given me. I just looked out for him on the net and have started reading his articles on-line. I will however have a challenge meeting him since I’m in Africa. Thanks a million for the feedback.

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