Debates regarding whether or not Christians ought to use birth control can be some of the most heated that I have seen. It is fairly common to transfer something that God has taught us personally as truth for everyone. While Christianity certainly does hold a lot of absolute truth, there is also a whole lot of grey mixed in there and that is why the life of God within us by His Spirit is so important.
In my journey with God I have found that this issue of birth control is one of those grey areas. I truly believe that it is entirely possible for God to lead one couple in the freedom to use birth control while guiding others to refrain from it. And for some couples, He leads differently for different seasons. What is most important is that in every step you are honoring the Lord as the creator of life and you are involving Him in your conversation as a couple and the ultimate end decision.
The reasons we come to hold the opinions we maintain are diverse and if it is your understanding that it is only the Catholic Church which does not approve of the use of birth control, there are actually many within the Protestant Church who also feel that any birth control at all is inappropriate and they are leaving the number of children they have completely up to the Lord. You can read more about this idea, commonly referred to as quiver full, here.
One of my friends was lead with her husband to refrain from using any birth control at all apart from Natural Family Planning and she has a large family now that has been both a challenge and a blessing to her. For them, God lead them to dedicate every sexual act to the possibility of life being created. Another of my friends has a household full of children because God lead them to use birth control AND to have many children. Her children, also, are a great blessing and a challenge at times. I know of another family who refrains from using birth control, but they have just one child. For them, having a quiver full, has meant having one child. Personally, after the birth of my last child, my husband and I both talked and prayed and over the course of a number of months eventually came to a place of freedom for my husband to have a vasectomy.
So how is it that God can lead us all to such different understandings. Primarily, I believe it is because HE KNOWS US. He knows were we are weak and where we are strong. He knows what we will do in His Kingdom. He knows the personalities of our children and what kind of family they would best fit into. He knows our desires for our family and our dreams for the future. He knows what resources are available to us both now and in the future, and I am not primarily talking about monetary resources, but also relational ones. He knows every detail of our lives from now until the end and he KNOWS what is best for us. Wrapping all those things together, it is unreasonable to me to assume that what is best for my husband and my family is also best for yours.
As I said earlier, the key in all of this is that you and your husband are listening to the Lord and honoring what he has told you about your fertility and child bearing. And as I mentioned on a previous article regarding Birth Control Options, if the Lord leads you in the decision to use birth control, your listening does not stop there. Then you need to be praying about which method is right for you. When I was praying about my options I remember asking the Lord about Mirena which seemed to me that it might be a good option, but He told me not to use it and the reason surprised me. I won’t share the reason because while it was truth for me, I am not convinced that it is truth for everyone. Still, do keep a listening ear towards the Lord as you determine which method you and your husband will be using.
So be encourage to embrace what the Lord has told you and your husband about this. He has good things for you and in whatever you decide just continue to maintain a humble heart towards the Lord and to honor Him as Creator.
Since this blog is not an appropriate platform for extensive debate, we ask that if you wish to participate in the comment section that you maintain a respectful approach and refrain from enticing debate. Keep in mind also that comments which present an opinion as though it is the only possible will of God will be subject to very high moderating standards. If you would like to share how you have come to the position you now hold feel free to do so in a kind manner. We can all benefit from hearing how others have processed this issue in their marriage.
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Christian Nymphos 
I am not yet married (123 more days!), but my fiance and I have already heavily discussed this issue. We are both in our early 20s, and are still finishing university. After we marry, we plan to do some extensive traveling, and want to enjoy several years growing together as a couple.
I am currently on the pill (I’ve started early so that my body can adjust). Taking hormones was not my first choice, but it does have some benefits. It makes a considerable difference with my period: I am no longer experiencing excruciating cramps that cannot be alleviated by painkillers. As much as I wish that (in this season of my life) my future DH and I could operate a “fertility switch”, God hasn’t made us this way, but He has blessed us with each other early in life– we have decided to enjoy that blessing well before becoming parents, and are taking the necessary steps to ensure that we will not be making little ones until 6-7 years down the road. We may also even additionally use condoms, just to make double sure.
my husband of 14 years and i are one of those couples who have been led both ways. for some time, we very much felt that birth control was not for us, but after our 5th child, we both felt freed to then use birth control. God definitely has different plans for different seasons in our lives, for a variety of issues. for us, this was one of them. 🙂
Only 196 days for my fiance and I! and yes, we have also heavily discussed this issue.
