Ladies, you’ve got to admit, that it is SO easy to tear our men down. Really easy. You get in a disagreement or an argument with him. Maybe a real doosey of a fight. Maybe he came home late from work and didn’t call you. Did he forget your birthday? Anniversary? Talk bad about your mother?
I know it is SO easy to go to work and start ranting and raving about your husband. Do you get on the phone and vent to your best friend or on a message board?
Satan makes it really easy for us to do this. Gossip on our lips. Tearing our marriages down brick by brick. Why do we do this? Why would we tear down the hearts of the men we promised to honor and cherish all the days of our lives no matter what? No one promised us that marriage would be a bed of roses….yeah, those roses might have been on our bed on our honeymoon, but years later, when times get tough, it’s probably been a long time since we’ve gotten any flowers period. Are we honoring God when we dishonor our husbands?
Ladies, we are definitely dishonoring God’s design for our marriage. Listen to God’s words in Ephesians “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.” (Ephesians 4:29) What benefit is it to anyone that we speak so poorly of our husbands and tear them down?
This is my challenge to you. Even when the times are tough…even when you don’t feel like it, find one good thing daily to say about your husband. Post it on his Facebook page…say it to one of his coworkers…let him overhear you telling it to your friends…tell his Mom….tell him how much you love and appreciate him. Ladies, I challenge you to be a Proverbs 31 wife. ” A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies. Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value. She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life.“ (Proverbs 31:10-12, emphasis mine) Do you have a spouse that is not a Christian? Then make your love and devotion to him be a message by example of your love and devotion to God.
What do I do? Anything I can to help my husband know that he is loved, respected and appreciated. I am not the best at it all the time, but I do leave messages on his Facebook page. I make sure that I do whatever it takes to try to make life as stress free for my DH as possible. We are going through a very stressful time right now where DH isn’t home as often as he used to be due to family matters he is taking care of. Me…I am at home, trying to keep his house and care for his children, so that when he does come home, he can feel loved and respected. I try to model Christ for him. What do you do to lift up your husband?
“Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.” 1 Thessalonians 5:11
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Christian Nymphos 
What a convicting message! I must say it is easy to complain and feel sorry for yourself the minute things go wrong. But when I purposely think about it, I am blessed to be married to such a good man. He doesn’t physically or verbally abuse me, he let me choose whether I want to work or stay home, he lets me have my pets even though he doesn’t like pets that much, he encourages me in my interests even when it’s not something he can be part of, and he lets me go out with the girls when I like because he knows I need that too.
I try to do my part, though I’ve been seeing more and more where I could improve. I need to pay special attention not to say things in front of people that could embarass him in any way; to only bring him honour with my words and actions. I am also more careful who I ask advice from when there are problems. Some people just make the wedge worse, they don’t help and don’t give constructive advice – as the authors of “boundaries in marriage” say, it doesn’t help if you go to someone so they can say “poor you” instead of offering you good, christian advice.
I’m not married yet, as you ladies know (156 days to go!) but this article reminds me of something my mom has told me for years–not to say negative things about your husband. Frustrations or complaints you might have are between you, he and God, and shouldn’t be broadcasted to the world
It’s something I’ve remembered for years, and even now, when I get angry or want to talk down about my fiance, I am reminded of this lesson, and remember the importance of building him up 🙂
When we were married, (25 years ago this week!!! ), I couldn’t seem to find anything bad to say about DH. But, as I started listening to the office gossip, I would hear the occasional negative, and unjustified, comment leave my mouth. Then, the occasional comment started to multiply. It took conscious choice and effort to zip my lips and not join in to the one-up-manship of “my dh is worse than yours” . Then we moved to another city and I needed to find new friends. For several years it wasn’t a challenge to say positive things about DH, but rather it was becoming second nature. Then a new friend came into my life, and for several years I once again struggled with not falling into the “man-bashing” mode. Fast forward several years, that particular friend has gone on to be with our Lord, I have continued to gather more friends, and in particular, ones who speak well of their DH and honour their DH in whatever ways they can. I have also stumbled across this site which has been a HUGE blessing to me and a positive influence to me for loving my husband well.
All this to say, we need to always be diligent and watchful of what is happening in our hearts and minds, because it will be revealed by what leaves our mouths. Surrounding ourselves with people who lives the ideals we want to emmulate is also important.
