Q&A: Homosexuality…Who are they hurting anyway?

We had a reader write us and ask this question….

While your readers are married heterosexuals, many of us are confronted with conflicting feelings on the biblical view of homosexuality because of gay friends and relatives who we love dearly. The trend of women gravitating toward gay men for platonic friendship has only heightened the matter, even for Christian women. In church, it’s a bigger topic than ever because of gay marriage legislation. But the pastor doesn’t preach a sermon on it…he just talks about why we should vote against it to protect the church from state interference. Personally, I find myself in need of something I can fall back on when I’m tempted to say, “Jeez, they’re not hurting anybody and they’re in love, and this how they are, this is how they’ve always been, didn’t God make them this way”…Like any Christian, I get tempted to think that God must have meant it some other way.

This is a very good comment, and I want to expound on it in today’s blog entry. Let me break this apart to address the different thoughts and questions within this whole comment.

All during college, I went through such a dilemma.  I had several friends who were openly homosexual.  I loved them as friends.  They were all male.  I didn’t feel as comfortable with the females I knew were homosexual, but my male friends, they liked me for who I was, there were no “expectations” from them, and I knew I was “safe” with them.   (College boys, ya know?)  They were very careful about who they trusted…I wasn’t a Christian yet, but there was one thing that was VERY strong in my mind…love them.   I loved them for who they were.  I had never read Jesus’ command to us in the Bible, telling us the greatest commandment was to love God and then to love others as ourselves.   I just knew I was to love them.   And in that love, they trusted me.  I knew what they were doing was wrong, but how should I have really treated them?   Did I do the right thing by “supporting” their lifestyle?

In my opinion, yes.

There are so many verses in the Bible that tell us the “thou shalt not”s.   Leviticus 18:22 tells us “’Do not lie with a man as one lies with a woman; that is detestable.” Leviticus 20: 13 tells us the punishment for the earlier Leviticus verse “ ‘If a man lies with a man as one lies with a woman, both of them have done what is detestable. They must be put to death; their blood will be on their own heads.” Wow.  Death.   Okay, so you get the picture that in the Old Testament, homosexuality was a HUGE sin.   Do you think the people got the picture…well, no.   Sodom and Gommorah are examples of people who just didn’t care about God’s laws…and God destroyed those cities….  What else does the Bible say?  Romans 1:18-32 tells us all about people forsaking God and making gods in their own images or the images of animals.   What did God do?   He gave them what they wanted.  Rom 1:24-25 “Therefore God gave them over in the sinful desires of their hearts to sexual impurity for the degrading of their bodies with one another. They exchanged the truth of God for a lie, and worshiped and served created things rather than the Creator—who is forever praised. Amen.” And verse 26-27 “Because of this, God gave them over to shameful lusts. Even their women exchanged natural relations for unnatural ones. In the same way the men also abandoned natural relations with women and were inflamed with lust for one another. Men committed indecent acts with other men, and received in themselves the due penalty for their perversion.” Y’all are going to get me on this one… v.32 “Although they know God’s righteous decree that those who do such things deserve death, they not only continue to do these very things but also approve of those who practice them.” I didn’t approve of what they were doing…but I will get to that later.

Then there is 1 Corinthians 6:18-20 “Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body. Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body.”

Jude 1:7 “In a similar way, Sodom and Gomorrah and the surrounding towns gave themselves up to sexual immorality and perversion. They serve as an example of those who suffer the punishment of eternal fire.”

I could go on and on.  Here’s my point and the most important commands in the Bible.     “Love one another.”   Jesus cannot say this enough in the Bible.   Everything he says and does…”Love one another.”    Listen to Jesus’ words…

John 13:34-35  “A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.”

Romans 12:9-10 “Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves.”

Romans 13:8 “Let no debt remain outstanding, except the continuing debt to love one another, for he who loves his fellowman has fulfilled the law.”

Should I go on?   I went to Biblegateway.com and I searched for “love one another” and this is what I found.  Sixteen entries for “love one another”.   How about “love your neighbor”?  Eleven results that say “love your neighbor as yourself.”  Eleven.    Just the word love?  In the NIV translation, Biblegateway found 697 results.   I think love is a very important thing to God.