I have been on the pill since I was 19 due to heavy periods, and my fiance and I would like to wait to start our family for a few years (due to us both finishing master’s degrees, him reaching Captain status, and having some loans taken care of–oh school loans, how we love you). Since I am already on the pill, and do not ovulate because of it, we feel that the Lord has given his blessing to continue my use of this method into our marriage. If He feels that it is time for us to be blessed with a little one while I am on the pill, then we will accept that
but we are going to take steps early in our marriage (as we are also very young and want to enjoy being young and married for a time) to pause conception so that our children can be born at a time further down the road.
I should add that I work at a Crisis Pregnancy Center, and we at the center only advocate Natural Family Planning to our clients. Because of my circumstances, I am able to use the pill and the administrators at the center do not discourage me from it, but I do also believe that the Lord ultimately determines when and how many of our family arrives (over half of my clients who come in are on a form of hormonal birth control!)
Some of you may have seen my comments in another article about this topic, but I’ll say it again. 🙂 Our Lord has blessed us with four amazing little ones, all conceived while on different types of birth control! I know for a fact that GOD determines when and how many children we will have, He has given us dear little ones even when we thought we wanted to wait. I am SO glad that His plans have prevailed in our life, and not our own! -Else we would not be experiencing the joy in our dear children that we have today.
God has given my body a bit of a break from pregnancy for a little while now, which is a blessing, b/c I experienced some frightening complications in my last pregnancy. He’s in control, and knows when we need rest.
I continue to take birth control, but am FULLY aware and accepting of God’s plans for our life. He is designing our family’s future. It’s actually a relief to be able to give the reigns to Him and not to worry. Knowing our great Lord is ALWAYS in control is such a comfort for all of us. He will lead us into the different futures that only He knows is right for each and every one of us!
For my husband and I it was important to find a birth control method that does not have “stage three” as preventative measure. The third stage of birth control would not allow an embryo to implant if fertilization occurred. (To us this was equivalent to abortion, so we didn’t want to do it.) Through our searching we found no form of hormonal birth control that did this. We decided to use condoms until we were ready to get pregnant (which we are now – but my husband wanted a year of being husband under his belt before he had to also learn to be daddy).
The interesting thing that I found was that even after asking specifically about stage three my doctor still prescribed something that did it – not maliciously I think – just not understanding where I was coming from and what I was saying.
I then talked to my friend who is both a believer and an OB/GYN when I discussed it with her she was a little shocked I think. As she processed through what I was asking she said well technically yes – I guess that could happen, but the odds of stage 1 and stage 2 not working are very slim to none. For many that may be sufficient – the odds are stacked that this won’t happen and God being in control of all things he can make it so I never get to stage three and so it’s not something I need to worry about. We didn’t go that way, but I thought maybe this information would be helpful.
Lastly, I do think when we stopped preventing it was easy for us to get pregnant. We didn’t have any hormones that needed to work through my system to wait for. For us that was another positive point.
Hope this helps someone out there weighing through…
I’m 21 and my husband and I have been married for about 7months now. We both felt that we needed to be open to God planning our family size. My husband is 6 years older than me and I grew up in a large family so we were both ready to start trying. For us “quiverfull” or whatever you want to call it isn’t about a number but about our hearts. We’ve been trying a and praying for a child from our first night together and God hasn’t opened my womb yet. For us, we can rest in the assurance that whether we have 2 children or 10 that God has ordained it and we will welcome them with open arms.
That is interesting. I had the same thing with Mirena. I was already at the Dr.’s waiting for it when I prayed to the Lord to open the right doors and close the wrong ones because I was still not at peace about it. Five minutes later the receptionist informed me that there was a mix-up with insurance and it’ll take a few days to clear that up. I took it as a sign.
I believe that if the Lord has planned for us to have a certain number of children, it will happen no matter what we do (or don’t) for birth control. Our third child was a surprise and he is such a blessing!
