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Sept.12: The Power of a Praying Woman by Stormie OMartian
Weekly poll #54: How often do your date nights end with sex?
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Christian Nymphos
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Aren’t they suppose to end in sex!! LOL
With 2 small kids it sometimes takes a little extra effort to get me in the mood. It just makes sense to me that after getting some undivided adult attention, I’d want to take it all the way. 🙂
I marked down that less than half of date nights end in sex. My husband has an irregular work schedule, he deals with chronic pain, and we have three kids four and under, and our financial situation is pretty tight. “Date night” consists of spending time together at home once the kids are in bed–lots of board games, talking, reading the news or watching sports, or reading books together. I have learned that I need to let him make the moves most often. Sometimes we play a game one of us wins (Settler’s of Catan, Rook, Boggle…), sometimes we play a game we both win–in bed!
If I felt that 100% of the time date nights–or even x nights a week–need to end in sex, I would be miserable. And sometimes, when I let myself think that way, I still am. 🙂 On the other hand, marriage and one-ness are much more than just sex. Sex is an excellent part, though!
We try to let it end in sex. But when that end is interrupted by picking up the kids from my mom’s and then bringing them home to put them to bed sometimes it just doesn’t happen. Especially when one of them just won’t go to bed. However, we have taken to starting a date with sex. We come home after dropping the kids off, have fun then go to dinner. That way we have the lovey dovey feeling during dinner and the pressure is off to try and get it done before we fall asleep.
I put less than half. My husband and I were talking about this a few weeks ago, and he pointed out that for him he likes it better when we have sex earlier in the day before a date night, that way we can totally relax and enjoy ourselves on the date, not feeling pressure to perform later! I thought about that for a second, and I was like “You know what, I totally agree with that!” I think before we always used to think that we HAD to because it was just expected, since it was a “special” night. I guess we forgot we live together and can have sex anytime we want, lol. 🙂 🙂
Our last special date night STARTED with sex too, mdcccc! Then we went out to the movies and shopping and when we got home really late and were tired… we were able to just cuddle and fall asleep together.
Date night! Don’t know what that is. Been married 10 years and our child is 6. Dates stopped when we got married. If I mentioned my needs my hubby says that I am putting him down and telling him how bad of a husband he is. He is not a bad husband, he just doesn’t know how to court after marriage..he’s following how he was raised.
And now that we live away from family we don’t have a babysitter. And an evening out cost at least $40 for 4 hours. So although I know we need the time to ourselves, the economy has killed that for us.
Roses are Red,
If your child is 6 then surely he/she is in bed by 9pm. You can lead by example and court your husband. Have date night at home. Very low cost. Send an invitation (in his lunch, to his office) for your husband to meet you at Chez Bedroom for a date. Make or buy his favorite dessert, have a bottle of sparkling cider or something and romance him. Tell him all the reasons you married him and how committed you are to him. Don’t let a bad economy snuff out special time to yourselves. Sometimes just declaring a time to be special, makes it so.
I used to work Friday, Saturday and Sunday, evening shift, 3 to 11. Date night was Thursday nights. My four kids were 10, 9, 7 and 3. They knew that Thursday nights usually meant pizza night and an early bedtime! And only come downstairs if you were prepared to walk in on snuggling! Now that my children are older, 19 (happily married herself), 18, 16 and 12, there are a lot more date nights for me and my hubby. I still treasure our time together!
However you can pull it off, date nights are worth it!
Good suggestion, iamhisheismine! We have friends who do that for most of their dates, just because they prefer not to leave their kids with anyone else. A nice meal cooked at home can cost less than half of the same meal bought at a restaurant. 🙂
I totally agree imhisheismine! Jesus said, “it’s better to give than to receive” and I’ve been thinking about this lately in my marriage. If I believe this is true–and I do–then I can be the one to GIVE my husband romance and dates and thoughtful gifts and foot rubs… all the things I wish he would do for me! And that’s actually the more blessed/happy position to be in! 🙂
And when I do these things, my husband does respond 🙂 Giving begets more giving 🙂 So I’m learning not to wait for my spouse to act first, but to give to him whatever I wish I was getting. Jesus is always right 🙂
Although our date nights often with sex, I think both of us prefer it when its not something we think has to happen as that can just make us feel pressurised. I tend to then worry about the time and how tired I’m feeling. Its much better not to expect it and enjoy the time doing something special together and then to end up making love because we feel relaxed and want to continue the romance rather than it being the expected outcome of the evening.
We do mostly home dates, too. Like Tiger Girl, we play a lot of games but we almost always bet on the outcome of the game. So, yes, most of our dates in in sex because the bets are usuallly sexual in nature. It sure makes monopoly a whole lot more fun!
We do a lot of board/card games at home too…maybe you could spice it up a little by changing the rules of the game. Winner gets to choose what you do sexually afterwards, or Loser does as a consolation prize for having lost the game. Play strip poker or if you get more points in a round of Boggle…you get to choose which article of clothing comes off of your spouse, etc. Board games at home don’t have to be boring or sex-free. 🙂
Good luck and best wishes on the difficult issues you are dealing with – lots of thoughts and prayers coming your way!
I put over 75% of the time. If it is that time of the month we don’t have sex. I also have some health issues that sometimes make it difficult to have sex and then we don’t. We do a lot of at home date nights too, sometimes it is board games or a movie. We like to eat pizza and chips and just hang out. Often we have sex to begin the night rather than end it as well.
Tiger Girl, for many years I dealt with endometriosis which made sex painful. I will always be grateful to God and my husband that he was patient and loving and quite happy to spend the night playing Chess or Scrabble instead of having sex. Sure he loved the nights that we did have sex but I never felt like he didn’t enjoy our dates that had nothing to do with sex. I am sure your husband appreciates you.
i try this all the time, it doesnt work lol.. the more i do, the less he does.. and i totally dont understand it…. i feel like if i didnt do anything we would never have sex.. which i need alot more then i get… even when i try and start things he says he doesnt want to deal with this right now…idk pray for me.. because when we go soo long without connecting i get really cranky and feel uncoonected with him, which i cant stand!! i want to be close to him…
I never thought of spending time together at home as a date, or my answer would have been about 75% of the time. I out down less than half because when we go out to the movies or something, we drop our 2 boys, a 2 year old and a 4 month old, off with my sister in law, hurry off to the movies, hurry back to pick up the kids, drive home, and take care of the kids and put them to bed–youngest doesn’t go to bed until 3 am, working on changing that. By that time we usually don’t have the time /energy for sex. Unless we park the car in a deserted spot in the country near my sister’s house before we pick up the kids…we’ve parked there for a quickie a couple times at the end of our dates 🙂
it’s much easier, though, to make time for sex when we spent the evening at home.
We have had date nights that were only sex nights. 🙂