Okay, back to my original thoughts and questions.  Who are they hurting?  Well, in the first place, they are hurting God.   God loves them so very much.   He hates to see his children choose not to follow him.  He knows that if they would only trust and obey him, they would know more joy than the temporary pleasure they get now in their sin.   With that thought, they are also hurting themselves.      Literally if you go by the Old Testament verses in Leviticus, as well as in the New Testament when we are told the wages of sin is death.   (Romans 6:23)  They are hurting the other people they are dragging into sin with them as well.   They aren’t going to change by being preached at, friends.   I mean, wouldn’t you get angry if someone followed you around throwing your sin in your face and telling you that you are going to die and go to hell, burning in eternal damnation?  Yes, I know it is the truth that they will suffer eternal separation from God, but just like in my non-Christian days, I come back to this…love them.   Show them the joy that you have in Christ and in obeying Christ.    Love the sinner while you hate the sin.   Jesus didn’t come to the world to condemn the world, but to save the world.   He saved us by doing the most loving act possible.    Put yourself on the cross for these people.    Show them how much you love them.

Homosexuality is a choice my dear ones.  A sin that is chosen, not genetically infused in you when you were born.  God doesn’t make any junk, and he’s doesn’t wire us to sin…we choose to sin.     God tells us that we were meant to be together as man and wife.   There is no other choice, unless you choose to sin.  In the meantime, of course, love your family members who choose homosexuality.  Love your friends who make that choice.  But at the same time, pray for them diligently, that God would show them the truth in their choices before the consequence is irreversible.

Birth Control: Right or Wrong

Debates regarding whether or not Christians ought to use birth control can be some of the most heated that I have seen. It is fairly common to transfer something that God has taught us personally as truth for everyone. While Christianity certainly does hold a lot of absolute truth, there is also a whole lot of grey mixed in there and that is why the life of God within us by His Spirit is so important.

In my journey with God I have found that this issue of birth control is one of those grey areas. I truly believe that it is entirely possible for God to lead one couple in the freedom to use birth control while guiding others to refrain from it. And for some couples, He leads differently for different seasons. What is most important is that in every step you are honoring the Lord as the creator of life and you are involving Him in your conversation as a couple and the ultimate end decision.

The reasons we come to hold the opinions we maintain are diverse and if it is your understanding that it is only the Catholic Church which does not approve of the use of birth control, there are actually many within the Protestant Church who also feel that any birth control at all is inappropriate and they are leaving the number of children they have completely up to the Lord. You can read more about this idea, commonly referred to as quiver full, here.

One of my friends was lead with her husband to refrain from using any birth control at all apart from Natural Family Planning and she has a large family now that has been both a challenge and a blessing to her. For them, God lead them to dedicate every sexual act to the possibility of life being created. Another of my friends has a household full of children because God lead them to use birth control AND to have many children. Her children, also, are a great blessing and a challenge at times. I know of another family who refrains from using birth control, but they have just one child. For them, having a quiver full, has meant having one child. Personally, after the birth of my last child, my husband and I both talked and prayed and over the course of a number of months eventually came to a place of freedom for my husband to have a vasectomy.

So how is it that God can lead us all to such different understandings. Primarily, I believe it is because HE KNOWS US. He knows were we are weak and where we are strong. He knows what we will do in His Kingdom. He knows the personalities of our children and what kind of family they would best fit into. He knows our desires for our family and our dreams for the future. He knows what resources are available to us both now and in the future, and I am not primarily talking about monetary resources, but also relational ones. He knows every detail of our lives from now until the end and he KNOWS what is best for us. Wrapping all those things together, it is unreasonable to me to assume that what is best for my husband and my family is also best for yours.

As I said earlier, the key in all of this is that you and your husband are listening to the Lord and honoring what he has told you about your fertility and child bearing. And as I mentioned on a previous article regarding Birth Control Options, if the Lord leads you in the decision to use birth control, your listening does not stop there. Then you need to be praying about which method is right for you. When I was praying about my options I remember asking the Lord about Mirena which seemed to me that it might be a good option, but He told me not to use it and the reason surprised me. I won’t share the reason because while it was truth for me, I am not convinced that it is truth for everyone. Still, do keep a listening ear towards the Lord as you determine which method you and your husband will be using.

So be encourage to embrace what the Lord has told you and your husband about this. He has good things for you and in whatever you decide just continue to maintain a humble heart towards the Lord and to honor Him as Creator.

Since this blog is not an appropriate platform for extensive debate, we ask that if you wish to participate in the comment section that you maintain a respectful approach and refrain from enticing debate. Keep in mind also that comments which present an opinion as though it is the only possible will of God will be subject to very high moderating standards. If you would like to share how you have come to the position you now hold feel free to do so in a kind manner. We can all benefit from hearing how others have processed this issue in their marriage.