Many religious birth control opponents say that God alone can determine how many children a couple should have, and they will know based on how many conceptions happen. But I believe God created us to relate to Him as his friends and his children, communicating with him and seeking his will with our spirits and minds. If this were not true, I would have no hope of childbearing. My husband is completely, irreverisbly sterile. The only option we can afford is artificial insemination and although that remains in the future, it gives us both hope that God could lead us to have children and also MAKE IT POSSIBLE in a way that is outside the limitations of our own bodies. If we are to have only those children that occur naturally–no more and no less–and make that a formula unto itself and do not seek God cognitively for leading, then I would have little hope of experiencing childbirth or procreation with my wonderful husband.
Thank you for writing this! I think your argument could be applied to many areas of disagreement in Christianity. A few Sundays ago, my pastor said something that really resonated with me – that we as Christians often make the mistake of assuming that because God said one thing to one person in one situation that it automatically is the same for another person in another situation.
Hey Cinnamonsticks,
Great article once again. Thank you.
Somewhere in the Australian bush, there is a totally infertile kangaroo, who gobbled up my pill prescription! After an ‘all clear’ doctor’s appointment, I found myself barely able to continue driving my car because of a heavy heart. My man and I realized that we wanted children right from the get go. I tossed my package out the car window. Sorry, Miss. Roo!
From the time of our engagement, my darling husband and I have faced this subject with as much honesty as we could because we truly desired to do what we believed our God was prompting us to do….have children for HIm. We did and have had seven beautiful children.
Nothing persuaded us to verge away from what God asked us to do…
no large-family-biased-church bets on who can have the most kids! (Lord forbid);
no horrible words about what ’causes’ pregnancy such as if I could learn how to close my legs?;
no verbal attacks on whether we were of a particular religion!,
no parental disapproval;
no pregnancy fears, ….
We forged ahead and shared many magnificent infant, toddler, child, teen and adult milestones.
We used natural family planning to the extent that I was the local church guru on how it all works :- ( Climbing off that pride-inducing soapbox has been a healthy thing for me. I had to do what was right for my husband, my family and I. I had to revisit my staunch stance on anti-contraception and begin to use birth control for the first time in our married life of 23 years.
For the past 2 years, we have used condoms and only recently, spermicide film, in our conviction to not conceive another little child. We are not in the child-bearing mindset anymore and have communicated extensively, with each other, as to why we aren’t and what to do about it.
We do not feel guilt. Our sex life is mind blowing for us. My orgasms are beautiful and explosive. We both feel extremely grateful to God for our closeness and our satiation with each other. We feel at peace with ourselves and with our Lord.
I don’t think any of us can instruct a couple on this subject. It is utterly personal and extremely close to breaching all trust between friends. It is best left to each husband and wife to make their own decisions, on behalf of each other, and for the better good of their own family.
smP out!
Well said about the grey areas in Christianity. I pray that we don’t allow ourselves to ever become embittered toward those who don’t have the same convictions in these areas as us.
My husband and I are all for birth control. Due to the fact that I couldnt use any form of it and my husband would not use a condom we desided he would have surgery. We are very happy with this.
Before I got married, I decided to go on birth control, but after changing jobs 3 mos after I started the birth control, I lost my insurance and never got the rx refilled, so we were only on BC for the first 3 mos of our marriage. Yesterday we celebrated our 3rd year of marraige (YAY for us!!) and have yet to conceive. We practice absolutely no form of BC, so I have found it evident that if God wanted us to have children, He’d let me get knocked up already! lol We are actaully thankful that we don’t have children yet because we have enjoyed so much the time we’ve had to build or relationship so that when we do have a child (or children), we’ll be a stronger unit to begin with.
With that being said, I personally don’t think it’s wrong to use a BC. Some families may not be financially stable or mentally, emotionally, and/or physically ready for kids, and I think for those people, using BC as a percaution is just using God-given common sense. It’s like wearing a life jacket. For example, you wouldn’t go out on a boat and say, “I can’t swim, but if God want’s me to drown, I’ll drown!” and then jump in the water, would you? Same applies for family planning. Yes, when it’s your time, it’s your time and He will make a way and bless your family, but I feel that God also gives us common sense to use in the process. That’s my spin on it! 🙂
Thank you Cinnamon for your thoughtful article and thanks, Katie, for your pastor’s comment. The following are deep personal thoughts and not meant to judge others.