“Coincidentally” {not!}, when I have been thinking/speaking well of DH, our marriage is happier, we are both more content, sexual intimacy is WAY better, our family is happier, than when I have been in the Pits of Negativity.
I’ve been trying to regularly update a list that I keep on the fridge of things I love about my Man 🙂
need to do better about keeping up with it. My pens all keep disappearing though… Not sure how that happens.
Such great advice! I have worked our entire marriage until 2 months ago. We have had a great marriage, but I have spent the past 2 months trying to make it even more as God desires. One of my weaknesses is that I had entered a habit of complaining. This was my fault due to stress from my coworkers and I was bringing it home. I haves seek God’s forgiveness and my husband’s.
I am not all about building him up, which happens to be my husband’s #1 love language and emotional need. I know this, and now I am committed to defeating Satan and not let him get the best of me so I can encourage my husband through loving words.
BTW, when your husband’s knows how much you admire him…it makes the bedroom activity even better, because his confidence is built up. Just because he is a guy, doesn’t always mean he is 100% confident on ML. I thought I had a very confident husband, but have discovered I can make him blush due to my recently increase in sexual desires for him. (which of course, I find even sexier 🙂 )!!!
My husband tells me he has never felt so loved and cared for before. I am his fourth wife so I knew there would be challenges. His favorite thing that I do for him is at night as we get ready to fall asleep is I scratch his back and his groin area and I rub his feet with my feet. Sometimes I get lucky but most times not I just do it because I know it is something he enjoys and I love giving the affection. It may not be reciprocated at that time but it does come around later. 🙂
My husband is under a lot of stress right now, so I try to do my best to text him an “I love you” or write a message on his facebook page about how blessed I am to have him as my husband. We are approaching our 15 year wedding anniversary next month, and this next year may be our hardest one yet, but I stand firm and committed to him. We have a new code word…well, actually it’s not a word, it’s something he can view. I bought a new top that is for his eyes only. When I wear it, he knows that I NEED him when he gets home. On one of the first few days of this new, stressful time, I put the top on, took a picture with my cellphone, and texted it to him. That made his day big time. It’s all in the little things sometimes that make a big difference.
There are two times that I believe strengthened my marriage more than any other things. Both took mere seconds to accomplish. One night at Bible study we were talking about respect and someone asked if I respected my husband (this is a mixed group). I said that I respected him more than anyone, that was why I married him. You could see him sit up straighter – every man wants to be respected so much.
The second time was when we were alone and I thanked him for being my hero. Tell a man that and he will be your hero.
I want to be loved and cherished but he wants my respect, he wants to know he is taking care of me. I understand that now, wish I knew it when we first got married. I get flowers weekly now, I didn’t used to.;)
This may seems silly, but if I clean the house – spotless- during the day, or even if I only have time to just run the vacuum, my DH will notice EVERYTHING and not only tell me how nice it looks, but THANK me for make the house welcome for him! This means the world to me that he doesn’t see my little gifts to him as insignificant or less important. He’s a wonderful man 🙂
I will be married in just under two weeks now. I am so excited. My soon to be hubby is so good to me always. I can’t even thing of a negative thing about him. but this advice was such a great reminder to keep find all the good things about him. thanks!
Alright ladies. I agree that it is important not to tear the hubster down. And we all know how truly vulnerable our men are to our attacks and verbal rants.. BUT… I think that it can be an EXTREMELY dangerous thing to isolate the troubles in our marriages to only ourselves and our husbands. Years ago I endured an extremely unhealthy, damaging relationship that nearly ended in marriage as a result of this mindset. Thank goodness I did not marry, because I am thankful to be with the man I’m with today. It is important to set boundaries in marriage and not simply “vent” about every little thing, but we should not be afraid to seek wise counsel when we are truly hurting in a relationship. Emotionally unhealthy relationships thrive when you are isolated. Sometimes exposing those hurts to a wise, third party entity is the only way to heal.
I am very careful to always talk my husband up in public. My colleagues think I’m deluded as I keep telling them how amazing he is.
I have one good friend though who knows us both VERY well and understands our relationship. She’s the one I share our/my struggles with. She doesn’t take sides and offers practical advice and encouragement. Our small group at church is also a good place where we can be honest about what’s going on.
Too often we can vent to people just wanting them to take our side rather than actually help and that isn’t healthy.
So yeah, I agree with you but perhaps there should just be a small number of people you share with.
p.s. I think this is what you were trying to say anyway.