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Sept.12: The Power of a Praying Woman by Stormie OMartian
Weekly poll #43: How do you feel about the messiness of sex?
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I use to think it was messy, but as I have gotten older, had two kids..it just doesn’t bother me anymore. The messier the better-right?
It’s so great that this subject came up. I have been really struggling with this issue. I voted “I can’t stand it.” The smells, the mess…it really grosses me out. I love making love with my DH and our intimacy is great and growing in the Lord, but this really is an issue for me. I run to the bathroom to take a shower right after and I don’t understand how he loves my scent and taste when I can’t stomach his. Suggestions?
When you get to be an “old married lady”, isn’t so messy anymore – besides, that means it still works!
Latinaspice, I had issues like that when I was first married. The sight of my fluids on him almost made me throw up. Then I realized that I had a lot of hold over issues from thinking that “good girls don’t”. With God’s help I realized that my thoughts were not of Him. They were planted by Satan to attempt tear apart my marriage. I have been married almost 9 years now and the mess is just a fun part of it all now.
It took time but I began to see that those thoughts were only making me dread sex because I didn’t want to see it on him. I began to realize that sex is truly an act of worship to God. Every little thing about it is God ordained. Those smells are there because God made them. Your husband was made to find them attractive.
I had to remind myself on purpose that it wasn’t gross. I had to train myself to see it as beautiful. That day I had an actual gag reflex was the end, I realized that something was wrong. I began to force myself to look and see my fluids on my husband’s penis and tell myself is was good and even beautiful.
My advice to you is to spend some time in prayer and figure out why you see it as gross. If you need to, talk to a woman who has been married longer and knows what sex, and the mess that goes with it, is supposed to be. Ask God to show you how beautiful it truly is and to help you learn to love the mess. This is something that is not healthy and God can and will help you get past it. Once you know the why you can begin to work through it and get through the yuck you will be amazed at how much better your sex life will be.
I hope this helps and please know that this is totally spoken in love not condemnation.
A lot of women struggle with this so it is very normal, latinaspice. Please don’t let the enemy use it to make you feel badly about your sex life. You can not change things in a healthy way when your motivation is guilt. Accept the way you are, but offer yourself to the Lord with an open heart. Ask Him to work out in your heart what needs to be worked out.
On a practical note, spend some time researching how diet impacts the smell of semen. Certain foods will make the semen have a stronger odour and taste. And if the smell of your husband’s semen isn’t pleasant to you, don’t feel badly about that. You can still love your husband well even if you don’t enjoy your sexual fluids right now. Maybe eventually you will. This journey towards intimacy is a wonderful process and it the ever growing aspect that makes it so interesting and exciting. You don’t need to have this worked out right away. God will do the work. Just keep on loving your husband as best you can and leave God room to work out His best for your marriage.
I don’t mind the mess when it happens but it’s so itchy when it dries! I know it’s not as romantic to hop up and grab a rag or run to the bathroom, but it’s that or use condoms if I want to sleep well.
We keep towels in our room next to the bed, someone else I know keeps a box of nicely scented baby wipes in her and her husband’s room–something nice like Shea Butter, not the traditional Johnson and Johnson pink lotion scent. 🙂 Yeah, personal wipes for sex are sold at places listed on the blog roll, but they seem super overpriced to me!
We really prefer to snuggle naked for a while after sex. Sometimes those are our best times to talk. There are times when sex is the last straw that just plain knocks him out. The after sex snuggling is pretty important, though, naked or back in pajamas. After going through a couple of years of pregnancy and nursing (and waking and going to the bathroom a minimum of 3-5 times per night), getting up some time after sex is not really a big deal. It might happen right away, or after my husband has fallen asleep, and I get up to blow out the hurricane candle. 🙂 ! Or, if the lights were out anyway, and I don’t feel like getting up, and don’t need to relieve myself, I might just sleep till the wee hours of the morning, when I wake up naked. 🙂 This is pretty infrequent though, particularly because we want to be able to sleep as long as possible before having to jump out of bed to get a baby or two–or care for an older one. The places I have had to look to find clothes that were tossed off in the heat of the moment. . .