I’ve long worried about over-population but I’ve also worried on a more personal level. We had an aunt and uncle who disdained birth control and had 18 or 19 (I think) children in 17 years. I say “I think” because a couple of later children died shortly after birth and another committed suicide as a teenager. I have long wondered if my aunt abused her body and the privilege placed upon her by God.
My mother’s Methodist influence has a saying: “Everything in moderation.”
Forgive this, but on a less delicate note, we ranchers and farmers have a term “bred-out”, meaning a mare, a cow, or virtually any mammal can be bred to the point that damage and defects begin to show. The same appears true of farm land, fields, and streams, and oceans.
When God gave man dominion, some choose to interpret that as a mandate to exploit. Others see it as a reason to conserve and protect.
I know what’s right for me, but not others. I have more concerns than answers, but thank you for letting me share my thoughts.
I really appreciate your opinion. I think you did really well dlivring your thoughts in a very tasteful manner! I shared a similar belief, but have never expressed it becuase I could have never found such an appropriate way to say it as you have. Thanks!
Curlygirl, I believe it’s wonderful that you are seeking God’s will in your marriage. However, I am confused by the issue you brought up about your DH being sterile and the possiblity of artificial insemination. I mean no offense by my question and I respect your convictions, but I have wondered about this topic for a long time. How do you reconcile the desire to experience pregnancy with your husband with the use of another man’s sperm?
I would appreciate any light that can be shed on this to help me better understand. Thanks.
My husband and I use birth control, partly because neither of us feel ready to have children but also because God has given me an allergy to semen. Without the birth control the pain in tremendous. I figure it’s God’s way of confirming what we have been feeling in our hearts. I feel he leads each couple in their own decisions.
I believe that God determines when we have our little ones. I was on the pill for the first 5 yrs of our marriage. Plus I had been on it for about 4 years before that to make my periods easier and more regular. When I came off the pill my body went back to the way God made it of having a period every 4 to 6 months. It was a year and a half later that God blessed us with conceiving our son. I was 31. After that I went the pill for about 2 year until I had severe medical complication from the pill. Then after not conceiving for year and a half my OB-GYN, who goes to my church, suggested we see a fertiliy sepecialist due to my age. I was 35. After 2 months of medicine we conceived, but lost that precious little one soon after that. But a few months that after another round of a new medicine God blessed us with a wonderful little girl. After much prayer and talk during a very diffucult pregnancy and scary labor. I had my tubes tied during an emergancy c-section. My OB-GYN also felt this was the right choice for us. I was just weeks away from my 38 birthday. Plus during the c-section I had stopped breathing 4 times. My daughter was born with her cord around her neck once and her body twice.
we started trying for our first baby after being married only a year. i wanted a baby so badly, but it was 4 years later before we finally conceived. i am now soooo completely grateful to God for his perfect timing!! my husband and i got do do some really amazing things that we wouldn’t have been able to do if we had had kids in ‘our’ timing! we were able to be missionaries and travel and really enjoy each other before our kids came along. we use natural family planning and condoms now without guilt. each family is unique and i believe God enjoys our individuality. if he wanted us all to be exactly alike, we’d all look and act the same. i think sometimes (not always!) he enjoys letting us make our own choices and decisions about what we want in life. he made us capable of great creativity and wants us to use it. sometimes he has a definite plan for us in a certain area of our lives and sometimes he lets us choose what we want. that’s why maintaining a close relationship with him is vital! recognizing that we all relate to God as individuals helps to keep us from being judgmental.
Hey smP–
Just wondering–I have used modified NFP for the first half of our marriage–I quit because I found myself becoming bitter. (I wanted sex way more often that I could record that we had it.)
Here are my two questions–do you still keep track of your temps so that you can know if you NEED contraceptives that day? So that you know if you are still ovulating?
I am just wondering, for myself, if I should get back to doing temps, now that the attitude issues my husband and I struggled with for a long time have been resolved. It would allow us to have barebacked sex just a bit more often.
Not too many people I know, personally, use NFP at all. Actually, I can only think of one, who uses FAM. Nice to have a forum, here. 🙂
Hey Tiger Girl,
I have also dealt with the bitterness you speak of yet in a different way. For the life of me, I could not have the great sexual response to my man that the leaders of the NFP movement were talking about. Painful emotionally to feel like a dumb a$$ for so long!