Weekly poll #40: Which type of love is prevalent in your marriage at this moment?

Monday’s Mission #94

Your mission this week is to visit The Generous Wife blog. The writer, Lori, offers a little tip every day on how to be a loving and generous wife to your husband. She is very creative and sends a good balance of playful ideas and reminders of very important aspects of how to love our husbands well. To access the tips you can join her fan page on Facebook, have it sent to your email or just visit the site each day. Check it out.

Q&A: Husband Deployed

“Im a US Marine, currently deployed to Iraq and my question is what can I do for my wife to keep intimacy alive in the relationship. She sends me pictures and videos and things of that nature, but im curious as if you might have any ideas to what I can do for her.”

Being away from your spouse for an extended period of time can be difficult.  I applaud your wife for sending you pics and videos!  I know you are limited in what you can do for her, but a couple of things did cross my mind as I sat and thought about this email.  Let me give a few suggestions, and then if our readers have any more ideas I’m sure they’ll leave them in the comment section.

Write her a love letter. Not the normal “this is what is going on here and I hope things are going well for you there” type of letter.  A REAL LOVE LETTER.  The kind of letter that teenagers write to each other in high school instead of doing their algebra.  Pour out your heart in the letter and tell her exactly how much she means to you.  Be descriptive about your feelings and go into detail about why you feel that way.  Tell her how beautiful she is and describe some of the things that you most admire about her.  Tell her how you can’t wait to be with her again, and, if you know that she’d like to hear it, then tell her exactly what you want to do to/with her once you are back home in her arms.  Women love to read mushy emotional letters that are written from the heart.  You can’t go wrong here.

Write her some poetry. Again, this is something that can touch a woman’s soul.  Knowing that you spent hours, if not days, trying to come up with just the right words for your poem will mean the world to her.

Videotape yourself singing her a song. It doesn’t matter if you aren’t the world’s best singer.  Think back to the song played at your wedding, or your favorite song while you were dating.  Just think of some song that you know will touch her and bring back special memories for her.  Cut on your video camera (borrow one from a friend if you need to) or use your webcam to video yourself singing it to her.  If you play guitar (or other instrument) and have one there, then that’s even better!  You may even be able to recruit your buddies to be back up singers for you!  Another suggestion is to write her an original song and sing that to her.  Believe me when I say that she will be listening to the words and watching your body language and taking a trip down memory lane (and possibly shedding some tears) and will not even notice that you are off tune! 🙂

Make an erotic video for her. Of course I had to throw this one in!  This is only if you have the privacy to do so.  If your wife is a visual woman, then she may appreciate you putting on a show for her… rub yourself on camera and talk to her while you are doing it.  Tell her how you wish she were there and what you’d love to do with her if she were.  Describe how you would make love to her and use language that you know she likes to hear.  Just remember to be very careful and not leave video files such as this on a shared computer.

These are the things off the top of my head.  Hopefully you’ll get some other ideas and suggestions from the women who read and contribute on our site.  Thank you for your service to our country and God bless you and your wife!

R.Y.C.O.S.

Yes I just made up that acronym.  It stands for something that’s been on my mind lately and I figured I’d share it with all of you.

I can’t remember the last time that my husband and I had sex so passionately that I saw stars.  You know, that raw animal like sex.  That  “Rip Your Clothes Off Sex!”  I remember when we were first married (many years ago), how he’d take me up against the wall after coming home from dinner out, or even on the hood of the hood of the car because we just couldn’t wait to get into the house.  Clothes would go flying off in every which direction and afterwards we’d both be panting together as we waited for the endorphins to calm down once again.

It’s been a very cold winter where we live, and the other night my husband mentioned how our sex life had become so predictable lately.  One of us will ask if the other is interested, and if it’s agreed upon then we both make a mad dash to the bedroom where we disrobe and jump under the covers, teeth chattering, trying to use our body heat to warm us up before we can even think about making love.  When my husband mentioned this to me I couldn’t help but laugh.  He’s SO RIGHT! 😆

So now I’m longing for some type of change.  Spring is just around the corner and with it will hopefully come some more playful and passionate romps!  I want to surprise my husband with some RYCOS at some point when he’s least expecting it.  I think it will be good for the soul.  We’ve just gotten into a predictable rut and I’m so ready to break out of it!  I think that part of the greatness of it before was the spontaneity of it.  So I’m not too sure how it will be trying to PLAN it, but I’m willing to try.  Anyway, if winter has put you into a rut as well, then maybe you should think about planning your own RYCOS moment with your husband too.  COME ON SPRING!

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