Our emotions and life

Powerful emotional times really trigger increased sexual desire in me.  Do you ever notice this, too?   DH and I haven’t really had much alone time together at all in the last month.  Well, we haven’t had much time together period with situations in life, but we both have noticed that when we are apart, we really desire each other more.  What’s that old saying about “absence makes the heart grow fonder?”   I don’t think about anything but work when I am at work, but I have noticed lately that I can tell that I desire him so much more when I am at work.    Kissing him is so much more passionate, and so different for the better now.  I can be sitting here on the computer, writing an article or reading my Facebook account, and all of the sudden…there it is.  That stirring that tells me that I NEED him now.   Oh, I’ve just got to tell him!  Too bad he’s over an hour away… 😦

Like I said, my DH and I are going through some highly stressful family situations with our parents right now.    Two big whammos all happening at the same time.    We’ve both been highly emotional, we’ve both been highly stressed, but at the same time, we’ve made some life changing realizations.   We really need each other more than we realized.   It’s made us realize that we don’t always treat each other right.  It’s made is realize that we need to have more grace with each other.   It’ s made us realize that when one of us is weak, the other is strong.  It’s made me realize that he depends on ME to be his rock.  AND it’s made us realize that sex is an awesome stress reliever!   I cannot believe how much more I want him right now.  How much I need him sexually and how sexually fulfilling releasing stress can be.

We have a new marriage right now.   It’s amazing and incredible and we just can’t believe how much happier we are, too, at the same time.   We now have unlimited texting, so it is nice to be able to send  him a love note, an encouragement, or a “I’ll see you naked in the backyard tonight!” It gives him something to look forward to.  It give me something to look forward to.   It’s a wonderful feeling to know our 15th wedding anniversary is right around the corner, and our marriage is stronger than ever.

We’re turning a new corner in our marriage, and we feel like God is truly blessing us in this season of our lives amidst the turmoil that seems all around us.  Thank you, Lord, for always being there…especially  when we need you most…

Weekly poll #50: What is your favorite room to ML in?

Monday’s Mission #104

Your mission this week is to use a dry erase marker and write a good morning message to your husband on the bathroom mirror. Let him know you love him and, if it’s not a shared washroom, make it extra steamy in there for him. 😉

Q&A: Warming gels and lubes

We had a reader ask the following question:

I’ve often seen in stores “Warming Gels” Some inexpensive KY brand. some a little more pricey. Do you have any experience with them? What about using them with Oral sex? Thanks!

Back a few years ago when my awakening began, DH and I experimented with getting my arousal level up, and one of the things we tried was “warming lubes”.   We tried several different kinds, and I am trying to think back to my opinions on them.

If you go to amazon.com and search for warming lubricants, there are so many to choose from!  I believe we tried Astroglide warming , Durex, KY Yours and Mine, and one other that wasn’t really a warming lubricant, but was a cream that you applied directly to the clitoris to get a “tingly” sensation for arousal purposes…for the life of me, I cannot remember what it is called, but I bought it at Walmart.

I know that my husband and I haven’t had much success with Astroglide of any kind.   KY Yours and Mine was really disappointing to me.   The commercials made it look like something any marriage bed couldn’t do without, but I found it kind of  “meh”.  It did give a tingly sensation for me, but when ours “met”, there were no fireworks.   I always thought it was kind of a dud.   I think the Durex was probably the one I liked the most out of the three lubes I tried, but it’s been forever since I used it.

Overall, I found, for myself, that I have really sensitive skin, so they didn’t always work as well for me as I would have liked.  You do get a tingling sensation, a warming sensation that does get you “going” so to speak, but they always ended up feeling like they were burning my skin…but then again, I do have very sensitive skin there, and I could have used too much in my attempts to get aroused.  I would be willing to try them again, since it has been years since I used them.   In moderation, they would probably be fine since my labia seem to be the most sensitive area now a days,  and not my clitoris.

So ladies, what experiences have you had with warming lubricants and gels?   Which ones have you tried?  Which ones did you like?  Which did you not like?   Please feel free to add your comments below.

Being Sharpened

As iron sharpens iron,
so one man sharpens another.

Proverbs 27:17

Are you afraid of sharpening? Does the pain and discomfort negate the vision for potential fruit? Does the risk that it may not bring the fruit you hope it will keep you from pressing in when you are feeling pressure from the chisel? I wish I could say that I have always answered those questions positively with brave certainty, but the truth is that I haven’t. And sometimes I have believed one thing to be true until it was tested and I realized that I was drawn more to what was familiar and safe than being willing to walk confidently into the process of sharpening. What I can say, though, is that part of my process of maturing in Christ has involved repeatedly seeing that the process does in fact always produce godly fruit if we have are looking to find God in the situation. If we have rebellious and resistant hearts, then any fruit is not usually lasting.

So why am I talking about this on the CN blog? Because marriage is one of the best ways to see this iron sharpening in action. In fact, my husband and I are in a season of sharpening at the moment and even though we are not even through it yet, I am seeing the hand of God in it. And I am seeing that the fruit of it is good. The fruit is deeper intimacy. I am finding that one of the things which contributes to a trial without fruit is fear. Fear of upsetting your spouse. Fear of being honest and admitting an error. Fear of failing your spouse’s expectations. When we are operating out of a place of fear, it causes us to feel the need to hide as Adam and Eve did in the beginning.

Up until recently, I had been encountering people who were trying to convince me that conflict was a positive thing. The problem is that, for some reason, the people telling me that were more highly combative than myself in conflict so what they were saying seemed like it had some truth in it, but to receive it was like trying to grasp the air. It has been in the safe and maturing relationship with my husband that I have finally been able to begin to understand. You see, I have a husband who has dedicated himself to integrity and submission to the process of sanctification so the result of him maturing in Christ is that more and more with each passing year God gives him revelation and insight into my heart. He sees me as God sees me. And because I have committed myself to the same character development we are finally, after over a decade in marriage, beginning to be able to enter a conflict without our own perspective on the world being the only one we see. For the first time in my life, my husband and I are in a conflict (not with each other, but with a stressful circumstance) and I do not feel negatively about it. It’s hard, but I don’t feel the anxiety that I used to during conflict.

With my growing confidence that it is safe to fail my husband and know that he will extend me grace, I am becoming free from fear. As we become more aware that we have different instinctual ways of communicating and work to honour the other’s natural response to conflict, the sharpening process between us is a lot easier. It’s getting less important to me to try to change my husband’s natural tendency to be someone who processes his thoughts by talking. And it’s getting less important to my husband that I process my thoughts internally first and then speak them out. The times when I am silent are less of a mystery to him now.

The longer I walk with God, the more I feel optimistic about this sharpening that he allows in our lives. It’s never pleasant. He doesn’t enter the scene on a white horse and take all our troubles away, but when He enters He does redeem what we offer Him. So the next time you begin to feel the pressure from the chisel, press in a little bit and invite God in.

Weekly poll #49: Grade your communication skills

With school being out in and report cards coming in, let’s take the time to grade our communication skills with our spouse….

Monday’s Mission #103

Your mission this week is to think about ways that you could make your bedroom more relaxing. Include your husband in this. Are there ways that you could make the space more restful, inviting and romantic? Maybe more effort in keeping it tidy? New sheets? Add some new lighting? Get some music in there? Whether you are looking for a total change or something simple, see if there is anything you could do to make your bedroom an even nicer space to being in.

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