I totally screwed up my sexuality by going it the hard way, birth control wise, yet it had more to do with “pre married sex with another man” guilt, before God and my man, than the system I chose to use for birth control…
Yes, I still chart my daily temps and now use a Ladycomp tracker. Love the thing. I strictly follow the lights system as I am 47 and we do not wish to conceive another darling at this time in our lives.
I therefore can PLAN to ‘butter’ my hunk up for ‘covered sex’! Double yuck !!! but most freeing for us as at least now we can have intercouse versus oral all the time. Seemed to make oral less special since it was a stop gap all the time.
We both dislike condoms yet have chosen to use them as the least invasive form of contraception. We have gone natural for so many years that the minutest barrier between his beautiful and my [vagina], is noticed.
Lately, I have been using spermicide sheets and amazingly enough, have had no irritation in the least. We get so freaking excited that I have worried about breaking our condoms :-O With spermicide sheets as an option, I can be less harried and know that I have extra protection. I got a urinary tract infection from the suppositories…possibly just sensitive me?
I also rely heavily on cervical mucus production combined with the height and opening of my cervical os. I check internally every day. I love keeping track of my body and have been fascinated with the entire process of fertility throughout my married life so it is not an icky process for me.
I have learnt much and know intimately how my body functions. I feel really sensual and in tune with myself because of this daily commune with my deep heart of hearts 😉 .
I actually feel more sexually alive because I know when I am ovulating and therefore know I am emitting pheromones by the truck load. Being 47 and still extremely fertile is awesome but a huge responsibility which we take very seriously.
Where does my husband feature? I monitor our fertility and communicate it to him. We have awesome bareback sex as soon as we get the go ahead. The freedom we share, because we know that I am not taking any kind of damaging contraception, is humbling to both of us. We take extremely good care of our bodies so going as natural as we can is perfect for us.
Insight into another woman’s life…interesting isn’t it. Ciao.
Thanks for the answer, Smokey Puss!
Had not heard of the Lady Comp. I can see where it would be really nice. A BIT out of my price range right now, though….
My husband hates condoms so much, that I chose a diaphragm when we switched to using barriers plus fertility awareness. And since we did that while I was a new mommy, and nursing, and not having a specific “waking” time that was calm, and not jumping out of bed to care for my baby. I quit taking my temperature, and only keep track of days and am mildly aware of cervical mucus and os opening/position. So–I tend to use my diaphragm plus spermicide most of the time. I have been doing this for almost four years now.
I have had one UTI after another since December. I let my doctor know I use a diaphragm and menstrual cups–it ends up being about a third of every cycle. The urine culture came back that the UTI is being caused by fecal matter. So, probably it is not the cups. Not quite sure what to do right now. We steer clear of anal sex, but obviously something has traveled where it was not invited! I have another test this week to see if the most recent round of (stronger) antibiotics has kicked the infection out completely.
Still trying to figure out what to do. 🙂 Maybe the charts are the way to go again. (And the Lady Comp to go on next year’s budget!)
Hi Tiger Girl,
Hope you resolve the UTI problem…. It is really easy to infect the urinary opening as it is so very close to your vaginal opening and therefore easy prey for crud. “Since December” is a long time battling this.
I wouldn’t rule out a dietary issue whereby you may be changing in your PH condition thus either more acidic or more alkaline.. possible for yeast/bacteria to flourish if your PH is out of whack.
Ladycomp was a big bite for our budget but worth it. I paid it off over a few months. If you do purchase one, get the company to program your Ladycomp with Babycomp info. Although I am not using mine for fertility timing, the extra info regarding ovulation, progesterone levels, annovulatory possibilities, the option to record intercourse times,etc, is a great tool to use.
I tried the diaphragm but my man felt it and I felt it budge…..aaarrggghhh. I could literally ‘feel’ it as we made love. Not the most sexy experience for me after so many years of winging it 😉 Yes, I know, I am spoilt but I am enjoying staying as close to normal as we can and thus far, condoms and spermicide sheets are doing the trick.
My husband would rather have sex once a month (or less) than have to use a condom. I am so glad I discovered NFP/FAM possibilities. 🙂
Just wondering. Everything I have read, medical wise, says that there is no diminishing the sensation of orgasm for the man after a vasectomy. Is this REALLY true? (After healing up, of course)
I just asked my husband to be certain and he confirmed what I believed to be true. There was no long term change at all. Except, he says, they increased in frequency because his vasectomy happened at the same time as my awakening 😀 The quality of his orgasm was not affected at all.