The scent of sex–which I do love–is not one I want to have hanging around all day, though–so I will shower in the morning.
try keeping a damp rag by the bed? Sometimes my husbands cum gives me a small rash if I don’t wash up in a hurry. Usually he gets up to get a rag then comes back to bed and we snuggle together AFTER i am more clean 🙂
Haha, “The places I have had to look to find clothes that were tossed off in the heat of the moment. . . ”
This made me giggle as I know exactly what you are talking about…. esp after we’ve drifted off to sleep together, then some little person calls “moooommmyyyy!” Which is followed by my desperate scramble to find the strewn clothes that are tangled in the blankets and the hope that the juices won’t run down my legs while I run in to check on the kiddo that is crying….. 😀 Fun stuff.
I have learned to enjoy the mess, especially know it turns my DH on. Due to my medication we don’t have night time sex much any more. But if we do we use one of our liberator throes (plus there good to travel with), that way all I have to do is through it on the floor afterwards. Then we can cuddle and go to sleep. On Saturdays mornings I don’t worry about the mess as that is our laundry day. I have learned the more the mess the more the fun.
The funny thing is that our kids think the throes are blankets and shapes are toys.
Sometimes I use a tampon right away. It gets takes care of a lot of the mess and then I can just stay and snuggle with my DH as long as I want.
Love the Liberator Throe. Hated the wet spot and now we can go a little crazier,messier during sex and it doesn’t bother me since I know I won’t be sleeping in it. Sex during my period too! Now I want to get down and messy. Still have some issues with “love juices” on husband’s face but I realize it’s my issue and now it’s more intimate and less ick.
We use to ALWAYS take a shower immediately after but lately haven’t cared so much. But if the “Wet Spot” is an issue for you, many intimate product sites carry a spray or powder that drys the spot in minutes. And if there is a smell, it could be due to your/his diet. Try eating less meat and potatoes and more veggies or drink cranberry juice regularly to sweeten your smell and taste. Anyway, just a few solutions to this issue. Hope this helps somebody!
Thanks ladies. Oh, the growing process….keep me in prayer, huh?
when we were first married it really bothered me, i would jump up right away and wash myself. i couldn’t stand to be without my panties so i would get redressed. i still don’t like the wet spots, but i’ve learned to live with it. i think my love for sex out weighs my hate for the mess. i can now sleep naked all night too when it use to bother me. Maybe it’s maturity, or maybe i’m just more comfortable with DH.
I have a fear of urinary tract infections so I am up and urinating as soon as possible after sex, after my bathroom trip I am quite happy to go back to bed and cuddle without cleaning up. Sheets can be done the next day, it doesn’t bother me at all.
Before we were married we read to keep some washcloths in a drawer that is close by that we can use to wipe ourselves afterward and then we can go on cuddling. This works really well. Later I will wash with water because I can get itchy from it. Another thing is that we keep a towel in the closet and put it on the bed first, so that the sheets don’t get wet, because I hate the feel of that. Then just wash it every week or so. The liberator throw sounds wonderful, though. I will have to get one!
Sorry, I just read this! Yes, that’s a great idea. I’ve been meaning to put a little rubbish bin next to the bed for just that purpose, but I haven’t gotten around to it.
I used to hate the wet spot…it would get cold and feel icky and i’d make him sleep on it which didnt bother him at all. now….i’m more of the mind that since we made the spot together we should share it……which prompted me to keep a handtowel on the thru the slats of our headboard. 😉 Now I keep 2 there. One specifically for the wet spot the other for quick clean up if there is a random hand job thru the nite.
as for the love juices on his face, there was a time where that did make me feel nauseous and more than once i’d make him go and wash his face. now….i simply see it as a sign of our love. i just laugh and wipe of his chin then accuse him of slobbering all over me. (jokingly)……..since my “awakening” it truly ahsnt bothered me at all.