Well said, hisbabe.
Stephanie,
I think this might end up being very helpful to me…thank you. I’ve been struggling a lot over the whole birth control thing, because I don’t want something that goes to “stage 3” either, but I also don’t like the idea of condoms or hormonal stuff… Your conversation with your friend might be just what I needed to hear…time will tell and I will remain open to where God leads. But anyway…thank you. =)
erin4him:
I know it’s a bit late, but I would like to offer my perspective on this, as very good friends of mine have a similar but opposite problem. See, she was born without any egg cells and would never in any way be able to have children that are genetically hers. She is completely ‘barren’ and would remain so without the wonders in medicine that God has blessed us with in our time. However, that hasn’t stopped them from going forward with a plan to use another woman’s eggs and her husband’s sperm to artificially inseminate her. God has blessed them with an opportunity to raise the large amount of money needed to have the procedure done, and they really are putting it in His hands as to how this pans out.
The point that they have with it is that she wants so experience pregnancy and motherhood with her husband, and if it takes someone elses genetic material (only used in a way not prohibited by God’s Word), then praise to God that He — in His ultimate wisdom — brought her into the world at the only time in the world to this point that a woman completely devoid from birth of egg cells could ever become pregnant. I know it’s not exactly the same as the above situation, but it bears the same type of issues.
As for me, I don’t know what I would have thought of the situation before I met my friend and learned what her medical issues are, but knowing what I do now, I can say without a doubt that I believe these procedures are like much else in our lives — if done in such a way that they bring glory and edification of God, then they are good. (as a side note: I also am a firm believer in miracles, and in the fact that just because there’s a ‘scentific explanation’ for a miracle doesn’t make it any less of one!)
This is an issue that my fiance and I are struggling with right now. We’re getting married in a few months and I am just starting my career, we’re still fairly young (25 and 26) and I especially am just absolutely not prepared to be a parent for a good while. In light of that, we are looking for the most effective birth control method available. However, we do not want to use anything that would prevent implantation should the other features fail and allow conception. I’ve looked into a number of hormonal options – depo-provera being the most attractive, since you only get a period 4 times a year! – but it seems they all affect the uterine lining in the same way. My fiance really doesn’t want to use condoms, and I don’t really want him to have to either. We’ve looked into other barrier methods, which might be what it comes down to, but they aren’t nearly as effective as I’d like. I’d love to hear from anyone who has found other answers to this dilemma.
Yeah, it’s quite frustrating. I personally would like to stay away from hormonal birth control…I just don’t like the idea of it. Plus, I am not fond of the common side effects [mood swings, weight gain, etc….yeah, NOT looking to go there!]. I’ve talked to a few people, and several have suggested NFP/FAM — but I, to be honest, don’t like the idea of that either! First off, my cycle is not the most consistent, and secondly, I do not like the idea of my cycle essentially dictating things, you know? In addition to that, I’ve read on websites that the fail rate is 25% — not exactly a sure thing there. What a dilemma. Sigh. I simply cannot find a straight answer through online research, and I feel like if I go and talk to someone in that field…they won’t be honest either. Nothing seems to fit me, and I just don’t know what to do. I want a straight, clear answer of what certain things do…not this “it may do this, may do that” stuff. Sigh. Anyone have any ideas?
Silenced–the 25% fail rate is from not using it perfectly. It is essentially like skipping taking your pills. If you use FAM properly, you will know when you are fertile. At that point you can decide to a) have sex, hoping for a baby, b) have careful, non-penetrative, non-genital to genital outercourse, hand-job or blow-job, or c) use a barrier method and have sex all the way. If you use FAM or NFP materials to learn your cycle, you will be empowered by knowing WHEN you will get your next period ahead of time. Most women have a certain amount of days between ovulation and their next period. The inconsistent days are usually between when you get your period, till when you ovulate. For a really good primer on ovulation/menstruation, etc… check out the book written for teens called Cycle Savvy. (The secular author also writes a book on FAM for adults)
Personally, we used FAM without adding barriers for the first five years we were married. We discovered lots of interesting outercourse positions, but really were frustrated a lot by the calendar. Once we added barriers (and full PIV anytime we wished) it has been SO MUCH BETTER, particularly for me. I felt bad about how long it took me to be satisfied with a hand job–especially when my whole body was crying out for much much more.
I know this is pretty late, and I do apologize. I’m on the Pill. Started on it 2 months before my wedding (got married in July). My husband and I feel it’s best for us because he’s in the Navy. We had agreed to wait at least a year before trying to conceive.
It’s only been 4 months since our wedding and I must confess the desire to be a mom is a strong one. He and I both have shared how much we want children. Last time I shared that, I broke down. I wanted a baby so badly.
Birth control (and condoms when we get the urge during “green week”, aka the week of placebo pills) right now is the only option. Hubby is scheduled for a 6-month deployment, and that night when I broke down, he asked when I wanted us to try to conceive. I said I didn’t know ’cause I didn’t want to become pregnant and go through the changes and all, or worse, have the baby without him there.
Sorry this was long.
Nothing to be sorry for. We like to hear your opinion and experience.
I completely understand where you are coming from. I had many women tell us just to use NFP when my hubby and I got married, but he’s also military-and with his deployments so frequent, we didn’t want to abstain during the times when he IS home. So I went on the pill. We were married in October this year
We’re hoping to wait a few years before even trying to conceive, but I understand where you are coming from with that desire to be a mom, it’s there for me too–but I just know for us right now, it’s not the right time (he’s getting me a puppy instead haha)
Blessings to you from another military bride.
I’m encouraged to read I’m not the only woman weighing all the options of birth control. I’ve been married 6 years and have 3 children ages 3 and under. 🙂 All were planned and/or not a surprise but now we are ready for a break at least as we pray about possibly more children or no more children. I recently came across the same findings on how hormonal birth control works (I recommend reading “Does the birth control pill cause abortions?” by christian author and pastor Randy Alcorn) and after more research was convicted to no longer use any form of hormonal contraceptive (I was on the pill 2years before conceiving my first child).
While we’ve been using condoms and I recently got a diaphragm it does tend to kill the spontaneity and mood for us. I’ve been looking up methods of Natural Family Planning and wondering how successful or not anyone has been who has tried it… Or find a sexier way to keep the mood going while pulling out a condom. 😉
Thanks :).
I’m only speaking for myself and I wouldn’t tell people not to use birth control. I’m 20 and I’ve been married for almost two years. My Mom has never asked me about my husbands and mines sex life like she does other women in my family (She’s very, very nosy but she doesn’t like my husband so the thought must sicken her…). But she immediately asked me what birth control I’m going to use after we got married. She was very worried I’d get pregnant. I told her celibacy. We used condoms and got pregnant because we were careless with them by the time I was 19 and I had a very hard pregnancy. My baby was fine but I was so sick throughout most of it. I felt like I was going to die and I had no life off my couch because every time I’d stand up everything would go black and ears would ring and I’d have to hurry and lay down. I spent most of my pregnancy at the doctors and hospital. I said so many times (To other people) that this was going to be an only child because I can’t go through that again while taking care of older kids). Anyway after my baby was born My Mom and doctor quickly wanted to know what form of birth control I was planning on using. I said I needed to think about it and after months of thinking about it while still using condoms I couldn’t find any form of birth control that I felt was safe and condoms were so unnatural. There was nothing left except I was exclusively breast feeding but that has mixed opinions on whether it works or not to prevent pregnancy. I kept asking God why is it so difficult, why there’s nothing natural and is it a sin to use birth control? Because it sure felt like it is. I felt his answer when I was listening to a marriage CD. The man was saying it’s a sin to say: “Nobody is ever going to hurt me again”. The reason that was a sin is because you made yourself God in that area of your life. When I said: “my baby’s going to be an only child”, it was because I didn’t trust that God would take care of me during my next pregnancy and I needed to find something to stop that from happening. What I was doing is becoming God in that area of my life. I started feeling very unsure about birth control and I finally gave up in February and decided to let God decide how many kids I have and not me. I let him decide how to space their ages out and not rely on anything but him. I feel safe now knowing he’s in control and not me. I’m still breast feeding but my period returned the month after my baby was born so I know that’s not what’s acting as my birth control.